USS Enterprise: A Doctor's Call
by TheNightShadows
Summary: He doesn't like space, but he's in Starfleet. He doesn't like people, but he's a doctor. He sure as hell doesn't like Jim Kirk, but he's his goddamn best friend. His name is Leonard McCoy, not Bones, and the chances of him making it off that tin can alive are slim to none. He'll try his damn well best, and he won't give up, but he's got a graveyard plot ready all the same.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, obviously. I'm just having fun in the universe.**

 **A/N: Hello! If you're new to this little thing I'm writing, then I'd say feel free to read what you will. If you want to go read the story before this - called _U.S.S. Enterprise: An Engineer's Adventure_ \- then I think that's great. If OC's aren't your thing, well, there'll be major mentions of them, but this is a McCoy centered story. Things would probably make more sense if you read the first part, but hey, you do what you want.**

 **If you want a quick overview, skim maybe the first chapter, the second to last chapter, and the last one, and you'd be pretty caught up.**

 **Also, if you did read the story before this, this one's ... like if the T rating was a scale, the last story would be like a T- and this would be a T+. I will also swear up and down to update at least once a week, but some of you will know that I usually go for updates more often than that.**

 **Okey doke. So, without further ado, please enjoy!**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Prologue** **–** **I Swear to Fulfill, to the Best of my Ability and Judgment, this Covenant**

"I don't need a doctor, dammit, I am a doctor!"

Leonard tried to explain this to the officer. She tugged him by the arm, pulling him from the bathroom and into the cramped shuttle room. The grey walls closed in on him, making him want to hyperventilate. They were going in this? Her face tightened at his exclamation, not believing his claim or maybe just not giving a damn.

"Well, you – you need to get back to your seat," she insisted, continuing to pull him along.

"I had one in the bathroom..."

"You need to get back to your..."

"with no windows."

"seat. You need to get back to your seat, now."

Their voices overlapped in argument, and he scowled down at the officer. What did he have to say to convince all these idiots? Did they want him to have a panic attack? How would they like to clean his vomit from their seats? It'd serve them all right.

"I suffer from aviophobia. It means fear of dying in something that flies." He spun his finger around in case she didn't quite understand. Most people couldn't anyways. Bunch of self-righteous bastards, Starfleet. And now he was becoming one of them.

She glared up at him through his speech. "Sir, for your own safety, sit down. Or else I'll make you sit down," the officer warned, threat clear in her voice.

Moron.

He nodded at her, his scowl deepening. Waving her off dismissively, he slunk down into the first seat available, and the ripe scent of alcohol, sweat, and blood hit his nose like oncoming traffic. Tugging on his seat belt roughly, he searched for the source of the scent.

"This is Captain Pike. We're clear for take off."

He noticed the young guy next to him, the only other person in civilian clothes. Better to puke on that than on the Starfleet uniforms. Besides, it wouldn't affect the smell of the kid too much. Goddamn, he stank like nothing else.

"I may throw up on ya," Leonard said to the guy. Observing him more closely, the doctor noticed forming bruises on his cheeks and an abrasion on his chin. He could already tell, from the smell and the look of him, that this kid was trouble with a capital T.

"Well, I think these things are pretty safe," the kid muttered in annoyance. His breath was pure liquor, and he had the gall to take on a condescending tone? Guy was probably still drunk from whatever mess he got into the night before.

"Don't pander to me, kid," Leonard growled as he fidgeted with the restraints. "One tiny crack in the hull, and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats." The doctor shivered inwardly as images from medical school popped into his head. "And wait'll you're sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles."

He stared over at the idiot, his dismissive air pushing Leonard further. "See if you're so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding." The kid scoffed, shaking his head.

"Space is a disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence."

"Well, I hate to break this to you," the guy complained with a roll of his eyes. "But Starfleet operates in space." At least the kid knew that much. Fuckin' idiot.

Fuckin' Pamela. Fuckin' Jenny.

"Yeah, well, I got nowhere else to go," Leonard admitted freely, taking out his flask and giving it a once over. "The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce." His daughter, his entire world. Joanna. "All I got left's my bones." Leonard took a swig from the small metal container, enjoying the instant tingling in his head as the alcohol entering his system.

He glanced over at the kid, and in a gesture of plain pity, the doctor offered him the flask. If he was going to die, Leonard was going to do it drunk. But being drunk alone – pointless.

The kid's blue gaze looked at him in appraisal, taking the flask in thanks. He paused before drinking, toasting Leonard. "Jim Kirk," he said before throwing it back.

"McCoy. Leonard McCoy."

* * *

"What the hell?" Leonard said, opening his door and seeing that drunk guy from the other day. His bruises were now purple-red on his face, but he smelled like vodka instead of Jack Daniels. "Well," Leonard prompted when the kid continued to stand there, the standard issue bag slung over his shoulder, "what the fuck do you want?"

It was too damn early for this. What did people say about feeding strays? Don't, cause they'll just keep coming back for more.

"We're roommates," Jeff told him, brushing past him into the small apartment. Like hell they were. Kid had gotten his favorite flask confiscated by that moronic flight officer. Leonard didn't need some snot-nosed brat stinking up the place and bringing back the trouble that clung to him like a magnet.

"Says who?" Leonard asked, following John as he inspected the place. He trailed behind the kid while he found the extra bed and threw the duffel from his arms onto the mattress.

"Says the rooming assignments," Jack said, flopping onto his stomach. Leonard's face twitched with irritation. What kind of luck placed this drunken idiot with him? Now the doctor would feel obligated to make sure he didn't end up killing himself through his own stupidity. Which, going by the evidence so far, would be a damn near impossible task.

"Of course they did," Leonard muttered, leaving the kid alone and shuffling his pajama-clad self back into bed. Classes and training started the next day. If the rumors he heard were true, he'd need all the sleep he could get before that shit began.

Music from who knew what century started to blast from the other side of the room.

"Turn that shit off," Leonard ordered, rolling on his side and peeping out from the covers. Jason matched his glare with a careless glance.

"It's my room too, asshole." The kid turned the music up, as though both their eardrums weren't already permanently damaged. Leonard growled slightly, and in response, Jared increased it even more.

 _I CAN'T STAND IT_

 _I KNOW YOU PLANNED IT_

 _I'MA SET STRAIGHT THIS WATERGATE_

The voice from the song was almost incomprehensible, and the screaming boiled Leonard's blood like a flame. He shoved the covers off of him, and ignored the chill of the room as he stomped over to Jeb's prone form. The kid's hostile eyes stared up at him defiantly, daring him to do something. A challenge.

Okay.

"Hey!" Jacob exclaimed when Leonard picked up the ancient device and threw it against the wall. It shattered easily, causing a mean grin to grace the doctor's face. "What the hell, man! Do you know how much that cost me? It's an antique." The kid's face turned an unattractive red. Leonard scoffed at the sight.

"Well now it's a broken antique," Leonard grumbled, turning his back to the new roommate.

"Asshole," Joel mumbled under his breath.

"Fuck you, too."

* * *

Leonard walked along the busy sidewalk, his bones weary and his legs aching.

He was a doctor, not an athlete. The training whipped him into exhaustion, day after day. Feeling like he was going to die, the doctor wondered at how it could only have been a week. Voices from clipped conversations buzzed in his ears as he contemplated the months left until graduation.

Too damn many.

He hoped to God that the kid wasn't home. But because Leonard had the worst luck, and because what's his face never did anything but laze around all day and go out all night, the doctor entered the apartment with a wary sigh.

And then with a blank stare.

There was a red taped line running down the middle of the apartment, and a pathway drawn out from Leonard's bed's half of the room to the kitchen and bathroom.

What. In. God's. Name?

"Hello, Bones," the kid smirked with an evil expression. Leonard felt creepy crawlies cover his skin at the thought of the brat waiting for him to come back, and that feeling mixed with the immediate irritation at the nickname. Bones. Real fucking original. Never saw it coming. Kid probably thought he was fucking clever.

Idiot.

"What the hell did you do?" Leonard spat, hand flinging out to point at the red lines.

"I've divided up the room, since you seem incapable of sharing," Justin informed him, and Leonard prayed that if the kid managed to graduate from the command track, that he never be placed on the same ship as him. The brat was insane.

"Me?" Leonard grumbled in disbelief, walking forward to put his bag down at his desk. All of his stuff from the kid's side was now piled up firmly at the edge of the line. Leonard had noticed in the last week that Jordan couldn't stand any type of mess. It had encouraged Leonard to leave socks, dishes, and papers scattered around the apartment.

That was until the brat had set all of those things on fire.

Who knew Jeremiah could be so OCD?

"We'll each stay on our own sides. I've come up with a bathroom schedule that I think fits in with both our timetables," the kid said.

"How the fuck do you know my timetable?" Leonard asked, and at the other cadet's look, the doctor decided he didn't want to know. Some things were better left unsaid. "And what do you mean a bathroom schedule? If I gotta take a leak, I'll damn well do it when I want."

"Your body will become accustomed to the change," Jasper stated firmly.

"The hell it will. If I need to, I'll piss on your side of the room."

Jay clenched his jaw. "If you do, I swear -"

"What the hell are you going to do about it, Jerry?"

"My name's Jim, Bones. Jiiiiiimmmmmm. Are you stupid or something?" Leonard balled up his fist and stepped pointedly over the red line into Jiiiiiimmmmmm's space.

"And my name's McCoy, not Bones," Leonard claimed, and as he continued to step forward, the cadet jumped up from his seat. The kid cracked his knuckles in a gesture that was supposed to have been threatening.

A toddler. An infant.

"Get the fuck off my side," Jim said.

Leonard smiled in false sincerity. "No."

The kid looked about ready to lose it, which Leonard enjoyed immensely. As long as he threw the first punch, the doctor would enjoy teaching the brat a lesson without consequences.

At the last moment, with their faces an inch apart, Jim scoffed and turned away. In a rush, the cadet grabbed his beat up leather jacket – the one he thought made him look oh so cool – from his desk chair. "You're not even worth it," Kirk muttered at last, and then he was out the door and kicking it closed with a bang.

Idiot.

* * *

"Are you serious?" Leonard screamed as he walked through the front door.

Kirk was on the doctor's bed. So was another cadet, his body mostly hidden from view. And so was another, her body completely on display. So much for the separate sides. Leonard would have to burn the mattress, the blankets, his eyeballs.

Goddamn.

"Hey, Bones," Kirk said in a voice Leonard never wanted to hear again. He stared in disbelief at the sight in front of him. This was crossing a line. Too much. Leonard was a doctor, dammit, and he knew how to kill Kirk with a simple injection. Maybe it was time to remind the kid of how afraid he should really be.

Leonard watched as the other two scrambled out of the bed while he approached. He ignored their flailing forms, and focused solely on the shit eating grin Kirk beamed at him. He stared at him solemnly, and the all too naked Kirk slowly became aware of Leonard's raised eyebrow.

"Bones, don't look like that. We were just having some fun." Kirk's eyes darted around, but the other cadets were already leaving in a hurry. At least someone respected the terrifying expression he knew was on his face. Leonard turned on his heel and headed over into Kirk's side. "McCoy, what are you doing?" Kirk asked, and his voice held a wonderful tone of fear. Finally.

Leonard reached into Kirk's desk drawer and pulled them out.

His cassette tapes. Why Leonard even knew what they were called was a fucking tragedy in and of itself. And now Kirk was going to pay.

"McCoy, come on," Kirk began, but stopped after Leonard snapped the first one in half. The kid made a pathetic whining sound at the sight of the fractured rectangle thing.

"You had sex," Leonard said, breaking the next one and tossing it on the floor. "On my." Snap. "Fucking." Snap. "Bed."

"Man, quit it!" Kirk yelled, rushing forward and tackling the doctor to the ground. Leonard got in a few good smacks to the face, and judging by the sickening crack, he'd managed to break the kid's nose as well. It felt far too good to do it, but Leonard received his fair share of kicks, and also bites. Never pegged the brat for a biter, but hey, what could he expect from such an asshole? That he wouldn't fight dirty?

They rolled around a few times, fighting into exhaustion and making a complete mess of the apartment.

When they finally separated, Leonard moved onto his back and panted up at the ceiling. When at last he could form words, the doctor winced in a horrifying realization. Tasting copper blood in his mouth, Leonard grumbled.

"Could you put some clothes on now, ya bastard?"

* * *

Leonard did not do casual, had never done casual, but he sure as hell was not spending another night in that damn apartment with the devil himself.

He threw back another shot. Fuck, how did one go about this kind of thing? Leonard shacked up with his ex-wife almost immediately out of college, and truth be told, he'd never been much for dating in the first place. Married the first girl ever gave him an ounce of attention. Loved her too, till she went and fucked that guy from med school.

Fucking hell, was that Kirk over there?

The kid tumbled around with a woman's arm slung around his waist. Something screamed _wrong_ inside him, and since the doctor always trusted his gut, he got up from the barstool, dropped the credits to the bartender and tried not to stumble as he walked over to the pair. How many shots had he had again?

"What're you doin' with Jeremy?" Leonard said, stepping in front of the pair. The kid looked trashed, and not in the fun way. The other person's eyes were eerily alert. Even as he ignored her response, the doctor looked seriously at his roommate, noting the dilated pupils and rapidly blinking eyes.

"What did you give him?" Leonard asked in a tone more calm than he really was, moving forward and pushing her off the kid with little resistance. The woman didn't answer, and in the next moment, she had disappeared into the crowd of people.

"Bowsss," Joshua slurred, leaning heavily onto Leonard. The effects of his own round of shots evaporated quickly at the sight of the very obviously drugged cadet. Leonard shuffled a bit, and once he got his bearings, the doctor took them both towards the door of the packed bar. "W'err we gowen Bowwwsss?"

"We're going home, Jesse," Leonard said over the loud, thumping music.

"'is Jiimmmmm," the kid reminded him.

"Sorry, kid. I'm shit at names." The cool air of the fall evening settled around them and licked Leonard's skin soothingly. "Just lean on me, we're not too far from the apartment," he reminded as they walked along. The light from various streetlamps cast their shadows on the ground, and Leonard tried very hard not to think what would've happened to the brat had he not been there.

Idiot.

Jim continued to babble nonsensically, and for once, Leonard kept his mouth shut and just let the kid talk. They had to stop once for Jim to puke in the well-groomed grass of the campus grounds before the cadets finally arrived back.

Shutting the door with his foot, Leonard half-carried Jim to his bed and placed him in a sitting position against the headboard. "I'm tired, Bowss," Jim yawned, and his arms moved jerkily around to rub his eyes.

"Lay down," Leonard instructed, helping Jim onto his back over the covers. He then moved the kid onto his side, and arranged his arms so that one was under his cheek and the other made a ninety degree angle to his body. "Stay in this position, okay?" Jim hummed, letting Leonard bend his knee and tilt his head up.

"I'm serious, kid. Don't move." Then Leonard got up quickly and grabbed a glass from one of the cupboards. It could be nice having a neat freak for a roommate, the doctor considered as he filled the cup with water. All the dishes were always done.

He came back with a chair from the table, and Jim had thankfully done as he was told. Leonard placed the water on the bedside table, along with a large silver bowl in case he puked again, and situated the chair next to the kid's bed. After grabbing his receiver from his jacket, the doctor shrugged off the covering and settled into the chair. If he had to stay awake and make sure Jim didn't choke on his own vomit, well, he might as well get some work done.

In the morning, when Kirk finally opened his eyes again, they'd locked gazes. There was a new-found understanding there, an unspoken agreement that they'd look out for one another from then on.

Leonard still thought the kid was an idiot, even if it was his job to make sure he didn't end up a dead idiot.

God help him.

* * *

"Listen to this, Bones," Jim began, and Leonard nodded absently as he struggled to remember what the instructor had set about shuttle emergency procedure. First, check shield capacity? No, that was all wrong. Dammit, he was a doctor, not a moon shuttle conductor.

"The most recent example of this concept, absolute power corrupting absolutely, is the genocidal atrocity on Tarsus IV. When a fungal contamination rendered the food supply of the colony obsolete, Governor Kodos, known more commonly as Kodos the Executioner, made the decision to divide the remaining food rations among the population on the basis of eugenics.

As we have learned from the Eugenics Wars of the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries, this pseudo-science remains questionable by any modern standards. Regardless, the governor preemptively assigned death sentences to half the population, some four thousand Federation citizens, in order that the other half might live. And of the four thousand he chose to execute, only about a hundred and fifty survived.

Since then, the Federation has adopted the policy of a three-tiered system of powers on every established colony, regardless of species or planet of origin."

Kirk's voice repeated the words with a strange tone of fascination. "That's fuckin' bleak, Kirk. Why the hell're you reading that? Class?" The kid shook his head and shrugged.

"I dunno. Came across it in the library and thought it looked interesting. Like I'd heard it before, or something. You know, like when you see somebody and it's like you've seen them a thousand times before, but you never even met." What the hell? Was the kid drunk at only three in the afternoon? Again?

Leonard pressed his index and middle fingers to his temple, massaging the ache there. First, assure the safety of everyone on board. Yes. "Probably heard it on the news when it happened. How long ago was it?"

"Umm … 2246, so … I guess almost ten years ago." Second, check shield capacity. Right. Third, what came next?

"There you go," Leonard muttered. Jim was silent for a while after that, which was uncommon when they were studying. Kid liked to share every little detail aloud as he read. Probably liked the sound of his own damn voice. Like Leonard didn't have better things to do than listen to genocidal maniacs slaughter thousands of people. Who the hell found that interesting?

"I'd have been only twelve," Kirk realized. "And you'd have been, uh, fifty-four?"

Brat.

* * *

"As a medical officer aboard a starship, your duties may range from simple physical examinations to research or even emergency surgery. Because of this …"

Leonard yawned, and though the new semester had only just started, the doctor couldn't wait for it to be over already. The instructor's voice droned on and on, lulling Leonard back into a light doze. After a few minutes, the girl next to him poked his arm with her stylus. He looked over in annoyance, but at her pointed look between him and the front of the room, a sense of dread replaced the irritation.

"What's your name, Cadet?" the instructor ordered in a stern voice. Well, shit.

Leonard stood quickly at attention. "McCoy, sir."

"Do you know what I was just saying, McCoy, or were you too busy napping in my class?" Fuckin' idiot officers trying to make an example out of him on the first day. Fuckin' roommates who thought the last night of break meant that he had to drag Leonard along with him from bar to bar. And why the hell had Kirk been so damn obsessed with that girl? Ura? Ulara? Uhura?

Yeah, Uhura. Damn them all to hell.

"I was sleeping, sir." No point in lying when it was clear to them both what had happened.

"I see. I will repeat it for you then, Cadet. The captain of the ship, though they may hold the highest rank aboard the vessel, can still be overridden by a medical officer, and in particular by the Chief Medical Officer, if that officer feels that the captain is not longer fit for duty – either physically or emotionally. That is why it is so important for us to be _aware_ of our surroundings, right, Cadet?"

Tell him something he didn't know. "Yes, sir."

"Wonderful. At ease." Leonard sat back down, muttering to himself quietly. "Can anyone give me an example of a case in which the captain of a starship should have been declared unfit for duty but was not?"

A few cadets raised their hands, and after the instructor pointed to someone in the row behind Leonard, he twisted around to face them. The cadet stood up from his seat and called out in a clear voice. "I believe Captain Richard Robau of the _U.S.S. Kelvin_ was emotionally unfit for duty, sir."

Leonard's eyes started to shut close of their own accord again, though the doctor fought the urge valiantly. Need sleep.

"That's a bold claim, Cadet. Do you have evidence to support this theory?" the instructor asked at the front of the room. Were they supposed to be familiar with this case? To be fair, Leonard had forgotten to do the readings for the first day of classes. All Kirk's fault

"Before he gave command to his first officer, Lieutenant Commander George Kirk, -"

What? Kirk? His eyes snapped open.

"Captain Robau was known to be suffering from the loss of his son, who had died only a week before his capture and death. I believe that had Captain Robau been relieved of his command, and replaced by his first officer, then the _Kelvin_ may never have been in that quadrant of space in the first place. They went there on a whim, and I put forth that the whim was fueled by the grief of a father seeking distraction from the loss of his child."

Damn, someone was trying really hard to impress. But really, Kirk? What were the chances that they just shared a last name? Kirk was a common surname right? Leonard racked his mind for other people he had meet named Kirk …

"Instead, Robau volunteered to enter a situation he knew to be dangerous, and he left the starship in command of the new captain, Kirk, who, unable to cope with the overwhelming threat of a still unidentified space craft, forced an emergency evacuation. And in that case, Captain Kirk died, leaving behind a newborn son."

"This all could have been avoided had the CMO made the right call," the student completed finally.

"Hey," Leonard whispered over to the cadet that had woken him up earlier. Her dark eyes glanced up at him. "What was that kid's name? Kirk's son?"

"James, I think," she said back quietly.

"Like Jim?" Leonard asked.

She shrugged. "You mean like a nickname?"

Jim. James.

 _"Jim Kirk," he said before throwing it back._

Well, shit.

* * *

"Daddy!" Joanna yelled as she ran towards him, dust and dirt kicking up in the air with each slap of her bare feet against the ground. The seven year old hit him like a ton of bricks, knocking him down backwards into the ground. Her large grin, which showed two holes were her front teeth were supposed to be, mirrored his own as he pulled her close.

Goodness, she'd grown.

"Hey JoJo," Leonard said, lifting them both up covered in sandy dirt. The sun beat into his eyes as he brought her up with him, situating her in his arms. "You been good for your grannie?"

"Nope," Joanna told him, smile wide. "Who's that?" She pointed behind them to where Jim stood looking like a lost puppy and trying to hide it.

Well what the hell? He couldn't just leave the kid back at the apartment alone for the break, could he? Had to take him down to Georgia, otherwise Jim would've complained for weeks about how boring it was without him. Dependent, leech-like infant that he was.

"That's my friend, Mister Jim. We train together in California," Leonard told her as he brought them over to Jim. "Say hello."

"Hello, Mister Jim. I'm Joanna. Are you a doctor, too?" Joanna asked, and Leonard had to hide a smile at how grown up she was trying to sound.

"No. I'm trying to be a captain," Jim told her, a goofy expression on his face. Leonard prayed that day was far off in their future. As in, decades away. It'd be like unleashing a tantrum prone toddler onto a tower of blocks. Something was going to end up broke.

"Of what?"

"A starship."

"How come?"

"Seems like it'd be fun," Jim answered, scratching his nose casually.

Fun? No.

Deadly? Yes.

God help them all if he ever got command.

* * *

"Oh, come on!" Leonard exclaimed quietly as he entered the waiting room of the hospital. He had just finished the final shift of the week, and the doctor was more than ready to collapse into his bed. Instead, he got an eyeful of a bleeding Jim being dragged along by an obviously ticked off Captain Pike.

Was it horrible that he was hardly even surprised at the sight?

"McCoy," Pike began, pushing the injured cadet at him. "Patch him up, sober him up, and then send him back to my office." The captain stared intensely at Leonard before turning around and leaving. Arrogant asshole. No wonder Jim got along with him.

Growling, the doctor glared down at Jim's stumbling form and stupid grin.

"What the hell happened?" Leonard asked as he tugged Jim back along the path he had just taken to leave. None of the injuries appeared life-threatening, but still, better to treat him in the hospital than in their apartment where he'd get blood on the floor. God knew the place already had enough of Jim's blood stains smeared into it for all eternity.

"Went drinking 'efore my advis-ree meeting," Jim explained through a painful hiccup. "OW! Bowns, don't pull so hard." Leonard scowled as they reached an empty bed. He threw Jim down onto it, angrily gathering supplies from the drawer at the bedside.

"And the face?" Leonard found the hypo he wanted – the one that would evaporate the alcohol in his bloodstream, and after quickly preparing the device, shoved it roughly into Jim's neck. The ensuing yell was like music to his ears.

"Owww," Jim whined, holding his neck like an infant. The kid glanced up at him, and whatever he saw there made him audibly gulp. Damn straight. "I got in a fight, okay?"

"Okay?" Leonard repeated in a sarcastic tone before continuing on more seriously. "Damn it, Jim. Do you want to be kicked out of the Academy? Go back to Iowa and drink yourself to death?"

Jim had the nerve to simply shrug. "It's not that serious. Besides, I don't need the lecture. Fuck, Pike's gonna kill me." Leonard hoped he called to ask him to help with the body disposal. Not that the good doctor had ever contemplated such things before. If he had, well, at least Leonard was prepared for the inevitability.

"Shut up," Leonard ordered, moving closer with the sanitizer and skin regenerator. Jim snapped his mouth closed, and thank God the kid could do as he was told occasionally. It only took about four minutes to patch up the mess of his face.

"Thanks," Jim mumbled when he'd finished. Leonard stood up and stared down at the kid. Looked like a damn sob story with that expression.

Pitiful idiot.

"Come on," Leonard started, pulling the now sober Jim to his feet. "Pike and you sound like you're going to have a nice long chat." And he wished that Jim could get whatever wisdom Pike wanted to impart through his thick skull. Probably not, but at least someone was trying. Leonard couldn't do it alone after all.

Jim wasn't expendable. About time someone taught him that, before he ended up dead in a ditch somewhere.

* * *

"Hey, Bones," Jim said, slapping him on he shoulder. Leonard blinked his friend's form into focus. Stupidly concerned blue eyes stared down at him, but the doctor scoffed and waved the kid off.

"Tha's nah my name, kid," Leonard slurred, and he watched in irritation as Jim and the bartender shared a glance. Jim kept a warm hand on his shoulder as Leonard fiddled with the empty glass in front of him.

"Yes it is," Jim told him, and Leonard could just hear the smile in the kid' voice. It made the doctor clench his jaw.

"Go 'way. I'm busy," Leonard stated, glaring down at the dark colored bar-counter.

His whole body felt that wonderful mixture of perfect and numb that came from having one too many shots of bourbon. And now Jim had to burst it in, probably dragging along whatever trouble he'd picked up along the way. That's what Jim always did, because that's who he was, and Leonard didn't begrudge his friend for it. But tonight wasn't about Jim.

It was his goddamn wedding anniversary, and he wanted to be _alone_.

"I can see that," Jim replied. "But it's closing time, man. We gotta go." He slapped Leonard's other shoulder with his free hand. The doctor nodded and slid off the barstool.

Woah. Everything had tilted, and Leonard would've ended up on the ground if Jim hadn't had such a firm grip on him. "That's right. Let's just go." Leonard stumbled along with Jim supporting him on one side. His feet tangled with each other as he walked, no matter how hard he tried to keep them steady.

"Fuckin' sorry," Leonard mumbled as one particular step almost had them both tumbling down. Jim patted his chest and kept them upright.

"You don't have to worry. I got you, Bones, no matter what."

No matter what?

People always said that.

* * *

"We're receiving a distress call from the _U.S.S. Kobayashi Maru_ ," Uhura stated in a condescending tone, like she was talking to a child. And she was, if Leonard could be believed. Why the hell was Jim even bothering with the damn test again? Stubborn, hard-headed idiot thinking he could beat a test with no fucking answer …

Uhura continued on in the same voice, and Leonard's eyes focused on the helm controls. What did that button do again? "The ship has lost power and is stranded. Starfleet Command has ordered us to rescue them." Leonard glanced back as Jim spun back around in the captain's chair.

"Starfleet Command has ordered us to rescue them," Jim drawled, " _Captain._ " Kid had a fuckin' death sentence, if Uhura's face was anything to go by. Leonard rolled his eyes and focused in on the beeping tone coming from the controls.

"Two Klingon vessels have entered the Neutral Zone and are locking weapons on us," Leonard told the kid as he registered the new presence on the screen. The tone of the buttons entered into the slowly increasing noise level of the simulation.

"That's okay." Oh, what the hell?

"That's okay?" Leonard intoned in disbelief. The kid had not stopped complaining about the test for almost a year. Since the day he started preparing for the first round, till yesterday when he sought Leonard out to assure him that he needed him there. And after all that, all the annoying theories and schemes, Jim was just going to act like a shithead during the third round.

Idiot.

"Yeah, don't worry about it," Jim said casually, and Leonard ground his teeth as the simulation progressed on schedule.

"Three more Klingon Warbirds decloaking and targeting our ship," the doctor called out, and then spun his seat around to face the smirking Jim. What in the fuck did this kid have planned? And there better be a fucking plan, or Leonard had just wasted his Saturday morning and afternoon waiting for the instructors to show up. "I don't suppose this is a problem, either?"

The other 'helmsmen' spoke up. "They're firing, Captain." Leonard shivered at the thought of Jim ever gaining the title. Goddamn kid in a captain's chair. Fuckin' nightmare.

"Alert Medical Bay to prepare to receive _all_ crewmembers from the damaged ship," Leonard heard Jim order from behind him. He could already feel Uhura's protest.

"And how do you expect us to rescue them when we're surrounded by Klingons?" Uhura asked in the same tone as earlier. And surrounded was right. Leonard watched on the scans and the viewing screen as the Klingons continued to fire on them. Shield were at 80 … 70 … " _Captain_?"

"Alert Medical," Jim instructed again, his voice now mirroring the other cadet's.

"Our ship's being hit," Leonard informed Jim, since he seemed not to be noticing. "Shields at sixty percent."

"I understand."

Un – fucking – believable. "Well shouldn't we, I don't know, fire back?" Leonard intoned, twisting around to face the kid once more. And that's when he saw it. The apple.

"No."

Fucking Christ.

"Of course not." Because Leonard didn't have better things to do that day than help Jim make some idiotic point to Starfleet about their stupid fucking test.

The beeping suddenly stopped, his screen shorted out, and Leonard glanced around in confusion. The silence of the malfunction lasted only a few moments, and then everything was up and running again.

"Hmm," Jim hummed in confusion. "Arm photons. Prepare to fire on the Klingon Warbirds."

"Yes, sir," the other cadet said, but Leonard just turned around in annoyance.

"Jim, their shields are still up." And then he watched as Jim inspected the shiny red apple with approval.

"Are they?" the kid wondered. He heard a juicy bite being taken from the fruit. What an asshole. Leonard still held out his arm in disbelief as he went back to check the scanner.

The stirrings of understanding thrummed in Leonard's bones.

Sonofabitch!

* * *

Leonard watched in palpable relief as Jim's heart stuttered back to life.

The serum had been completed only hours ago, and as the Starfleet hospital team had injected the compound into Jim's motionless corpse, Leonard tried to brace himself for the possibility that his best friend might never wake up.

It didn't help, but thank Jesus, Leonard didn't need it to.

Radiation specialists descended the moment Jim had been declared alive, and though Leonard had been forced onto the sidelines, he couldn't help but feel proud. _'I don't believe in no-win scenarios.'_ Jim had said that once, hadn't he? Blustering, presumptuous idiot that he was, at the very least, Jim stuck to his convictions.

Couldn't even let himself die … Lucky bastard, since if he had, Leonard would've had to go into the afterlife and kill him again.

"Excuse me, Doctor McCoy," an English accented voice said from beside him. Leonard pulled his head out of his hands and looked up from the uncomfortable chair to face another doctor, going by her uniform. A green-skinned nurse stood by her side, and even though Leonard knew that Jim was still laying in that biobed, alive but unconscious, he briefly considered they'd come to complain about the captain. "My name is Venara."

"Yes, what is it?" Leonard prompted in impatience. He was tired, damn it, hadn't gotten a wink of sleep since before they'd left to get Khan from that Klingon planet, and it had already been two days since they'd made their questionable landing on Earth.

"One of the crewmembers from your ship, Lieutenant Waters from Engineering, is in my care. She's trying to discharge herself, but she's only just woken. She won't listen to me, and I was wondering if you might try and convince her to stay for a little while longer," the doctor explained, and Leonard's mind stirred with a vague familiarity.

Waters … hadn't he heard that name before?

"What's wrong with her?" Leonard questioned in irritation as he stood on shaky legs. Was it a law of the universe that once one idiot fell asleep, another one woke to ruin his life?

"You may recall that she was pierced by a piece of engineering equipment in her abdomen," the other doctor whose name he had already forgotten continued as they walked. Oh, that idiot. Leonard remembered having to leave Jim's side to deal with her and those two others from a similar area. "Not to mention the internal contusion to her brain and the amount of radiation and smoke we had to clear."

Had it really been that bad? Everything else but Jim had faded into murky memories. Leonard followed the doctor and the nurse into a small room where a thin hospital gown covered a determined looking officer. The fierce expression on her face reminded him so much of Jim that Leonard had to glance away for a moment to recover.

Jim was going to be fine.

"Thank you," she said softly as the nurse handed her a box full of her things, and Leonard wondered what Jim might say to the lieutenant. Protective of his crew to a fault, the stupid kid was, but if Jim were awake, he'd be the same as Waters. Begging to be let out as soon as possible.

Still, he had a reputation to maintain.

"Are you outta your goddamn mind, Lieutenant? Not only did you get stabbed by a – whatever the hell screwdriver wrench thing – you got a major fucking brain injury. And now you've been up for," Leonard checked the chart at the end of her bed, "half an hour, so you think it's time to what, go home?"

Braindead idiot, but so was Jim.

For Jim...

Screw protocol. For Jim, he'd make the call, and let Waters go.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for reading! That prologue was kind of like a character introduction, but now we're skipping ahead to 'present day', which means we're almost a year and a half into the five year mission.**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 1 –** **I Will Respect the Hard-Won Scientific Gains of Those Physicians in Whose Steps I Walk**

"Do I look like anything but a damn doctor to you, Jim?"

Leonard, in case the captain was wondering, had work to do today. Didn't have time to go snooping around on a planet, causing trouble and irritating the natives. In Jim's case, he'd probably screw one of the locals, especially with Carol gone, and end up starting a goddamn war. Again.

And so what if Leonard, with the help of an engineer in his Sickbay who looked _just terrified enough_ to agree to it, fucked up the captain's chair. He even got Chekov, the little bastard, to record it for him. Sweet, sweet revenge.

Next time Jim wanted to skip a physical, he'd remember that.

"You look like a mean, mean person, Bones," Jim pouted, throwing himself dramatically onto Leonard's couch. He mumbled something into the cushion that Leonard couldn't understand.

"What was that?" the doctor asked, face deep in a PADD. All these damn doctor's logs, patient files, and incident reports … Couldn't the crew just spend one day without almost killing themselves? Was it too much to ask?

"I said," Jim repeated, lifting his head up, "How could you do that to the _chair_?"

"You treat it like it's your goddamn throne," Leonard grumbled, leaning back and shooting the kid a scowl.

Jim put on a show of being confused. "It's not … ?"

Wishing he could throw something hard at the kid's head, Leonard instead deepened his scowl and crossed his arms. "Stop trying to distract me. I'm not going on your damn away team, cause there ain't no reason for me to be there, and I'm not giving Scotty a clean bill of health either. So either take Waters, and apologize for accusing her of breaking your _throne_ , or don't go down at all!"

Rant finished, Leonard turned his face back to the PADD. He heard Jim sigh loudly before getting up off the couch. The captain sulked away wordlessly, but not before Leonard could call out in irritation.

"And if you come back broke, don't expect me to fix you!"

* * *

Leonard should have just kept his mouth shut. He jinxed the damn thing, and now Jim was back in the shuttle – unconscious, for fuck's sake – and Waters and Chekov were nowhere to be found. The security officer got a broken arm, and how the hell did anyone manage to get close enough to Spock to bruise his collarbone like that? And might they give Leonard a few pointers?

"Was it his fault?" Leonard asked Spock as he ran a tricorder over Jim's form.

"If you mean to imply that the captain provoked this attack, I would argue that he did not," Spock stated.

"Mind expanding on that, pointy? Leonard prompted before sticking a hypo into Jim's neck. And if he happened to do it more roughly than strictly necessary, well, Leonard wouldn't ever admit it. Or he would, but never to the damn kid himself.

Jim coughed himself back awake, and Leonard shook his head in disapproval before snapping to the redshirt. "And why the hell ain't you in Sickbay yet? Need a fucking invitation?" The guy with the broken arm stared back at him without blinking.

"We have to go back," the redshirt said, turning his gaze over to Spock.

"Like hell you are, boy. Get down to Sickbay before I drag you there," Leonard interjected, standing up from beside Jim and holding the hypo menacingly. Broken armed fool. What the hell did he think he was going to do down there? Wave his disturbingly situated bone at the aliens?

Bunch of idiots, security. Couldn't help them if you tried. At least some of the engineers had a small amount of self-preservation. Some of them, mind. Scotty was just as likely to off himself experimenting as a mad scientist.

The security officer ignored him and continued to glower at Spock. "You left Waters. You just let her go. Why didn't you stop her? Thought she'd save one of yours?" Enough was enough. Leonard strode forward and grabbed the injured elbow of the redshirt.

He let out a strangled yell. Leonard tugged on it again. "Oh, I'm sorry," the doctor said. "I didn't realize you were hurt. See, by my standards, if a crewman gets injured, they'd be in Sickbay. But since you're not, I guess I can keep doing this." With on last pull, the redshirt pushed away with tears in his eyes.

"Fine," the redshirt called out in pain. Before he went to leave, the security officer stared once again at Spock, even as Jim pulled himself up into a standing position. "Fine, but it's on your head, sir, if she doesn't come back." Clutching the top of his arm tightly, Redshirt McIdiot strolled out of the Hangar Deck like he didn't have a care in the world.

If Leonard found out that redshirt didn't end up where he was supposed to …

"What's he talking about, Spock?" Jim said, turning in a circle. "Where's Chekov? Waters?"

Spock's hands moved themselves to the small of his back. "Captain, I regret to inform you that they are still on the planet below. Lieutenant Chekov was taken by the natives, and against orders, Lieutenant Waters left to rescue him."

Jim ran a hand over his face in thought. "Alright, come on. And get Scotty to the Bridge." Both Captain and First Officer turned to leave, but Leonard put a hand on Jim's shoulder to stop him.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" the doctor asked with a scowl.

Jim sighed. "I feel fine. I'll do the exam later, Bones. Kinda gotta save the day here."

"Later means never," Leonard grumbled, dropping his grip. Jim beamed at him, slapping his chest.

"Now you're getting it. Let's go, Spock."

* * *

"Doctor Bones, you're needed in the Transporter Room."

Jim's sing-song voice echoed throughout Sickbay, and Leonard heard his Head Nurse stifle laughter beneath her hand. At his glare, her face smoothed.

"Nothing, sir," Neil said calmly, turning around to face that idiot redshirt from earlier.

Leonard wouldn't acknowledge the call, because his name was Doctor McCoy. And if Jim wanted acknowledgment from him, he better damn well use it. Grabbing his medical bag, Leonard turned to M'Benga.

"I got it here, McCoy," M'Benga said with a nod.

"Boonnnneesssss," Jim called through the intercom again. Leonard gritted his teeth, stomping out of Sickbay. Irritating little shit. When he got down there, Jim would be getting a piece of his mind, and it wasn't going to be pretty.

The elevator was free from other crewmembers, which was the only good thing that had happened that day, and that was just sad.

When he finally arrived in the Transporter Room, Leonard was greeted with the sight of Waters clutching Chekov's chest tightly from behind, pulling them both to the rounded back wall of the transporter unit. Her eyes were staring out, not focusing on anything, and her body looked a mess of scratches and forming bruises.

Chekov, not seeming much better, looked like he wanted anything but to be near her at the moment.

Scotty, Spock, and Jim all stood near the control unit, and they all looked over to him at his arrival. Jim waved him over and whispered in his ear. "I called some more medical officers down. Things got kind of … messier than I thought."

No kidding.

"Chekov, you doing alright?" Jim called out, and the navigator nodded.

"Yes, Captain. Well, I think my legs are broken, but I am okay," Chekov admitted, though his voice shook. Legs were broken, but he was okay? Dammit, Leonard needed to find a way to cut off Jim's influence on the kid.

"What the hell's going on?" Leonard asked to the room, not caring who answered so long as someone did.

"We beamed them up, cause Scotty's got crazy skills on that transporter thingy. But Waters has gone a bit loopy and won't acknowledge anything. And she's holding onto Chekov like a security blanket, so …" Jim shrugged.

"Waters," Chekov panted as Sanchez and Johnson entered the Transporter Room, "we're okay. The doctor has to look at me now, so you have to put me down, yes?" Waters grip tightened in response, eyes opening and shutting in a strange pattern.

"Do we force her down, sir?" Johnson asked, stepping forward to join them near the controls. Leonard shook his head, trying to size up Waters's mental state.

"Scotty, you try talking to her," Leonard suggested. Waters had a soft spot for Scotty that was slightly unhealthy, but it might actually help in this instance. The Chief Engineer turned his head to him in confusion and then called out in a worried voice.

"Wrenchy, you're on the _Enterprise_. Not on the planet. Chekov's safe, yeah? Everybody's safe now, so why don't you just put the poor lad down, okay?" Scotty entreated, and Waters tilted her head. Her arms lifted from Chekov in the next moment, and the kid went tumbling down to the ground.

Well, at least she let him go. Leonard motioned for Sanchez to grab the kid before Waters could do anymore damage. The other doctor went forward quickly, and with the help of Johnson, the two managed to support the kid as they limped out to Sickbay.

Waters remained with her back against the wall, and now her arms went around to hug herself. Leonard watched as she slid down with her knees up and started banging her head against the metal wall.

"Lieutenant, cease that immediately," Spock ordered as Scotty ran towards her. He put a hand behind her head so that she no longer could bang it against the hard surface. Waters head tilted down to the ground, green eyes glossed over. Jim went to stand at the edge of the transporter, and Spock and Leonard followed.

"Can ya hear me, lass?" Scotty asked to his Assistant Chief. Waters didn't respond, and then he saw as tears built up in her eyes and started falling. She made no sound. "There's something wrong with her, Jim." Scotty turned back to face the captain, all the while Waters continued to bang her head against Scotty's hand.

"Wrenchy, we're glad ya gave Chekov to the doctors, but ya need to stop banging yare head like that. Please," Scotty added in a quiet plea. Leonard sighed in disappointment when Waters failed to heed the other engineer's words.

"Bones," Jim began, gesturing out to Waters. "You might need to sedate her."

"I do not believe that would be advisable, Captain," Spock interrupted, and Leonard raised an eyebrow over at the hobgoblin. Jim spoke even before the doctor could.

"Spock, she's going to keep hurting herself if we don't," the captain stated firmly, but Spock seemed to disagree. He stepped forward onto the transporter pad and knelt down on the other side of Waters's seated figure. His fingers found their way onto her damp cheek, and he spread his hand in a pattern that Leonard had only read about.

So he'd researched on Vulcan physiology. Didn't mean he gave a damn about the man either way.

"I want them moved to Sickbay," Leonard instructed the kid, and Jim turned a wary eye over to him.

"Hmm, okay. But we have to be careful," Jim answered, and all three of them awkwardly supported the joined pair down the hall and into the cramped elevator.

The fucking nonsense Leonard put up with.

* * *

"You'll give yourself wrinkles," Waters said, her green eyes facing his.

For the first time in hours, her gaze held more than a terrifying blankness. Tears still ran from her eyes a little, but at least she could form actual words now.

Hell, at least Spock was good for something, right?

But in the next moment, Waters opened her mouth and screamed. The shattering sound tore away his eardrums, and Leonard watched as she shoved Spock off of her.

Oh hell no.

"Spock, what's going on? I thought she was getting better," Jim exclaimed from beside him. As Waters continued to flail in the biobed, the doctor quickly walked around Scotty to push her back with the science officer's help.

"I have never seen a mental attack quite this brutal, and I was never trained in the healing arts of Vulcan," Spock explained, and together they managed to still the screaming engineer. Her yells continued to make him wince, both in sympathy and pain. "Forgive me if I made some error."

"Spock, I gotta do something," Leonard said. He was a doctor, dammit. Shouldn't he be able to help somehow? Unfortunately, the first officer seemed content to ignore the CMO, which he'd be more offended by if the hobgoblin didn't look like he was concentrating so damn hard.

Years of medical training escaped Leonard as he struggled to come to terms with his own uselessness. He looked back at Scotty who only stared diligently at Waters's face. The Chief Engineer hugged one of her curled fists with both hands, and he looked to Leonard like a man who was praying.

"Wrenchy, it's going to be okay," the engineer said, and with no halt in her screams, Waters opened her eyes into slits and stared in the engineer's direction.

Her pleading cries stopped, and Leonard felt the beginnings of hope rise in his chest. "Is she okay now, Spock?" he asked, his hands still on her shoulders. She was shaking like a leaf, and Leonard glanced down at her in concern.

"No, the Lieutenant believes that it will distress Mr. Scott if she continues to verbally communicate her pain. She has ceased on his behalf."

That was just plain stupid.

"Penelope, lass, it's okay. Whatever ya need to do, just go ahead," Scotty whispered with emotion. Waters's eyes opened once again and shut just as quickly, but the pain there had been only too clear. Leonard didn't know what to do. He had a team of skilled doctors, competent nurses, medical assistants, but they were basically useless when it came to this form of attack.

"Jim," the doctor began when both Spock and Waters had become silent for an extended period of time. Jim looked over at him from the end of the biobed, his gaze conflicted.

Shaking his head, the captain answered his unspoken question. "We just gotta let him do his stuff, Bones. That's all we can do right now." Leonard spared a glance down to Scotty. Doing nothing felt cheap next to seeing him sit there like his whole world was lying in that bed.

"How's Chekov?" Jim asked, trying to distract him.

"Better. M'Benga fixed up his legs pretty quick, but we had to give him something to make him sleep. Too damn wired." The doctor finally removed his forceful hands from Waters's frame. Didn't seem like she was going anywhere, anytime soon.

He was usually wrong about that, actually, so he made sure to keep one eye on her bed as he walked closer to Jim.

"What the hell did y'all do to the natives to make them hate you so goddamn much?" he admonished in quiet fury, pulling Jim off to the side by his shirt. The kid flashed him a tight smile that didn't quite reach his blue eyes.

"A child died right around the time we showed up, and they thought it was our fault. I don't really remember much after that." No one seemed to be able to give him straight answers, and dammit, this was his Sickbay! "Don't give me that look, Bones. It's not like anyone's given me a report yet. You heard what Spock said, same as me."

Idiots. All of them. Every last one. Jim could be King Idiot. Waters, on the other hand, was just dumb. Dumb as rocks.

"Lucky kid," Leonard muttered. "He'd be dead now if not for her."

Jim let out a long held sigh. "I'm sorry if this sounds bad, but off the record, I'm glad she did." Leonard shook his head, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. He couldn't imagine the ship without the young navigator, with his jokes no one understood and his math no one understood but maybe Spock or Scotty. And Jim, too, once he stopped pretending to be stupid.

But he couldn't imagine it without Waters either. She was …

That didn't matter right now. Wouldn't matter if she ended up dying. In his Sickbay. While he did nothing.

 _First, do no harm._

But what about when he could do nothing? It never got easier, not when the person was this close. And it shouldn't, but by God, sometimes he wished it did. "Spock's not going to let her go, you know that," Jim assured him, a hand hitting his arm. "And he's never let us down yet. We just gotta wait a bit more."

"Don't like waiting," Leonard grumbled. "It's fuckin' boring."

"Awww, Bones, quit sounding so -" Jim began but stopped when Scotty called out for them to come back over. He followed behind the kid as they strode forward, and Leonard watched from the end of the bed as a tired looking Spock removed his fingers from Waters's cheek slowly. "Spock, is she good now?"

Spock turned his hidden face to their direction, and Leonard noted with shock the tears swimming in the first officer's eyes. "I do not know." Jim moved forward instantly, not touching the Vulcan, but remaining close by.

"What's wrong?" Jim asked insistently. Leonard's eyes fixed on Waters's form as it stayed motionless. He glanced up at her vital signs above, and everything read mostly normal, but when he looked back down, there was still no recognition in her gaze. His heart tightened at the strange sight. If Spock was that upset...

"Comm Uhura," Jim muttered back to Leonard, and he quickly flipped open the communicator and signaled for her to meet them in Sickbay. "Spock, man, you have to tell us what's up." The tone, though the words were casual, reminded Leonard of when Jim went into serious _captain-mode._

"I can try again, Captain," Spock said finally, his voice wavering and his fingers reaching outwards to grasp Waters's face. Jim quickly shared a worried glance with Leonard before turning back to Spock.

"I don't want you to try again. I want you to answer my question," Jim ordered, pulling back the first officer's arm.

"I cannot know for certain unless we join minds," Spock stiffly informed the captain.

"Alright," Jim allowed, letting Spock's arm go but remaining at his side with a hand covering the first officer's shoulder. The grip on Waters's cheek returned, and Uhura came rushing into the Sickbay moments later, eyes darting around for them. She jogged over quickly, ponytail swishing behind her.

"How is he?" Uhura asked calmly as Spock's eyes closed once more. And Leonard should know, but Spock couldn't ever just say it plainly. It was always: _I fail to see the relevance in having a quarterly physical examination of my person, doctor. Numerous articles suggest …_

M'Benga handled Spock's health from the moment he'd joined his team. Enough had been enough.

"I don't know," the doctor bit out in shame.

"And Waters?" Uhura continued. Leonard threw his hands in the air, unable to say on that front either. Uhura sighed, arms folding and resting over her stomach.

Scotty still sat clutching Water's hand, eyes never wavering from his face.

Inhaling deeply, Spock pulled back from Waters. "I can do nothing more for her," the first officer admitted, and the emotions he always worked so hard to hide were displayed for them all to see. At seeing Uhura, Jim moved aside and allowed her to come next to Spock.

"Spock, what's going on?" Uhura wondered softly, hands going forward to cradle his cheeks. He wouldn't meet her gaze.

"I have nothing left," Spock said to the ground. "The rest she must do on her own. If she cannot …" The science officer trailed off, dark eyes darting up to look at Uhura.

"What do ya mean, if she cannae?" Scotty said, finally speaking.

"There is only so much I can do. I am not a healer. There are wounds there I cannot even identify, and even if could," Spock stated, still sounding far more upset than normal, "I would have neither the knowledge nor the tools to soothe them."

"Is she still in pain?" Scotty quietly asked. Leonard tried to remain neutral, because he was a doctor dammit, but the thought of Waters still hurting ...

Spock did not answer for a time. "It is not pain any longer, not exactly. Her mind and body have become one, but she is … lost within herself. She must reorganize her mind. This I cannot do for her, as every mind is different."

"What if she can't?" Jim said when no one else would. Again, it took a while for Spock to respond. When he did, Leonard's heart sunk in his chest.

"If she fails to triumph over the attack, then she will suffer a fate worse than death," Spock admitted. The first officer added in a sad voice.

"And I will feel it as she mentally endures the physical equivalent of drowning."

"Spock?" Uhura started at the terrifying statement. The first officer blinked, shaking his head.

"When I attempted to heal her mind, we were joined. She was me … and I her. I felt every loss, every victory from her eyes. And even now I can feel her confusion and loneliness," Spock said, his eyes darting around the floor as though searching for something. "She is not aware that we are here. She is only aware of herself."

"She is alone," Spock stuttered on his words. "I cannot do anything. I do not know how." Leonard sucked in a deep breath, staring as the pain meter on the screen fluctuated too rapidly. Waters's face remained impassive, her gaze glassy, her body limp against the bed. She looked like a shell of a person.

"What can we do?" Jim asked the Vulcan, but Spock's eyes remained trained away from them all. "Spock, you have to try and explain it in a way we can understand. You can't help her anymore, okay, but what can the rest of us do?"

"Nothing."

Bullshit.

"Well maybe you can't do anything, you pointy eared bastard, but can't the rest of your people?" Leonard prompted, arms stiff at his sides. "They have mind healers there, right? How long would it take to get to New Vulcan?"

"We are over a week away at maximum warp. By then, it would no longer matter. Her mind would be lost," Spock stated in a dead voice. "There is nothing we can do for her anymore, Doctor."

Scotty made a sound at the back of his throat then, a kind of strangled cough. "I dinnae understand why." They had that in common, at least.

"The attack on her mind separated her from her own sense of reality. In simple terms," Spock expanded shakily, "she no longer existed."

"But she's right here," Scotty insisted, his hands curling more securely on Water's hand. "She's here."

"To her, she was nowhere. The lieutenant was … ripped apart at the foundation. I do not understand why anyone would do this. I fail to understand a species that could execute that kind of evil. To a Vulcan, the mind is the most important resource we have, but without a body, there would be no way to function. For a time, she had neither."

"Then, she had the mind. But humans are not compatible with that form of existence. Even Vulcans would have difficulty sustaining it. Now, she has both body and mind, but the tether that connects them is of my own creation, and rather crude. What she must do now is form the connections that existed previously to replace my temporary solution."

Nothing of Spock's ramblings made any sense to him, and out of the five of them, only Uhura seemed to understand any part of it.

"So do we go back down?" Jim asked. "Do we ask one of the people there how to fix her?"

"Their language doesn't even register with the universal translator," Uhura said, turning her eyes from Spock to Jim in a challenge. "And even if it did, I doubt they'd tell us anything."

"There has to be something. We can't just let her die," Leonard firmly stated. No one said anything, the only sounds coming from the constantly on the move medical staff. They were probably only looking busy to please him. Motherfuckin' cowards. He looked to Jim, and when they locked eyes, Leonard's gut started to churn. The beginnings of defeat swam in the captain's blue gaze, and it made Leonard want to throttle him.

"So we wait …" Jim trailed off, but that was just bullshit.

"What the hell happened to 'I don't believe in no-win scenarios'," Leonard spat in indignant fury. "Or is that only when you're trying to cover your own ass?" The doctor saw the telltale signs of Jim's anger rising. Well good. 'Bout damn time.

"I'm doing the best I can," Jim defended, his arms crossing over his chest as he stared down the doctor. The look in Jim's eyes said – _not now, Bones_. Like he gave single shit what the infant wanted right now. That was Waters in that bed. Penelope. Not a crewmember who's name Leonard couldn't remember, not a random transfer, not security.

And Jim was just going to give up the moment that green-blooded robot calculated her chances for survival as maybe less than fifty- fifty. Only efficient to just kill her now, he probably supposed inside that computer mind of his.

"Well try harder," Bones hissed, arm moving out to motion at Waters's blank face. "She saved Chekov, and all you can do is shrug your shoulders? That's fuckin' cold, Jim."

"Back off," the captain said firmly, his expression hardening. "Leave the grumbling for later, okay?"

Leonard deliberately ignored him.

"I wanna know why Spock, with all his Vulcan logic and mind whammy bullshit, can't fix a girl from an attack on a planet without warp-travel, and why in the hell you're just gunna stand there and accept it. Just another one, is that it?"

It was low, but he wanted Jim mad, and insulting his ability to protect his crew was the most sure fire way to rile the kid up.

He succeeded.

The captain stepped forward, and hell, it'd been a long time since they'd argued like this. "Listen, _McCoy_ ," Jim said with disdain dripping from his voice, "Me, and every other person on this ship, is going to do everything in their power to make sure Waters doesn't die. So why don't you start doing your job, Doctor, before I relieve you of your duty and put M'Benga in charge?"

Jim was in his space, and they were both breathing heavily. Damn, he forgot how much the kid could get under his skin. To top it all off, the captain continued in a voice only they could hear, "Just cause you've been making googly eyes at Waters for months, doesn't mean it's anyone else's fault that you were too scared to tell her. Besides," Jim continued with a sidelong glance at the dead-looking officer, "she'd probably just told you to go to hell. She'd have enough reason to. Failure of a husband. Deadbeat fath -"

His fist connected with the captain's face before he could finish the sentence. Jim laughed freely as he stumbled backwards, stretching his jaw with a smile. "Glad we got that out in the open. Feels good to let go, doesn't it, Bones?" he called loudly.

No, no it didn't. Fucking idiotic asshole.

"Wrenchy!" Scotty exclaimed, and Leonard instantly forgot about Jim and glanced over at her. Waters's eyes were alert, but they darted around too rapidly. She looked crazed, hugging herself tightly.

"Scotty, Scotty," Waters breathed, and the Chief Engineer nodded. "Where's Johnny?"

Who?

"Johnny's dead, lass," the engineer said gently. Scotty's face looked almost comical in its shock. Leonard watched as Spock shook his head and continued to stare down at the ground, despite Uhura's comforting touch. Waters blinked rapidly, shaking her head as well.

"Where's Johnny? Where's Johnny? I want to see him, Scotty. Where is he?"

"He's been gone for over two years, Penelope. Don't you remember?" At Scotty's question, Leonard saw Waters's head whip around to face Jim. There was accusation there, a heat in her eyes that didn't seem real.

"I remember. We were on the Bridge," Waters said to the captain. "We were on the Bridge, and you told Marcus, told him Khan was in Engineering. You lied." Waters teary eyes turned over, searching the blankets for answers Leonard couldn't see. "Why would you do that? How could you? Johnny didn't have to die, I remember. I remember."

Waters continued rapidly in a low voice. "You didn't see, Kirk. Didn't see. I saw it. I saw him. Falling, falling, always falling. Your fault. But what if you'd said somewhere else? What then? It hurt. You could tell on his face that it hurt. I hurt. Can you tell on my face?

 _Dying hurts._ "

Her muttering stopped suddenly, and her body fell back against the pillow limply. Leonard checked her vitals again on the screen, making sure she hadn't really died. The speech had been … disturbing, to say the least, and Scotty looked about ready to collapse. Leonard kept an eye on his pale face, hoping at some point he'd be able to convince him to sleep.

"Spock?" Jim asked finally when they were all sure that Waters wouldn't speak again.

"Our memories have melded. She recalls both her experiences and mine in relation to the attack on our ship by the _U.S.S. Vengeance_."

"O-kay. That's just really weird," Leonard said, shaking his head in confusion. Damn Vulcan mind shit. "But I mean, she was awake, right? Is that a good sign?" Could he do something now? Like anything, for example? Useless in his own damn Sickbay.

What a fuckin' nightmare.

"It is not a bad sign," Spock allowed.

"Goddammit, man! Could you be a little more specific?"

* * *

 _"What did your father do for work?"_ the counselor asked.

Leonard was stuck in his office, like a damn child given time out. So what if he'd been useless out there? Didn't mean Jim could keep threatening him like he did. It was _his_ Sickbay, and he was allowed to do whatever the hell he liked in it. If he wanted to yell at Spock, he could yell at Spock.

Not according to Jim, however. And didn't Leonard know? Jim was the captain, and that meant it was his Sickbay, too.

Bullshit.

 _"I believe he never really settled into any one job,"_ Waters stated calmly, head tilting to the side in thought. Leonard watched the recording with curiosity. Maybe if he learned more about her mental state, he could help Spock with the mind tricks he was playing. Or whatever the Vulcan called it.

 _"Have you spoken to him recently?"_

Waters shook her head, green eyed turning hard. _"No."_

A knocking sound interrupted the voices, so Leonard paused the holo, and called out, "Who the hell is it?"

"The best captain in the galaxy," Jim sang from the other side of the door. With a growl, Leonard punched the button on the side of his desk. The entrance swished open, and Jim tumbled through. If Leonard didn't know the kid so well, he'd have thought Jim didn't have a care in the world at the moment. As it was, Leonard could see the subtle tightness around the eyes, the slight slump of his shoulders, the stiff movements of his legs.

"What?" the doctor bit out as Jim's gaze settled on the paused holo.

"That's Waters?" Jim said curiously, approaching the projected figures of the two officers. "What is this?"

"Her medical record – more specifically, her psychological profile, and no, you can't look at it," Leonard answered before the kid could even open his mouth to ask. Jim pouted.

"You know, under Starfleet regulation code one nine two point -"

"You're not looking at it, Jim," Leonard stated, turning his body to the computer screen and shutting off the holo. Out of sight, out of mind.

"Is it because you _loovvee_ her?" Jim teased, flopping down into the chair across from him. Leonard fought a blush and instead threw a pointed scowl in the captain's direction.

"It's called confidentiality, asshole. And fuck off."

Jim grinned wider. "When Waters wakes up, I'm gonna tell her every embarrassing story I can about you. Do you think your mom'll send me baby holos of you?" He continued on without allowing Leonard to assure him that she wouldn't. "Do you remember when Pike caught you with your pants down in the pathology labs?"

"That was your fault," Leonard retorted, crossing his arms and thinking of ways he could get Jim to keep his mouth shut. "And it's if, not when, according to your first officer."

The captain whistled lowly. "First Officer? Not pointy eared bastard, machine, hobgoblin, logic dependent jackass, little green alien -"

"Alright, alright," Leonard grumbled. "You made your point. And you're the one that said pointy-eared bastard first, for the record."

Jim looked tired even as he smiled. "Spock's doing his best. We'll get through this. She'll get through this." That faith was nice, but Leonard didn't think it was well-founded.

"And if it doesn't," Leonard started, both hands leaning forward on the desk. He ran them through his hair in frustration. "How do you think Scotty's going to react? Think he'll just pick a new Assistant, huh? Just go on like he always does? I'm glad Chekov's safe, and the moment he wakes up, he'll be getting an earful _from me_ , but you gotta be prepared. And I'm going to be the one to have to pick up the pieces if you aren't."

"I trust Spock," Jim said simply.

Leonard looked at him in disbelief, his hand shooting out to the side. "Spock already said he can't do anything! You can trust the Vulcan all you want, kid, but that's not going to change the fact that it's not up to him anymore."

"Well then I trust Waters," Jim countered, leaning back against the chair. "Why don't you?"

"Why don't I …" Leonard trailed off. "Have you been listening at all? This ain't a matter of trust, Jim. I could think Waters was the greatest thing since sliced bread, but that doesn't change the fact that nobody but Spock's got a clue on how she's supposed to fix herself. And he won't tell me a goddamn thing."

"Bones," Jim started. "I know you don't like to let other people have control over a situation -"

Leonard snorted. "That's rich coming from you, kid."

Jim continued on as though there had been no interruption. "But either Waters is going to do this or she's not. Personally, I think she will." Idiotic optimist. Happy endings aren't real life. "Now you can disagree all you want, but quit harassing Spock over it. It's not his fault what's happened."

"I'm a doctor," Leonard mumbled, leaning forward and rubbing a hand over his face.

"I know you are."

"Then why won't anyone let me do anything? I'm here to," Leonard tried to find words that weren't sickly sweet, "help." That was neutral enough. Help.

Jim moved around the desk and put a comforting hand on the doctor's shoulder. "Spock's got orders to tell you the moment you can do something. In the meantime, why don't you stop creeping on Waters's medical files and try to convince Scotty to rest. Or drink. Or do anything but stare at the poor girl."

"Oh, so now I can leave my office?" Leonard growled, standing up forcefully.

Grinning, Jim stepped aside to allow him access to the rest of Sickbay. Before stepping out, Leonard twisted his body back around. While he hadn't been looking, Jim's face had drawn inward. No more fake smiles, then. Kid was an idiot if he thought that the doctor didn't already know.

"What Waters said back there," Leonard said. "She's loopy right now, doesn't know what she's talking about. It wasn't your fault, Jim. You didn't make Marcus attack. You didn't wake Khan up. And you sure as hell didn't think the other ship would attack when you said the bastard was in Engineering. So don't get all moody, you got that?" The demand came out rough, but Jim just shrugged it off.

The captain saluted mockingly. "Yes, sir."

Damn right.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the views and reviews! :P**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 2:** **A** **nd Gladly Share Such Knowledge as is Mine with Those Who are to Follow**

The doctor grinned tiredly at Joanna's reaction to his most recent message.

"I can't believe you'll be home!" Joanna exclaimed in the pre-recorded holo, her brown eyes glowing. "Momma says it's about damn time they gave you shore leave on Earth, and then she said some not too nice things about Uncle Jim, which I ain't supposed to repeat _or else_." His daughter shot the camera a grin.

"Anyways? Oh! At school the other day, this boy in my class said dinosaurs weren't real …" That came with a look that Leonard could proudly say was all him. "What the hell, Daddy? I don't usually believe it when you say some people are too stupid to help, but I don't know anymore."

Leonard cracked a smile as he spun in the office chair.

"I gotta go, but send me something quick, okay? Just cause you're coming home soon doesn't mean you get to slack on the calls, you got that?" Joanna warned, her expression turning serious. Then it melted back into a smile. "I'll see you, Daddy. Bye." She waved him out, and as the holo went blank, Leonard felt the grin slide from his face.

It'd been three days, and Waters had only had about one other moment of lucidity. And all the fuck she'd been able to ask was: _Where am I? Who are you? What is this place? We're in space?_ The rest of the time, she'd just sit there and blink once an hour. Sulu had plotted a course to New Vulcan, Jim had sent out the problem to Starfleet Command, and Spock hardly left her bedside outside of his duty. But things were slow going, and all Leonard could do was run pointless tests and bark out useless orders.

Chekov also seemed to be drowning in layers of guilt. Not the boy's fault getting captured, and he sure hadn't made Waters run back to save his ass. But of course she would have, Leonard considered with a sigh. Of course she would.

That was why he -

"McCoy," McLean said, sticking her head into his office. Leonard looked up. "You may want to come out. Mr. Spock's insitsting on seeing you." Great, just great. The only thing that'd come out of that logically minded calculator's mouth recently had been bad news.

So why was Leonard even surprised when he exited his office and came face to face with a straight-faced Vulcan saying, "It think it would be prudent to inject the lieutenant with potassium chloride."

…what

….what

…..what the fuck

"Excuse me?" Leonard growled in fury. His low voice echoed in the mostly quiet confines of the Sickbay, and his tone caught the attention of some of the nurses. Leonard paid them no heed, only stepping forward once in a menacing fashion.

Jim strode in then, appearing slightly out of breath. "Oh shit," he breathed. "Spock, I told you not to say it."

Spock, though, apparently wanted to stand his ground. "Doctor, Lieutenant Waters is suffering needlessly. In the last few hours, she has failed to continue the fight within her mind. She has told me of her wish to be killed should this possibility occur. Therefore, it is within your power to allow her an easy and relatively painless death."

Leonard saw Jim wince from behind the first officer. His own face had started to twitch at the bastard's speech. "And how the hell is she supposed to have told you that when she'd been a fucking vegetable for over seventy two hours?"

"We are bonded. You cannot understand," Spock stated, hands clasped behind his back.

"I am sick and tired of hearing you say I can't understand. And I don't care for shit what Waters told you or asked you. She's under mental duress. You think she's in the right frame of mind to be asking for anything?" Leonard pressed, taking another step forward, hand moving out to point over at Waters's biobed. Keenser was there, watching the argument with unblinking black eyes.

"The lieutenant expressed this sentiment, in perhaps not so many words, at a time when she was at peace. On my planet," Spock said in an almost grumble, "our mind meld would have been enough to make me medical proxy."

Un- fucking- believable.

"Well it's a damn fine thing we're not on your planet," Leonard yelled. "We're in my Sickbay, and I make the calls here. Understand?"

The hobgoblin's dark eyes stared into his. "She is in pain, and yet you would ignore that, because you are afraid to do what must be done."

"I know exactly what _must be done_ ," Leonard spat, taking yet another step into Spock's space. "And it's for you to get out of my sight before I do something we're both going to regret."

"You may try, Doctor," Spock said lowly in an obvious challenge.

Jim stepped between them, arms pushing both officers back. Damn kid, always getting in the way. "Alright, alright. Why don't you both just calm down." Leonard's face twisted in disbelief.

"He's suggesting I euthanize Waters, but I'm just going to _calm down_?" Leonard protested, while Spock simply stepped back from the captain's touch. "What in God's name am I supposed to do with that?"

"Bones, come on. Let's just go back in your office, and we'll all talk it out," Jim suggested calmly. Leonard brushed off his comforting grip.

"I don't wanna talk it out. There's nothing to even discuss," Leonard stated, crossing his arms at glaring at the Bridge officers.

"On the contrary -" Spock began.

"Oh shut the fuck up," Leonard interjected harshly.

"Bones," Jim admonished. He put on his _captain face_ , so Leonard just mumbled as he stomped into his office.

"Damn Vulcan logic, damn the kid to hell, thinking he knows anything about anything, fuckin' space, what the fuck is it good for anyway, bunch of damn aliens and shit and rocks and darkness. And why does the human race go out here, cause they've all got death wishes, that's why … fuckin' unhealthy is what it is."

"You know we can hear you right," Jim said with amusement as he sat in Leonard's chair. In. His. Chair. Like the kid didn't have that fancy one up on the Bridge for himself.

"Get up," Leonard growled, and maybe helped the kid along with a pointed kick at his shins.

"Owww," Jim whined, hopping on one leg.

"Brat."

Spock remained standing near the door, face free from any hint of emotion. Leonard just didn't understand anybody that could contemplate killing someone else, and not even _feel_ anything about it. That was Waters's life he was talking about, not the damn weather. Jesus.

"Doctor McCoy," Spock started when Jim finally sat down again. "I understand that you may feel averse to undertaking this task. Previous interactions indicate that you feel an attachment to the lieutenant that goes beyond the professional."

"What the hell have you been telling him, Jim?" Leonard demanded, glaring at his friend. Those two gossiped like junior high students during their chess games. Pair of fuckin' nosy jackasses, that's what they were.

Jim held up his hands. "Why do you have to look at me like that? I didn't say anything."

"Not only that," Spock continued, as though neither of them had spoken. "But I also know you to be a man of deep emotion. You become overly-involved in your patients' health -"

"That's a nice way of him saying your a mother-hen," Jim whispered helpfully. Leonard held up a finger in response. He was a doctor, no a mother-hen. Just because baby-captains couldn't figure out the difference didn't mean nothing about Leonard either way. Mother-hen. Fuck him.

"To the point that you may be unwilling to admit when the morally honorable action becomes emotionally inconcievable. However, in this instance, Doctor, you must set your emotions aside and accept my judgment. The lieutenant is dying, and every moment you do nothing is another moment that she will suffer for your refusal."

Ouch.

"I'm just supposed to take your word on this, Spock, that Waters wants me to do this," Leonard said with doubt. The first officer seemed to take a long damn time processing that. Probably had to reboot the fucking system on his hard drive.

"When our minds were joined, the lieutenant asked me to tell the people on this ship something should she fail to succeed," Spock said in a quiet voice. "She told me that it was no one's fault. She promised that she would fight, but that she also wished to say goodbye, if the need came." Yeah, well Leonard wasn't quite ready for that yet. "I believe her exact words were: tell them that this was an adventure, and that I was privileged to be there alongside them, for however long I was able."

Leonard shook his head, staring down at his desk and fighting tears. "You put a finger on her, Spock, and you'll wish you hadn't. I don't care. I don't give a fuck what you or Waters say. Until we get to New Vulcan, and a doctor there tells me she's done, I'll keep making sure she's breathing, even if I've gotta do it for her. So don't you fucking tell me what to do when you're in here, you got that?"

"You are a fool, McCoy," Spock said in disgust. "And you would keep the lieutenant from a death she chose to accept because you cannot."

"Get out. Just go," Leonard bit out, covering his eyes with his hand as he leaned onto the desk.

"Gladly."

Leonard heard the doors swish open and the sound of Spock's boots hitting the floor. So what, he was just supposed to give up? Wipe his hands of the matter and say: well, we've done all we can, time to pull the plug? He could hear Waters's voice echoing in his head.

" _C_ _an't think li' tha', M'Coy. You'll make … make yourself crazy._ "

Yeah, well, he was thinking like that, dammit. And there wasn't shit anyone could say to stop him. Not even Waters herself. He was going to fight, and he was going to make sure she fought, too. Because fuck what Spock said. And fuck those aliens on that godforsaken planet. If he ever came across them again, he'd -

Jim laid a hand on his shaking shoulder.

"It's not right, Jim. I won't do it. I won't," Leonard warned through a gasping voice. He was a doctor. He'd leave the fighting to other people, and he'd rather leave the dying with them also. Death only came as a last resort, and Leonard refused to believe that they had reached that point. Not for Waters. Not when he hadn't even the courage yet to say -

"I know," Jim said comfortingly. "I know. It's going to be okay, Bones. No matter what."

People always said that.

* * *

Keenser sat in the chair beside Waters's bed, hand attached to her elbow. Something about his being near made things better, at least according to Spock, and so the engineer had been allowed free access to Sickbay. In fact, he'd been ordered to be there at all times. Not that the alien had needed much convincing.

Curious species. Only recently joined the Federation, and their planet-wide vow of silence only increased the mystery. Leonard didn't know much about their bodies, which irritated him to no end, but there was little he could do other than hope Keenser never needed anything beyond a simple check-up.

Hope. Everyone needed a little more of that.

"You alright?" Leonard asked, checking Waters over on the hourly schedule he'd set. Keenser shrugged slightly, black eyes blinking up at him a few times before turning back to Waters. "Scotty finally left then?" A nod.

And there had been another order from Jim. Scotty had to sleep, eat, and at least make a show of performing his duties before he'd be allowed in to see Waters. And all his meddlesome engineers that kept popping in to check up on the Assistant Chief needed to back off, too.

There were times when Leonard was glad Jim was the captain. Only a handful, though. A very tiny handful.

As always, the heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, everything but the pain scale read normal. It was infuriating, and Spock had said not to use any sedatives, so Leonard could only watch in confusion and do nothing. The hand-held brain scanner showed no clots, no bleeding, but still produced waves that made absolutely no sense to the doctor.

Spock had said he wouldn't understand. Because of course, a bachelors degrees in human biology and chemistry, along with years of med school, internships, a residency in general and specialized surgery, all before joining Starfleet and the training he'd received there, meant he was just plain stupid.

He wouldn't understand. Right. Fuckin' Vulcan.

Waters blinked once, so Leonard checked the time. Yeah, right on schedule.

* * *

It had been five days since the accursed away mission, and Leonard was at his breaking point.

Waters hadn't spoken since before Spock had come to see him, and it felt like with each passing hour, he was losing a part of his sanity. News of Waters's condition had spread the ship like wild-fire, and Leonard couldn't even leave Sickbay without being hounded with questions.

He'd been sleeping on the couch in his office for five days. If there was a connection to be drawn there, well, Leonard wasn't paying too much attention anyways. Besides, sleeping was a relative term. It was more like two hour power naps when his body finally collapsed in defeat every time Leonard let it. M'Benga and Neil often shot him disapproving looks, but Leonard ignored them, and they knew better than to try and argue with him in the first place.

He tried not to imagine what would happen if they got to New Vulcan and the healers there told him the worst. That they'd confirm what Spock said, and Leonard would have to …

This couldn't be happening. Jim, _he'd expect_. Spock, _sure_ , for all he pretended not to be a self-sacrificial lamb. Uhura, _if Spock were hurt_ , would turn the whole ship around herself, and Jim wouldn't even stop her. Chekov, _of course_ , because he copied Jim and Scotty like were the best things to have graced the universe, and Sulu _would follow them all off a cliff_.

The Bridge crew might as well paint a red target on their backs and dance around naked in Klingon space.

But Waters … Waters, for all she could be an idiot, usually gave a thought, if not to her own self-preservation, then at least to common sense. What on Earth possessed her to go back for Chekov? Was it a whim? If it was a whim, Leonard might have to throw something.

In the middle of that thought, Leonard's tricorder started beeping, and the doctor immediately brought it under his gaze.

Waters had no heartbeat.

No. No. No.

Nononononononononono.

Leonard tripped over his own feet, springing up from the couch. He rushed from his office out into Sickbay and saw with horror and surprise the empty biobed where Waters was supposed to be. He glanced around, searching for one of the medical crew.

He saw Johnson first, eyes blinking blearily at the computer screen in the corner.

"Where is she?" Leonard bit out, feeling the urge to throttle someone. Johnson jumped up from her seat, and he saw shock on her expression when she noticed what he had.

"Oh, shit."

"Oh, shit is right, you idiot! If something happens ..." Leonard couldn't even finish the threat, his mind was so frantic. "Search the rest of Sickbay. I'll go check the nearby rooms. You call everyone else down here. I want Waters found, dammit, and I want her found _now_." The officer only nodded in response, hopefully too scared to form words.

Fuckin' good.

Leonard stormed out of Sickbay, worry pumping his blood. Couldn't have gotten far, right? Waters was out of her mind, with no sense of reality, stumbling around this goddamn tin can, with an engineer's knowledge of how to send them crashing into the nearest starcruiser.

Hell.

He burst into rec rooms, briefing rooms, storage compartments, all empty at that time of night. Leonard bumped into sleepy crewmembers and yelled at them for not watching where they were going. He commed Jim. He commed Scotty. He even commed Uhura, because fuck if he was going to be the first one to say sorry in his argument with Spock.

He found her in the mess hall.

She was leaned up against the wall with her arms crossed and a cup of what had to be coffee in her right hand. The dim lighting from the ship shadowed her figure, but it was a position he had seen her in so many times before that he may have felt his heart stop.

Waters sipped the drink calmly, not noticing his presence in the abandoned room, but Leonard strode forward feeling slightly possessed.

"McCoy," she nodded in greeting before taking another gulp. Like it was just any other night. Like it hadn't been five days since she'd actually _seen_ him.

He couldn't even breathe. She looked normal, if a bit tired, but her green eyes shone with recognition, understanding, familiarity, _life_.

"Am I dreaming?" Leonard breathed, and Waters furrowed her dark brow.

"You don't look so good," the engineer muttered. Leonard reached out and grabbed her free arm. It felt soft, the Sickbay gown not obstructing her skin the way the uniform normally would have. She glared at him in return. "What?"

"Are you real?" the doctor asked. "Are you really okay?"

"Of course I am. Can you please let go now?" Waters looked like she wanted to punch him, but like he gave a damn right now... "Let go."

The numbing shock faded away, and in it's place, Leonard felt the vein on his forehead start to throb. "Are you fucking serious?" he started, and Waters winced at his loud tone. "You're just fine, is that it? Spent almost a week in a damn mental coma, but you're just feeling great now, huh?" He started to drag her back towards Sickbay.

How dare she be fine. The fuckin' nerve.

"I don't want to go back there," Waters complained, tugging against his hold. Good thing five days in a biobed will leave a person's muscles weak as shit.

"Oh, I didn't realize you had a choice in the matter," Leonard snarled and continued on without a pause.

"You're spilling my coffee," the engineer said sadly, though she gave up the struggle and let him pull her along.

"Good. Great. Wonderful. In fact, you don't get to have coffee. You get to learn how to stay in a damn biobed until a doctor clear you out of it. Are you a doctor, Waters? No, no you aren't, so next time you wanna take a leisurely walk around this metal scrap-bucket, you don't just leave without telling anybody."

"Metal scrap-bucket?" Waters asked, sounding slightly pissed off.

Wasn't it odd that it made Leonard so damn happy to hear it?

"Are you even listening, Waters?" Leonard hissed as they walked along, his hand still on her arm. "You pull this stunt again, and I'll keep you in Sickbay till the end of time. You got that?" He was already planning on doing that, but it still made him feel better to use it as a threat.

After that, Waters remained silent – probably in protest, but Leonard found that just as well. She could do whatever the fuck she wanted, so long as she ended up back in Sickbay. By the time they reached their destination, a whole slew of people were running around.

Spock waited patiently by the biobed, along with Uhura.

"You are well?" the first officer addressed to Waters. Leonard released her and made a wordless gesture that she better get back in that bed or _so help him God_ , he'd make her.

She sat down with a glare pointed at him. "I'm fine. Thanks." Waters then tilted her head down in thought for a moment. "Actually, is there a way to …" she trailed off then, and Leonard spoke up.

"Would you lay down, dammit?" Waters nodded absently, moving slowly down the bed.

"You would wish the mental link to cease?" Spock asked knowingly, in response to Waters's earlier question. Leonard pulled out his tricorder, and the results came out as healthy. The pain meter on the biobed above finally stopped running wild, and his heart started to slow.

"It's too strange," Waters answered, rubbing a hand on her forehead which Leonard slapped away. The engineer stared up at him with a look that said: _do it again. I dare you._

And he would dare. The fucking idiot, running around without a care in the world. Maybe she'd go back to work, too, while she was at it, or take a stroll in the botanical gardens.

The brain scanner, when held up to her irritated expression, read normal, if a bit low on dopamine levels. And it was like the world had been lifted off Leonard's shoulders. Like everything was falling back into place. If this was a dream, he prayed no one would ever wake him up.

"When we arrive at New Vulcan, I would not be adverse to severing the connection ..." Spock said fairly, and that was right when Scotty burst through the doors of Sickbay with Keenser trailing quickly after him.

At seeing his expression, Waters seemed to cower back into the bed.

About damn time.

"Wrenchy," Scotty started breathlessly. "You're awake." Leonard watched with glee as Waters could only nod in response. The Chief Engineer stumbled forward, looking at the doctor.

"She's better now? No more …" Scotty swallowed. "She'll be okay?"

Leonard nodded, his tongue feeling heavy in his mouth. "Seems like it." He hoped so, dear God, he hoped so.

"Lass?" Scotty questioned, ending his walk at the end of the biobed.

"I'm fine," she mumbled under his intense stare.

"Ya didn't seem fine," Scotty started. "I thought ya were … Spock said … and then we all just, but McCoy, he didn't want ta … and I really started to think … that ya weren't..." The man couldn't complete a single thought, and when the tears started to fall from his eyes, Leonard had to turn away. "Ya weren't going to wake up."

"Mr. Scott," Waters began, but she wasn't even given the chance to continue.

"Say you're sorry," Scotty said, and Waters blinked in surprise. Leonard looked as the doors to the Sickbay swung open and Jim jogged through. His face beamed like the time when Pike got him socks that first Christmas at the Academy.

"What?" Waters asked.

"Say you're sorry, Wrenchy," Scotty said again.

"For what?"

"For almost dying."

"I'm supposed to apologize for that?" The incredulity in her tone reached Leonard's ears and made him want to scoff.

"I have never heard ya utter one apology to any person aboard this ship for anything, and so I want to hear ya say sorry right now because ya made me believe that ya weren't coming back," Scotty ranted through his tears. "Ya never get to go on away missions again."

Waters crossed her arms and stared down at the bedsheets. "Like I'd want to," she grumbled, picking at a thread on the blanket.

"Say it," Scotty pleaded as he gripped her leg, like he was trying to assure himself she was really there. "Say it, or you're working in the Transporter Room for the next four years."

"You wouldn't," Waters gasped, her right hand clutching her other arm in disbelief. Leonard wanted to smile at the reaction but fought it. Jim, he noticed, wasn't even bothering to hide his glee. He had a feeling Waters was going to be in the Transporter Room for a while, regardless of her apologizing or not.

The silence on Scotty's end spoke volumes, even as a few tears still dripped down.

"Fine," Waters said and then whispered something too quiet for even Leonard to hear.

"What was that?" Leonard prompted for the Chief Engineer, earning him a heated glance from Waters.

"I said," Waters bit out, turning away to look at no one at all. "I'm sorry." The words seemed to be pulled from her mouth, but they pleased Scotty anyway, going by the small smile.

"That's so kind of you ta say, lass," Scotty said, wiping his face without a care and patting her leg. "Really warms my heart." Waters didn't say anything, choosing instead to continue staring at her own lap. "By the by, as soon as the good doctor here clears ya for duty, I'll make sure George gets scheduled to work as your partner in the Transporter Room."

Surprise didn't even register on Waters's face as she shrugged. "Whatever. Better than Sickbay."

 _Better than Sickbay?_

"Waters," Jim began cheerfully before Leonard could even start. "Glad to see you're awake." The engineer nodded at the captain. "Sooooo, did I ever tell you about the time Bones here threw up on an Admiral?"

The confused look on Waters's face really made Leonard want to kill Jim. Hide his body in the loading dock and send him out into space. Why were they friends again?Oh, yeah. Because Jim was an idiot that couldn't keep himself out of danger for more than ten minutes at a time, and Leonard was the only one that could patch him up without accidentally murdering him.

His hand might just slip one of these days. Could never tell with those sorts of things, after all.

"Might I have a word with you alone, Doctor?" Spock asked from the other side of Waters's bed. Leonard nodded tiredly, not wanting to leave Waters alone, but not wanting to hover like an idiot either.

"Yeah, let's go," Leonard said, and together, the two officers went into the CMO's office.

"I admit that I acted presumptuously," Spock began as soon as the doors had slid closed. Leonard turned around to face him before leaning down to sit on his couch. As always, Spock chose to stand.

"You think?" Leonard grumbled without any bite.

"Perhaps I underestimate the human instinct for survival. It does run so deep in your race," Spock admitted with a slightly conciliatory tone.

Leonard smiled a bit. "You're part human, too, ya bastard."

"I, perhaps unlike you, was born within the binds of a marriage, and therefore cannot be what you say. However, I do not aim to discuss the fallacies of your insults, but instead wish to express my remorse. Had it not been for you, the lieutenant would have died needlessly. And yet, I insulted your ability to accurately judge the situation objectively, when it was I who had failed to do so."

Rising from the couch, Leonard approached the first officer. The doctor poked the Vulcan on the chest and shook his head. "Alright, you arrogant asshole, I got you."

Spock blinked and almost squinted at him. "You never fail to fascinate, Doctor."

"And you never fail to use a thousand words when you could just use one," Leonard paused for a moment before staring into the Vulcan's dark eyes seriously. " _Sorry_." And Leonard meant it, too. Wasn't ever fun arguing with Spock when it was more than just banter. Man could hold a grudge, and dammit, so could Leonard.

That's why they both needed Jim.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks so, so much for the views and reviews, follows, and all!**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 3 -** **I Will Apply, For the Benefit of the Sick, All Measures that are Required, Avoiding those Twin Traps of Overtreatment and Therapeutic Nihilism**

"Goddamn, _this_ is a hospital?" the doctor wondered aloud.

Leonard was used to seeing white covering every surface, so when the earthy tones of the building reached his view, he couldn't help but gape.

"Yes," Spock answered as the the four of them went at a subdued pace into the structure.

From the outside, it had strangely looked like a part of the mountain it was carved from. The interior looked the same - and more calm than any hospital Leonard had ever come across. The few people that were in the entrance room were seated patiently, and anyone that wasn't, walked calmly and without hurry.

No fucking way this was a hospital.

"I think it's nice," Jim said helpfully, trying to soothe the argument before it started. Whatever. It was alright.

"I have found them far more soothing than Terran places of healing," Spock commented before he stopped. They all came to a halt as well. "I will speak to them. Wait here." The first officer went forward, approaching what looked like a receptionist. He started speaking what must have been Vulcan, though Leonard couldn't understand a word of it.

Instead, he looked down at Waters. She had put on her redshirted uniform, which had been the only thing she'd agreed to without a glare that day. According to the engineer, she didn't need a trip down to New Vulcan. She was just fine, couldn't they all see that? Like Jim had turned the whole damn ship around for no fucking reason other than a whim.

Last time Leonard checked, Waters didn't have a degree in medicine, or any training in the Vulcan mind arts. Might be wrong about that, but since Leonard made a point of double checking – just for reference, definitely not for argument – he knew he wasn't.

Spock came back to the group. "The healer can see us now," the first officer said to Waters. He then turned to Leonard and Jim. "You must wait here."

"Like hell," Leonard stated. "I'm her doctor."

"M'Benga's my doctor," Waters corrected quietly, the only damn thing she'd said in an hour.

"Well, I'm M'Benga's doctor," Leonard countered, but Waters only stared up at him.

"So?" the engineer asked carelessly.

"So why don't you just shut the hell up," Leonard finished in a grumble, crossing his arms and looking away.

"Fine," Waters said in a similar tone.

"We'll wait here," Jim said, slapping Leonard's back once. "Right, Bones?"

"Either of you come back loopy, I'm filing a formal complaint before I kick both your asses," Leonard warned to the first officer and the engineer. Spock tipped his head in curiosity, while Waters just shook her head.

"He's all bark and no bite, Spock. Stop looking so worried," Jim laughed.

"I am never worried at the doctor's threats. Only curious as to how he thinks he could execute them," Spock said before he turned to leave. Waters followed him without another word, and as they walked away, Jim turned a disapproving eye at him.

"What?" Leonard asked.

"Shut the hell up?" Jim grinned. "Not exactly the best way to win a girl's heart. And were checking out her ass?"

"Fuck off," Leonard mumbled, shrugging off the kid before he accidentally punched him in the gut. Those things could happen.

"You know, it's okay to be nervous about it. I could show you some moves," Jim suggested. leading them both over to a stone bench in the corner. Leonard snorted at the claim, causing Jim to scowl playfully. "How do you think I got Chapel?"

Fuckin' asshole. "Don't even talk about her," Leonard warned.

"How many times do I have to apologize for that?" Jim whined, slumping back against the cavernous walls.

"For forever," Leonard answered, feeling annoyance as the memory surfaced. Best damn nurse he ever met, and Jim just had to chase after her. And then forget her first name. In bed. And Chapel just had to transfer.

Whole lot of bullshit. Served the kid right getting Carol pregnant. He couldn't wait to see the his face when Jim found out how different things were when he had his own baby. Kid with a kid ... fuckin' nightmare.

"Awww, Bones. Don't be so grumpy," Jim poked his cheek. Once. Twice. "Bones. Bones."

"What?" Leonard growled.

"I'm bored. Let's go do something," Jim started to get up, but Leonard grabbed his arm and pulled him right back down. "What?"

"That's how all these things start," Leonard complained, not letting the kid go.

"What things?" Jim asked in confusion.

"The things that end with us both in a jail cell and Spock having to bail our sorry asses out. Or break us out, for that matter."

Jim opened his mouth in disbelief. "That happened, like, one time." Leonard shook his head.

"Try three times, Jim. Three. I got a record 'cause of you, you know that? You're just lucky Starfleet Command never got wind of _those things_ , or you'd be outta that captain's chair before you could blink." Jim shrugged nonchalantly.

"Federation's never even heard of half the places we've been to. No worries," Jim stated.

No worries? Fuck him.

"Yeah, alright, kid. You just keep telling yourself that," Leonard allowed with a twist of his lips.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"All I'm saying is, you really think the first time Spock snitched on you was during that shit with the volcano," Leonard trailed off, allowing Jim to fill in the blanks. His face went slack for a moment before shaking his head in disagreement.

"But he knows better now," Jim said confidently.

"Yeah right," Leonard snorted.

"Come on. Even Spock likes to break the rules now and then," Jim said, like it was the best thing in the world to break rules.

No one ever taught that kid to respect anything, except maybe Pike. What Leonard wouldn't give to have that man back from the grave and kicking Jim's ass into gear like he used to.

"Have you met the man? Spock's a walking, talking rule book," Leonard said.

"Rule books can have fun, too."

* * *

"McCoy," a voice called insistently. "McCoy, wake up." Someone was shaking him by the shoulder, but Leonard was tired, and the name wasn't Bones, so he didn't care. "McCoy, hello? Are you dead?"

"No, I'm not dead," Leonard muttered sleepily, eyes blinking blearily up at Waters's impassive face. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Yes. The captain and Mr. Spock walked ahead," Waters explained, offering a hand to help him up. Leonard's heart should not have been beating so fast when he took it, and he shouldn't have been so damn disappointed when she let him go.

God, he was such an idiot.

"So did they clear you?" Leonard asked as they went out into the sun together. The whole planet had an almost orange-tinge to it, except the clear blue bayside down the cliffs below. He'd heard it was similar to how the 'old' Vulcan had looked, but he'd never been there before what had happened.

What had happened. Couldn't even think up a proper name for that atrocity.

"Yes," Waters said simply, pausing in her tracks and squinting out into the water.

"What?" Leonard wondered, stopping and turning around to face her. Her red uniform shone in the sun, and her hair looked almost brown in the light instead of black. He wished he wasn't so damn shy, that he could be like Jim and just say what he wanted.

"They're going to the memorial. You go on. I'm beaming back up," Waters said, facing him once more. Her green eyes were somewhat sad, and if Leonard hadn't read her entire medical file while she'd been sick, he might've wondered why she didn't want to stay.

As it was, he could only nod and let her go.

"Alright. But don't go back to work yet. Have M'Benga give you another look over, and then when I'm back, I'll sign off," Leonard stated. Was it overkill? Maybe. Was he taking any more chances after the last week of hell? Fuck no. He was definitely making the final call.

"Fine," Waters agreed, opening up her communicator. "Greene, one to beam up."

"Transporting," the other voice called, and then Waters disappeared into a flash of particles.

God he hated that thing. It made him shiver just to watch it happen to someone else, let alone go through the process himself. Pulling open his own PADD, he flipped through to find the coordinates for the Vulcan Memorial.

By the time he had trekked in the dusty heat of the planet to the enormous structure, Leonard was ready to go back to the tin can. He took a swig of water from his flask, for once filled with something other than whiskey. The water soothed his parched throat, and he sighed in relief when he reached the entrance.

There wasn't any one way to describe the physical presence of pure grief sunk deep into the faces of the people he passed or the layout of the place he roamed. The spiraling pillars lining the circular pointed gate leaned to different sides like they couldn't keep up against the wind, like they were about to break. As he strode carefully into the enclosed area, Leonard looked upward at the dome ceiling overhead.

Etched onto every surface of every piece of the building was a name.

His eyes were drawn to the stark words written on a plain block of grey in the dead center of the room. Each line was in Vulcan, but translated beneath into Standard. Leonard approached it and read.

 _Our wisdom assures that death is a necessary occurrence, a fact that must be accepted._

 _Our evidence suggests that death is a natural phenomenon, a means of completion and end._

 _Our reason dictates that death is a personal matter, a solitary journey into an unknown._

 _But our hearts tell us that that these deaths were not necessary, that these deaths were not_ _natural,_ _but also that these deaths were not taken alone._

 _Our histories allow us to perceive revenge as a pointless endeavor, a path of wrongdoing that combats evil with evil._

 _Our principles encourage us to stand tall in the face of adversity, a way to avoid seeking violence to stem violence._

 _Our ancestors remind us to never disregard these principles, an avoidance of a time when brother took arms against brother._

 _So may our dead be at peace, our teachings never forgotten, and our hearts soothed by logic._

Vulcans. Never could just say things plain.

There was only a shiny kind of silver color in the dome, and the center cross path led into numerous corridors and rooms, each covered in neatly carved names of the people who had died. As he passed, Leonard could see his reflection on every word. No one spoke, so Leonard didn't bother trying to comm Jim or Spock. When he happened upon them in the labyrinth anyways, he considered it some damn fine stroke of fate.

Jim turned to look at him, his blue eyes subdued in a way they rarely ever managed. Spock stood apart, staring at one name on one wall, and it didn't take a genius to figure out whose it was. Leonard approached quietly, and as he stood on the other side of him, Spock reached forward and traced his mother's letters carefully and with purpose.

 _Amanda Grayson_

Once his fingers were removed, a holo cropped up from the lines of the name. A women who had Spock's eyes stared serenely back at them, her hair covered mostly by a pale scarf, and a smile played at her lips. There were no words, and the image flashed away after a few moments, leaving a strange darkness in its wake.

"At first, they were not going to put her name up at all," Spock whispered in the silence, and with Jim and himself on either side of the Vulcan, he continued. "My father had to convince them. He should not have needed to do so. She was Human. Does that somehow diminish that she died also? Or is her suffering less because she chose to love a place that could never return the sentiment?"

Leonard had nothing to say to that, and maybe Jim knew better than to even try. Instead, the three of them stood, shoulder to shoulder, and looked at their own reflections mirrored against Amanda Grayson's name and other strangers's, too.

He couldn't really say how long they waited there, but eventually Spock turned on his heel and walked away without a word, and Jim and Leonard followed behind him without question. Spock seemed the only one able to navigate the twisting corridors, and the Vulcan led them out of the airy, bleak building into the sunken orange sun.

Waiting at the entrance was a man that Leonard had only ever seen once before.

"Hey-a!" Jim called loudly, racing forward like a four year old. Leonard rolled his eyes.

"Hello, Jim," the other Vulcan said calmly, even as the kid looked like he might break his own face with his smile. "And hello to you as well, Spock. Would I be incorrect in assuming this is Doctor McCoy? I believe we have never properly been introduced, at least, not in this life."

"Damn, I forgot that there's two of you," Leonard grumbled before he could stop himself, and then the older Spock actually gave a small chuckle. Now Leonard could count on one hand the amount of times he'd ever even seen the bastard smile, and here was an older version of him actually laughing.

Fuckin' strange.

"I see that some things will never change," the older Spock said fondly, "no matter where I end up."

"How did you know we would be here?" their Spock asked.

"Jim told me that your ship had changed course to New Vulcan. I am afraid it is an old man's folly, that I could not miss the opportunity to see you all once again in person."

Jim slapped the older Spock on the back, though maybe a bit more weakly than he normally would. Damn kid, being considerate and shit. "What're you calling a folly, Mr. Spock? Hey, wanna check out the ship before we go? Scotty's got some new installations on the core that are just perfection, and I think Baby Spock can be convinced to let you have a go at the science station." Baby Spock? Leonard was definitely stealing that and abusing it to its full potential.

The older Spock smiled wistfully. "My place is here, Jim," the Vulcan stated, but he added in a brighter manner, "but I am sure that Mr. Scott's improvements are indeed worthy of your praise."

Smile dimming slightly, Jim just shook his head playfully. "Sure, sure. But you can't say no to a chess game, man. Just one."

"It is never just one when it comes to you, Jim," the other Spock said. "Though I would not be opposed to the opportunity to issue you a resounding defeat."

Leonard whistled lowly at the challenge, and Jim laughed, patting the Vulcan on the back again. "I'll hold you to that. But I'll let you know right off the bat, I play dirty."

"I would expect nothing less," the older Spock stated. "Mr. Spock, Doctor, you would be welcome to join us."

"I am due to meet our father," the first officer stated stiffly. Jeez, could this conversation get any weirder?

"Uhura's finally meeting his dad," Jim stage-whispered to the older Spock, and the older man tactfully ignored Jim's attempts to start something.

"By all means," the other Spock said before turning to Leonard. "And you, Doctor?"

In the older man's eyes, Leonard could see a whole slew of emotions running through, a string of events that hadn't happened yet or maybe never would. A different person, a different doctor was who Spock saw, not this Leonard. Not this Bones.

Damn the kid for making him think that name. It was Leonard McCoy dammit, not no fucking Bones.

What it must be like, though, for Spock to walk alongside the ghosts of people he'd loved and lost – to either time or battle, and face them again with only an open heart…

"I've gotta get back," Leonard said, tugging at his collar. "Besides, it's hot as hell here."

Jim smirked, waving him off. "Have fun being boring, Bones. Me an' Spock will have a kickass chess game without you."

Kickass and chess just did not belong in the same sentence.

Both Spocks held up their hands in the Vulcan farewell, and Leonard held his hand out like an idiot for a handshake. The older Spock wasn't as much of an asshole as the younger one, apparently, and he didn't even blink as he grasped Leonard's hand firmly.

If there was someway to sum up Leonard and Spock's friendship into one feeling, then that had been what passed between the two men, and maybe a bit extra of something Leonard couldn't identify. _It was nice to speak once again, old friend,_ Spock seemed to say without speaking, and Leonard hoped he communicated his humbled self appropriately. Because that's what it was like.

Just plain humbling.

"I hope to see you both again someday, if the universe allows," the older Spock said, and Leonard wondered at just how much time the aging Vulcan had left. He glanced sideways at Spock, almost to assure himself that his hobgoblin was young and healthy.

He was, and thank God for that, or else Jim might go off his rocker completely.

* * *

Waters was impatiently tapping her foot by the door of his office the moment he walked back into Sickbay. Her arms were crossed and her expression said that if he didn't sign off on the active duty clearance, then she might slug him.

"McCoy," Waters said, shoving the tablet at him roughly. It jammed into his stomach uncomfortably, he glared at her before snatching it up. He pretended to read it over, though he really did check the medical charts again.

Everything showed that she was healthy, and the Vulcan healers had given her the go ahead, but he couldn't stop seeing the image of her staring out into the distance, a shell of who she was now. Fucking hell.

"I am fine," the engineer hissed when he continued to stare dully at the form. "And I'd like everyone to quit acting like I died."

"You almost did, you idiot," McCoy snapped because Waters didn't know how close he'd come to letting Spock have his way. Dear God, what if he'd let Spock have his way? "Excuse the rest of us for giving a damn. And next time, save the heroics for someone else, would ya?"

"I didn't do it for that," Waters said lowly, scuffing her boot on the ground.

"Yeah, well either way, just don't next time," McCoy sighed in irritation, signing the form and handing it back to her far nicer than she had done for him. Waters looked up at him and grabbed the tablet, and he felt his heart start thrumming in his chest harder than it strictly should have been when their fingers brushed.

"I heard," Waters began quietly, her face going a bit red in embarrassment. "I heard you, at one point. I remember giving up, and I thought that was it. And then, I think I – I heard your voice. And I just wanted to say thanks for not giving up … on me."

And then she awkwardly patted his arm twice before scurrying away. He shook his head and ran a hand over the back of his neck.

Damn. He was a fucking goner.

* * *

"Bones," Jim said, rushing into Sickbay. Leonard turned around from the idiot research officer who hadn't worn gloves. His eyes roamed Jim's form, checking for injury or any sign of pain. When he found nothing out of place, the doctor glanced up at Jim's face.

"What the hell do you want? Can't you see I'm busy here with what's her face?" Leonard exclaimed, pointing back to the blueshirt on the biobed.

"It's Harrington," the officer reminded for probably the sixth time since she had come in.

"How am I supposed to remember that?" Leonard asked in confusion. "All I know about you is that you're a dumbass who needs to read a fucking manual. You want me to tell Spock you decided to handle those drugs without the proper gear?"

"Aww, Bones. Don't harass Harrismon."

"It's Harrington!" she said.

"It's not her fault you can't get laid," Jim continued without so much as an ounce of discretion, hopping onto the biobed with Harrison and pulling out an apple. Leonard watched in irritation as he rubbed it on his gold command shirt before taking a large bite out of it. He spoke with his mouth full. "An apple a day keeps the doctor a -"

Jim stopped rhyming after Leonard knocked the apple out of his hand and continued treating Hall's burns. Harry's burns? Halley? Fucking hell, who cared?

"Hey!" Jim said. And then the kid hoped back up and picked the apple from the ground.

Leonard stopped in his movements. "Jim," he warned.

The captain rubbed the apple off again and looked at it closely.

"Jim," Leonard repeated, like he was talking to a toddler. "Do not put that apple in your mouth."

"Five second rule, Bones," Jim grinned, bringing the apple up to his face.

"It's been on the floor of the _Sickbay_ , you goddamn idiot," Leonard exclaimed, but Jim just smiled goofy at him and opened his mouth.

So it really wasn't Leonard's fault when he had to tackle Jim to the ground. The kid was allergic to damn near everything, and maybe Leonard kept the floors clean in his Sickbay, but he didn't keep them _that_ clean. Jim let out a whoop of delight as they rolled along the floor.

Leonard finally got him pinned to the ground and screamed in his face. "Why the hell are you even here?"

Jim's blue eyes were laughing at him, and maybe his mouth was, too. "M'Benga said you've been working too many shifts and that you need to get some sleep in your own quarters. So he commed me to bring in the big guns."

"Do you even know what you're saying?" Leonard growled, rolling off the idiot and standing up. He would've offered Jim a hand, but the kid bounced up like Leonard hadn't just clocked him in the jaw. Served him right for trying to even pretend to eat the apple.

"I'm saying you're a menace to your staff, and you need to go to sleep before I get Spock in here to shoulder pinch you to bed," Jim half-joked. "Everybody's fine, now. Excepting Harrington over there." Jim waved at her stunned face. Apparently not everyone was used to Jim's idiocy.

"I don't need you to check up on me, Jim," Leonard said, walking back over to Mallerson? Jim trailed behind him like a puppy.

"I think you're being extra cranky because you love me," Jim said confidently, sitting back down next to Blueshirt. She looked uncomfortable at the proximity, leaning a little bit away. "And because you haven't had a proper night's sleep in a week."

"And I think you need to keep your nose out of other people's business," Leonard scowled, finishing the wrapping on the blueshirt's burnt wrist.

"It's my ship, Bones. Everybody's business is my business," Jim reminded him. The blueshirt looked even more uncomfortable at Jim's proclamation and scooted away. Jim scooted with her. "Hi, I'm Jim."

"I know who you are, Captain," the officer sighed. "Can I go now?"

Leonard nodded in pity. "Go ahead. But come back tomorrow and get one of the nurses to look that over," the doctor ordered. "And next time, wear some fucking gloves." Blueshirt shrugged and happily made her way far, far away from Jim.

"Okay. So, you've finished. Time for bed," Jim started, bouncing up. "Can we have a sleepover? It'll be like the old days, Bones. Back when we shared a room and things were so much fun."

Never again.

Leonard gritted his teeth, turning away to find M'Benga and give him a piece of his mind. Can't just sick a man like Jim on him and expect there to be no consequences. While he stormed around, interrogating nurses and terrorizing the Sickbay in general, Jim kept at his heels with constant commentary.

"Wow, Bones, you can be really scary."

"Do you have to use a swear every other word?"

"I didn't know you could look so grumpy."

"Bones, look what I can do!"

"No I didn't mean to sprain my wrist doing that. Ow! You're mean, Bones. Ow! Watch it."

"Are you going to leave now? M'Benga's obviously in an un-findable hiding spot."

But Leonard was not going to give up so easily. If his Assistant CMO didn't want to come out that day, well, the doctor would find him tomorrow. Or the next day, or the one after that. Leonard could be patient, when the situation called for it.

Jim slung an arm around his shoulder as he finally left Sickbay in McLean's semi-capable hands. "Do you wanna race to the lift?" Jim asked innocently, and Leonard's responding glare spoke for him. The captain sighed in disapproval. "You can be so grumpy. This is why Waters ..."

Scotty was in the elevator, hands full of strange looking parts Leonard couldn't even hope to identify. "What's Wrenchy done now?" the engineer asked cheerfully, making room for them both to enter.

"Oh nothing, just telling Bones about why Waters will never fall for his ruggedly handsome but totally awkward charms." Leonard blinked at Jim in surprise. He was just going to oust him like that. In front of Scotty, no less. Fuckin' kid.

The engineer just shrugged. "I'd try and help you out, lad," Scotty started, juggling the tubes in his hands. "But honestly, Wrenchy's the most oblivious, stubborn – ach!" The man exclaimed as a few of the pieces fell down at his feet. Jim leaned down and grabbed them quickly. "Thank ye, Captain."

"No problem, Mr. Scott," Jim replied, stacking the parts on top of the pile in the man's arms. The lift stopped, and Scotty squeezed past them.

"Don't worry, McCoy. She'll come around," Scotty said in farewell, setting a steady pace towards Engineering. When the elevator doors closed, Leonard stared at Jim. The captain just shrugged.

"What?"

"You," Leonard spluttered, throwing his arm out, "you told him."

Jim rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Deck Five," Jim called before addressing the doctor. "I don't know why you think I have to tell anyone. It's so obvious it actually physically hurts." Leonard continued to stare in disbelief. "Aww, don't look at me like that, Bones. It's true. The only one that hasn't noticed is Waters herself, and that's all on her, not you."

Was he really so transparent?

"Don't worry, though," Jim assured, patting him on the back. "I have a plan." And then Jim stepped out of the elevator. It took Leonard a moment to process what the kid had said.

What in God's name did that idiot think he was going to do?

"Jim! What the fuck do you mean you got a plan? Jim, Jim. Goddammit, come back here you quick-footed bastard!"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for reading! This chapter is another version of the TOS episode: The Naked Time. As always, when I rehash these old episodes, I change bits of the plot, dialogue, etc. Anywho, please enjoy!**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 4 –** **I Will Remember that there is Art to Medicine as well as Science, and that Warmth, Sympathy, and Understanding may Outweigh the Surgeon's Knife or the Chemist's Drug**

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Spock," the doctor began in a condescending tone, "I didn't realize you were the Chief Medical Officer aboard this ship. Here I was, thinking that I was a doctor, and you - a science officer."

Spock raised an eyebrow in response, hands clasped behind his back as he eyed both Leonard and the biobed distastefully. "I request to see Doctor M'Benga," the Vulcan said. Leonard gritted his teeth.

"You know what, pointy, I've just about had it. Now you," Leonard growled, pointing at the lieutenant, "get your ass up here and make an example for your idiot of a first officer." The blueshirt gulped in response, taking a seat on the bed. Spock stood stiffly off to the side, not making a comment. Damn good thing, too, or Leonard might've really laid in on him.

"I'm not going to hit you, for Christ's sake," Leonard stated as the lieutenant trembled under his tricorder and scanner.

"Can you blame Lieutenant Tormolen for his fear when you have a comparatively horrendous bedside manner to any other doctor?" Spock asked, and Leonard thought about kicking the Vulcan where his logic don't reach.

"I'm not scared," Tomaralen or whatever the hell his name was protested, but both senior officers just threw him a raised brow. He continued to shake like a lamb. After a few more minutes of examination, and a bit more banter between Leonard and the first officer, the doctor cleared the blueshirt.

"You're good to go," Leonard said, gesturing for the boy to go. The blueshirt shot up gratefully, half-running out of Sickbay. Leonard scowled at his retreating figure before turning back to the Vulcan. "Spock. Do you need a damned invitation?" The first officer began to stare into Leonard's eyes, and they battled silently for a few moments.

Leonard didn't blink.

Finally, Spock sighed. "If I must."

"Well fan – _fucking –_ tastic. Get your green ass on the bed," Leonard ordered, patting the spot where the other blueshirt had sat. Iyer stood off to the side, leaning back and waiting for God knew what.

"You got somewhere to be, kid?" Leonard asked the officer as Spock finally did as he was damn well told. She shrugged wordlessly, picking at her nails. "Hello? Earth to Iyer?"

"We're not on Earth," the medical assistant said in confusion, blinking up at Leonard. The doctor just shook his head. He knew a lost cause when he saw one.

"What the hell's with your blood pressure, bowl-head?" Leonard asked just to rile the man up. He wasn't M'Benga, but Leonard knew a thing or two about Vulcans, and the doctor could tell his readings were perfectly normal. Came with the territory of having Spock as an idiotic, sacrificial, jackassed, inconsiderate first officer.

"Bowl-head? Is that an insult over -"

"You're damn right it is," Leonard interrupted, continuing to run tests for contaminants from the planet below. Every toxin scan showed up clean, and Leonard was satisfied that the mission below on Planet Whatever-Who-Cared hadn't rendered either Spock or the other guy sick. Leonard ran more tests anyways, because the team of researchers on that planet had all been found dead, and that was disturbing enough on its own.

The fact that none of them knew why, and that Spock had been down on that planet, made Leonard want to keep the Vulcan in Sickbay for a week just to make sure he was fine. Not that he gave a shit about the calculator of a man anyway. It was for the safety of the crew, of course.

"Am I also 'good to go', Doctor?" Spock asked.

Leonard's lips twisted into a frown. "Don't take that attitude with me, Spock. I'll tell you when you can go," the doctor muttered, scanning him once more. Still came back negative, but maybe Leonard should -

Spock sighed. Loudly. Fucking drama queen, just as much as Jim. "You wanna infect the whole crew with some alien virus?" Leonard pressed, waving his arms. "Wanna watch while their brains start to bleed out from their ears and their fingers turn black and fall off?"

"To what disease are you referring?" Spock inquired in that damned logical tone of his.

"The unknown kind," Leonard grumbled. "You know what? Fine, leave then. And have a good time explaining this to the captain."

Spock almost turned his nose up at him while he stood up from the bed. "I will. Thank you, Doctor." Leonard waved him off dismissively. Damn hobgoblin types. He could go and cry to Jim, meanwhile Leonard wanted to do some real work, unlike the bullshit the Bridge always seemed to get up to.

"Iyer," Leonard prompted, drawing the young officer's eyes up to him. "Spock's gone. Go ask Androvich what you should be doing, since you don't seem to have a clue."

"If that's what you want …" the medical assistant trailed off, shrugging off the wall and walking away. Damn, no matter what Leonard did, Iyer never seemed to be fazed by anything. She was vain as hell and had no sense of humor – knew that she didn't either, and used that fact to annoy people. Competent enough when she actually did something, though those days were few and far between.

Thank God for Androvich, who was the only one that could convince the kid to get off her ass now and then.

The doctor looked around, checking to see if everything was fine and in its place. There was only one patient in the corner bed being looked over by McLean, and she seemed unhurried in her movements, so nothing too serious over there. M'Benga and Sanchez were both off-duty, and Neil was taking a break, leaving Paz in charge of nursing.

Calm. Things were going good, at least by _Enterprise_ standards. Leonard had learned long ago that working on Jim's ship came with a whole slew of surprises, so he kept himself ready besides. Seating himself down at a computer dock, Leonard began to enter in the results from Spock and the other blueshirt's tests.

A little ways through examining the samples from the planet below, Leonard's communicator beeped twice. The doctor picked it up from the desk and glanced at it absently. Dammit, Jim was calling for a senior officer's meeting. Hated the devil out of those things, and Leonard sure as hell had enough of hearing Spock's voice for the day. "McLean," Leonard called as he left the computer area. She looked up at him in question, posture stiffening as he strode towards her. Finally someone who was afraid. "Captain's called me down. Make sure no one kicks the bucket while I'm gone."

"Course, sir," the other doctor answered, her blue eyes turning away from him dismissively and back to the patient. Not so afraid them. Damn, was he losing his touch?

Taking one last glance around before he left, Leonard made his way down the hall. A few crewmembers walked by him, none of them looking like they were on their way to Sickbay. Leonard entered the elevator and went up a few levels to meet the rest of the senior staff in Briefing Room 1. Spock was already there.

Typical.

"God help me if I have to see your face one more time before the day's up," Leonard growled, but nonetheless taking the seat next to the first officer. Spock turned in his chair to address him, glancing up once from his PADD before turning back.

"Doctor," the damn Vulcan said simply. Probably knew that would irritate him more than anything else. Then, not even bothering to look up, Spock added, "There have been no reports of bleeding ears _or_ of any unattached limbs from any crewmembers. I made sure that Lieutenant Uhura checked thoroughly through the ship's transmissions. May I assume you have received similar information from the Medical Bay?"

Leonard kicked the Vulcan's chair roughly, causing the usually graceful first officer to stumble awkwardly trying to keep himself upright. And that was around the time Jim and Scotty walked in together.

"Bones," Jim admonished. "Stop bullying Spock." Of course the kid had to come in when it looked like _he_ was the bad guy. Leonard swore up and down he saw a gleam of satisfaction in the first officer's eye when he caught the doctor's gaze a moment later.

The Chief of Research and Development, who was new enough that Leonard had an excuse not to know her name, and Uhura's Assistant Chief of Communications – not so new, but wasn't knowing Uhura's name enough – came in soon after, along with Sulu and the Chief of Security – Cupcake. Leonard had honestly made an effort to learn the man's real name simply to annoy Jim, but he'd given up a few months in and called it quits. And so the brat had once again won.

Kid always did.

With Jim seated on the other side of Spock, and somehow the three of them always managed to sit in some sort of trio arrangement, the captain began to speak.

"Right, so we're going to look at some of the images Mr. Spock and Lieutenant Tormolen captured down on Psi 2000," Jim stated before pressing a button to his right. In the center of the sleek black table, the holos of the dead research team shone brightly. Everything was covered in ice, and the people there lay without care: at their stations, fully clothed in the shower, strangled on the floor.

Disease and danger.

"Any thoughts as to what could've caused this?" the captain asked calmly.

Leonard shook his head in dismay. "Well, it's not any kind of drug or stimulant. My tests run negative on all accounts."

Spock shifted from beside the doctor. "Perhaps a new variation of Space Madness, though Doctor McCoy's tests should have at least highlighted some cause if this were the case. My own tricorder readings did not."

"Not any it could measure," Scotty pitched in, leaning back in his chair, grey eyes nervously darting between the holos of the dead and the rest of them. Leonard shared the sentiment. It was damn creepy for sure.

"That is true," Spock conceded. "As the doctor pointed out to me earlier, space still contains an infinite of unknowns."

"Earth Science needs the closest possible measurement of the breakup of this planet, right Aro?" the captain said, looking to the Research Chief. She nodded.

"Starfleet Command wants the data badly, sir," Aro agreed.

Sulu, sitting opposite to Leonard around the table, leaned forward with an elbow on the table. "In case anyone needs reminding, that means a critically tight orbit," the Chief Navigator stated.

"But could what happened down there," the captain began, pointing his hand to the dead researchers, "to those people happen to us, too? Is there any sign of increased risk now, or do we go ahead as scheduled?"

"Jim, with their bodies sealed in Sickbay, and the decontamination Spock and … the lieutenant went through," Leonard answered, "I think the likelihood's slim to none. As much as I hate to admit it, the green-blooded bastard's clean and so's … the other guy. If it is a disease, then it's not spreading to this ship."

The captain let his mouth fall into the closest thing Jim could get to a proper frown. "But like Spock said, maybe our instruments just aren't picking it up. We don't have time for surprises, Bones. This orbit needs top efficiency. If we don't have it..." He let his voice trail off.

Scotty perked up in his seat. "Well unless ya people on the Bridge start taking showers with your clothes on, my engines can pull us out of anything," the Chief engineer claimed boldly. "Warp'd be ready within a half second of your command."

Jim grinned in response. "Never doubted it for a moment, Mr. Scott," the captain allowed, reaching forward across the table to high-five the other officer. Leonard rolled his eyes at the action, leaning back to grumble.

"Fuckin' five years old, I swear on my life," the doctor said lowly, and Spock sent him a sideways glance. The first officer blinked one time, and Leonard nodded in return. Agreement.

Jim – only damn thing they'd ever agreed on.

"We will need top efficiency, Captain," Spock interrupted the love fest Jim and Scotty were now having over how _wonderful_ and _totally awesome_ the _Enterprise_ was.

"She sure is, Mr. Scott," Jim sighed dreamily before starting at Spock's words. "Uh, sorry, Spock, what were you saying?"

"I merely wished to express the difficulty of maintaining this orbit. There will be drastic changes in mass -"

Jim waved him off, but with an expression that showed he wasn't trying to be hurtful. "We know, we know. So -" The captain was then cut off by a beeping tone on the Briefing Room's comm system.

"Lieutenant Sulu," Uhura's voice clearly rang, "you are needed on the Bridge. A significant shift in both magnetic field and mass have been recorded from Psi 2000. Please acknowledge." Leonard watched as Sulu made eye contact with Jim before the captain nodded once.

"Acknowledged," Sulu answered, getting up and smoothing out his shirt once. The navigator left swiftly, leaving Jim glancing around at the rest of them.

"I should probably go, too," Jim announced, standing up and slapping Spock on the back. "And you, Mr. Spock. Scotty, I'll hold you to that half-second." With one last smile, aimed at Leonard with a bit more sarcasm than the others, Jim left with Spock trailing hardly a step behind. Aro, easy enough name to remember, left moments after, followed by Uhura's communications officer and Cupcake.

"Better head back down to the engines." Scotty sighed, walking around the table and patting Leonard on the back as he walked by. "It's New Years Eve tomorrow, McCoy. Don't forget, 'cause it'll be the night ya finally admit defeat in a poker match," the engineer called out before he was gone from sight, not giving Leonard a chance to argue.

And then it was just him, alone in the empty room. A strange feeling rose within the doctor as his eyes trailed along the table. The holos were still up, paused on a frozen man with his phaser pointed at himself. Through the layer of ice, Leonard couldn't see the features of his face, save for the damned open mouth.

He'd been laughing as he went.

What a way to go, if there was one. Would Leonard laugh when he died? He supposed it depended on the type of death, and God knew that there were many. Only thing the doctor really wanted was to do it at home. But where was that now? Georgia, where he grew up? Mississippi, where he went to school and got married and raised Joanna? San Francisco, where he'd kicked around for near on three and a half years and met Jim? Space, where the darkness settled on his bones and never really left?

"McCoy," Iyer's voice called from his belt. The doctor blinked in confusion, glancing around before realizing it had come from the communicator. Leonard flipped it open.

"McCoy here."

"It's Tormolen, sir," Iyer said in a rush.

"Who?" McCoy asked in confusion. He knew that name, sounded familiar.

"The officer from before. He's stabbed himself with a knife. McLean's gone in for surgery with Paz."

* * *

Dead.

How could the man be dead? That type of wound didn't kill people. That type of injury didn't do that. That type of hurt didn't even sting after a single day of recovery.

Dead. Leonard should have gotten there quicker.

Nothing to be done about it anymore. But Leonard had dallied around in the Briefing Room. If he'd gotten to Sickbay quicker, been more help at the beginning of surgery, maybe there –

Dead.

Tee oh ar em oh ell ee en.

Tormolen. Joseph Thomas Tormolen. Friends called him Joey. Twenty-six years old. Lieutenant, junior grade. Science Department, Research, specialty in pathological psychology. Tendency for self-doubt. Not suicidal by any accounts. Had a husband back on Earth. Daughter, three years old.

Joanna at three. Little slip of a thing back then, used to be able to lift her up so easy. Getting older now. Twelve going on Thirteen. Teenager. Imagine Leonard never coming home because a doctor decided to waste time sitting on his ass in a pointless meeting when he should've been …

Tormolen. Never forget that name. Never again. Add it to the List.

Jenny. Lucas. Theodore. Victoria. Randy. Joseph Tormolen.

His responsibility. His mistake. His call.

Had a husband, daughter, twenty-six years old. God, he'd only been twenty-six.

Add it to the List and tuck it away. Only thing to do.

Footsteps echoing on the floor of his office. Sounded like Jim's. Knew the sound well, could tell it apart from all the others on the ship.

"Bones."

Remembered when Jim was on his exam table, body tucked away in that bag. Scotty carrying his wrapped corpse and placing it before him, like a sacrifice. Unzipping and seeing the closed eyes. Someone must have closed them for him. Scotty, probably. Smile on his face, even in death. Collapsing in the chair, thinking he'd never seriously considered putting Kid down on the List, but knowing he'd have to.

"Bones, I heard about Tormolen," Jim said softly, sitting on the couch while Leonard perched on the edge of his chair. The doctor blinked down a few times, trying to find his voice.

"His wounds weren't that severe. He should still be alive," Leonard started, eyes roaming his desk. There, Joanna in a holo-pic, face still. Seven years old. Some teeth missing, his brown eyes staring back at him. What did Tormolen's daughter look like? Not old enough to loose her baby-teeth yet. Just a baby still. They always would be, in parents' eyes.

Dead eyes, now. Shore leave on Earth, only two months away. Tormolen would ever see his daughter again.

"Was it the planet?" Jim pressed, body tensed on the sofa. "Are we in danger? Is Spock in danger?"

Spock. No. Not putting him on the List. _Never_ him, not so soon after Waters. Almost put her there. Didn't even think. Tried not to at the time. Penelope on the List. He should just tell her. Just tell her. Never knew when his time would be up. Don't wanna die with regrets.

"They were decontaminated. I checked them both personally. We ran every test we know," Leonard answered in a small voice, "for everything we know."

Jim hopped up from his seat and started to pace the room. Like back in the Academy. Remember Jim splitting up the room with red tape. Fighting. "That's not good enough."

"We're doing everything that's possible," Leonard argued without a hint of bite. His hands clenched the arms of his office chair. Feel of the cool material under his skin. Tormolen would never feel again. Would he?

Church Sundays with his father, hating every minute in the humid heat and scratchy collar. Southern boy, born and raised.

 _I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven …_

Believe or don't, his father had said, you're going anyway. His father a doctor. And his father before him, and so on and so on for generations. Strict man. Dead a long time. Never knew him well enough, always working. Couple years later, would Joanna think the same?

"Bones, I want the impossible," Jim ordered harshly, voice giving away an inner rage. Not at him, Leonard knew. At Jim himself. Protective to a fault of his crew, like a toddler with his toys.

Blame. Whose fault?

 _For we are each responsible for our own conduct …_

"Of course," the doctor answered stiffly, shoulders tightening but fingers loosening their hold.

"Captain Kirk to the Bridge," Spock called over the intercom, pulling both officers' attention. Jim glanced down at him, the heat evaporating from his blue gaze as he stared at Leonard.

The doctor's thoughts raced too fast.

Jim dead on a slab. Waters's eyes unfocused, glazed over eerily. Focused on him, only him, in the dancing light of the decaying supergiant. Carol broken on the bed, ship falling. Randy Royce, half-gone by the time the engineers dragged him in. Pamela and him fighting, broken plates and shattering screams. His fault. Her fault.

Jenny – eight years old, first one of his patients to go. Wanted to join Starfleet when she grew up, she'd told him confidently from the hospital bed. Never grew up. Saw her just now in the flash of Jim's eyes. Wanted to be Captain of a starship, she'd said. See the stars up close, not through a telescope. Touch the sky. Dead a week later. Never found out the cause. Limits of science, medicine. Even now. Even then. Always.

"Sorry, Bones. I'm out of line," Jim admitted, running a hand through his blonde hair and showing him that fake smile they both liked to believe in. Keep the kid safe. Keep someone safe. All Leonard could try and do.

"S'alright," Leonard answered, waving him off. "Go ahead. We'll do our best here, figure out if there's some connection or if …" Or if it was Space Madness. Seemed like it, going by Tormolen's voice from the security-holos. He'd ranted to two yellowshirts he knew in a rec room before stabbing himself.

 _We stick our noses into someplace we've got no business! What're we doing out here? Running around space like we're accomplishing something good. We have our Peace, but we're never content to just leave it be. Humans, always seeking something new, leeching away until we suck it dry._

 _We like picking at a scab until it bleeds._

 _We don't belong here. We got no business here in space. Man doesn't belong. Parasites, we're parasites. But it isn't ours to take. We don't belong. I don't belong. Six people died down there, did you see? Why do I deserve to live?_

 _Why do I deserve to live?_

Jim walked away, leaving Leonard to stew for a few silent moments. The doctor shook his head.

Put Joey after Randy, and tuck it away.

* * *

Whatever it was that had fucked up Tormolen was spreading the ship like wildfire.

The two yellowshirts were somehow infected by him, and they'd been navigators by sheer bad luck. Leonard's best guess: upon relieving Sulu from his duty, they'd infected him, and then Sulu had probably gotten Chekov. Why did Leonard guess that?

Oh, well, only because Sulu had chased around crewmembers with a damn whatsit _sword_ like a goddamned pirate. They were sending the idiot down to Leonard now.

And sweet, little Chekov, the damned bastard that he was, had holed himself up in Engineering Helm Control, declaring himself Captain and singing Russian rock songs over communications. Which he'd hacked from Uhura and hadn't given back for an hour at least.

Leonard thought he now knew what hell would be like.

"Thees ees your Kyepten spekeeng," Chekov called out for about the fiftieth time, accent becoming thicker by the minute. "Aye preefer eef Meester Keerk get off Cuhmmuneecashun plees. Aye em Kyepten seechas. Spahceeba."

What in God's name was going on?

"Dammit, Chekov," he heard Jim call over the intercom in response. "Get out of Engineering before you kill us -"

Jim's voice had cut off abruptly followed by an evil sounding laugh from Chekov. Leonard shivered, even as Sulu was dragged in unconscious by two Security. "I want the damn man tranquilized," the doctor ordered to any of the nurses around that would listen. Then Chekov went back to his foreign singing, and Leonard shivered again.

And he thought Jim was a nightmare of a captain.

Leonard ran test after test on Sulu's prone form. He'd lost Tormolen that day, but he'd be damned if he let anyone else die. Every time he made that promise, and every time, Leonard could do –

The entire ship shook in a way reminiscent of Khan's attack, and the doctor tried desperately to keep his balance. A few of the medical staff fell over, medical supplies toppled – though not much of it, and Sulu had been restrained to the biobed, thankfully.

"Captain to the Sickbay. Uhura, can you tie me in to Bones?" he heard Jim ask over Sickbay's intercom. Leonard jogged over to the wall as M'Benga and Neil took the biopsy samples down to the Science Department for analysis. The CMO slammed down on the button, stress surging his movements.

"I hear you, Jim. Can you keep this garbage lid steady for fuck's sake?" Leonard growled in irritation.

"You got anything from Sulu? Any answers?" Jim pressed, ignoring Leonard's complaints. That meant things were in full _captain-mode_ up there.

Leonard sighed, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck as he considered the question. "It's just like before Jim. No sign of toxins, nothing unusual in the bloodstream. By all accounts, Sulu should be perfectly healthy.

"Well, what about Chekov? Kid's become a menace," Jim complained. "We have _twenty minutes_ before we enter atmosphere and burn up, Bones. I need something."

"There's nothing I can do about him until we get the biopsy report back. I'm sorry," Leonard said, his voice quieting. Useless. God, he hated that.

Before Jim could respond or sign out, Chekov apparently overrode the controls again. The damned singing came back full force, and if Leonard ever got his hands on that kid …

Leonard turned back around, and watched as Iyer's hand slipped onto Sulu's bare chest – and why had the navigator taken off his shirt? Fuckin' weird.

Iyer made a disgusted face at her now sweat-slicked palm, rubbing it off on her uniform before going over to a sanitizing station. Leonard shook his head silently, going forward and running his hand-held scanner over Sulu again, this time checking for any traces of foreign bacteria instead of drugs or hallucinogens. It could be that he was looking at the problem all wrong. Slim chance it was bacterial, of course, but there was little else Leonard could do until M'Benga came back.

Only the Assistant CMO never did. Glancing at the time, Leonard realized that M'Benga and the Head Nurse should have been back by then. "Biopsy," the doctor called over the communications line. No one responded, so Leonard tried again in his meanest voice. "Biopsy, dammit, I want my fucking report."

A giggling sound came over from the other end, causing Leonard to raise a brow. Want something done right, gotta do it his damn self.

"I'm going to the lab," Leonard announced to Iyer, jumping up to his feet and stomping away in a huff.

"Doctor," Iyer called, reaching out to grab Leonard's wrist. "The tranquilizer is wearing off." The doctor shrugged off her slightly damp touch.

"Good, I want him conscious. Continue running tests on circuits K One and Three," Leonard responded in a rush. As he ran through the halls, he started to feel a rising sensation in his arm and hand. He paused while in the elevator, looking at the offending appendage in accusation. By the time he reached the level of the correct lab, Leonard was tugging at his collar.

So damn hot. The doctor paused leaning on one of the walls to catch his breath. His head started buzzing, and his vision blurred a little. He felt … floaty, almost. Someone ran by without a stitch of clothing on, but Leonard could only chuckle in response.

It was really very warm. His throat felt parched. He wanted water. Waters.

She'd be somewhere around here, right? Engineering Deck was only a level or two away. Leonard supposed that the time limit wasn't so pressing, right? A lot a man could get done in thirteen minutes. Tell Waters … something. Yes, that's what Leonard wanted.

The doctor reentered the elevator, calling out for Engineering. He hummed a tune, a giddy shiver in his throat and heart. Didn't even know when he really first noticed Waters, just kind of came to him one day. Sometime after that hospital visit, though not right away. Before that shit with the Klingons? Leonard didn't know for sure. Definitely after that New Years. Thought, even with a hangover, her green eyes shone more intensely than anything.

Jim knew before he did. Been the one to point it out. Damn kid.

Leonard stepped from the elevator with a spring in his step. Going to find Waters. Do da dum. Ship is falling. Do de da. Other people passed him by, looking about as silly as he felt. There was something wrong with that, he screamed to himself on some level, but it didn't really matter because everything felt so damn _good_.

He saw her yelling at another redshirt, her voice raised in frustration.

"George, are you even listening to me? I said, go. To. Sickbay," Waters bit out, but the other officer covered his ears and laughed. She grabbed his bare hand, pulling down his arm and shaking it roughly. "George, George. Listen to me. There's something wrong with you. Please go." Instead of answering, the engineer stumbled away from her, bumping into Leonard on his way by.

"McCoy," Waters called out in relief upon seeing him. That was nice. He was important. "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad to see you. Have you found a cure?" Leonard watched as she stared at her hand oddly before wiping it with a cloth. "McCoy?"

Leonard stumbled forward, and she caught him by the elbow, steadying him. Their faces were close. "What was that?" Leonard asked, a slight slur marring his words. Cure? All Leonard knew was the all-consuming way her eyes looked under the glow of the engine room lights.

"I said," Waters started, but trailed off and looked at her hand once more before wiping it again. "I said … I wanted to ask …" She couldn't finish her thought, but that was okay for Leonard. His eyes traveled down from hers to her lips to back up again. She narrowed her gaze. "Um. I can't remember."

"Okay," Leonard said simply, and then in the next moment, his mouth met hers.

Heart thumping in a crazy, off-beat pattern, Leonard closed his eyes and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling the engineer closer. There was something he needed to be doing right then, but all he could think was how warm she was, how good she felt pressed against him, and how the heady feeling of it all filled his brain completely. And she didn't pull away, only put a hand on the back of his neck and then moved it to muse the hair at the back of his head.

There was nothing except Waters in that moment, and dear God, why had Leonard waited so long?

In a quick movement he hadn't been expecting, Leonard felt Waters push him back against some machine he couldn't name. She was leaning up on her tiptoes, he could tell, and her lips pulled from his. He panted a few times, and while he caught his breath, she kissed her way down his cheek, along his jaw, and then onto his pulse point.

There was something he needed to be doing, Leonard remembered, even as Waters brought her lips back up to meet his again in a searing heat. There were people besides them, weren't there?

Leonard pulled his face away slightly, all the might he had in him. Waters glanced up at him, pupils dilated, eyes glittering, and …

Joey. Joey Tormolen had died that day.

"Fuck," Leonard spat, moving his body from Waters and stepping away. Hell, it was hard not to go right back, looking at her in front of him like she really wanted him too. But there was something wrong with him, wrong with her, and that meant there was something very wrong with what had just happened.

She took a step towards him. He took one back. "McCoy?" Waters asked in confusion, but everything was wrong, and he needed to be doing something else right then! Everything spun around him, and Leonard stumbled down onto his knees, steadying himself with his palm pressed firmly on the cool metal below.

"Bones, Waters?" Jim stopped mid-sprint when he caught sight of them. Leonard felt nauseous and dizzy, and he wanted very desperately to be in control of his own actions again. Jim's footsteps on the ground, and oh God, he remembered how Tormolen had been shaking during his exam.

Leonard was shaking now.

Someone was kneeling down beside him, and it must have been Waters, since Jim's feet were still thudding along. "McCoy," the engineer whispered. "Don't cry. 'is goin' be okay." Her hand rubbed on his back in a clumsy circle, and her speech still sounded funny to his ears, but it was a nice effort anyways.

But they were in space, and space was a disease, and it was coming to get him. Why'd he come out in the first place? Pamela took everything. House. Daughter. Life. Friends. Start over. Square one. Jenny had said Starfleet was the place to be. No ideas, he just went. Danger. Running with Jim, behind Jim, in front of Jim. Explosions and fires and sickness and … Darkness. The flickering of the lights and the way it looked outside the glass or the viewing screens. Silence. Silent in space, like death.

"Bones," Jim said quietly, not touching him. "Spock's on his way, alright? Hang in there, buddy. Just keep hanging in there." Spock, but Vulcan was gone. No home, nowhere left to go. Jim, Leonard had learned, joined Starfleet on a dare by a captain as arrogant as himself. Nowhere left on Earth to terrorize, Jim had joked, so he thought he'd try outer-space just to keep them guessing. Lies. The kid always lied.

Three of them, just tumbling along together.

"Waters, you too, okay? Hang in there," Jim prompted over his head, but Leonard didn't look to see her reaction, and the engineer didn't say anything. He panted heavily, and probably would've passed out from hyperventilating if not for the first officer's impeccable timing. There was a pain in his upper right arm for a moment, and then the shaking in him stopped and so did the crazed line of thought.

"Jim?" Leonard started, moving into a sitting position as Spock injected Waters as well. She moved away from them all in a sudden movement, standing up swiftly.

"We're okay," Jim answered, smiling that tight smile he'd been using all damn day. "I sent Spock down to help you, but you weren't there, so he went to the lab and synthesized a serum or something. Right?"

Spock nodded in confirmation, switching his gaze from Leonard to Waters and back. "The water molecule on planet Psi 2000 somehow managed to form into a complex chain of hydrogens and oxygens. A most curious discovery," the first officer paused for a moment, as though to appreciate the damned disease. Fuckin' hobgoblin. "This in turn caused the new compound to have a similar effect to alcohol in the human bloodstream."

"It spread through sweat," Jim tacked on, standing up and pulling Leonard up with him. Waters continued to stand off away from the three other officers. "Anyways, while Spock did that, me and Scotty got through the bulkhead and pulled Chekov away from the controls. Scotty pulled a ninja move on the matter and anti-matter mixing thing and boom, we were home free."

"How'd you know I was sick?" Leonard wondered.

"You weren't answering your communicator," Jim complained in a teasing tone. "I even used that weird name you insist upon. Lee-nord Meekoy?"

Brat. Leonard shoved him on the shoulder. "Thanks," the doctor muttered to both the captain and the first officer.

"No problem, Bones."

"It was of little consequence, Doctor."

Leonard gritted his teeth at the robot's response. Well, fuck him. It meant something to Leonard, even if it didn't to the damned calculator of a first officer.

"Waters, you doing alright?" Jim asked. The engineer nodded stiffly, walking backwards a few steps.

"Yes. I'm just going to go see if Mr. Scott needs my help with anything," the Assistant Chief informed them before turning around fully and walking away. Jim shot him a curious glance.

"What happened there?" Jim asked, gesturing to Waters's quickly retreating figure.

Leonard shook his head, wiping a hand over his face. Goddammit. He'd truly and completely fucked up everything. What the _hell_ had he been thinking, strolling down into Engineering? Forget being hopped up on some damn alien water disease, Leonard McCoy was an _idiot_.

"Oh, Bones," Jim added in once they all started to walk away. "Did I tell you? We traveled back in time!"

"What in God's name are you talking about?" Leonard asked. Jim grinned, slapping Spock on the back.

"Scotty's intermix stuff sent us back three days," the captain announced cheerily. "Right, Spock?" The Vulcan nodded his head once, but Leonard just continued to gape.

Jim with the ability to travel back in time...

God save them all.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks so much for the views and reviews! :) Sorry it's been awhile, school and work and bleh! The next update might take a little longer as well.**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 5 –** **I Will Not be Ashamed to Say "I Know Not," Nor Will I Fail to Call in my Colleagues when the Skills of Another are Needed for a Patient's Recovery**

"I'm a doctor, Jim. Do you even know what that means?"

Jim shoveled pasta into his mouth with an almost unprecedented speed. "No," he mumbled mid-bite before chewing more furiously. From beside the captain, Spock shifted away, much to Leonard's amusement.

"It means," Leonard answered gruffly because he couldn't remember his original point, "that I went through far too much schooling to end up on this accident-waiting-to-happen that you call a starship." Jim swallowed his food with a long gulp of water, meanwhile Scotty shot up from Leonard's right.

" _She_ ," the Chief engineer sniffed, stressing the pronoun, "is no an accident-waiting-ta-happen. She's a lady." Chekov rapidly nodded in agreement.

Jim smiled wide. "Well put, Mr. Scott." And then he immediately returned to eating as fast as humanely possible. Leonard could just see the hidden urge Spock had to make a disgusted face, but as usual, the first officer kept his expression neutral.

He apparently couldn't help but comment, however, "Captain, might I suggest breathing between bites?" Spock wondered.

"Noted. Where's your better half?" Jim asked in false irritation after he finished another large piece.

"If you are referring to Lieutenant Uhura -"

"Who else would I be -"

"Then I would inform you that she and Lieutenant Sulu are currently in the the Botany Lab," Spock finished, ignoring Jim's interruption. "Which you might recall from a question you posed to me approximately fourteen minutes ago on our way to the mess hall."

"Did I?" Jim wondered as he finished the last bit of food on the plate.

"Yes," Spock answered calmly. Jim shrugged before turning to the doctor.

"Bones," Jim prompted, "hurry up." Leonard shot the kid a glare and took a really, really slow bite of his soup. "Come on, I'm serious."

Leonard ignored him. "Is that all you're going to eat?" the doctor asked Spock, pointing his spoon at the first officer's bit of granola.

Jim sighed dramatically. "No one has time for your lectures right now. We need to _go_."

Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim. "There is no immediate need for Dr. McCoy and yourself to beam down to the planet below." Except for the fact that Jim was a hyperactive four year old in spirit, no matter what he looked like on the outside...

Inwardly sighing at the thought, Leonard stared down at the tomato soup. The security team had already scoured the area where he and Jim were meant to investigate, and they had reported the same as the scanners: no intelligent life. Yet, there were signs that pointed to the idea that there had once been exactly that. Wiped out by disease? But then there'd be remains, surely? And Spock would've told them if the lingering evidence of any such pathogen existed.

Still worried him enough that he'd prefer Jim not go at all. Or himself. And why the hell was the kid so excited to beam down in the first place?

" - so neat. I hope Starfleet sends some xenoanthropologists over once we send them preliminary stuff and head out," Jim said, catching Leonard's ear and pulling him back into reality. "Jeez, Bones, could you eat any slower?"

"Not everyone has the ability to inhale their food," Leonard stated in an argumentative tone.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "On a number of occasions, I have been witness to you utilizing a similar technique to ingest your meals," the first officer observed, nibbling at his pathetically bare lunch.

"When?" Leonard pressed hotly.

The Vulcan opened his mouth, most likely to give Leonard a damned detailed account of each instance, but Jim cut him off while pulling Leonard's bowl away. "And we're done."

"Hey," Leonard exclaimed half-heatedly as Jim ran away to dump out the rest of his lunch.

Scotty looked on in sympathy. "The captain sure is antsy ta get on with it," the engineer commented as Jim strode back to the table.

"No kidding," Leonard mumbled, shaking his head.

Grabbing Leonard by the arm and dragging him out of the seat, Jim nodded at the rest of the table. "We'll see you all later. Spock, when you go back to the Bridge, you have the conn. We'll both be sure to comm in if anything unexpected happens."

"I hope not," Leonard grumbled as he shrugged out of Jim's hold. Scotty and Chekov waved them off cheerfully, while Spock simply nodded an intoned a very quiet _Aye, Captain_. The pair of officers left the mess hall silently, but when they entered the elevator, Jim pounced.

"So, I was thinking," Jim said with a far too innocent expression. "Let's bring Waters on the away mission." Yeah, because the last time Waters went with a landing party ended up so damn great for everyone involved. Leonard shot the kid a droll look.

"No."

Jim immediately pouted, throwing Leonard a pair of very sad, blue eyes. "But it's part of the plan." Leonard shivered. The doctor had been involved in a lot of Jim's 'plans' over the years, and the one thing he could say with confidence was that they almost always ended up with an explosion of some sort. Leonard did not particularly want to watch either him or Waters – or anyone else for that matter – explode.

"Jim," Leonard said, his tone turning serious. "Unless you really think she needs to be there, and this isn't just some scheme of yours, then can you please just drop it?" It already gave the doctor heart palpitations just to watch Jim skip around on alien planets. Didn't need to add Waters to the mix.

"Hmm," Jim considered, "okay, but only cause you said please. It's so rare for you to have manners." Leonard had manners, dammit, he just chose never to use them around Jim's sorry ass. "And only so long as you tell me what happened around New Years."

Waters lips on his, and his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

"No."

"Then I'll just assume the worst," Jim said in a sing-song voice, bumping Leonard's shoulder with his as the elevator stopped.

"I have a feeling your worst and my worst are two very different things," the doctor grumbled and strode from the lift quickly, leaving Jim having to jog to catch up.

"Come on, Bones," Jim pleaded, catching up and matching the doctor's pace. "I'm dying here. It's been three weeks, and neither of you has made eye contact with the other since."

How in the hell did the kid even know that? Was Jim watching him? Leonard spared a sidelong glance at the nosy bastard he considered his best friend.

"Can't you just leave a thing be?"

"Nope," Jim said. "Hey, Kyle." The captain greeted the engineer at the transporter with a wave.

"Captain," Kyle answered. "Doctor." Leonard nodded at him. "Anyone else going?"

Jim shook his head, jogging up to take his place on one of the transporter pads. Leonard followed behind quickly. "No, just us two. Ready?"

"Ready," Leonard answered, and he tried not to cringe at the thought of his bits and pieces being turned into atoms and floating around helpless.

"Transport," Jim called out to the officer, and in the next moment, Leonard was standing on the surface of another world. The air felt cool on the doctor's skin, though not exactly chilly. The sun hung high up in the misty cloud cover overhead, and Leonard saw the crumbling remains of what must have once been a bustling city in the not-too-far-off distance.

"Better start walking," Jim muttered, leading the way towards the buildings.

* * *

The place looked like it had seen better days.

A faded green color engulfed all the architecture – like rusted bronze maybe, and the road lay before and behind them, a pocketed mixture of light blue cement and stone. It looked like something out of a forgotten fairytale to Leonard, the ancient towers and the watery colors. Jim had been silent for a while, which worried Leonard slightly. Being quiet had never suited the kid.

"What do you think they called this place?" the captain asked in a subdued voice as Leonard caught his eye. Jim veered off from the broken road and stepped into a long strip of buildings. There were violet vines snaring through cracks and up the decaying walls. Jim knelt down, touching the plant infested sidewalk with the palm of his hand.

Leonard tried not to think of how many foreign and potentially deadly bacteria the kid had just picked up.

"Everything that was built here," Jim said quietly. "And no one on the scanners, no one in sight."

Leonard shrugged, not knowing how to soothe the sudden mood shift in his friend. "We've encountered intelligent life forms that don't register with our scans, and Security's missed things before. Maybe this is one of those times." Dear Lord, Leonard hoped not. The amount of times that happened to them …

Jim shook his head, a small smile on his lips that didn't reach his eyes. "No. No, that always feels different. Whoever lived here left, or died, a long time ago." The doctor glanced around: emptiness, silence. Maybe Jim was right. "I just sometimes want to know what they called themselves, instead of having to make a name up."

Striding forward, Leonard knelt down on his haunches beside Jim. "Come on. Let's check out the temple up ahead." Jim's eyes lost the faraway look that had been trained on the ground, and the captain lifted his palm from the forgotten ground.

"Sure, Bones, sure," Jim answered, standing up, slapping Leonard on the shoulder, and grinning like nothing had even happened. Leonard shook his head in exasperation as the kid jogged back onto the road. "Watch your step here, there's pot-holes. Looks like some people weren't paying their taxes." The kid laughed at his own joke, the sound echoing around unnaturally.

Leonard thought Jim didn't have to try and compensate so damn much. Not around him.

The road became more bumpy as the two officers got closer to the end. They stopped as the ground led off into what must have been a garden, once upon a time. But any flowers had long since gone, and in its place only different shades of purple weeds had sprung up. Leonard and Jim stepped across a multicolored stone path up to the low-cut doors of what seemed to be a very important place in the town.

"Why'd you say temple?" Jim asked as they each waited for the other to enter first. Leonard glanced over at the captain and then up at the structure.

They were underneath a semi-enclosed area for the plants, but connected to the garden was a framework that spanned upwards to form what seemed like a perfect cube. The doctor bet that if Spock were to come down and measure it, each side would be exactly equal. It looked dense, though the doors implied it was hollow, and the lack of windows meant there was no place to check in from outside.

"I don't know. Just … seems like a sacred space," Leonard mumbled, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.

"Together?" Jim asked, gesturing towards the slightly cracked open door and meeting Leonard's look.

The doctor felt a smile tug at one corner of his lip as he dropped his arm. "Why the hell not?"

And so, Leonard and Jim pushed open the doors and stepped inside. The doctor couldn't help but let out a low whistle at the sight. "Wow," Jim whispered.

It would've been pitch black within the building, if not for the giant glass placed into the ceiling in another square shape. The light from the sun filtered down into a stream of color that made rainbows dance around the sleek black flooring. A free-standing statue stood in the center of the room, and by Leonard's eyes, it was the only thing there other than the empty walls and floors.

They both walked towards it, boots squeaking on the ground, disturbing the peace. The statue appeared like ivory, and the colors from the sun spread on it's body. It was what seemed to be a person, human-like but not exactly. There were four eyes instead of two, a pair spaced evenly along on top of each other. Nose, lips, looked like theirs, but – similar to the eyes – there were an extra set of arms and legs.

The eyes, with rainbows coloring the white of the stone there, stared stoically ahead, and the arms were folded in front, forming a square centered where a human heart would be located in the chest. It was covered in marble robes, flowing down and mostly covering the legs. Leonard wondered if this was what the people had looked like, or if this was some rendering of a god or spirit?

A scrawling type of language covered the cube that the statue was standing on, but there was no way for Leonard to read it. Maybe they could get Uhura down?

"Bones," Jim whispered. "Don't freak out, but I think I heard something."

"What?" Leonard hissed back quietly, trying to resist the urge to glance around.

"Hello!" a deep voice boomed from across the large expanse, causing Leonard's heart to flutter in his chest. A figure, maybe Chekov's height, was highlighted from the outside. He looked at least thirty years Leonard's senior – how old his father might be if he'd still been alive. Leonard shook the thought from his head, noting the silver hair, rugged clothes and friendly smile of the stranger as he approached them.

"Uh hello?" Jim said nervously, looking to Leonard. The doctor shrugged, a confused look on his face. He sure as hell didn't know what the newcomer was about.

"My name's Norton," the man said. He stopped in front of them, shirt a bit town on the sleeve and looking overall a bit worse for the ware. No visible injuries, Leonard noted in a discreet once over on the visible skin of him, though the dirt might be covering them.

Jim lowered his stunner cautiously, and Leonard followed suit. "Captain James Kirk of the _U.S.S. Enterprise_ ," he introduced, and Norton reached forward to shake his hand. With a grin, Jim clasped palms with the man and then turned to motion at Leonard. "This is my Chief Medical Officer, Doctor McCoy."

"A doctor," Norton - funny name, Leonard thought - exclaimed, shaking Leonard's hand firmly. "I am, too, as a matter of fact. Well, was. Once. Though that sort of thing never really leaves a person, does it? Not just something you can step in and out of like other jobs, huh?" The man's eyes were green, though not as clear as Waters's. They were flecked with a bit of gold and brown around the center, but they were similarly intense in their gaze.

"Nothing like it," Norton finished in a sigh. "Speaking of, have you taken a look around this place?" The man gestured around widely at the interior. "Amazing. Beautiful in its simplicity, saving for the statue of course – which is a wonder in and of itself. Makes you think on what they got up to in here. Could fit thousands like you and me, all lined up or sitting down."

"It is strange," Jim stated, "but, I have to ask Mr. Norton -"

"Just Norton," the man corrected kindly, large hands threading through the straps on his front of a neon blue backpack.

"Norton," Jim agreed, "what are you doing out here? You're a long ways away from any kind of Federation starbase."

Norton nodded. "Well that's part of the problem. My ship broke down, along with any communication lines." He continued on, rambling a bit.

"I'm a bit of a wanderer to tell you the truth. Started traveling, oh," he paused in thought, "near on twenty years now. Just went on a bit of family troubles, and never really stopped. Ended up here on a path that I'd find hard to trace. Funny, the places you end up when you stop paying attention too much to the destination and just on the journey instead."

Leonard wondered what kind of doctor he'd been. Probably a damn psychologist or something of the sort.

"Spoken like a true adventurer," Jim said quickly before continuing on. "You said something was wrong with your ship? We can help you out. I've got a crew of engineers up on mine that'd be happy to take a look." The man smiled with his teeth, which were all present and accounted for.

"That would be so kind of you, Captain Kirk. I didn't think I'd ever make it off this planet. I've been here stranded for – well, actually, I don't quite remember. Not so bad," Norton shrugged. "There's water enough, and I've still got the purifier, and my food rations would've lasted me till the end of my days. Not a bad place to go, if you consider the alternatives."

Goddamn, the man could talk. Definitely psychology.

"How do you figure?" Jim invited. Leonard, feeling that this conversation was going to take way too damn long, bent his knees and took a seat against the bottom of the statue. Jim shrugged and joined him, and the older man followed suit, dropping his pack on the ground first.

"I'm a doctor," Norton explained, eyes flashing over to Leonard. "You know what I mean. Seen a lot of death, especially in my field."

"Which is?" Leonard prompted, joining the fray.

"Surgical critical care."

Damn.

"I've seen countless numbers of people, living and dying, fighting and giving up. Not a good place to die, a hospital. So there's one. My son, the younger one," Norton began, eyes focusing off, "he's the reason I'm out here in the first place. Mack, his name was. Good kid, but he wanted to get off the colony where we lived. Tiny, insignificant place you've probably never heard of. Well, he sets out – against my wishes, by the way. Goodness, we used to fight," Norton said wistfully. Leonard didn't know why, but he was getting pulled into the man's story, and it seemed like Jim was too.

Well Jim, idiot that he was, always seemed to care.

"A year goes by, we hardly speak. His mother had died a few years before, so there was no excuse to make him come home. Then I get a call at work. They said he'd been killed, storm of some kind on some planet in some small area – and out of all the places Mack could've gone, all the places he might've ended up, my son was in that one spot on that one day, and so he died."

"Well, I leave planet and fly out. They've already burned his body, had the whole thing ready since one of his friend already identified him for me. I don't think I could've done it. Either of you have kids?"

"A daughter, Joanna," Leonard answered readily. "And he's got a baby on the way."

Norton's eyes smiled. "How long now?"

"Only about four weeks left," Jim said. "After this, my ship's going to be making her way back to Earth."

"I had another boy before Mack, Simon. He's a doctor, too, settled on Earth somewhere – that's where my grandfather lived, you know… But anyways, I couldn't stand the wait before Mack was born. Drove my wife up the wall. So when Mack died, I think you'd both understand that I just didn't have any fight left in me at that point. I didn't know where to go or what to do, but then the friend of Mack's who was with him when he died, he told me my son was trying to see something no one had ever seen before."

"What?" Jim prompted.

Norton shook his head ruefully. "I don't know. The friend never knew enough to say, just heard Mack ramble on about it a few times. He didn't leave much behind as to clues, so ever since I've just been bumbling around, hoping to see whatever it was."

"How do you know you haven't seen it yet?" Leonard wondered. God, what would he do if something happened to Joanna? He'd end up a drunk somewhere, more pathetic and mean than he already was. Certainly wouldn't be like Norton.

"I have the foolish feeling that I'll know it when I see it," Norton said wistfully, "that is, if I ever see it at all. The point I'm trying to make is that if I'm dying, I want to go like Mack. Just trying to see something. Nothing more beautiful about humanity than that, the thirst for learning and discovering."

 _ _Humans, always seeking something new, leeching away until we suck it dry. We like picking at a scab until it bleeds. We don't belong here. We got no business here in space.__

"Let me comm someone down," Jim said as he got up and dusted off his pants. "They can take care of your ship, assess the damage. You could always come with us, hitch a ride back somewhere along the way."

Waving him off, Norton tilted his head. "I like making my own way, but thanks for the offer, Captain Kirk. The coordinates of my ship are here." The older man read out the numbers. "One oh one point three North, seventy nine West."

"Just Jim, by the way," the captain corrected in turn with a wink before walking off with the communicator and leaving the other two alone.

"Well," Leonard scowled, "I guess if we're all going by first names, it's Leonard."

"Leonard," Norton repeated with a nod. "What do you think of this city? So strange to think people used to walk along here. This must've been a busy place, everyone running and talking. And now..." Silence. A cloud passed over the sun, and the rainbows from the skylight faded into darkness.

"It's damn depressing," Leonard admitted. "You can almost feel the sorrow in the ground."

Norton's lips tugged up at the edge. "Sorrow in the ground. Nice way to put it. Something certainly happened here, though I like to imagine they all left like we did, out to see the stars. This could be Earth in a few millenia – abandoned, but with our image spread through the galaxy. Who knows? Maybe these are our ancestors."

 _We stick our noses into someplace we've got no business! What're we doing out here?_

"Hell," Leonard responded, "maybe."

"Alright!" Jim announced, strolling back over. "We've got a small team coming down as we speak. They're bringing along a few spare parts. Should we go meet them, Norton?"

"I'm a little on in my years," Norton said wryly. "Do you mind if we stay awhile longer to rest?"

"Sure, sure," Jim answered, and the two began to easily converse about traveling and space, while Leonard just shook his head. Space-loving crazy people. But then Jim's communicator buzzed with an incoming call.

"Kirk here."

"Captain, this is Waters," the voice on the other end stated, and Leonard shot Jim a very dark, dark glare. Jim smirked before walking off back into the shadows. Leonard followed angrily at his heels with a quick wave at Norton to stay still.

"What the _hell_ , Jim?"

"Captain, we've reached the ship. It's a little far off, so Security never saw it," Waters said, her voice sounding strange.

"Have you figured out what's wrong with it?" Jim asked, poking out his tongue at Leonard.

"Do that again," Leonard hissed, "And I'll take it."

"You can't take people's tongues, Bones."

"Captain," Waters interrupted, tone insistent. "Who did you say you were talking to?" Jim crossed his eyes at Leonard before answering.

"Man named Norton, seems like a nice guy. It's scary to think what would've happened if we hadn't shown up." Waters was silent for a while, and both Leonard and Jim waited for her response.

"Captain, the ship. It's … well with the condition it's in, there's no way for anyone to have survived the damage," Waters finally said. Leonard stiffened, feeling confused. "And what's more, sir … We found a body. It's," Waters began, "it is not a pretty sight. The decay, I mean – I sent the others back up. No one else needed to see it."

"Waters, what are you talking about? Did you get the right coordinates?" Jim asked and then repeated them. Waters repeated them back without error. "I don't understand. Norton's right over ..." When they turned around to look, Norton was nowhere in sight.

"Captain, the identification I've found says Norton Chandler. Male, sixty-five years old, Federation citizen. He was human, sir," Waters told them. "And he's been here a little while. Dead on impact, I'd say. If not, well ..."

No. No fucking way.

"Jim," Leonard started. "This is impossible."

"Waters, we're coming to beam over. Standby," Jim muttered quickly.

"Yes, sir," Waters managed to say before Jim shut the communicator with a clack.

"Norton!" Jim called out, echoing along the empty walls and floors. There was no answer, and Leonard felt the twisting of fear in his gut. "Norton, where are you?" Still, no response. The two officers walked back over to the statue, where both the older man and his bag were nowhere in sight. "Norton!"

"Dammit, man!" Leonard yelled. "Whoever the hell you are, this ain't funny!"

The statue seemed to look down upon them, eyes dulled from the cloud cover in the sky.

"We'll beam to where Waters is," Jim stopped him, placing on Leonard's shoulder. "Figure this out." Signaling to the transport to move them over to the coordinates, Jim shared a look with the doctor that seemed to communicate: _it's still okay to be scared of ghost stories, right?_

With eyes squeezed shut, Leonard went from inside the cube to on the edges of a brown-trunked, purple topped forest of bristly trees. Waters stood outside a decrepit and damaged looking transport vessel. Her back was to them at first, but as she spun around to face them, Leonard couldn't help but look away.

Really screwed things up there.

"Captain," Waters acknowledged. "McCoy."

"Is that ...?" Jim gestured down to the black cover on something human sized laying on the ground beside her.

"The body was still strapped into the seat," Waters stated. "I took him out after the others had left. Also, the ship's beyond repair. I don't know exactly what you wanted us to do with it." Her red uniform, Leonard noticed as he ignored her face, was covered in splotches of dust, dirt, and something appallingly like bits of human flesh. Dragged him out herself, dear God.

"You said the identification was Norton Chandler?" Jim clarified, going forward and lifting the cloth. The smell wafted up, causing Leonard to wrinkle his nose. "Couldn't even tell if that was him. Bones?" Leonard stepped forward, examining the corpse with his eyes. Right height, even though it was slightly shrunken. Bones structure, on a first glance guess, looked around the age of Norton. Body must be at least two weeks old.

Had they been talking to a dead man?

 _They said he'd been killed, storm of some kind on some planet in some small area – and out of all the places Mack could've gone, all the places he might've ended up, my son was in that one spot on that one day, and so he died._

"It could be," Leonard answered truthfully.

"I don't understand," Waters said, looking between them. She looked a bit on edge, though Leonard supposed anyone would be after finding that and having to carry it out.

"We were talking to him," Jim said. "Just now, we were having a conversation with someone named Norton. Gave us these coordinates, and then as soon as you comm me, he disappeared."

"... like a ghost?" Waters asked with incredulity.

"Well, unless both Bones and I went crazy for a few minutes and had a hallucination that turned out to give us the coordinates of said hallucination's physical, dead body, then … I guess so," Jim responded brightly, but the joke didn't touch anything but his voice. There was a stunned sort of silence that followed, where things were finally said out in the open.

Then, Leonard mumbled, "We should see if there's any contact information for him."

"We were just talking to him," Jim murmered, still kneeling beside the corpse. "He was right there, Bones. I saw him, you saw him." Leonard reached forward and put a hand on Jim's upper-arm.

"He's dead, Jim," Leonard reminded the captain. "Whoever he was, whoever we were talking to back there, this person's gone."

"Yeah, yeah. You're right," Jim agreed, standing up and looking to Waters. "Did you find anything else?"

The engineer nodded, handing Jim a device. "His receiver." And then she asked in a small voice. "Can I go back to the ship now?"

"Yes, sorry," Jim mumbled, waving out his hand. "Go ahead." Waters nodded, and on her way out, Leonard's eye caught hers. Dammit. The doctor immediately looked away, focusing on the damaged ship tangled in the forest. It looked like an ant compared to the _Enterprise_.

"What do you think that was?" Jim questioned when they were alone once more. The captain leaned back against the tree to his right, arms crossed and eyes trained on the covered corpse.

"Back with the statue? I don't know," Leonard admitted. "I think you should call Spock down, maybe a few other science people, too. Get some readings on the place we were in before with … Norton."

"Was it really him?" Jim wondered aloud. "I mean, was that Norton or just a dream or something we don't know yet?" Leonard shrugged, unsure.

"Do you believe in ghosts, Bones?"

 _Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may awake him out of sleep._

Jim's heartbeat gone and started once again.

"No," Leonard replied firmly. "No, I don't believe in ghosts."

* * *

"We contacted his son," Jim informed him as he walked into Leonard's quarters without knocking at all. From his spot at the edge of the bed, the doctor continued to pull off his boots. "His name was Simon, just like he said it would be."

Leonard sighed, managing to pull the left boot off. He started on the right. "I don't know what to tell you, Jim. What did Spock say?"

The captain flopped down onto Leonard's bed, staring up at the ceiling. No fucking boundaries. "He said the cube got weird scans, but that the rest of the city seemed normal. He's sending them over to Starfleet Command, but either way, we're supposed to be leaving to transport some supplies to Canes III tomorrow. We'll have to leave the investigations to someone else," Jim said grumpily.

"Okay," Leonard stated, plopping the other boot on the floor with a clang. He wiggled his toes a few times.

"Okay?" Jim asked, shooting up from the bed and pacing. "That's it? Don't you wanna know what happened to us? We saw a dead guy walking and talking like nothing was wrong."

Sighing in exasperation, Leonard leaned down and grabbed his shoes to straighten them against the bed frame. "Sometimes, there's things you never figure out. And I'm sure whatever team comes over here will issue a report that you can read in a few months time."

"And that's fine with you?" Jim paused.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" Leonard raised an eyebrow at Jim. "And worrying about the dead is a waste of living. Now go bother Spock or someone. I'm fucking tired."

"Bones?"

"Yes?"

Jim shook his head. "Nevermind, I forgot." Leonard sighed and shrugged his shoulders. Dammit.

"Are you sure?" Leonard said. Jim nodded once, looking distracted. "Jim, he died on impact most likely. I can do an autopsy if you want, but we should probably ask -"

"No, no, it's not that. I just ... I didn't know, are bodies supposed to look like that?" Jim asked, his eyes a little too bright.

"They're not always a pretty sight," Leonard admitted, leaning back to lay on the bed.

"If I die, will you burn my body really quick?"

Putting Jim's body into a cryotube and hoping for the best. Hoping for anything.

Leonard shot up into a sitting position and glared real hard at the idiot. "Go get some sleep before I slap you upside the head for being such a goddamn jackass," the doctor called out. Eyes widening, the captain looked a bit like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I didn't mean -" Jim started, but Leonard just pointed to the door. Shuffling in his boots, Jim sighed. "Sorry, Bones. I didn't mean about - I meant - shit, sorry, nevermind. See you in the morning."

"Goodnight," Leonard grumbled as Jim turned to go.

"Night, Bones," Jim said. The doors slid open, and then the idiot was gone. Leonard hissed out a breath of air, shaking his head, and pulling himself off the bed. He grabbed a towel on his way into the small bathroom and jumped in to take a quick shower. He tried to keep his thoughts away from the dead man, but no matter what he told Jim, there _was_ something unsettling about not knowing.

A buzzing sound from the door met Leonard's ears as he finished dressing for bed. If it was Jim again, Leonard was going to -

"McCoy," Waters acknowledged with a nod as she stood in the doorway.

Leonard blinked in stunned silence before regaining his ability to speak. "Waters, uh, are you okay?" He quickly checked her over once, making sure she wasn't bleeding or broken anywhere.

"Fine. Can we talk?" Waters asked

"Sure," Leonard moved aside to let her in. He watched as she looked around his quarters, and he instantly cursed the fact that he hadn't cleaned any of it recently. Dammit, he missed the days when Jim would just tidy up for them both.

"The captain told me about how you feel," Waters said plainly, turning to look at him straight on. At Leonard's immediately stormy expression, _because he was going to kill the kid and then bring him back to life and then kill him again_ , the engineer added, "I would suggest not strangling him, if only because Mr. Spock seems to have called dibs on that area."

Leonard didn't know what to say, and he was trying his best to fix his gaze somewhere around Waters's chin.

"I was in Spock's head when you told him you weren't going to let me die," she finally continued when the doctor said nothing.

"I... I would ask how, but honestly, the longer I spend up here, the less I get surprised by shit like that," Leonard mumbled, running a hand over the back of his neck.

"I saw you there so upset," Waters told him, eyebrows furrowing in thought, "and I remember thinking that I didn't want you to be sad. And then I came back, and then that thing happened where we kissed, and then I just … I thought it came out of nowhere. But then I started realizing how much my mind went to you, even when you were nowhere around. That's strange, isn't it?"

"No," he said.

"I think that was the closest I've ever come to dying, and I think that I don't want to wait and wonder what would've happened with anything anymore," Waters admitted.

Leonard struggled to finally just _say it_ , because there was no more point in avoiding it. "Dammit, I don't know how to say this."

"Okay," Waters smiled, and then she walked forward a bit into his space. Leonard felt twin urges to lean away and forward at the same time. She reached upward and placed a hand on his cheek. It was warm, and then her lips were on his, and they were warm, too. Waters pulled away slightly and said, "I've said on my end. What do you want?"

"I don't do casual," Leonard said.

"I don't do serious," Waters told him. "Maybe we can both learn a little."

"I mean it, though. This is going to sound juvenile, but I _like_ you." There. Finally. Even if he did sound like he was fucking thirteen year old.

"Kind of figured that out already."

"I mean – I mean, if we do this, then it's just us. Nobody else," Leonard said, a bit embarrassed and fighting the urge to think of his ex-wife. Not really the greatest turn of thought.

"That's fair enough," Waters allowed with a shrug.

"I'm trying to be serious here."

Waters shook her head. "Listen, McCoy -"

"Leonard."

"Ew, no," she replied, scrunching up her face.

"What?"

"Just no. You can call me Penelope, though, if you want," Waters allowed. "Anyway, I was trying to say that if I don't want to be with you anymore, I'll just tell you. I won't go behind your back or anything. What would be the point?" Leonard didn't think she understood what it was like to be with someone for a long time and to want to spare their feelings. Maybe you fall out of love, sure, but it's shit trying to tell the other person that.

"You can't just keep calling me McCoy," he said instead.

"Do you have a middle name?"

"Horatio."

"..."

"What?"

"Did your parents hate you?"

"It's a family name!"

"So's McCoy. Would you rather I call you _Bones_?"

"...McCoy's fine."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks for reading! :D**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 6 –I Will Respect the Privacy of my Patients, for their Problems are not Disclosed to Me that the World May Know**

"I'm a doctor, not a space whale," Leonard mumbled sleepily, rolling over.

"What are you talking about?" Jim's voice asked. "Wake up. Your mom made breakfast." Turning around on his stomach, Leonard pulled the pillow out from under him and covered his head and ears with it. "Bones," the voice sang. "If you don't get up, I'll teach Jo how to hotwire a motorcycle."

"Why the hell are you here?" Leonard murmured, turning and throwing his pillow at Jim's head.

It missed.

"That's so mean," Jim sniffed, picking up the pillow and aiming it with accuracy at Leonard's tired face. "Get up, or else your mom's going to start cussing, and she does it even better than you." And then Jim turned on his heel and left the room, stepping over the ancient air-mattress that he had slept in the night before. Grumbling to himself, Leonard did actually get out of bed, brushing his teeth and pulling on a pair of socks. He then padded out into the hallway. Framed old photographs lined the teal painted walls, and as Leonard walked slowly down the stairs, his family watched him go.

His father's face, in particular, seemed unimpressed.

He followed the smell of pancakes through the wooden archway on the left, a path so familiar it was like he was seeing double. Joanna sitting at the table became him at that age, and Jim with the fork balanced on his upper lip became his straight-lipped father. Blinking away the memories, Leonard went further into the room, kissing Joanna's cheek before settling down in the chair opposite to Jim.

"Leonard Horatio McCoy!" his mother called as she entered the room with a flour-stained apron. Leonard immediately groaned, placing his forehead on the table. Joanna giggled. "It is almost seven o'clock. Why do we all have to wait for you to get your lazy ass downstairs? Joanna was practically starving."

"I wasn't," his daughter whispered helpfully in his ear.

Jim decided to join in. "I told him, Sarah, I tried."

Lifting his head, Leonard caught sight of his mother's scowl. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me my first name? It's Mrs. McCoy, you got that? Did no one raise you to have respect?"

Jim smiled widely, "No."

His mother turned the glare to Leonard, pointing a spatula at him threateningly. "Where did you pick this boy up, Leonard? The side of the road?"

"Something like that," Leonard mumbled, resting his chin in his hand and staring at Jim's much too amused face.

"You ask these same questions every time I come by," Jim sighed happily. "Why don't you just admit that you love me yet?" Joanna was covering her face with her hands, trying to hide her smile but completely failing. Leonard had to grin at the sight, and then his mother shook her head.

"All of you miscreants can cook your own damn breakfast if you don't learn to use some goddamn manners," she threatened before swishing away, fading red hair falling back loosely.

"Dad," Joanna said lowly, drawing his attention. "Dad, tell Grandma I'm sick or something."

"Are you?" Leonard wondered. His gaze flickered to Jim, who was now arranging the utensils into a tower. "Would you quit that? She's going to come back in and see it." Jim didn't even bother to answer.

"Dad," Joanna tugged on his sleeve. "Please. Don't make me go. I hate it: it's boring, it's only old people, and it's just plain stupid."

"You are both coming with me," his mother announced loudly, carrying a plate of steaming pancakes into the room and placing them in the middle of the table. She knocked over Jim's make-shift tower with a clang and then sat down in the last remaining chair.

"But Grannie," Joanna whined, meanwhile Jim pulled one pancake after the other onto his plate.

"It's tradition," his mother sniffed, slapping Jim's hand and then taking a few pancakes of her own. "Len, you tell her."

 _Believe or don't, you're going anyway._

Leonard shot a pleading look at his daughter, to which she responded in kind. Dammit. Why the hell was his mother putting him in this position anyway? It's not like he especially wanted to go either.

"Jo, honey," Leonard began calmly. "It's only an hour long."

She sighed loudly and leaned back in her chair. With crossed arms, she muttered, "It's not fucking fair."

"Watch your mouth at the table," Leonard's mother warned. Joanna seemed ready to protest that as well, but at meeting Leonard's gaze as he took his share of pancakes, she slumped in her seat.

"How come Uncle Jim doesn't have to go?" she accused, poking Jim's arm roughly as he cut up his pancakes like a weirdo.

"I'd probably find a way to accidentally burn the place to the ground," Jim said cheerfully. "And I've got a super boring meeting with a bunch of stuffy Admirals soon, so you might actually be getting the better deal."

"Rather go there," Joanna muttered, grabbing two pancakes and then staring accusingly at them.

"You two got in real late," Leonard's mother commented after a pause of silence. They'd only landed on Earth last night, and of course Jim had invited himself along with him to Georgia. Truthfully, Leonard hadn't really expected anything different.

The doctor watched as his mother pulled out a small, hand-rolled cigarette from her flowery apron pocket and searched, most likely, for a lighter in the pants she had on underneath.

"Mom," Leonard complained with a quick glance at Joanna. "At least not inside."

"It's not bad for anybody," she shot back but didn't light the damn thing.

"I can find you a dozen articles in less than ten seconds that say otherwise, and -"

She waved a hand and cut him off. "Yeah, yeah. I got sick of hearing that when your father was alive." Leonard's mouth clamped shut, and then he too was glaring at his pancakes. His mother sighed and tucked both the cigarette and lighter away. "So, what have you been up to there in space lately?"

"Nothing much," Leonard said simply, moving a piece of the food around his plate.

"Dammit, Len. Just drop it, would you? Can we have one meal together without fighting?" she pleaded angrily.

Meanwhile, Joanna said just loud enough, "Oh, so _she_ gets to swear."

And Jim pretended to be oblivious, eating his pancakes with obnoxiously happy sounds.

"I didn't do anything," Leonard hissed out, feeling exasperated.

"You won't answer my questions! All you want to do is sass me the moment you get home. First, you fly off in that metal heap with this one," his mother complained, pointing a thumb at Jim's full face. "And then I hardly hear from you for months and months. So excuse me for wanting a nice, family meal without somebody yelling."

Leonard had to bite back the retort that he hadn't been the one yelling, and instead said, "Space is fine, ma." And dark. Very dark and quiet.

"We have loads of fun," Jim added helpfully, grabbing another stack of pancakes.

"Unlike going to church," Joanna added lowly. She took a ferocious bite of breakfast and glared at Leonard as though it was his fault.

"Stop whining, Joanna," his mother warned with a move of her fork.

"I'm not doin' anything," Joanna cried. And then his mother, too, glared at Leonard as though it was his fault. Jim joined in the glaring, only his expression was ruined by a ridiculous smattering of syrup. Four years old...

"I'm finished," Leonard mumbled, pushing his chair back and grabbing his hardly touched plate. "Excuse me."

"Me too!" Joanna joined, snatching up her things and following him into the kitchen. Leonard approached the sink, wishing ironically for the easy disposal of the starship. Instead, he ran the tap and started rinsing off the plate. Joanna placed hers in the sink with a cheeky expression before hoping up onto the counter beside him. "Why do you and Grandma always fight?"

"Because that's what you do with your parents," Leonard told her, grabbing the bottle of dish soap and blowing a bubble out into her face. She shielded her face with her hands and laughed. Chuckling, Leonard turned back to the dishes.

"Do I really have to go?" Joanna asked again and grabbed the dish rag from the cabinet behind her.

Leonard sighed and handed her the first plate to dry. He leaned his elbows onto the edge of the counter and looked out the window above the sink. The sun had risen a bit in the sky, mixing the early morning color with the bright blue of the day. Even though it was only March, he could tell it was going to be unnaturally warm.

Did he risk the fight with his mother? Or would he be like his father, everyone going and that's that?

The doctor picked up Joanna's plate and started washing it. "It would mean a lot to your grandmother if you went," he said simply.

"And that means yes," Joanna answered, placing the dried plate beside her roughly.

"Be careful with that," he warned softly before finishing the other one. "And it doesn't mean that. You're old enough to make your own decisions." Thirteen next week, damn. When did that happen?

When Leonard was out in space, the absent father, he answered for himself.

"How come you go?" Joanna wondered as she took the other plate and Leonard started on the forks and knives.

"Because that's just what you do for family. You do things you don't want to just to make them happy," Leonard told his daughter. As he looked over at her, she tilted her head, legs swinging in the air.

"But Grandpa's dead."

 _Leonard, listen to me._

"That's true. But your grandma still loves him so much, even though she pretends not to," Leonard said. "And she always went to make him happy, and I went for them both. But I won't make you do anything you don't want to. If it comes to it, Grandma and I will go alone. And that's okay."

Joanna grabbed the forks and then the knives, drying them with the rag. "Do you miss Grandpa?"

 _Kill me, son. Please. It hurts._

Tuck it away.

 _And you would keep the lieutenant from a death she chose to accept because you cannot._

No.

"Sometimes," Leonard answered as he cleaned off his hands. "He loved you, you know. I never seen him so happy than when you were born." He never looked at Leonard like that, but he refused to let that bitterness infect Joanna.

Joanna smiled a bit at that. "I wish I could remember," she sighed, jumping down. Joanna added after a moment, "Maybe I'll go."

"Is that what you really want?" Leonard asked. "'Cause I got months worth of insults to fling at Grandma, and I'm sure she's got the same."

Joanna grinned, shaking her head. "No, I'll go. But promise me that we'll sit in the back and laugh at people." Leonard held out his pinky and Joanna curled her own around it.

"Bones," Jim cried, bursting in with a crash, "I may have accidentally told your mom."

"About what?" the doctor wondered in confusion, dropping Joanna's hand.

"Er..." Jim trailed off sheepishly as Leonard's mother stormed in.

"I asked you what you been up to, and you don't tell me you've started dating again! Lord, Leonard!" his mother exclaimed, and where the hell did she get the spatula again? Joanna turned incredulous eyes up at him, and for fuck's sake, Jim was a dead man.

" _You're what?_ " Joanna asked.

Leonard stood in the kitchen, tired and confused and wanting to go back to the dream space whales. Jim laughed awkwardly, running a hand through his already tousled hair. "Wow, look at that. The meeting's going to start soon."

"San Francisco is three hours behind!" Leonard yelled, waving his arm out and ignoring the stares of his mother and daughter.

"Can never be too early," Jim commented, running back and then thumping up the staircase to Leonard's old room.

"Since when?" the doctor called out.

* * *

"... And so Jesus said to them: greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends..."

Leonard swiped away in a quick move, causing Joanna to sigh in frustration. Her hand and his gripped in a battle to the last thumb, and Leonard was embarrassed to admit that he actually needed to try in order not to lose instantly. Sensing weakness, his daughter's finger stretched to attack his. His leaned further away.

"... so we are all, mankind and others of our galaxy, meant to love one another ..."

From the corner of his eye, Leonard noted his mother's disapproving glare at the thumb war, and at Joanna's loud yelp of victory when he finally lost, they both gained a few more stares. The woman at the front cleared her throat at the echoing interruption and continued.

"...as friends, above all else. And thus ..."

The doctor pulled his hand away and instead threw it on the seat behind Joanna's head. Leonard leaned back, shifting in the hear uncomfortably. Not only had it been getting incrementally warmer as the day went on, but the building's temperature control had busted, leaving them all to stew in the humid Georgia spring.

Penelope probably could fix it.

Smiling absently at the thought, Leonard continued to tune out the sermon. Joanna, as she discreetly took out a device from her skirt pocket, seemed to be doing the same. He tugged at his collar once and let his thoughts drift him out of the near-dilapidated church building.

"Joanna McCoy," his mother hissed some time later, pulling Leonard back to the rotting dark oak benches and damp heat of the air.

"...even after he rose from death ..."

"What?" Leonard watched Joanna mouth from his left. From his right, his mother made a very stern face that he recognized from childhood.

"Put that thing away."

And then as if on cue, Leonard's own receiver began to beep with urgency.

"Shit, shit, shit," Leonard muttered, sliding past Joanna out of the bench and rushing out of the room, a crowd of eyes burning on his back. "Jim, what's wrong?" the doctor hissed out as soon as he made into the empty front room.

"Carol went into labor," Jim said with a few stutters in his speech.

"I thought she wasn't due for another week," Leonard replied.

"She's not."

Leonard considered that. "Don't freak out. Do you want me to come there? Are you at the hospital?"

"Yes," Jim answered quietly.

"Okay, just give me about thirty minutes. You're in London, right?"

"I'll send you all the information," Jim told him, trying to sound calm but failing to Leonard's ears.

"Try not to get too worried, and … hold on a second," Leonard assured him. He covered up the receiver and quickly walked back into the larger room over to his family. This time, the preacher continued, but many people had turned around to look at them. "Ma," he whispered from behind the bench. "I've got to go. Jim and Carol's baby is on the way. I'll call you both later, okay?"

Joanna pouted as he kissed the top of her head, and his mother just said quietly back, "Tell them good luck for me." Leonard nodded before rushing back out.

"This is perfectly normal," Leonard finally said into the receiver. He pushed open the old glass doors and made his way into the fresher, but just as humid, air. "Has she checked in yet?"

"We're doing it right now," Jim said.

"Good. I'm going to hang up now," Leonard told him in warning as he walked down the sidewalk.

"Okay, but you'll be here soon?"

"Quick as anything."

* * *

The doctor watched with wary eyes as Jim continued to pace the sterile white floor of the hospital.

"Your face'll end up stuck that way," Leonard murmured just to break the silence. Jim continued to scowl as he walked back and forth, not paying him any heed. Spock, on the other hand, shifted in his seat and appeared ready to refute his claim until Uhura placed a hand on his arm and shook her head. Sulu and Chekov had their noses pressed to a large tablet that occasionally made revving sounds and appeared oblivious to everything else around them, and Scotty was snoring unceremoniously with his head on Leonard's shoulder. With a sigh that revealed his disappointment in failing to provoke anyone, Leonard settled back into the uncomfortable chair and let his thoughts drift.

He, along with Spock, Uhura, Chekov, Sulu, and Scotty, had all joined forces to wait for the baby to arrive and to make sure that Jim didn't have a panic attack. And then, eight very long hours in, Jim had fainted. Multiple times. So now, while Carol was presumably screaming her head off in the next room, Jim had been relegated to pacing the floor and pausing and staring and then pacing again.

Leonard had messaged Penelope about Carol, and he assumed Scotty had as well, but both she and Keenser were absent.

A ringing from Leonard's receiver interrupted his thoughts, and he shifted it out of his pocket and to his face. "Joanna?"

"Did it come yet?" his daughter asked. She'd called every hour since he left, asking after Carol and Jim and the baby.

"Nope," Leonard said. He could hear her sigh from the other end.

"How much longer?" she wondered impatiently.

"It'll be here when it gets here," Leonard answered, "but I don't think it'll be long now. Don't you have homework for tomorrow?"

"Maybe," Joanna said coyly. Leonard shook his head with a small smile.

"Your mama's going to have my head if I bring you to school tomorrow without your work done," Leonard warned, shifting the device to his other ear.

"Okay, okay," Joanna complained. "But I can come over once the baby's out, right?"

"It depends on how late it is," Leonard said.

"I'm not a little kid," Joanna argued. "I'm almost thirteen. I think I can stay up."

"We'll see," Leonard countered. "I'm going to go now. Do your damn homework."

"You do your damn homework," Joanna repeated. "Bye, Daddy."

"Bye."

Leonard pressed the end button and tucked the receiver away. A few very boring minutes passed afterwards, the only sounds being Sulu and Chekov's racing game, Scotty's snores, and Jim's shoes squeaking against the tiles. A few nurses passed by, and then an orderly, and Leonard's brain was melting from the monotony.

"Hey, Spock," Leonard began, turning his head in the first officer's direction. It was one of only a few times that the doctor had seen Spock outside of uniform, and the fact that he wore all black was just too perfect. "What's with all the black? Is it your favorite color or somethin'?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "My favorite … color?"

"Yeah, you know, the color you like the best."

"Why would I prefer one color to any other? That is illogical," Spock said in confusion. Uhura sighed from beside him but did nothing to stop them. Maybe she needed entertainment as well?

"Do you like the color black?" the doctor asked simply.

Leonard almost broke out into a smile at Spock's expression. "In the first place, Doctor, black is not considered a color by any scientific definition. In the second, how do you find any semblance of causation between a preferred color, which I do not have, to my choice in clothing?"

"So blue it is then," Leonard stated, ignoring Spock's precious statements. The first officer straightened further in his chair, which Leonard had thought impossible.

"And what evidence do you have that supports this claim?"

"You wear blue," Leonard answered.

If Spock were less composed, Leonard might have called his response a splutter. "Blue is a part of my uniform."

"Do you like your uniform?" Leonard wondered, leaning back in his chair and slouching in a way he knew would annoy Spock.

"I have no opinion on my uniform," Spock said firmly. "It is Starfleet regulation that I wear it, and so I do." Leonard grinned.

"Just do as your told, of course," Leonard agreed. "You don't break the rules, sure. At least, that's what you claim."

"Are you implying something, Doctor?" Spock asked.

And before Leonard could form an appropriately infuriating response, his eyes glanced up and caught the sight of Penelope striding toward their line of chairs. She still wore the black pants, boots, and shirt of the uniform – all she was missing was the red over shirt.

"Wrenchy," Scotty called out, removing himself from Leonard's left side. Jim paused and stared for a moment and then went back to his pacing, with the bonus addition of quiet mumbling.

"How's Carol?" she asked as she came closer. Her eyes drifted over to Leonard, and she gave him a small smile.

"As fine as can be," Scotty said from beside him, stretching out his legs. "Though our poor Jimbo's not doin' quite so well." The engineer nodded over to Jim's worried form. "Fainted a few times, got kicked out," Scotty whispered.

"Well," Penelope said with a shrug. Scotty got up from his seat.

"Here, ya sit. I'm going ta find some food. Anyone want anything?" he asked. Everyone answered in the negative. "Jim?" Scotty said, approaching the captain while Penelope took the seat beside Leonard. "Ya want to eat something?"

"Eat?" Jim wondered. "No, no. I'm fine. Fine." He didn't even pause in his path while he answered.

"If you're sure," Scotty replied skeptically with a funny look back at Penelope. She rolled her eyes, which now that Leonard took a closer look, appeared to have dark circles underneath. Her clothes were rumpled and her hair was pulled back in a messy way. He leaned over and kept his voice low.

"Have you slept since yesterday?" Leonard said.

"Hmm," Penelope considered. "No. My cousin got arrested as a welcome home to me. So I had to go down and deal with that all night, and then, after I managed to post bail and get him out on community service, we had a very nice screaming match. So, yes. That happened. And then," she continued in a rush, her accent thickening, "we go to where he lives because I am making him move out and his father comes home and he is just the worst person, and so me and him get in a screaming match, and then once I manage not to kill him, we leave with Tommy's things, and we go to Texas. But there my friend Marie has lost her daughter, so we go out looking for her, and of course, she had 'run away' to the icecream shop a few streets away - only it took us three hours to find out."

"Wow," Leonard said blinking.

"Yes," Penelope agreed simply, crossing her arms.

The door slid open to the hospital room and Carol's mother leaned in the doorway, staring at Jim. "It's a boy," she announced.

Jim halted mid-step, and Leonard watched while his expression stilled. Everyone waited silently for him to say something.

"A boy?" he asked with a hint of wonder. Carol's mother motioned him inside, and with a final pleading look back at the rest of them, Jim hesitantly entered. Leonard caught the faint sound of crying from within before the door shut again.

"Well damn," Leonard said aloud, and Chekov and Sulu cheered.

"Finally," Sulu let out. "I thought we were going to be here for days."

"It is a boy," Chekov said smugly. "I believe I am owed some credits."

Leonard joined in. "Same."

Uhura sighed loudly in defeat. Spock turned to her. "Nyota?" Spock's voice held a tone of bewilderment. She shrugged noncommittally, a small grin playing at her lips in response. Scotty came back, arms full of packaged snacks. He tossed one at Penelope, which she caught deftly and ripped open. The rest were, apparently, for Scotty himself.

As Penelope munched on the miniature cookies, she held up the bag to him. He took a few out. "Thanks."

"How's Joanna and your mother?" Penelope asked as they waited for Jim to come back with news.

"Good," he answered, eating one of the cookies nervously. "Actually, Jim kind of told them. About us. And then my mom asked to have you over." Penelope paused, staring up at him in disbelief. She swallowed her food before glaring at him fully.

"Are you serious?"

"You don't have to," Leonard said, finishing his cookies. Then he paused. "Wait, what's so bad about it?"

"Doesn't that sort of thing happen later," Penelope replied. "As in, a lot later?"

"I guess," Leonard shrugged. "It just sort of depends."

"Oh. Do you want me to?" Penelope asked.

"Not if you don't want to."

Penelope glared again. "Could you just give me a straight answer, McCoy?"

"Could you stop calling me by my last name?" Leonard returned grumpily.

Jim came through the door. "He's healthy," he said, his eyes bright. "David. That's his name, and he's healthy and fine, and Carol's fine, too. And I have a son." Leonard got up from his seat and patted Jim on the shoulder once.

"Congratulations, kid," Leonard said. Jim pulled him into a quick, but very meaningful embrace.

"Come and see him," Jim requested. "You too, Waters. Carol wants to see you. Does going in pairs work for everyone?" The others called out their approval, except for Scotty who gave a thumbs up and settled back to his food. Penelope got up from her seat slowly, and all three of them walked into the hospital room and sanitized their hands. Carol, looking entirely exhausted, lay back on the bed with a small bundle in her arms, and her mother, June, sat in a chair nearby.

While Penelope went forward and spoke to Carol, Leonard stayed back with Jim. "Did you call your brother?" the doctor wondered quietly. Jim shifted uncomfortably.

"What's the point?" Jim asked a little coldly. Penelope leaned down, peering closer at David.

"I don't know," Leonard allowed, holding up his hand. "I was just asking." Leonard didn't know much about Jim's older brother, Sam, and had only seen him once - at Winona Kirk's funeral back during their Academy days. What he did know was that Jim and his brother did not get along, and Leonard wasn't sure if they ever had.

Still, they were family, weren't they?

"David George Kirk," Jim said with no small amount of pride.

"So you went with Kirk?" Leonard asked. Jim shrugged.

"Carol thought it would be better," Jim admitted as Carol shifted David into Penelope's arms.

"Hello David," Penelope said kindly. "And how's the world treating you so far?" David let out a small cry as though he were responding, to which Penelope only gave a tiny laugh. "Don't worry. There are other ones." She looked up to Jim. "He looks a bit like you."

"More like his mom," Jim stated, coming forward so that Penelope could hand the newborn off.

"Good thing too," Penelope muttered, going to sit at Carol's other side. Jim flashed her a playful grin as he secured David in his hold.

"I remember you calling me attractive," Jim teased. Leonard blinked between them.

"That never happened," Penelope said dryly.

"Lies. Look David," Jim turned to the baby and moved over to Leonard. "It's Bones. He's really good at yelling, so don't ever make him mad." Leonard flashed his friend a raised brow before getting a closer look. David really did look more like Carol, though his hair - and he was mostly bald - might darken to Jim's later, and the eyes were all Jim, too.

"Another Kirk," Leonard sighed, trying to hide a smile. "What will the Earth do?"

"We like to tear it down and then save it a few times, right David? Nothing wrong with that," Jim laughed, and then he motioned for Leonard to hold him. He put a hand under his lower head and cradled him in the crook of his arm.

"Yeah, nothing wrong until you end up with some infection," Leonard complained. David yawned, his tiny mouth stretching, and Leonard smiled despite himself. "He's cute for a newborn. I'm happy for you, Jim, really," Leonard said sincerely.

Jim shot him a crooked smile. "I ... thanks, Bones."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So it's been a while. Hello! For everyone who's followed and reviewed and favorited (I don't know if that's actually a word) and just plain read this, I want to say thank you so much for taking the time. I know it's been months, and to be honest, I had pretty much decided to leave this whole thing to collect virtual dust. But, clearly, the story and the ideas and the theme I wanted to convey continue to rattle around in my brain. Hopefully there will be more updates in the coming weeks (and in a timely fashion) because don't you just hate reading a story and never getting a proper ending? When all is said and done, I expect this story to be about 16-17 chapters long.**

 **Anyway, here's the chapter and please enjoy.**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 7 -** **Most Especially Must I Tread with Care in Matters of Life and Death**

"You're a doctor, right?"

Jim's frantic voice pulled Leonard from the recesses of sleep, an occurrence that was becoming far too familiar. Penelope rolled over beside him, tugging the blanket with her and shoving a pillow over her head. She mumbled something too low for him to hear, and Leonard sighed and reached for the receiver on the floor of her storage unit.

"Jim?" he asked in sleepy confusion, awkwardly pulling the device to his face.

"He won't stop crying, Bones. There's something wrong with him," Jim insisted loudly, voice carrying out into the room. Penelope made another unhappy sound.

"David is a week old," Leonard muttered. "That's going to be about all he does for a while."

"If you don't shut that off, I will break it," Penelope interrupted, her voice slightly muffled. As Jim started to list off complaints, the doctor took the receiver from his ear and addressed the engineer.

"It's Jim," he explained.

"It's two in the morning," she responded, lifting her head up to glare at him. Her eyes flashed in the dark. "I don't care if it's the President of the Federation." Leonard rolled his eyes and lifted the receiver back up.

"... don't even think Starfleet training prepared me for this level of sleep deprivation," Jim continued on frantically. "How does something so small make so much noise? How?"

"Where's Carol?" Leonard asked, ignoring Penelope's continued glares.

"She's sleeping like the dead. And he's not hungry, Bones. He doesn't need to be changed. He won't go to sleep. I don't know what he wants," Jim said. "I've rocked him, talked to him. I even sang to him. Me. It was horrible. I think he's crying more now."

"Well, is he sick? Does he have a fever?" Leonard wondered, leaning off the mattress to avoid Penelope's grab at the device.

"No," Jim began. "Well, I don't know. How do you tell the difference?"

"Jim, why don't you wake up Carol?" Leonard sighed in exasperation after dodging another attempt from Penelope.

"I can do this," he insisted, then paused. "Can you come over?" The way Jim asked sounded slightly pathetic, and the image of his friend looking out of place with a newborn in his arms was enough to make Leonard realize that he would have to say yes.

Damn it all to hell.

"The shit I do for you, kid. You better remember this," Leonard complained as he resigned himself to getting up.

"I swear I will, Bones. I swear," Jim insisted, and though it was most certainly a false promise, the doctor accepted it anyway.

"Yeah, sure you will. I'll get there in a few minutes. Bye," Leonard said and ended the call after Jim repeated the farewell. Penelope stopped trying to snatch the receiver away and instead propped herself up on her elbows and stared at him.

"Again?" she asked knowingly.

Leonard shrugged. "Yeah."

Penelope continued to stare at him. "Okay," she said finally. "Tell the captain he's an idiot for me." She then rolled back over and took the remainder of the blankets. Leonard shivered in the air. "And tell Carol I said hello."

"I'll be back soon," Leonard reminded as he pulled on his clothes. He nearly tripped tugging his pants up over his knees.

"If I'm asleep, don't wake me up," Penelope murmured into the pillow.

"I will," Leonard stated too cheerfully for so early in the morning. She whipped her head back around and stared dangerously at him.

"You won't," Penelope disagreed firmly.

"Probably will," he argued.

"I will end you." Leonard smiled a rare grin and leaned back down onto the mattress. "I'm serious," Penelope said again when he continued to smile. His palm cradled her cheek as he kissed her goodbye. She leaned into him ever so slightly, and then she was pulling away. "Don't come back unless you bring coffee."

Pulling on his jacket as he straightened up, Leonard replied calmly. "De-caf."

Her horrified expression said it all. "Absolutely not."

"See you," he waved as he made to leave the unit. Her voice echoed after him.

"I'm not kidding! McCoy … Leonard, if you come back with de-caf I'll never speak ..." The sound immediately cut off any complaints, and he fought the urge to laugh. The fact was that he was definitely not coming back with anything but completely caffeinated drinks. The day was really shaping up as one of _those days_.

It may have been two in the morning, but the city still lit up like the stars. All above him were cars and shuttles. Down the street pub music and quiet laughter filtered out into the night air. As he waited in line at the transporter, god help him and his soon to be scrambled molecules, Leonard spared a glance back to Penelope's place. He'd made the mistake last night of bringing up the ridiculousness of living in what was essentially a garage. So maybe it wasn't his business, but damn, she could sure as hell be scary when she was defensive.

He hoped they never got into a serious fight. Penelope could hold a grudge until the end of time if it suited her.

When it was finally his turn, the doctor punched in the coordinates of Carol's neighborhood in London. He squeezed his eyes shut as he moved from one country to the next, and then he cursed when he stepped out into London and a thousand raindrops fall on his head. "Shit, shit," he muttered as he tugged his jacket up above his head and ran down the sidewalk, counting the numbers of the buildings as he hurried.

Turning abruptly, Leonard pounded up the steps of a fairly modern apartment complex and pressed a finger on the pad next Carol's apartment number. He suffered silently in the wet of the rain before Jim's tired face appeared on the screen briefly. The door in front of him unlocked. Leonard rushed in, his shoes leaving a trail behind him as he entered the lift from a silent entrance room. Shivering slightly, he shrugged off the jacket and held the dripping fabric in front of him.

Walking out into the brightly colored hallway, Leonard went to Carol's door and knocked instead of ringing. The door slid open a moment later, and Jim practically shoved a wailing David into his chest. "Now hold on a minute," he warned as he sidestepped his friend and went to hang up his jacket.

"Can you fix him? Please tell me you can, because I think I may go insane if he doesn't stop crying." Jim sounded frustrated and exhausted, and Leonard flashed back to when Joanna was a newborn. Thank God those days were over.

"Let me see him," Leonard said in an overly calm voice. Jim handed the baby over, much more carefully this time, and then proceeded to hover as Leonard looked the poor kid over. "Are you sure he doesn't have a temperature?" David's face looked splotchy and red, but that just so happened to be a side effect of being one week old and a crying mess.

"No, and his diapers cleaned, and he's fed, and I've held him, put him down, and – and," Jim continued on, but Leonard tuned him out. He pinched David's arm lightly, and his color seemed fine. There was no temperature, and even though he trusted Jim, he double checked the diaper.

Okay, so, it really was one of those times when the baby cries and that's that. He glanced up at Jim's distraught face.

"Hey, Jim, it's going to be alright," Leonard said as he ambled into the living room, still holding David. Jim followed like a puppy dog, but Leonard just sat down on the couch and turned on the holoscreen on the wall. A news report about some colony official played in the background, and Leonard gently rocked David as he sank back into the couch.

Eventually, David's cries lessened, and then ceased completely. "Is he asleep?" Jim whispered, hoping up from the armchair and gently positioning himself next to Leonard.

"Looks like it. Joanna used to like the sound of Pam's old hairdryer. Thought maybe David might like the noise," Leonard explained. "Do you want him back?" Jim shook his head almost instantly.

"I do not want him waking back up," Jim said, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

"Well how long am I going to be here?" Leonard whispered, but all Jim did was mumble an unintelligible response. "Jim." Nothing. "Jim, come on." But his friend was already asleep.

Leonard looked down at David again and shook his head. Might as well get comfortable, the doctor supposed.

* * *

A week later, Leonard was carrying his own kid from the car into his mother's house. Pamela had thrown Joanna a party at her house, and when Leonard came to pick her up from Mississippi, he realized he didn't recognize any of her guests. There had been a crowd of nameless kids her age, filing out with their own parents. And of course, Pamela and her new husband just knew each and every one of them. Of course.

With Joanna asleep in his arms, Leonard passed his mother on the porch with a nod and made his way inside. He creaked up the stairs and into her room. Joanna moved around a bit once he put her on her bed, but she settled after he tugged a comforter over her. "Happy Birthday," the doctor whispered, smoothing down her hair before switching the light off and heading back outside. Unloading the car of Joanna's bags, he turned once more and went up the porch steps.

"You will lose her," his mother said as she exhaled a long trail of curling smoke. "Just like your father lost you."

"What?" Leonard asked, stopping dead in his tracks. He eyeballed the nearly empty wine glass beside her.

Bumping off some ashes with her finger, her mother met his eyes in the dark. "Don't tell me you haven't realized, Len. Fact is this: long-range space communications once a week don't equal being a real dad. Do you even consider taking a ground assignment? Or leaving Starfleet?"

"Where's this coming from?" the doctor asked warily as he dropped Joanna's bags on one of the worn benches and went to stand near his mother. "We've talked about this before, Ma. You said you'd leave it be."

His mother shot him an eye roll. "I said no such thing. And I'm your mother, I can do whatever the hell I please."

It was Leonard's turn to roll his eyes, and he added in a pair of crossed arms. "That worked when I was ten. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not a child anymore. I've got responsibilities -"

"You're damn right you got responsibilities. And she's right upstairs!" His mother dropped her current cigarette into an old ashtray and searched in her pocket for another.

"Would you lower your voice?" Leonard hissed, but his mother just shook her head.

"Your father, God help him, threw himself into his work, just like you're doing now. He never knew when to quit, just kept going at it day after day. He was a hero in his own right, Leonard, make no mistake about that. Saved countless lives, just like you do. But he did it at your expense, and now you're playing the same game with Joanna. And you'll lose, baby."

"Stop. Just stop," Leonard stated firmly, his hands clenching. "Why do you always do this? Every time I come home. Why does it always have to come back to Dad?"

"Because maybe I think what I'm saying might actually get through your thick skull one of these days. You wanna come home in a body bag? Is that what you want? Because that's the reality of it. In fact," she continued in a cutting fashion, cigarette ash falling haphazardly on the porch, "it won't matter either way. You'll be dead to that girl. You'll turn around one day, and she'll be grown up and done with the father who never showed."

"You think I'm just like him," Leonard accused harshly, "You push all your problems with Dad on me to make yourself feel better. Well guess what? He's dead. He's dead, and he's been dead for years, and he's not coming back. And you blame me for it."

The shock on his mother's face almost seemed genuine. "Why on Earth would I blame you, Len?"

"Don't act like that isn't what this is really about. He was sick, and by the time I could do anything, it was too late. You put that on me." Leonard pointed a finger at himself, trying to contain the guilt and rage pumping in his blood.

 _Leonard, is that you?_

 _Kill me, son. Please. It hurts._

"I don't need to put anything on you," his mother said with a sad shake of her head. "You do that well enough on your own. Been taking the blame for as long as you've been alive. Not everything is your fault."

"You don't know anything about me anymore," Leonard bit out, though even to his own ears, the argument fell flat. In response, she stubbed the cigarette out on the ashtray and straightened out of her chair. After she brushed off her shirt, she stepped forward and gripped his crossed arms. She felt warm and smelled like smoke. He didn't want to argue anymore.

"You're my son. I know you," she said in a low voice, "and I know my granddaughter. I don't mean to put you down, Len. I'm just afraid that you're going to regret missing these years. I don't want to see you make your father's mistakes."

"I'm nothing like him. It's different with me and Joanna. You know that," Leonard implored, but all she did was give him a small, conciliatory smile and move away. Before going back in, she spoke again. Of course she had to have the last word. Of course.

"Sure, honey. Be sure to tell your daughter that when you leave again."

* * *

"Fascinating," Spock said, inspecting the month old baby with outstretched arms. Leonard and Jim shared an amused glance just as Carol stepped into the living room. She actually looked put together, while Jim was dressed in some ratty clothes that even Leonard thought should be recycled. Not to mention the fact that he hadn't shaved for weeks.

"Oh, Spock. Don't hold him like that. He's a baby, not an experiment," she admonished, darting around the room and rustling through the mess. "Maybe I should stay here."

Penelope piped in at that. "We talked about this, Carol. And it's only an hour or two. There's no way Spock will let Kirk do anything too stupid while we're out." Jim opened his mouth to rebut her claim, but Leonard watched him back down at Penelope's glare. "What are you looking for, anyway?"

"My shoes," Carol admitted. "Jim, where are my flats?"

Taking David from Spock and cradling him more securely, Jim shrugged. "Did you check your closet?"

"Of course I did."

"What about the hall closet?"

"Yes."

"The kitchen?"

"Why would they be in the kitchen?" Carol sounded annoyed.

"Why would I know where your flats are?" Jim shot back, and so on her way to search the kitchen, Carol 'accidentally' flicked his head. "Ow," he muttered. Penelope let out a cough that sounded remarkably like a laugh. From across the room, Leonard met her eyes, and the cough turned into a warm smile.

"Bones, did you know Waters is making googly eyes at you?" Jim stage-whispered, and then the doctor gave his friend a flick on his arm just as Penelope let out an irritated ' _I don't make googly eyes'_. "Ow, dammit. Why's everybody gotta be against me?"

Spock straightened noticeably from his spot on the couch. "I am on your side, Captain." David let out a loud, happy squeal that had everyone distracted for a moment, and then Jim answered.

"David and I appreciate your loyalty, Spock," Jim grinned. Soon after, Carol walked back into the room, shoes on her feet. "So..." Jim trailed off, staring pointedly at her feet.

"Shut up," Carol smiled, knocking his head playfully as she passed and went to grab up her sweater and purse. "You have our numbers, right?"

"Yes, ma'am," Jim stated.

"There's milk in the fridge, and there's extra diapers in the bathroom," she continued, even as Penelope began to drag Carol near the door. "Don't forget to feed him in half an hour."

"I won't."

"If anything happens, anything at all, you'll contact me," Carol said sternly. "I'm serious, Jim."

Jim nodded. "Okay." And with that, Carol and Penelope had left. "Now what are us four bachelors going to do with an empty house?" Jim wondered. If anything, Spock stiffened even further. Leonard fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Might I remind you, Captain -"

"Jim," Jim corrected.

"- that I am engaged in a long-term relationship with Lieutenant Uhura, Doctor McCoy is -"

"Bones," Jim interrupted. "And do you call her Lieutenant when -"

"- currently courting Lieutenant Waters, and -"

Now it was Leonard's turn to interrupt. "Courting?" he asked incredulously.

" - your son is far too young to be considered as a candidate for mating."

Jim burst into laughter that caused David to let out another loud squeal. Leonard rolled his eyes at the pair and tried to fight the urge to join in. Instead he raised an eyebrow at Spock. "Tell me that was at least partially a joke."

"Vulcans do not joke, Doctor," Spock insisted, but Leonard found himself unable to believe his friend.

Friend? No, he and Spock were nowhere near friends. They were colleagues, acquaintances, rivals ...

Ah hell, who was Leonard kidding?

"You'll forgive me if I doubt you, Mr. Spock," Leonard said sarcastically, leaning back and throwing an arm behind the First Officer.

"Vulcans do not lie."

"Oh, sure they don't."

Jim shook his head at both of them. "Do you two turn everything into an argument?"

In unison, the officers turned to him and answered. "No."

* * *

"I'll miss you," Leonard said as he hugged his daughter one last time. The sun was beating down on his back as Spring fully set into the Northern Hemisphere, and Leonard was not ready to leave it for the artificially controlled temperatures of a starship. He pulled away and met Joanna's far too steady gaze.

She gave him a smile that didn't reach those eyes. "You'll be back before you know it. You won't even have time to miss me." He ruffled her hair, and she immediately went to fix it.

"Oh, I suppose you're right," Leonard lied in an obvious way, and Joanna giggled a bit before taking a step back towards her mother. He looked at them both, side by side, and for a moment, he imagined that it was still just the three of them. Back when life wasn't as complicated and Starfleet just wasn't a part of anything at all. Back when it all made sense.

Well who needed sense anyway?

"It was good seeing you, Leonard," Pamela remarked. He nodded at her once, and for Joanna's sake, even smiled a bit. "Take care of yourself."

"You do the same," Leonard answered. "I guess I'll be off then." He nodded again at them both and then turned on his heel and started walking to the car. Every step felt a little heavier than the last, like he could feel the Earth's gravity weighing him down in anticipation of when it wouldn't be. He half expected Joanna to run and give him one last hug.

She didn't.

With a heavy heart, Leonard climbed into the front seat and started up the car. He glanced back. Pamela had already gone back inside, but Joanna was just sitting on the steps with her head in her hands. He needed to get out of the car and go to her.

He needed to just start the engine and go.

He wasn't his father. It was different. He'd be back again soon. So his voice called out the command to start the car, and there was no cracking sound from his throat when he did it. No, there most definitely was not.

There would be other days, he promised himself as the car sped away. There would be other years.

And after he had parked the car back in his mother's garage to collect dust, and after he had hugged her goodbye and ignored her all too steady gaze, all too much like Joanna's, and after he had transported to San Francisco to take the shuttle back to space dock, Leonard just kept telling himself that.

When he caught sight of Jim, clean shaven and in a pressed Starfleet uniform and without David, Leonard wondered if he was the only one making false promises.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading. Enjoy!**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 8 - If it is Given Me to Save a Life, All Thanks**

"What in God's name?" the doctor muttered under his breath as Sulu, half his body covered in a suspicious looking green slime, stumbled into Sickbay. It oozed from his gold shirt and his quickly paling skin.

And there Leonard had been thinking he was almost bored since shore leave on Earth. There'd been simple observation and data collection missions for more than a month as they traveled further into deep space, and though the crew made enough trouble without alien intervention, things had been quiet. Well, as quiet as a ship could be with Jim as her captain.

Again, Leonard had been _almost_ bored.

Chekov hurried in step with the helmsmen, clutching onto Sulu's arm. "Clear the way!" the navigator said in a loud voice. Leonard handed off the skin synthesizer he'd been using on an injured engineer to Neil. While he helped Chekov direct Sulu to an empty biobed, Leonard listened to the navigator's hurried speech. "Dr. McCoy, sir, i-it's all my fault. I-I-I tried to touch the plant. I should not have. Hikaru, he pushed me away, b-but then-"

"I need some help over here," Leonard called out, taking Sulu's vital signs with a medical tricorder. "Sulu? Can you hear me?" Sulu nodded frantically, arms clutching the sides of the beds. "Can you speak?" He seemed to give it a go but only succeeded in giving himself a coughing fit. The doctor turned back to the young navigator. "Chekov, what plant sprayed him?"

Chekov's face twisted in thought. "I-I don't know! It was called … um … it was called ..." M'Benga quickly stepped forward beside Leonard and took a sample of the slime.

"I'll do an analysis," the other doctor said.

"Make it quick," Leonard ordered. "Chekov, I need that name." Sulu's pulse was racing, and if there was a toxin in the blood, that meant bad news for him.

"Maybe I will go back and check." As Chekov spun to leave, Leonard reached out his left hand and firmly grabbed his arm.

"And then get this stuff on you, too?" Leonard asked with a raised brow, eyes not leaving Sulu or the tricorder screen. "No way in hell. What you can do is tell Jim to lockdown that area, and to get everyone from the greenhouse in Sickbay just in case." Chekov remained still, so Leonard added a firm, "Now. And then get your ass back here as well."

"Right," Chekov nodded. The navigator jogged out of Sickbay, hopefully to do as Leonard asked, and then the doctor called out.

"M'Benga!"

"The computer's still working," the Assistant CMO informed him. "Give it time." Leonard bit his tongue to keep down the rebuttal that time was the one resource in which they were scarce.

Questions raced through the doctor's head as he continued a very shallow examination of Sulu. Had he ingested any of the substance, or was it only absorbed through the skin? Was anyone else in danger? And what the hell had Chekov and Sulu been messing with? What were they keeping in that god forsaken garden these days?

Paz approached from the right, leaning down and trying to get Sulu's attention while she cleaned his face of the substance. "Lieutenant Sulu. Lieutenant." He didn't respond. Leonard's tricorder started beeping rapidly, and then his heart started to sink.

"His airways are closing," the doctor announced.

* * *

 _"Sulu," Leonard hissed quietly. Spock was droning on and on in the very first briefing for the senior staff since Jim had graduated the Academy and officially became captain. All seated around the table, the senior officers of the Enterprise, save Chekov, looked bored out of their skulls._

 _In the chair next to him, Sulu leaned back slightly as a sign for him to continue. "Sulu, say you feel sick or something." The helmsman turned a bit in his direction and said from the side of his mouth._

 _"Why?"_

 _Leonard sighed and tried to look natural as he placed his chin on his hand. Closer now, the doctor continued. "Cuz I don't know if I can stand one more second of Spock droning on about statistics of waste disposal and how to make our water recyclers more efficient."_

 _"We both get out?" Sulu asked in a whisper, going to scratch his nose to hide his mouth._

 _"Exactly." And with that, Sulu began to clutch his stomach in a far too convincing way. He made himself look pale. Hell, Leonard thought that Sulu should have gone into acting. After a few moments of suffering in silence, Sulu made to get up._

 _As soon as he did, Mr. Spock turned to the pair of them and said in a serene voice, "Vulcans have exceptionally superior hearing when compared to humans." Leonard and Spock locked eyes, and while everyone in the room looked on, the doctor lost their silent competition. Being the gracious loser that he was, Leonard shuffled down in his chair, crossed his arms, and began to mentally list the evidence of Spock's incompetency._

 _"Sorry, Doctor," Sulu said quietly as he sat back down. Leonard patted his shoulder once, and then returned to brooding._

* * *

"His airways are closing," the doctor announced, and then with practice that came with years of experience, Leonard pushed down his panic and focused on his patient.

Focus. His hands were moving faster than his brain, and he was calling out orders to his medical staff. There was no room for failure, and no time to think. Sulu couldn't be Sulu anymore. The person that lay on the biobed was really only a tangle of organs and blood and cells, and Leonard's job meant he had to make them work right again.

* * *

 _"This place sure is dry," Jim coughed. Around them stretched miles of bright sand, and while a light breeze brushed Leonard's hair back, his eyes squinted out for a sign of, well, anything. "Spock, signs of life?"_

 _"Mostly a range of unintelligent species, though scans indicate some form of humanoid life, bearing two zero zero mark four," Spock intoned, voice raising over the ever stronger wind. "There appears to be exactly two dozen of them, Captain."_

 _"Anything else?" Jim prompted._

 _Spock considered the question for a moment, then shook his head. "Nothing exceedingly relevant."_

 _"And on your end, Bones?" Jim asked, turning to him._

 _Taking a look down at his tricorder, Leonard presumably saw the same signs Spock had: nearly thirty humanoid forms a whiles away. "Nothing much, 'cept this place is hotter than hell," the doctor stated grumpily, kicking up a bit of sand with the toe of his boot._

 _"I find the climate satisfactory," Spock said clearly, hands going to clasp behind his back. Leonard rolled his eyes, tucking the tricorder back into his belt._

 _"You would, you green blooded devil."_

 _"Alright," Jim interrupted, throwing an arm around each of them and squeezing. "Let's try and get through this one with no arguments, gentlemen." Both Leonard and Spock moved away from the captain as quick as they possibly could. The doctor watched in amusement as Spock readjusted his uniform from Jim's movements._

 _"There is an extremely slim likelihood of that occurring, Captain. The doctor, as always, insists on baiting out a response from me that will in turn cause him to lash out. I do not understand this destructive cycle, and can only base it on his illogical human need to create conflict where there is none," Spock murmured._

 _Leonard pointed out his finger at Spock and stared expectantly at Jim. "That right there is him baiting_ me _. You just heard it." Jim glanced at them both in turn, sighed, and then headed off in the direction of the life forms._

 _"Kirk to_ Enterprise _," Jim said into his communicator as the three made there way across the sand._

 _"Sulu here Captain. Is everything alright?" In response, Jim just grinned._

 _"I would say yes, Lieutenant, but I've got a feeling about this one. Keep a transporter lock on standby, would you?"_

 _"Of course, Captain," Sulu's steady voice replied._

* * *

"That's it," Leonard muttered to himself. "Just breathe." The hypospray had kept Sulu's throat from closing in on itself, but it was only a temporary fix. When Chekov finally returned to Sickbay, Leonard already knew the kid had disobeyed orders. And why could tell that? Well, because the idiot was covered all up his arms in the same green substance that had Sulu struggling to survive.

"Goddammit Chekov," Leonard called out.

"It is alright, Doctor," Chekov grinned sheepishly. "I am alright. I went to find out the name of the plant before we shut down the greenhouse. And - ach," Leonard cut him off by tugging the kid by the collar of his uniform over to a biobed. He flipped on his medical tricorder and furrowed his eyebrows at the readings.

"You're fine?" the doctor wondered aloud. "Why are you fine?"

"I was trying to say, sir, but you wouldn't listen. I slipped in the green stuff on the ground, and I don't feel sick at all. And someone told me that the plant is not supposed to be poisonous." As Chekov spoke, some very disgruntled blueshirts began to file into Sickbay.

So Sulu had some weird allergic reaction. Leonard breathed a deep sigh of relief.

That he knew how to treat.

* * *

 _"We have to get the captain back," Sulu panted as they paused in their escape._

 _Leonard responded as quick as he could catch a breath. "And how do you suppose we do that? We've got no communicators, no weapons. Hell," he added, "we don't even have a clue where we are!" Sulu waved a hand to silence his complaints, but that's when Leonard caught sight of the blood seeping through the sleeve of his shirt. "Jesus, man."_

 _As though noticing the wound for the first time, Sulu followed Leonard's gaze down. He covered the blood with his other hand. "It's nothing. We just need to come up with a plan."_

 _The doctor shot him a droll look. "And why can't we do that while I keep you from bleeding to death?"_

 _"Because," Sulu started with a self-conscious expression, and then trailed off when he could think of no good reason. "We need to find somewhere safe to wait first," he insisted finally at Leonard's continued expectant glare. Without waiting for a response, Sulu started up a run with newfound speed. Muttering to himself, the doctor followed close behind._

* * *

Leonard had Sulu stabilized in the corner, soon to wake up. He had gotten everyone to leave Sickbay. He had ended the quarantine of the greenhouse after Maintenance had cleaned up the plant mess. And now that everything was finally under control, the doctor allowed himself to get really worked up. Scanning the room for his intended target, Leonard only saw his medical teams.

"Where's Chekov?" Leonard grumbled angrily to M'Benga, who was sitting beside him. The Assistant CMO glanced up from the computer dock and shrugged.

"I think he's hiding. Goodness knows I would be," the other doctor mumbled to himself.

"I'm not that bad," Leonard complained, but M'Benga just shook his head and went back to his work. With a roll of his eyes, the CMO went in search of the wayward navigator, intent to give that boy a lecture he would not forget.

* * *

 _"Look," Sulu began, "You shouldn't get discouraged." The helmsmen offered a hand down to Leonard, which the doctor took. After all, it was only his pride and dignity he had left behind him on the ground. "I've been doing this for years, and you're out of practice. Give it a month or two and it'll be me eating mat." Well that actually made Leonard feel somewhat better._

 _That was until Jim had to jog over and give his two cents._

 _"Damn, Bones, Sulu kicked your ass," Jim laughed as he slapped Leonard on the back a bit too hard._

 _"Ha, ha. Hilarious. But my goodness, isn't it time for physicals again?" Leonard taunted in a mocking tone, causing his friend to hold up his hands in a placating gesture._

 _"Kidding," Jim said. And then two seconds later, he added, "But really Sulu, that was fantastic. Can you do it again so I can record it?" With a nervous laugh and a look between his Captain and the CMO, Sulu tactfully declined the request. Not that Leonard was really paying attention since he was now trying to figure out what vaccinations he could ethically give the captain that still really hurt._

 _"I'll have Starfleet give you a pay raise," Jim offered._

 _"Actually, sir, I think I have to get to the Bridge," Sulu said while slowly backing away. Leonard wondered if he could justify an exploratory surgery into Jim's brain to find out what made him so damn irritating._

 _"Come on," Jim pleaded. "Your shift doesn't start until morning."_

 _Sulu shook his head rapidly. "Chekov wanted to ask me something. So, uh, dismissed. Me. Thank you, sir." And with that, Sulu was out the door._

 _"Look what you did now, Bones," Jim accused, pointing his finger at Leonard's chest. "Sulu's afraid of you."_

* * *

"...disobeyed a direct order, went into a zone that should have been quarantined. I could put you on report for this, you know that?" Leonard said as he paced in front of Chekov. He finally found the young navigator hiding in one of the back rooms where he claimed he was looking for something he had left in there three months ago. Leonard was no fool.

"I'm sorry, sir," Chekov mumbled, his head dipped down a bit.

"Do you even know what could've happened? What if it had been toxic? You could have died. You could have been seriously hurt, Chekov. Do you even understand that?" Leonard stated, stopping in front of him.

"But nothing happened," Chekov returned in a small voice. "I am fine."

"Luck. That's all it was. Now, you might not get the gravity of the situation, but I'll bet my life Mr. Spock will," Leonard threatened. Chekov instantly turned his head up and met his gaze. At least that first officer was good for something.

"That's not necessary, Doctor. Please do not tell Mr. Spock," Chekov pleaded. "I know I should not have gone back, but I was worried about Hikaru, and it was my fault that he got hurt. I just wanted to make it right." Leonard's gaze finally softened a bit at the confession. How many times had he done something idiotic for Jim, even when he knew he should've just let the whole thing be?

The doctor reached forward and put a hand on Chekov's shoulder. "I understand why you did it, kid, but I still gotta tell Spock." Chekov deflated a bit at that, so Leonard continued. "However, I might be able to convince him to be lenient, especially if I ask Jim to -"

"You want to tell the Captain, too?" Chekov asked, looking even more dejected than before.

Leonard just shook his head and dropped his arm. "It'll be fine, kid. Just show Jim that face."

"What face?" Chekov blinked up in confusion.

"The pathetic one you just made. Jim's such a sucker for that shit." Leonard rolled his eyes at the thought.

Chekov began to look contemplative. "Maybe if I tell him how loud you yelled, he will feel bad for me?"

The doctor blinked. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"You do like to raise your voice at the captain, sir," Chekov admitted, and then Leonard just barely caught the mischievous in his expression before it smoothed out into a poker face. "I think that on any other ship, it is you who would be put on report for insubordination."

"Yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that. Now go bother that idiot helmsmen you seem to like so damn much," the doctor said. Immediately, Chekov bolted out of the exam room.

So now he followed orders?

Leonard rubbed his left temple in irritation as he too left the room. He strode through the now calm Sickbay. After he had made sure everything was truly under control, he wound up in his office. Alone now, Leonard glanced around nervously once, twice, and then felt comfortable enough to lift his feet up onto his desk and cross his ankles. He leaned back in his chair and sighed. For a moment or so, he allowed himself the courtesy of closing his eyes. Just a quick rest, and then he'd -

The door beeped to let someone in, and Leonard let out a very loud swear as he tried to contort himself back into a regular sitting position. He failed spectacularly, ending up sprawled on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. His vision was soon blocked by a far too amused face.

"Napping on the job, Leonard?" Penelope asked with a grin, and she tilted her head a bit to the side in false sympathy.

He continued to lie there. "Not exactly, darlin'," the doctor drawled. After a few seconds, she sat down cross-legged on the floor next to him. Her uniform was wrinkled like she had spent the day up in the jeffries tubes, and pieces of her hair had fallen out of her ponytail. Leonard didn't know if he'd ever seen something so perfect.

Oh hell, he had it bad, didn't he?

Penelope reached forward and poked his cheek with her finger. "I think you're a liar, and a bad one at that." Leonard grabbed her hand, pulled himself up into a sitting position, and then continued to hold onto it. He turned her hand so it faced palm up and then started to play with her fingers. She sighed. "Aren't you still on duty?"

"Yes," he said in a distracted way, noting the callouses and lines in her skin.

He thought he heard a smile when she said, "Then maybe you should get back to work, Doctor." Leonard finally moved his gaze back to her face, where her expression was serious, but her eyes were shining.

"Maybe I will," Leonard shot back, but his own voice betrayed him. Penelope just shook her head and used her other hand to encase his. She leaned forward and gave him a short kiss that quickly deepened into something more serious. After maybe a minute - or had it been two - she pulled back but continued to cradle his hand. "What did you stop by for again?" Leonard asked, his mind slightly muddled.

She smirked a smidge and replied. "Just passing by." Then she frowned a bit, eyes dimming. "I heard something happened in the greenhouses. Is everyone alright?"

"Just a small accident," Leonard admitted readily. "Sulu had a bad reaction to a cross-breed he'd been cultivating. Man's so obsessed with the damn thing, didn't think twice before trying to approach it." As his shoulders tensed, hers relaxed.

"So he is okay?"

"For now," the doctor grumbled. What would it take to get the damned Bridge crew to use their brains every once in a while? Threats no longer seemed to work. Was he losing his touch?

Penelope freed his hand from her hold and instead caught his gaze. "You're still on duty. I should go now," she suggested, though she made no move to get up.

"Do you want to come over tonight?" he asked hopefully.

Her expression darkened. "I cannot." Disappointment coursed through him instantly, but he kept his face blank as best he could. "I would if I could," she reassured him. "It is only that Mr. Scott has a new project, and he is not sleeping until he gets it done. I think that if I help him the next few nights, maybe it will get done faster, and then he will sleep, and I will sleep, and everyone will sleep and will be happy, and there will be no more bagpipe music at all hours."

He blinked slowly. "Not sure I followed that all correctly, but I think I understand."

"You are not upset?" Penelope questioned.

"No," he shook his head then said sarcastically, "only I hope Scotty knows how much he'll regret getting on your bad side."

She frowned. "I do not have a bad side."

"Course you don't," he assured as he stood up. Penelope followed suit but lingered in his space. "What?"

"Sulu is alright," Penelope stated firmly, meeting his eyes.

Leonard folded his arms and leaned against his desk. "I know he is. I told you he's fine." The corner of her mouth turned up as she reached a hand toward his forehead. Her thumb smoothed the crease between his eyebrows before dropping back down to her side.

"Then why have you been frowning since I mentioned him?"

"I have not been frowning."

"Yes you have. You do not see your own face. It's a frowning face," she argued.

He raised a brow. "I think I'd know what my own face has been doing."

Penelope crossed her own arms. "You think you know everything, but you don't because you _were_ frowning." Leonard scoffed. "You are worried about him."

Worried? Leonard wasn't worried. He felt concerned at most. At most, but only because Sulu didn't make mistakes when it came to just about anything. It was probably nothing. It was nothing. Leonard knew it really was nothing, but he couldn't help it.

He was not worried. "I'm just irritated by the whole thing. That's all," Leonard said. Penelope uncrossed her arms and looked unconvinced.

"Okay. Fine," she said, dropping the matter. "I will see you tomorrow maybe?"

"Tomorrow," he agreed. They shared a quick goodbye kiss, and then she was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you for reading!**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 9 -** **But It May Also be within My Power to Take a Life; this Awesome Responsibility Must be Faced with Great Humbleness and Awareness of my Own Frailty**

The doctor awoke to an empty bed.

There had been someone else with him when Leonard had fallen asleep. In the darkness, he turned over to read the chronometer. It was 03:35. Why oh why was he awake at 03:35? As he flipped back around, Leonard reached out to the empty space beside him.

It felt cold.

With a quiet groan, the doctor sat up and strained to see beyond the bed. He blinked rapidly, trying to free the sleep from his eyes. And then, for just a moment, the light from the warp field illuminated her face. She had settled facing the window out into space. Leonard rubbed his cheek a few times before rising from the bed, carrying a blanket with him. Darkness covered the room to the point that Leonard struggled to not trip his way to the couch. After he took a seat next to her and covered both their legs, Leonard waited for her to say something. When she didn't, he did.

"Penelope?"

She turned her head toward him, though he couldn't quite make out the details of her face yet. "Go back to bed," Penelope finally said in a shaky voice, placing her hand on his knee. "I'm fine." Leonard raised his eyebrows.

"You don't sound fine," he replied. She made a quiet sniffling sound and inched away slightly.

"Well I am."

As his eyesight adjusted to the darkness, Leonard squinted at her expression. "Have you been crying?" Leonard asked with maybe a bit too much incredulity. He could hear the denial in her tone when she answered.

"I don't cry."

"It's okay if you were," Leonard said.

"Well I wasn't," Penelope tried to bark out, only the effect was somewhat lessened when she hiccuped. They both stared at each other in silence for a second or two, and then the tension in the air dissipated. "Maybe I was. A little. If you tell anyone, I'll - I'll - actually, I'm too tired to think up something threatening. Just know that you will be very upset."

Leonard somehow managed to keep a straight face. "Whatever you say, darlin'." Apparently appeased by the turn of events, Penelope moved closer towards him and rested her head on his shoulder. Under the blanket, he grabbed her hand and entwined their fingers. "Can I ask what possessed you to get out of bed before ten?"

"It is nothing," Penelope responded quietly.

"Please tell me."

Leonard waited for her to say something, but it was a long time before she said one word. When she did, he felt like an idiot.

"It was three years ago today. I couldn't sleep."

* * *

 _"Jim? What's wrong? Is that blood?"_

 _The questions were far too familiar for Leonard's liking, but goddamn if that's what he got for having a friend like Jim Kirk. The kid had been taking years off his life since that first shuttle ride. And now, over four years later, Leonard still couldn't explain why Jim showing up on his porch in the dead of night, covered in blood over an officer's uniform just didn't surprise him._

 _What did surprise him was the fact that Jim didn't answer._

 _"Jim?" Leonard prompted. Jim continued to stand there, face blank. It was like he didn't even see Leonard. "Jim." The doctor stepped out onto the porch of his mother's home, and God help them all if she woke up. The only sound besides Leonard was the chirping of crickets. "Jim." Leonard moved forward and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. He touched what could only be dark, crusted blood, but unfortunately, that was nothing new to him._

 _Almost immediately, Jim's face crumpled and with the arm that wasn't in Leonard's grasp, he used to cover his tears._

 _"He's dead," Jim choked out as Leonard tugged him forward into a hug._

 _"Who?" Leonard asked, worry coursing through him like a wildfire._

 _"Pike. He's dead, Bones. Pike's gone."_

 _Oh. Oh damn._

 _"Jim, I-"_

 _As soon as the vulnerability had appeared, it was gone. Jim pushed away from him, wiping his face. "I'm fine. Just thought you should know." Without another word, he turned on his heel and started to walk away._

 _"What the hell? Where are you going? Jim!" Leonard called out from the doorway in shock, but his friend merely hopped onto what Leonard really hoped was not a stolen motorcycle and left._

 _Pike was dead. Jim was bleeding but alive. He was alive._

 _Pike was dead._

* * *

Oh.

"I almost forgot," Leonard admitted. "Three years, huh? Doesn't feel so long."

Penelope let out a long sigh. "No," she agreed, "no it doesn't."

They were both quiet again. He couldn't believe the date had slipped from his mind. Leonard glanced around the room and wondered if he could've believed three years ago that everything would be alright. It wasn't the same by any means, but as much as he hated to admit it, even to himself, the _Enterprise_ was home.

Last year there had been a service on the ship. Leonard didn't think Jim had planned anything this time around, but now he wondered if maybe the captain should have. It's true that the crew had changed many times since that day. Maybe it was better this way.

Leonard still thought it strange that Pike wasn't around. One of the off-duty nurses had died. Others he had seen. Patients. The crew.

Jim had died.

* * *

 _The three of them walked into the Brig, and Leonard's nerves were fried. It wasn't just the fact that Jim, Spock, and Uhura had gotten into a firefight with the Klingons, or that they had a weapons bay filled with mysterious torpedoes or even that they had John Harrison in their custody. At the heart of his wariness was the look on Jim's face._

 _It was cold. Jim wasn't supposed to look like that._

 _As Leonard approached the holding cell, he took one look at Harrison and decided he was dangerous. The look in his eyes made him want to shiver. Instead, he moved the forcefield disrupter and opened up a space wide enough for the task at hand._

 _"Put your arm through the hole," the doctor said, rifling through his med kit. "I'm going to take a blood sample." Harrison took his sweet damn time doing what he was told. When he finally put his arm through, Leonard secured the appendage before pressing the hypo into his skin._

 _"Why aren't we moving, Captain?" Jim didn't answer, so Harrison continued. "An unexpected malfunction, perhaps in your warp core, conveniently stranding you on the edge of Klingon space?" Leonard looked up sharply._

 _"How the hell do you know that?" the doctor questioned._

 _"Bones," Jim warned from behind him._

 _Leonard glanced back down at the dark blood filling the container. "I think you'd find my insight valuable, Captain," Harrison claimed. With the tube fully filled, Leonard removed the hypo and closed the disrupter with a grimace._

 _"You good?" Jim asked in a low tone._

 _Turning away, Leonard nodded. "Yeah."_

 _"Let me know what you find," Jim ordered, and then the doctor strode in the direction of Sickbay while Jim and Spock went theirs. Whatever made this Harrison tick, Leonard was going to find it and find how to stop him._

 _"Ignore me," Harrison called out to their retreating figures, "and you will get everyone on this ship killed."_

* * *

"Come back to bed. You need to sleep," Leonard prompted. Penelope made a disagreeing sound, and she shifted her body so that it turned to face him. Her hand connected to his cheek.

"I won't sleep tonight. Don't stay up on my account," she told him. They had spent the good part of four months together now, and after many nights spent in each other's quarters, Leonard had learned to accept that Penelope sometimes did not sleep through the night. And occasionally he pushed back against that, and something approaching a real argument ensued. Not tonight.

He reached up and covered her hand with his. "If it's all the same," he said, "I'd rather just sit here with you." Penelope's lips turned up into a tired smile.

"Okay." She slipped her hand away and turned back to rest against him. While Penelope moved her gaze back to the stars, Leonard's eyes drooped as he fought the urge to sleep. Three years ago.

Had it been...

Three years...

So long...and...

"Leonard." Someone was being _loud_. That was not okay. "Leonard, it's seven." Annoying. What was seven? "I'm not having the captain make anymore innuendos about why you are late, Leonard. So wake up." The doctor groaned and shifted his head away from the noise. It followed him. "Leonard. Leonard McCoy. I'll start calling you Bones if you don't wake up."

"I'm up," Leonard said with a sleepy slur to his words. He jerked his body to move into a standing position and instead ended up fully horizontal with his legs twisted around in the blanket. "I'm up, I swear." He thought he heard a bit of laughter, but when he managed to sit upright again, he only saw a suspiciously blank expression on Penelope's face. "What?" he asked in a not at all petulant tone.

"Nothing," she replied quickly. Leonard waved her off and fully detangled himself from the cover. As he stood up and stretched, Leonard breathed his way through a yawn and then started toward the bathroom. After he had showered, shaved, and brushed his teeth, the doctor walked back into the room to grab his uniform.

Penelope had plucked the blanket up from said floor and wrapped herself in it while he dressed. "Did you sleep at all?" he asked, tugging his black shirt on over his head.

"What?"

"I said," Leonard clarified now that his mouth wasn't muffled by clothing, "did you sleep any?" To answer, she only shook her head and stared out the window. Leonard noticed they were still at warp. It made him shiver to see the dark of space, so he looked away quickly. "Are you sure you should go on duty today? Somehow I don't see exhaustion and engineering as going hand in hand."

Penelope cocooned herself further into the blanket until Leonard could only see her eyes and hair. They stared at him. "Yes they do," she told him with false confidence from under the cover.

He rolled his eyes and pulled his blue shirt on. "Oh right, what would I know? I'm only -"

" _The Chief Medical Officer_ ," they said in unison, only Penelope sounded sarcastic for a different reason than he did.

"Yeah, well," Leonard retorted as he sorted through the mess of his quarters to find his boots, "when you come running into Sickbay 'cuz you cut your arm off..."

"I'll be sure to find M'Benga," Penelope finished for him.

Leonard smiled when he saw one boot, then frowned because its twin was nowhere in sight. "Good idea."

"I like to think so. It's on the chair under your other shirt."

"Huh?" the doctor wondered absently, scratching his head.

"Your shoe."

"Oh, thanks." Leonard hobbled over and alas, the boot was where Penelope had indicated. While he sat down to get the damned thing on his foot, Leonard remembered what they'd been talking about earlier in the morning. He kept his focus on the task at hand as he spoke.

"Listen, if you need to talk, I'm always here."

He honestly just expected a glare or a noncommittal hum or a shrug. Instead, her eyes softened. "Thank you."

"I'll see you later, okay? And try to get some sleep before your shift," he said, walking forward and lowering the blanket away from her face. He pressed his lips against her cheek.

"Bye," Penelope called out as he walked out of his quarters and into the hallway. The lights still weren't turned to day and wouldn't be for another half an hour, but the crew didn't seem to notice. People were heading to bed, getting out of bed, eating, talking. It sometimes surprised Leonard how normal things could seem on a metal death trap floating in a vacuum.

"No Jim today?" Leonard commented as he took a seat across from Spock at their usual breakfast table. The First Officer glanced up from his meal dismissively.

"Clearly."

Leonard frowned. He tried to glance surreptitiously at the First Officer in order to analyze his behavior. Obviously the man looked put together, but Spock had hardly touched his tea. That was always a bad sign. "I see you're in a bright mood this morning."

"Are you trying to make conversation, Doctor?" Spock asked him, picking at his toast.

Resisting the urge to start a fight so early in the day, Leonard tried to diffuse the situation before it began. "Sorry I said anything."

The First Officer shrugged nonchalantly. "The apology is unnecessary. It is simply human nature to make mistakes."

"May I remind you, Mr. Spock," Leonard started, unable to help himself, "that you are half human?"

"You do seem to enjoy telling me as much whenever the opportunity presents itself," Spock replied in an almost irritated tone. Almost. "Forgive me for leaving you, Doctor, but I require no more sustenance at the moment."

Leonard gaped even as Spock stood up. One look at his plate showed it hadn't even been picked at. "You didn't even eat anything, you damned liar."

"Enjoy your morning," Spock said, taking his dishes to the recycler and leaving the room altogether. Leonard huffed to himself and stabbed his spoon into his food. What was the old saying, another day, another disappointment?

That was wrong... Another day, another ... Oh, who cared? It was going to be a hell of a day.

* * *

Two broken bones, a second degree burn, and one bout of Rengolian flu later, Leonard stomped his way down to the captain's quarters. Alpha shift had ended, Leonard was free to leave Sickbay in McLean's capable hands, but Jim still managed to be absent in the mess hall. The doctor just about slammed his hand into the door chime. "Open up, you insufferable brat!"

The door opened, and Leonard lingered in the doorway, fixing his gaze on his intended target.

"Hey, Bones," Jim greeted from his desk. He leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head and grinning in a way that was specifically designed to boil the doctor's blood. "Is something important happening, or did you just miss me?"

Leonard stepped into the room and opened his mouth to start a well-deserved lecture on responsibility and health and why no one on this goddamn ship could rub two brain cells together to form a coherent thought. He snapped it shut at the last minute. He would not get baited into a distraction, no matter how good Jim had gotten at doing just that.

"Didn't see you in the mess hall this morning," Leonard said carefully as he approached the seat across from Jim. He gripped the headrest with both hands and observed the captain's reaction.

Jim gave him a _so what_ face before replying, "Wasn't in the mood for breakfast."

"You didn't take a lunch either."

"Not hungry," Jim shot back, arm moving from behind his head to crossed over his chest. The easy going expression that had been dancing over Jim's face was starting to harden into stubbornness. It's a damn good thing Leonard never backed down from a challenge.

With an accusing grumble of a sound, Leonard sat down in the chair and mimicked Jim's posturing. The two of them stared at each other, daring the other to make some sort of dismissal. Leonard's eyes flicked down for a moment at the tilted computer monitor and then back up into Jim's. The doctor cocked an eyebrow up in a pointed fashion. "David's growing like nothing else, huh?" The two month old baby pictures on the monitor were more telling than anything Jim could've said.

"Oh, fuck you, Bones," Jim sighed in resignation. Cutting the act, Jim rested his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. Leonard waited in silence. "So, what? Now you're going to tell me everything's going to be okay and lecture me about skipping meals?" Jim lifted his head up and ran his hands through his hair a touch frantically.

"I want you to tell me what's bothering you so that you don't accidentally crash the ship into the nearest asteroid," Leonard joked.

Jim cracked a smile. "Only with Sulu's permission."

"Of course," he agreed.

With a furrowed brow, Jim's eyes turned from bright to accusing. "Oh, no. This whole," Jim gestured in Leonard's direction, "thing you do to make everyone spill their beans. It's not going to work this time. It's different. Everything is ... it's all just so different."

"In what way?" Leonard asked casually, picking up a glass figurine of a star from Jim's desk. He thought it may have been a present from Spock and Uhura for Jim's last birthday, but Leonard wasn't too sure. The light refracted of it and cast rainbows on his hands.

Jim sighed. "I don't know. It's just ... all the time, I'm thinking about David, and how he is and if he's okay. I worry about the stupidest shit, and I do it constantly, and I feel so rotten because I'm out here and he's there and that means I can't do anything about it."

"Well," Leonard began, "and I don't mean to sound insensitive," he did, "but did you ever consider staying put in Earth? With your record, you could've got a promotion or a demotion depending on who you ask."

Jim frowned very coolly at him. "Why don't you _stay put_ on Earth with your daughter?" Leonard sucked in a deep breath and placed the star back down.

"Good one," the doctor said. He made to stand up. "Have fun starving yourself to death. I suppose that won't look too good on my part, what with how I'm in charge of your well-being, but I guess I'll just tell Command you were being an asshole and leave it at that."

"Alright," Jim called out to his retreating figure. "Alright, I'm sorry, Bones. It came out wrong, okay? I know you got slammed in that custody case, and I know you hate talking about it. Today's just shit, and I shouldn't have said what I did."

Leonard stopped immediately, anger evaporating as quickly as it had appeared. He turned back and sat down again before speaking. "No harm done."

"I feel like drinking, and it's only Beta shift," Jim complained as he kicked his feet up on his desk causing padds and other random objects to scatter and tilted his head back toward the ceiling. Leonard fought a smile. "Tell me it gets easier."

"It gets easier," Leonard repeated back, so Jim lifted his chin and glared. "Okay, in all seriousness it doesn't get easier, you just learn to manage that feeling of failure as a parent a little better. Pretty much all parents feel like failures at one point or another, so there's that. Though, no two situations are exactly identical, so what the hell do I know?"

Jim's gaze fixed firmly on the ceiling when he said, "Today's the day Pike kicked the bucket." Immediate subject change and casual phrasing of a serious thing were classic Jim, so the doctor took the comment in stride. Leonard had had a feeling that Pike may have had something to do with the sudden crisis in his friend's behavior.

"I know. I remember," Leonard muttered. "Now that was a bad day." Jim nodded in agreement, while Leonard tried very, very hard not to think of the body bag and Jim and how pale he looked and the cryotube and the blood and the death and the hope for the impossible and the decision to go against ethics and nature and -

"Pike was the closest thing I had to a father. I never knew George Kirk," Jim added in a quiet tone. The air in the room was tense or maybe that was just Leonard trying very, extremely hard to focus on the situation at hand.

He was here for Jim. "And now you think David might never know his father, too?" Leonard asked knowingly.

Jim nodded. "It's not the safest job, a Starfleet captain. And a five year mission's not the best way to raise a child. I made an oath, Bones, to see this mission through as Captain, and when I accepted it, I thought nothing was ever going to make me second guess this. Five years, deep space, and if it doesn't sound too egotistical, the finest damn ship and the finest damn crew in the Fleet. But then there was Carol and I don't even know if we're together and David and now ... " he trailed off, looking so lost.

"Jim, having doubts about space is kind of my thing," Leonard reminded him, causing a welcome laugh from Jim. "Damn monstrosity this thing we're flying around in. The crew's filled with idiots that never read any safety protocols, and the food replicators could use an overhaul. And what's worse, I got this neurotic captain who won't sit down and eat unless every single thing is in its proper place."

"Insubordinate," Jim chimed in, but Leonard was in full rant about space mode. There had been a point to what he was saying, right?

"Then there's the Vulcan First Officer who's just about the most irritating person in the Alpha Quadrant and a whole gaggle of bright-eyed Ensigns looking to play hero on away missions and get themselves killed. Unknown viruses, pathogens, bacteria floating around all these new worlds. I mean -"

"Are you going somewhere with this?" Jim questioned, cutting him off.

Leonard scratched his head in thought. "Yeah. Something about it all being worth it for the sake of ... hell, I don't know, pursuit of knowledge, exploration, discovery. Point is this, kid," Leonard said straight on. "You made a choice a long time ago in that bar with Pike. Whatever he said to you, it was your decision and yours alone to get on that shuttle. Same goes for me, no matter how much I like to complain. You got your own damn starship now, just like you always bragged you were going to get, and it was your choice to get on that shuttle again. So you own that, and you own the next three years, and then you keep yourself alive so that you can spend the rest of your life making up that time to your son."

Jim looked like he was contemplating what Leonard had said. And then, "Oh, you bastard. This is a bonding moment, isn't it?"

Leonard heaved out a loud, dramatic sigh. "Why you gotta always ruin it, Jim?" He was ignored.

"Sometimes, you know, I really think you hate everything, but that's just your grumpy exterior."

"No, I just really hate everything," Leonard replied in monotone.

"I can see why you and Waters get along so well. You both are just these big softies underneath all the mean looks and grumbling. C'mon, we're best friends, Bones. Say it."

"No."

"Say it. That's an order."

Leonard moved away from the desk and out of the chair. "Eat something, and it better be healthy or so help me, Jim."

Jim swiveled in his chair, watching him go. "Don't ignore my orders. I'm Captain of this ship."

The doctor continued to back out of the room. "I mean it, dammit. I'm talking about vegetables, you got that? They're mostly green, in case you'd forgotten." He pointed a finger at Jim for emphasis. It appeared to have absolutely no effect.

"I'll have you confined to quarters if you don't say it."

Leonard sighed. "We're best friends." Over Jim's victorious _Yes!_ Leonard started to mumble under his breath and let his feet carry him out of Jim's quarters. "Every time he wants to sulk, kid locks himself away. Not part of my damn job description. Is it so much to ask a grown man to feed himself? No, it's not."

"Have a nice afternoon!" Jim called out far too cheerfully.

"You, too, asshole!" Leonard called back as the doors slid shut. Spock, who's quarters were across from Jim's, just happened to be walking down the hallway and caught the doctor's eye. Leonard really hoped he wasn't about to comment on the fact that Leonard had just called the captain an asshole.

Spock stopped and moved to rest his hands behind his back. "Doctor," the first officer greeted.

"Mr. Spock," Leonard nodded. He rubbed a hand over the back of his neck.

"May I assume that the captain is displaying an improved emotional state?" Spock inquired, his eyebrows tilting up. "His body language on the Bridge suggested an imbalance."

"He's in a bit of a funk today," Leonard admitted, walking a bit closer to where Spock stood. "Misses David is all. Just needed a kick in the ass to get him going again."

"A kick in the ass?" Spock repeated in a question.

Leonard couldn't help but smile at hearing the words come out of the first officer's mouth. "He needed somebody to tell him life's going to be okay without sugarcoating the shitty parts of it," the doctor clarified.

"I see," Spock said in a way that made Leonard think he did not.

They both stood there a bit awkwardly for a moment, so Leonard dropped his hand to his side and made to move past Spock. "I'll see you around." Before he could get too far, the first officer reached out and grabbed Leonard's arm.

"I apologize," Spock told him, pulling away his grip in a movement too fast for Leonard's eyes to catch. The Vulcan's head tilted ever so slightly to the side in thought "May I ask a personal query, Doctor?"

Surprise sketched in over Leonard's face. "Course you can, Spock."

"Why did you decide to have a child?" The doctor blinked, unable to form a response quick enough, and so Spock continued. "I understand that many children are not the product of careful planning, but I once recall you telling me that your daughter was the cause of purposeful copulation."

"When the hell did I tell you that?" Leonard asked in confusion.

The first officer replied calmly, "During a New Years celebration three point five years ago. You were quite inebriated at the time. I did try to warn you that the sharing of personal information was an event you would likely regret the next time you were sober; however, I was unable to convince you. I thought it best to keep what I learned to myself in order to spare you from your volatile human reaction. It was only logical, I assure you."

Leonard was pretty sure he had been insulted somewhere in there. "I see. That was admirable of you, Mr. Spock, but I know I tend to lose the ability to shut up after three shots of just near anything."

"An apt observation. Are you avoiding the inquiry? If you would prefer not to answer, you should not feel obligated," Spock informed Leonard, but the doctor just shook is head.

"No, it's fine. Just caught me by surprise is all." A crewmember then walked in between them down to the turbolift

"Excuse me, sirs." Spock nodded in acknowledgment, and the two officers separated and stopped talking. Once she was gone, Leonard continued.

"Spock, my ex-wife and I married when I was just going into medical school. We both wanted a family, and we wanted to make one together. So we decided to have one sooner rather than later, and that's that."

Spock didn't seem satisfied by what he had said. "But, were there other factors?" the first officer pressed.

Leonard laughed. "I don't know, man. I was in love, and I was younger than I realized. We rushed into it without thinking too far down the road, and it came to bite us both in the ass."

"If you could, would you change the time at which you procreated? Is there an optimal time to have children?"

Oh, hell. "Spock, you and Uhura aren't -"

"Do not extrapolate information based on my words," Spock stated. "I apologize if I have offended you. If you have nothing more to say, I will retire to my quarters." Damn Vulcan drama queens. He and Jim really were a pair.

"Spock, it was just a question," Leonard sighed. "And to answer yours, no, I wouldn't change anything about our choice to have a child because that would mean Joanna wouldn't be Joanna anymore. She would be someone else, and I would never wish her away. And just so you know, you can read all the books and essays on the matter and talk to a thousand doctors from all the Federation planets, and they will all tell you something different about when it's right to have a child. It's not something set in stone. There's a few basic things everyone agrees on, like being a healthy adult and being emotionally stable, but that's about where lines start being drawn."

Spock nodded once. "Thank you for your opinion, Doctor. Your insight is appreciated."

"Don't mention it," Leonard mumbled tiredly, waving Spock off. Now that he was done talking other people's ears off, the doctor found all he wanted was a nap. He wished absently that Penelope's schedule coincided with his own so that they could nap together.

Alone in his quarters, Leonard toed his boots off and left them lying haphazardly on the floor. His blue shirt followed and then he sat down on the edge of his bed. Penelope had folded his blanket and left it in the middle of the sheets. A smile brushed at his lips, and he gazed absently at the window. Same view as last night. Space all the same, just stars and stars.

Dangerous. The room seemed to close in on him, so Leonard breathed slowly through his nose and stared at the blanket instead. He was fine, dammit. Everything was fine. The ghosts of his past stirred in his gut. Jim dead on the table. His father crying out for release. Coming home to another man in his bed with his wife. Divorce papers. Joanna sitting on the porch steps with her face in her hands.

At twenty eight, the life he had built for himself just toppled down. Then, lo and behold, he happened to see a recruiting sign for Starfleet. 'JOIN US' it had read, flashing holo images of an assortment of species all in Starfleet uniform. With nothing left to lose and nowhere to go, Leonard went to a recruiting station, filled out information and took a test, and was then promptly directed to report to Riverside, Iowa.

If he could make it through to space, Leonard had decided, he could do just about anything he damn well put his mind to.

That's right, he reminded himself, forcing his gaze back to the window. He had made it out here and to hell with all the shit that had come before. He was a doctor, and a damn good one, and he made a difference where he was and that was the most important thing.

* * *

A week later, and Jim came down to Sickbay to give him the exciting news.

"We're going to Deneva, Bones!" Jim exclaimed, collapsing dramatically onto the couch in his office.

Without glancing up from the report he was reading, Leonard said, "That's nice." Best not to encourage his behavior.

"That's nice? It's not just nice, you know. It's supposed to be beautiful there. Scotty's been telling stories about it, and I know what you're thinking: Scotty enjoys embellishment. But another officer, Lieutenant Higgs, says he's been there too, and Scotty's not even doing it justice. There's old mining stations from a century ago turned into museums. And the trading ports have people from all over the Federation. Scientists, merchants, artists." Jim continued to go on and on, but Leonard began to mute him after a while.

Leonard finished what he was doing and filed it to be sent to the databanks for review. He lifted his head to look at Jim, who was still going on. Rubbing his temple, the doctor asked, "Why are we going there?"

Jim stopped mid-sentence and shrugged. "Command won't tell me until we get closer. All they said was to plot in a course and get there ASAP."

"That doesn't worry you?"

His friend put one ankle on the opposite knee. "It does. It's a strategic planet for its trade in resources and its position in our space, but the Klingons have been backing off the neutral zone, and it's anybody's guess what the Romulans are up to these days. I could speculate, but I usually overestimate these sorts of things and make a fool out of myself. My guess is Starfleet wants to make a show to our allies and our not allies that we're out protecting our own, even as far as Deneva, and they want the flagship to send the message."

"And if it's something more serious?" Leonard wondered.

Jim only smirked. "We're still the flagship. We'll handle it, whatever it is. Now stop being so depressing, it's affecting my good mood." He leaned back and draped himself completely over the couch.

"Arrogant bastard," Leonard muttered just loud enough for Jim to hear.

"I'll remember that when I'm handing HQ senior officer evaluations."

"Please do," the doctor replied. It was all in good fun. Leonard and Jim just joking around to pass the time.

They hadn't known then.

He hadn't known.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviews, favorites, or follows, or actually just reads this story in the first place. I don't expect any of it, so it's all really appreciated. Anyways, please enjoy!**

 **Update: This is based on the TOS episode Operation: Annihilate!, just thought I should mention that.**

 **U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 10 - Above All Else, I Must Not Play at God**

The doctor scowled. "Again, Mr. Chekov?"

The navigator grinned sheepishly and shrugged. Leonard held Chekov's injured ankle in one hand and the scanning machine in the other. "It was an accident, Doctor. I forgot to stretch before I started running."

"It's sprained," Leonard declared with no small amount of irritation. "I've half a mind not to fix it just in case that'll somehow prevent you from doing it a _fourth_ time." He turned around and went to rifle through the drawer for a tissue regenerator. Chekov was shaking his head frantically by the time Leonard spun back around.

"It won't happen again. I promise, sir."

"You've said that before," he reminded Chekov, grabbing his ankle once again and turning it over. With a press on the instrument's head, a soft blue light covered the injured ligaments.

"Yes, but I mean it this time," Chekov insisted. He wriggled around a bit. "Also, I was supposed to get back to the Bridge five minutes ago."

Leonard frowned. "Well hold your horses, dammit, or else I'll have to amputate." Chekov halted immediately, gullible fool that he was, and Leonard completed the process in pece. One final scan showed everything back to normal.

"You were lying," the navigator accused when Leonard allowed him to roll down the cuff of his trousers.

"I was, but I'll be damned if one of these days you don't end up missing a limb because you couldn't be bothered to ..." Leonard's speech died off as Chekov rushed from Sickbay waving his boot.

"Thank you, Doctor," he called out as the Sickbay doors slid shut. With a roll of his eyes, Leonard started to sanitize his equipment. Iyer ambled over and offered to help. Leonard wondered if she always looked bored, or if that was just the way her face was normally?

"Doctor, this is broken," Iyer informed him, holding out one of the hypos he brought out in case Chekov had broken the damn bone. Leonard picked it up and inspected the side of it. Huh.

"Throw it in the medical recycler, it's no use now," Leonard said at the same time as Spock's voice echoed over the intercom.

"Doctor McCoy to the Bridge." Walking toward the far wall, the doctor leaned his hand on the buzzer.

"Acknowledged. Neil," Leonard addressed his Head Nurse while he picked up a medical kit, "get Sanchez in here while I'm there."

Neil nodded, "Of course." With a nod, the doctor swept out of Sickbay and down the corridor. Alone in the turbolift, Leonard gripped one of the handles and called out for the Bridge. He whistled an old tune as the lift moved upwards. Besides Chekov being foolish, the whole day had been pleasant so far. Even the food had tasted unusually palatable.

Arriving at the Bridge, Leonard walked through the entrance and let his eyes roam around the room, careful to avoid the giant display of space. Jim and Uhura were talking in low tones at the communications station. Chekov was still tugging on his discraded shoe, and Sulu's back was to him, and the doctor saw someone he could not name standing next to Spock. Leonard met the first officer's gaze. Seated at the science station, Spock had his eyebrows positioned in such a way that Leonard could only guess meant he was perplexed by something.

"What's up, Mr. Spock?" Leonard asked, taking the few steps to stand next to the nameless ... Lieutenant Commander, Leonard noted by her collar.

From years of experience, Leonard could tell Spock wanted to say something about his casual language. Instead, the first officer ignored it. "The captain has relayed more information regarding our mission to Deneva. I have called on the expertise of our Head of Cartography and yourself in response." Spock motioned toward the screen in front of him. It displayed a section of space Leonard couldn't place from memory.

The other blueshirt must have noticed his confusion. "This is where we are, Doctor," she informed Leonard, pointing a stylus at a slowly moving white dot. She moved the tool to a cluster of multicolored dots slightly to the right of the Enterprise dot. "This is the star system where we are going, and this right here is Deneva." Leonard nodded.

"Okay."

"Good, and these clusters over here," Cartography told him, motioning towards blue, purple, and yellow clusters further left on the display, "are why you are here. Mr. Spock?"

Taking the cue, Spock pulled up a graph display and overlayed it onto the map. Spock tapped the cluster farthest away from the Enterprise. The screen zoomed in to show a more detailed map of the system. "Beta Portilin." Spock then pointed to a few M-class planets, naming them. "All of these places were once inhabited, but today show no signs of intelligent life. Scans from other starships reveal signs of neither artificial nor natural catastrophes to explain this phenomenon."

"You think it was some sort of disease that spread between planets?" Leonard guessed.

"It is a possibility."

Leonard squinted at the screen. "Okay, send the data to Sickbay, and I'll look it over, but what's this got to do with Deneva?"

To answer, Spock zoomed the display back to the original map and began to point at each cluster leading to Deneva. "Lavinius V, Pheta Signi XII, Ingraham B. We do not know what occurred on Beta Portilin because of its ancient origins, but the Federation has noted the steady spread of mass insanity from Lavinius V in the twenty-first century to 2260 on Ingraham B. Starfleet has been receiving a decreasing number of transmissions from Deneva starting on 2262.56."

That was nearly a month ago. "And now?" Leonard asked.

Spock blinked. "Silence."

"I'll look into it, Mr. Spock," Leonard said, nodding at the two other officers before heading back into the turbolift. Jim caught his eye before he left. He looked better than he had last week which made Leonard feel less restless about the mission. If Jim was calm, then Leonard trusted that instinct.

Hours later, Leonard remained holed up in his office, going over every data chip and medical record Spock has sent his way. They were supposed to arrive in Denevan space in less than an hour, and Leonard was no closer to an answer than any other scientist that had studied these patterns. A linear progression of this insanity existed, destroying everything in its path. But a cause, cure, vaccine?

Leonard tried going back to Beta Portilin, but there was little to look at. No Starfleet ships had ever landed there, and scans of the area could only get him so far. The only concrete evidence to suggest the insanity had been there was provided by a private archaeology expedition conducted by neither Daystrom nor Starfleet, and even the ground readings were inconclusive. Bones had long decayed under the planet's sun, and corpses that had been indoors suffered other forms of erosion. Anyways, mass insanity tended to leave its mark on its surroundings, not on its victims, and there was little hope in trying to differentiate between man-made destruction and natural erosion after thousands of years in so little time.

As far as causes went, the most Leonard could say was that it had been spread from one star system to the next by space travel. The disease, if Leonard could even go that far, did not spread without another organism's help.

When Spock called him up to the Bridge for the second time, Leonard told the first officer his findings. He did not seem satisfied. Jim, when he joined them at the science station, was similarly upset.

"There's gotta be something, Bones, Spock?" Jim pressed, leaning on the console.

"There's just not enough research into this problem," Leonard defended. "I don't know why Starfleet wouldn't put more resources into this. A science vessel might be better suited for the situation."

"Well they sent us, so quit whining," Jim said without bite.

Leonard harrumphed and crossed his arms. He was about to start in on Jim's comment when Sulu called out from the helm.

"Captain, ship's sensors detect a Denevan ship heading straight into the sun." All three officers swiveled to look at the viewscreen. Jim quickly made his way over to stand behind Sulu.

"On screen, Mr. Sulu, and plot in an intercept course, warp factor eight," Jim ordered as Leonard took a seat beside Spock.

"We're out of range for visual, sir," Sulu informed him as both he and Chekov began to turn the ship.

"Lieutenant Uhura, establish contact with that ship," Jim barked out, backing up and sitting in the captain's chair.

Leonard commed Sickbay and informed them of a possible medical emergency, meanwhile everyone in the room tensed in their spots. When he turned to observe Spock's work on the sensors, Leonard started to get a bad feeling deep in his gut. "Ship shows only one life sign, Captain," Spock said as he looked up. Leonard watched as Jim nodded and his hand tensed on the side of his chair. "There is no sign of ship malfunction. His course into the Denevan sun is ... deliberate."

"Uhura, do we have communications?"

"No, sir."

"Scotty, how about tractor beams?" Jim asked in a voice much steadier than Leonard's would have been. The doctor watched as Scotty analyzed tactical and engineering stations. The Chief shook his head. Damn.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of range."

Whoever was in that ship was going to die, Leonard concluded. One look at Jim told Leonard he disagreed.

"We have contact, Captain," Uhura called from her station.

Jim did not seem any less tense as he stood from his chair. "Denevan ship, this is the _U.S.S. Enterprise_ ," he began. "Can you reverse your course? Acknowledge." When no response came, Jim repeated the message and walked closer to the screen.

"We're getting too close to the sun, Captain," Scotty said.

Leonard shook his head and rubbed his temple with one hand. "Keep closing," Jim ordered softly before addressing the ship again in a slow, commanding tone. "Denevan vessel, reverse your course. Respond. Reverse your course." The doctor crossed his arms nervously.

"Outer hull temperature now four hundred and eighty degrees and rising," Spock announced, turning in his chair to face the captain.

There was another few moments of tense silence, and Sulu then said what everyone had been thinking. "He's too close, Captain."

"So are we," Spock agreed. "Hull temperature is rising over one thousand degrees. The sun's gravimetric pull is increasing to tolerance levels. Recommend we halt our intercept course, Captain."

Jim said nothing.

"I did it!" a voice called out triumphantly over communications. Everyone jumped. "It's finally gone. I'm free!" The voice trailed off into static.

"He burned up, Captain," Sulu informed in a subdued tone.

Leonard thought the whole thing was a damn shame.

Jim froze for a moment before calling out orders to reverse course. While Sulu and Chekov turned the ship about, Jim slipped back into his chair and said no more. The whole Bridge crew stopped meeting each other's eyes, gazes fixed to their screens.

After a few minutes, Spock announced the all clear. "Get us to Deneva," was all Jim said before he spun his damned chair in the doctor's direction. "Why?"

"You think the thing has spread?" Leonard supposed, approaching Jim.

The captain did not respond at first. Instead, he hopped up and slapped Leonard on the shoulder. "Get ready to beam down to Deneva, Doctor." Leonard could feel the twist in his gut get stronger.

Deneva was bad news.

* * *

Deneva was as beautiful as Jim had claimed.

They had beamed down into the capital city, named after a famous Andorian Leonard vaguely remembered learning about in school. Tall buildings shadowed a city that seemed to grow on top of itself. Older and newer spaces crammed themselves close together, making an almost dizzying array of colors and architecture. Fountains, gardens, and trees were on every corner, and the sky was as blue as Earth's.

There were no people around.

Jim and Spock had both gone down to the planet with him, as well as three security officers Leonard couldn't name. One of them had been in Sickbay the day before, he thought. Bad hangover, if he remembered correctly.

"I thought you said there was a hundred thousand people in this city, Jim. It's like a damn ghost town," Leonard muttered as the group walked down the empty sidewalk.

Spock continued to take scans with his tricorder. "Life signs are clustered in buildings. Everyone is here, Doctor, it is only that they are out of sight."

"What are they hiding from?" Jim mumbled under his breath.

"You scared, Danny?" Leonard overheard one of the security officers whisper to another.

The third redshirt grabbed the collar of not-Danny. He looked like the officer in charge.

"Okay, okay, Yalmark, I get it," not-Danny pleaded quietly. Jim and Spock were busy looking over the data from the tricorders, but not-Danny did not look confident that they would continue to be preoccupied.

"Good," Yalmark replied, dropping not-Danny. Yalmark caught the doctor's gaze and nodded once before turning away. He thought he was a friend of Penelope's maybe? Or Scotty's?

"Bones!" Jim called, waving Leonard over. Just as he started to approach the other officers, a group of four ran toward them from up on a hill. They were yelling at them incoherently, and Leonard took an involuntary step backwards. His hand instinctively went to the phaser on his waist.

As they came closer, Leonard began to make out their words. "Go away! Go! Please!"

"Stand by to fire on stun," Jim ordered, and the security team flanked out. Leonard lingered behind, though he did pull the phaser into his hand completely. The group continued to charge, screaming, and when they were a few yards away, Jim ordered them to fire. All of the attackers crumpled onto the ground, and Leonard immediately put his unused phaser away and approached them with a tricorder.

Leonard rubbed his forehead with one hand, surprised by the screen's data. "Jim," Leonard said. Jim and Spock both stopped their discussion from above him. One he had their attention, the doctor continued. "It doesn't make any sense. They're unconscious, but their brains are showing the activity of someone awake and hopped up on stimulants. Strong ones, too."

"I suggest, Captain," Spock started, "that we return to the ship with these four and attempt to communicate with them more calmly from Sickbay."

Jim took a moment before agreeing. He flipped open his communicator. "Kirk to _Enterprise_. Scotty, beam Dr. McCoy up along with the four human lifesigns at these coordinates. And have a few security officers meet them in the Transporter Room."

"Aye, sir," Scotty's voice answered. Leonard tried to look calm as his bits and pieces were scrambled and plopped into the Transporter Room, but he doubted he would ever succeed at doing that. With the help of security, Leonard was able to transport the Denevans into biobeds. They registered as two men and two women, and their brain activity continued to be extremely abnormal. Physically, they were fine, save for a few bruises here and there. Mentally, nothing made sense.

M'Benga had joined him in his examinations, even though it was his day off, and the entire science department was being sent data to analyze. Absently, Leonard thought he was damn lucky to have medical officers that were so dedicated. Even that damned Iyer.

In the medical labs, Leonard peered into a high-powered microscope and hoped he could come up with something to tell Jim.

* * *

"What do you mean there's no explanation for this? That's unacceptable," Jim accused, pacing the space around the captain's chair.

Leonard crossed his arms. "Listen, Jim, we've got everybody we can working on this, and -"

"You said you haven't spoken to any of the Denevans on board. Wake them up," Jim said firmly.

With a raised brow, the doctor shook his head. "If I were to wake them up, they'd be under an excruciating amount of pain. Until we can find a way to treat whatever it is they've been infected with, then I'm not -"

Jim cut him off again. "You will wake one of them up, and Spock and I will question them. Consider that an order."

"You can't be serious," Leonard argued.

"This is no longer up for discussion," Jim informed him before turning on his heel and marching into the turbolift. Spock followed a beat behind Jim, while Leonard had to force his mouth shut. He nearly stomped his way in with the two assholes. An uncomfortable silence enveloped the turbolift all the way down to Sickbay. Jim was the first one out into the hallway, striding quickly past both Spock and Leonard.

Once all three of them were in Sickbay, Leonard reluctantly loaded a hypo with drugs that could wake a dead man. He stared at Jim expectantly as he snapped the thing into place. Jim stared back, an apology in his gaze. "I'm sorry, Bones, but there are other lives at stake."

He knew that. Still, dammit, this felt wrong. Leonard did it anyway, and in two seconds flat, the man awoke gasping and clutching his head. He started screaming in the next moment.

"Bones," Jim said, hand outstretched toward the man.

"If I give him any more pain meds, he'll die," Leonard told him harshly. Maybe now, at least, Jim would understand exactly what his orders meant.

Jim made an angry sound, but Spock ignored them both and stepped closer to the biobed. "Sir, what has happened on your planet? You must tell us."

In between shrieks, the man answered. "They came ... they came on a ship ... please."

"Who came?" Jim asked, stepping around Leonard to stand beside Spock.

"The things ... started months ago ... I don't know ... people talked about the pain ... didn't believe them." When the Denevan started to sob uncontrollably, Leonard placed himself between him and the officers.

"We need more information," Jim said quietly to Leonard. He then addressed the Denevan again. "Sir, we need to know more about what happened."

He shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "They're everywhere. Just ... just stay away from this place ... don't let them take ... ship ... please make it stop." Leonard wanted nothing more to do with this, screw orders. He put the man back under, and he didn't ask for no goddamn permission either. It was Sickbay, not the Bridge, and there wasn't any captain's chair here.

Ready for a fight, Leonard turned to face Jim and Spock, but neither officer looked in the mood. The doctor deflated, shoulders lowering. This whole mission was one disaster after the next. If Spock didn't even want to engage him, then Leonard knew it was time to start worrying more seriously.

"Captain, I suggest we contact Starfleet Command on how to proceed. Our orders were made under the assumption that the disease was not widespread. Obviously, the situation has changed," Spock said without inflection. Jim nodded in agreement, patting Leonard on the shoulder in passing.

"Good work, Bones."

Leonard didn't feel like he'd done anything good. His eyes trailed over the poor Denevans, and that familiar hopelessness settled in for the long haul. What in God's name was he doing out in space? Frontier medicine was messy and imprecise, and Leonard wanted no more to do with it. He shook his head, nothing to do for it at that point. Leonard tried to make the Denevans as comfortable as he could, and he continued to try and discover what in the world they were dealing with.

A while later, Jim stopped by Sickbay.

"We're going down to the surface again, but you're staying here," Jim informed Leonard in the entryway to Sickbay. The doctor crossed his arms and added a raised brow for emphasis. Jim sighed. "Ah, come on. I need you here." Leonard kept staring. "We'll all keep extra safe. Chekov's coming down, so we'll just use him as a human shield if it comes down to it."

Leonard scoffed. "That boy's still in diapers, not to mention the fact that he's more of a walking disaster than you ever were."

"Glad you understand," Jim smiled in an extremely fake movement. "Catch you later, Bones."

It felt like Leonard's own fault that he was surprised at the sight of a delirious Spock leaning on Jim over an hour later.

"Oh, what the hell?" Leonard cursed under his breath as Jim supported a limping Spock into Sickbay. "I thought you said extra safe, Jim! Sometimes I wonder why I even try to take you at your word." Chekov, two steps behind the senior officers, looked confused.

"We were careful," Jim gasped as Paz and Leonard came forward to help Spock to a biobed. "But then one of those - those things shot up from the ground and hit him on the back. We thought it was dead, Bones, I swear, or we never would've turned our backs to it."

Leonard turned to Paz. "Get M'Benga in here. We're going into surgery." Paz immediately went to grab M'Benga from the labs, meanwhile Leonard grabbed Jim in one hand and Chekov in the other and walked them right out of Sickbay. "I want one of those bastards that attacked Spock," the doctor threatened, "but so help me if another one of you ends up on my operating table in doing so. No one else is going down there, Jim. It's too dangerous." He met Jim's blue eyes straight on to show he meant business.

"Okay, Bones," Jim agreed with a nod. "Okay."

Damn straight.

In surgery, Leonard let M'Benga lead the show. Having a Vulcan physiology expert surely came in handy on days like the one they were in. Unfortunately, when they opened up Spock's back to remove the alien residue, everyone in the room realized that the problem was not going to be solved so easily. The webbed, foreign tissue had entwined itself all along Spock's spine like tree roots growing into the earth. The scans had lied.

They were too late.

How could he have let them go back down? How could Leonard have done that?

The doctor didn't know how he was going to tell Uhura.

* * *

"Where's Spock?" Uhura asked as she strode into his office, Jim directly on her heels. He shot Leonard an apologetic look.

"I think you both should sit down," the doctor advised. Neither officer took a seat, so Leonard shrugged and stood as well. "I'll be honest. The surgery did not go as expected."

Jim shook his head. "But Spock's going to be fine, right? That's not all you can do?"

Uhura said nothing. That never boded well for anyone.

Grabbing the samples they had taken from Spock and the two of the Denevans afterwards, Leonard continued. "The alien leaves behind tissue in its host, and from there, this living tissue spreads rapidly throughout the body. It would be impossible to remove the tissue without damaging the patients permanently. It could even kill them, not to mention the fact that it doesn't seem to lessen the pain." Uhura fixed her gaze on the tissue samples in silence.

"Surely you can try other methods?" Jim pressed, not really understanding what Leonard was saying or just not wanting to. Stubborn. So damn stubborn.

"Jim, Uhura, the tissue spreads too rapidly. By the time we got Spock into surgery, it was too late."

Uhura continued to say nothing. She moved her eyes to stare blankly somewhere left of his head.

"Recommendations?" Jim asked in a hard tone.

Shaking his head, Leonard sighed. "I'm sorry. At this point, all I can do is try and make him comfortable." Useless. He was fucking useless. The doors to his office slid open, letting in the sound of a loud crash followed by the sight of Paz.

"Dr. McCoy, Mr. Spock is trying to leave Sickbay." All three officers immediately rushed into the other room to find Spock fighting against the medical staff, slowly making his way towards the door. The first officer was yelling something about taking the ship. Everything was in chaos.

"Must ... ship ... no," Spock gasped, still going. Leonard searched around in a spare medkit for a tranquilizer that would be safe to use on Spock.

"Spock," Uhura called out. The first officer's eyes almost automatically swiveled in the communication officer's direction. "Spock, what are you doing?" she asked in a quiet voice, but Spock still heard her all the way across Sickbay.

He stopped moving, stopped talking. He even allowed himself to be led back to a biobed, all the while Leonard shooed everyone out of the way and started to mumble.

"Damned idiot Vulcan." No one paid Leonard any attention, which was just as well. It made him feel better. He said in a louder voice, "Spock, if you get out of this bed again, I'll restrain you, you got that?"

Spock did not answer right away. Only after he closed his eyes and breathed deeply did he respond. "That will not be necessary, Doctor. I apologize for my behavior. I am now fully in control."

"Oh, Spock," Uhura muttered in exasperation, taking a seat beside the biobed.

"I am a Vulcan. Pain is a thing of the mind. The mind can be controlled," Spock said as though it were a mantra he had learned from birth. Leonard rolled his eyes, preparing a sedative. Spock snapped his eyes open and glared at the doctor. "I do not require medication."

"That's your opinion, Spock, but seeing as how you're certifiably insane right now, forgive me if I don't take it in the highest regard," the doctor snapped.

Uhura grabbed one of Spock's hands in both of her own. "Spock, we just want you to get better."

"I have told you I am fine. Vulcans do not lie." When no one seemed ready to believe him, Spock faced Jim. "Captain, I request permission to return to duty." Leonard knew Jim enjoyed setting them all on edge, but even he looked skeptical.

"Spock," Jim began, but Spock interrupted.

"I understand your hesitation, but I assure you, I have the situation under control. Even now, the alien pressures me to take our ship and spread its kind, but as you can see, it is failing. It will continue to fail." Jim's gaze lifted to meet Leonard's.

"Can he control it, Bones?"

Leonard rubbed his temple in irritation. "Who knows what goes on inside that stubborn Vulcan head of his? The pain the creature afflicts on its victims is damaging. It's what causes the victims to break down in the first place. Maybe Spock is in control now, but ten minutes from now? An hour? Who's to say?"

"Let me help, Captain," Spock insisted despite Leonard's warning.

When the captain still looked unsure, Spock gave one final plea. "Jim."

The moment Spock said Jim's name, that green-blooded manipulator, Leonard knew he had lost. Jim ran a hand nervously over the back of his head. "What did you have in mind?"

"Oh for fuck's sake," Leonard growled, throwing up his hands in defeat. One 'Jim' and the stupid idiot fell over his feet to appease him.

"Logically, I am the best person on this ship to return to the planet. There, I can collect one of the creatures for examination," Spock stated.

Before Jim could reply, Uhura spoke up. "Could we have a moment alone, please?" It was less a question and more a demand, and since Leonard hoped she was going to convince Spock to keep his dumb ass in Sickbay, the doctor was more than happy to walk away. Jim followed a few steps behind.

"Are you outta your farmboy mind, Jim? You want to send Spock down on that planet?" Leonard demanded once they were a respectable distance from Uhura and Spock.

Jim crossed his arms. "It's not like they can do much more to him." Leonard thought a blood vessel was going to burst in his brain, and wouldn't that just teach the kid a lesson in not pushing him? "Listen, he's our best chance at saving everyone on Deneva. I don't like the idea of Spock walking around a planet full of crazy people, but I'm out of options, and we're running out of time."

"Well as long as its logical," Leonard muttered in a very sarcastic tone. Jim gave him a droll look.

"Just so you know, second guessing me at every turn does not help the situation." Irritation sunk into every one of Jim's words.

Eyes narrowing, Leonard answered. "And just so you know, I don't enjoy you giving me orders that involve compromising the health and safety of this crew."

Jim scoffed. "It's not the crew you're worried about. For once, could you just admit that you give a damn about Spock? It's not a crime to show you actually care once in a while."

"I don't need sensitivity lectures from you, Jim," Leonard glared.

"And I don't need a CMO that disregards everything his captain says."

Rolling his eyes, Leonard said, "Oh so that's what this is about. Your ego."

As he uncrossed his arms, Jim shot him a tired look. "I let you get away with damn near anything, Bones, but I'm still the captain of this ship. Sometimes I think you forget that."

"Not likely," Leonard muttered. If Uhura hadn't walked up to the two of them, the doctor was pretty sure the next words out of Jim's mouth were not going to be very kind. As it was, the two officers simply refused to look each other in the eye as Uhura spoke.

"I think you should let him go down to the planet, Captain," Uhura informed them, a little too calmly. Leonard glanced suspiciously back at Spock, who sat innocently on the biobed looking _bored_. How dare the damned first officer look bored when Leonard didn't know how to fix him?

"You really think he's in control?" Jim asked, shifting forward.

Uhura breathed out a small sigh. "Trust me, he's fine," her voice carried an edge of annoyance. "He'll go down to the planet, grab one of the organisms that infected him, and then beam right back up." It sounded as though Uhura and Spock had already gone through all the steps together.

"Agreed," Jim said, though Leonard couldn't help but internally disagree. Maybe it was a sound plan, logical even, but on the principle of it, Leonard was opposed. Not that Jim seemed in the right mood for any further opinions from the doctor.

"Spock!" Jim called out. The first officer immediately stood from the biobed, looking far too pleased for a dying man. "Let's go."

* * *

"Subject does not react negatively to high levels of radiation or heat," Spock intoned from inside the lab. Leonard was hovering, and he knew he was being annoying, but the prospect of not being there if something were to happen to Spock was ... unacceptable. It was like caring about a computer, for all the good it did either of them.

Hours earlier, Spock had returned to the ship with something that looked like an overgrown amoeba. Contained safely, Leonard had helped him transfer it to the labs, and everyone was putting their heads together once again to try and figure what in God's name could kill the damned creature. Jim had been the one to suggest the connection to the Denevan sun. The man who had died claimed he was free, and Jim bet that something to do with the sun's properties had stopped the alien's effects.

It was the only theory they had, and it was quickly losing traction.

Jim sat in the corner, sipping coffee and thumbing through PADDS like nothing else. Worried because Jim never drank coffee, except in the mornings, Leonard had taken to hovering over Spock, then Jim, then Spock, then Jim, then Sickbay, then Spock again, once over to Uhura but she was scary enough on a good day that he decided to let her be (she, at least, had enough sense to actually come to him if there was a real issue), then he commed Penelope just to make sure she was fine, then back to Spock, then Jim, and now -

"Doctor, would you please remove that device from my person?" Spock insisted.

Leonard shook his head. "No." Exhaustion had drained the eloquence from his arguments. If he were anyone else, Leonard would have insisted he be pulled from duty, but since he was the CMO, he had regulation rights to be a hypocrite. Not that Jim or Spock or Chekov or nearly any other idiot crew member ever listened to him in the first place.

Registering extreme levels of pain from Spock for such a long period of time made Leonard into an increasingly difficult person to be around. Any time Spock showed any outward signs of struggle, Jim basically had to hold the doctor back from insisting Spock get back into Sickbay.

"Light," Jim announced out of fucking nowhere, standing up and scattering a whole mess of things onto the floor. Leonard jumped in his spot at the crash.

Uhura's head shot up from her makeshift communications station in the corner, her cheek had the imprint of an outer edge of a PADD. When it had become clear that she was also not letting Spock out of sight, a group of engineers set up Uhura with it earlier in the day.

"Clarify, Captain," Spock nearly ordered.

Jim laughed loudly, to the point that it bordered on hysteria. "Look, we've tried subjecting that little bastard to just about every other thing. But what about the fact that the sun is just plain bright?"

Spock raised his eyebrows. "An interesting theory. A wonder it did not occur to me ..."

"I think we'll give you a pass on this one, Spock," Leonard mumbled, clasping the man's shoulder for a moment before letting go. Spock hardly seemed to notice as he busily prepared for new tests. With nothing else to do, Leonard assisted the first officer without complaint. Entering in the calculations, they all stared through a viewing screen while intense spectrums of light infiltrated the container and the organism.

It was dead.

Relief coursed through Leonard's bones, but was then replaced with fear. If a person were subjected to that measure of light, it would surely blind them. "Spock," the doctor began once M'Benga and Neil had taken away the organism for further testing.

"We must test this procedure, Doctor, and I believe we both realize that I am the logical choice."

"Spock, we've got four other victims in Sickbay -"

With hands clasped behind his back, Spock frowned. "None of whom can give consent in order to participate in this procedure."

Jim jumped up and approached them both, Uhura at his side. "Now hold on one minute, Spock," Jim said and thus began an argument with a lot of swear words, a lot of gesturing, and only a bit of logic.

"Captain, I must insist -"

"Listen Spock, I'm not just going to let you -"

"If you think I'm going to be responsible for maiming you, you hobgoblin, you can guess again, or-"

"Bones, could you possibly just shut your mouth for five fucking seconds -"

"I do not understand why a decision that should be mine has somehow become a discussion for -"

"Spock, no one asked you for your goddamn opinion-"

"On the contrary, Doctor, my opinion is the only one that counts -"

"That isn't true, Spock. I'm the captain -"

"Oh not this again, Jim -"

"Bones, seriously, shut up or else I'll-"

A loud banging sound jarred all three men into silence. Uhura dropped what she had been holding and frowned at them. "I'm surrounded by idiots," she said, almost to herself. Louder, she spoke, "Spock, we're going to wait for more tests before we do anything. It's only logical to acquire all the information we can, so that our conclusion follows the truth. Right?"

Spock crossed his arms. "Of course, but time is of the essence. Waiting for every possible procedure to be done is not an option."

"No, it isn't, but jumping to action at the first sign of progress is not something I'm willing to accept. Not when it means you'll be harmed, and not when it means possibly blinding a million people," Uhura answered, voice firm.

Leonard had almost forgotten about Deneva. All those people down there, waiting for something to save them. So jarred from his realization, Leonard couldn't even feel smug when Spock agreed to help M'Benga in Sickbay. He still didn't feel any better once they had discovered that a non-harmful spectrum of light was capable of killing the creature. Spock was cured, and so were the four in Sickbay, and then the entire planet was subjected to the treatment through a series of satellites.

Maybe the doctor knew somehow that things could not have worked out so perfectly.

Not this time.

* * *

Leonard commed Jim and wished for all the stars in the universe that he could spare him the knowledge of what he was about to share.

"Are you in Sickbay?" Jim asked, surely on his way down from the Bridge. It had been two days since Deneva had been cured and the spread of insanity stopped, and everyone seemed ready for a change of pace.

Only it came at a price.

Voice steady, Leonard said, "Yeah." With another look around the room, Leonard reluctantly made his way out and down the hall into the main Sickbay. He waited by the doors for Jim. When he arrived, the doctor felt sick to his stomach. Jim looked concerned, his eyes baring into Leonard's twisted expression.

"Are you alright, Bones?" Jim wondered cautiously.

With a sigh, Leonard nodded. "I'm fine, Jim, but we need to talk." Jim started to head toward his office, but Leonard laid a hand on his shoulder to stop him. To answer Jim's questioning gaze, Leonard said, "Just follow me. I'll explain while we walk."

"Sure thing," Jim agreed. "Listen, I want to apologize." Leonard glanced over at him in surprise, but Jim only grinned. "Tensions were pretty high on this last mission. I think we both said some things we'd sooner take back. We good, Bones?"

Leonard couldn't even remember what they'd been arguing about. "Yeah, Jim. Course we are."

Jim's grin faded into a sincere smile. "Good. Now what is it you're showing me?"

As their boots clacked on the floor of Sickbay, Leonard worked up the courage to explain. "You know there were some casualties on Deneva? About a thousand." One thousand in one million. A one in a hundred thousand chance.

It happened three times. Spock could probably tell him the odds of that to the exact decimal.

Jim nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, damn shame we couldn't figure it out sooner." He had said it with a sort of distance that Leonard was soon going to make impossible, and it wasn't fair, and they hadn't known. They just hadn't, dammit. What if they had, Leonard considered wistfully. Would it have saved any of them? Or were they always going to be destined to be too little, too late?

"I was going over the list of the dead. Part of protocol." He couldn't. He couldn't do this. It was Jim.

Jim's brow furrowed as they reached the door of the morgue. "Okay, Bones, you're really starting to freak me out. Can you just tell me what this is all about?" His voice had gotten a touch higher. He did that when he was nervous. Remembered the way Jim had sounded over the receiver when Carol went into labor. Dear Lord, he didn't want to do this.

Years of practicing medicine couldn't prepare anyone. "Jim, I found your brother's name."

Leonard waited. He waited for Jim to do something, say something. When he did neither, Leonard continued. "I looked into the matter further. It's Sam, Jim. I brought his body onto the ship, along with his wife and his son. All three of them are gone."

Leonard waited what felt like eternity. "I don't understand. Sam was on Deneva? He had a family?" Jim asked in a small voice. He had never heard Jim sound like that before, not even after his mother had passed. Not even after Pike.

It scared him.

The doctor nodded, reaching out to grasp Jim's arm firmly. Was he comforting Jim or himself? "Aurelan Kirk, and their son, Peter. You didn't know?" Jim shook his head. He looked so lost, and Leonard didn't know what to do. "I have their bio-info. Here." He handed Jim a PADD containing all the information he could find about his brother and Aurelan and Peter. It just wasn't enough.

Jim leaned back against the wall, and Leonard had to release him. His friend stared intensely at what he read, looking like every word he saw pained him. Jim's hands trembled.

Leonard allowed him that time, leaning against the wall opposite. Eventually, Jim glanced up at him.

"I want to see him. Sam. He's - I want - need to see him."

Leonard wasn't sure that was the best idea, but the thought of denying his friend anything died upon seeing the expression on his face.

"Okay, Jim. You can see him." He allowed Jim to enter the room first, the cold temperature immediately hitting his senses in an unpleasant way. As they approached the drawer that contained Samuel Kirk, Leonard remembered that one day they had met. Winona Kirk's funeral. He was married by then and Peter had likely already been born, and he'd never breathed a word of it to Jim?

What had happened to the two brothers to make even the most basic exchange of information impossible? Jim could be real tight lipped when he wanted to be, sure, but this?

The doctor wondered for a split second just how well he really knew James Kirk.

Tossing that thought aside, Leonard punched his authorization code into the keypad, and within the next thirty seconds, Sam's body lay hopelessly between them.

"Bones," Jim said in a detached voice. He stood over his brother's body, his breath ghosting in the air. Leonard lingered a few feet from them, unable to bring himself any closer. "Bones, you can fix this." Jim nodded. The doctor was unable to tell if Jim was trying to convince Leonard or himself. He supposed it didn't matter either way.

"Jim, I can't," Leonard answered, regret lacing his words. He wrung his hands out behind his back. He had to be there for Jim right now. It wasn't about Leonard. He had failed, but he could deal with that later on his own.

"You _can_ ," Jim insisted, eyes darting around the ground and not landing on any one thing. "You can fix this. I was dead, and you saved me. Because you're Bones, and that's what you do."

"Not this time."

Jim did not seem deterred by anything Leonard could think to say. They continued to go back and forth for a minute or so, a few silences paving the way to this.

"But that's what you always do, so save him. Save them. For me, Bones, bring them back. Please." In the drawers unopened were those he was referring to. Aurelan. Peter. Names neither Leonard nor Jim had heard of before today. Leonard felt his heart breaking at the seams, and he knew in that moment that his failures were being brought to the surface.

"I-I just can't, Jim." Hands trembled uncontrollably now. This wasn't about him. Stop it. Stop it, dammit.

Jim's clear blue eyes focused on him absolutely, and their wordless sense of betrayal screamed at him. "Why won't you do this for me? This isn't a stranger. This isn't just anybody. This is my family." Leonard could not find the right way to explain, and it was beginning to be unbearable. "You will do this. You know how."

"No."

He couldn't.

"I'm ordering you to do this."

He wouldn't.

"I don't have what I had three years ago!" Leonard exploded suddenly, hand shakily clutching his forehead and his regret and anger from the past few days boiled to the surface. The calm facade of professionalism had been torn away, but then, hadn't Jim always managed to make him do just that? Jim's gaze lost none of its intensity, even as the doctor continued on. "I don't have cryotubes. I don't have Khan's blood. We're not on Earth, in fact we're nowhere near it! So don't tell me what I can and cannot do when it comes to this!"

"Bullshit," Jim shot back harshly. "I know you kept that blood, you bastard. I know you did."

Leonard shook his head and jabbed a finger at his own chest. "I would never keep that stuff. I shouldn't have even used it on you, is that what you want to hear? Everything I have ever believed got thrown away when I brought you back to life! _Even_ ," the doctor whispered, "even if I had kept some under Starfleet's nose, I would never use it again. It's wrong, Jim."

"Peter is eight years old," Jim said in a whispered response.

"No," Leonard told him softly, "he was eight years old."

"Fuck you," Jim raged. There was no joking tone, no smile at the edge of his mouth. This wasn't his friend talking to him. It was the man he had first met on that shuttle, the one he had seen the day Pike had died and _Vengeance_ attacked, the one on the Bridge when the Klingons had taken Carol, the person who came out when Jim was very, very drunk. Meanness and fury replaced his friend, and they didn't suit him.

"Fuck you and your shitty moral code that only applies when it suits you. Why did you bring me back to life, Bones? Was it for me, or was it for yourself?"

He'd made the call to raise his best friend from the dead. He liked to pretend that he'd had no choice, but he lied to himself, chosen the easier path. Leonard couldn't regret it because Jim was in front of him, and he breathed again and loved again. He lived and had a son now, and he had his ship and his crew. But there were consequences to every action, and this was his. The look in his blue eyes only confirmed it. Things would never be the same again with Jim, and there was nothing to do for it. Nothing at all.

It didn't mean Jim's question didn't bring out something dark inside him. Something festering and vile and angry because if he were going to tell the truth, Leonard would say, honest to God if there ever was one, that he just didn't know.

"Don't ask me that. Don't you ever fucking ask me that," Leonard snarled, making his way around the dead man who looked too much like Jim, too close to home. He couldn't stop the urge to grab both of Jim's upper arms in a bruising grip and shake him. Everything was falling apart.

"Let go of me," Jim hissed, fists balled at his side.

Both of them were beyond stopping.

"Why did I save _you_? Why did _you_ kill yourself? You bastard, why did you _do_ that?" Leonard pressed, his hands tightening further. Jim didn't have to see the aftermath of his actions. Jim didn't have to see the teary eyed Spock - _Spock_ , the self-proclaimed emotionless Vulcan - restrain himself from killing a man in his name. Didn't have to see the way Scotty carried his body into Sickbay, or the way Chekov had looked so damn _young_ waiting in the hospital when he should've been at home.

And they'd all looked to Leonard. And now Jim was doing the same thing, and he had to say no, and it wasn't fair.

Jim's face started to redden, and Leonard knew that was a sign he should back off.

He didn't.

"You're weak, McCoy. You wouldn't let someone die even if they begged you to kill them."

 _Leonard, please. I can't take the pain anymore. Please, son._

Jim was wrong. He was so wrong, and Leonard didn't want to remember.

"And you refuse to let them live too," Jim shoved one of his arms from Leonard's grip to motion at the corpse that was once Sam Kirk, "So what is the fucking point of you?" His eyes were too blue, too true, too much.

Leonard shoved Jim hard. He stumbled back but quickly balanced himself.

There was a distinct pause in events. Leonard knew as he watched Jim's fist approach his face that this wasn't something he'd forget for as long as he lived.

Jim hit him square in the nose. Leonard could hear the bone snap and then blood gushed down his face. He swore at the pain of it.

It hadn't been a game. It wasn't for fun or to rile him up. It was serious and quick, and it _hurt_.

Neither of them spoke or tried to attack the other again. Jim clutched his chest with one hand, while Leonard pinched the bridge of his nose and tilted his head back. Not enough to miss the lack of sympathy in Jim's expression.

After a moment of only heavy, angered breathing, Jim spoke.

"I trusted you."

In one strong move, the captain slammed his brother's shelf back into its place. His boots squeaked on the ground of the ships's morgue, but Leonard just stared up at its ceiling. The doors slid open and shut, and Leonard stood alone among the dead. It was always going to come to this, he told himself. It was long overdue.

Nothing for it.


	12. Chapter 12

**U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 11 - I Will Remember that I do not Treat a Fever Chart, a Cancerous Growth, but a Sick Person, whose Illness May Affect the Person's Family and Economic Stability. My Responsibility Includes these Related Problems, if I am to Care Adequately for the Sick**

The doctor's nose throbbed in time with his heartbeat.

He waited a minute by himself. Well, not exactly by himself, not if he considered the other three bodies only a few feet away. Leonard shivered at the thought before leaving and walking down the hall to Sickbay. Androvich caught sight of him before he could hide in his office to fix his face.

"Dr. McCoy, are you alright? What happened?" Androvich asked, trailing behind Leonard as he attempted to conceal his injury from view.

"I'm fine," was all Leonard said before entering his office and locking the door behind him. After the mission on Deneva, Leonard hadn't given himself the time to tidy up. PADDS were littered on every surface, empty mugs sat on shelves and chairs, a stained uniform shirt lay crumpled on the ground. The doctor ignored it all in favor of walking behind his desk and rifling through the top drawer for a scanner.

His door beeped. Leonard ignored that, too. It beeped again, and then an insistent knocking began. With reluctance, Leonard called out for the door to unlock, though he kept his gaze fixed downwards.

"That's a lot of blood," M'Benga commented from the doorway. Leonard heard him step forward and the door whoosh shut.

"Yeah," Leonard muttered absently. His voice sounded nasally in his ears.

"Is it broken?"

"Yeah."

"You're going to fix it?" Leonard nodded, finally finding what he needed under a collection of empty brandy bottles. They clanged together noticeably as he pulled out what he needed. "It's somewhat difficult to do that on your own." He paused. "And it's also technically breaking about a dozen ship protocols. Let me help."

"'m fine," the doctor insisted, holding the scanner up to his face to determine where the break was precisely.

"For goodness' sake, McCoy," M'Benga complained, walking forward and pulling the scanner into his own hands. "For all you like to grumble about everyone else being an idiot, you sure manage to do a good impression of one." If Leonard weren't so defeated, he might have something to say about that. Instead, he let M'Benga heal his nose and administer a hypo for the pain. "Who did it?"

Leonard shook his head. "No one. Thanks," he said, standing up and brushing past the other doctor. They both knew M'Benga had probably seen Jim walk out of Sickbay minutes earlier. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together.

"McCoy," M'Benga started, but Leonard just waved his hand.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Leonard's feet carried him out of the Sickbay and into the turbolift. He thought nothing and felt nothing. He didn't even realize he was at Penelope's door until his hand automatically hit the buzzer.

"Come in," she called from inside, but Leonard hesitated. Why was he here? They had been lovers for months, but beyond that? Leonard didn't know. He didn't know, and he hated that, and he needed to just fucking go, so he did. Before he could get back into the turbolift, Leonard heard her voice.

"McCoy?" Penelope asked from behind him. Oh damn it all to hell. He stopped, hearing her footsteps approach him. Penelope's hand urged him to turn around. Her hair was damp, like she had just been in the shower, and she wore black sweats and a regulation black shirt. "Oh my ... Why do you have blood on your face?" She sounded murderous, like she might hunt down the person who had caused it.

But Jim had done that. Jim had.

 _Jim had._

"I'm fine. M'Benga patched me up," he said, but she shook her head and pulled him back down the hallway and into her quarters. Leonard allowed her to sit him down at the edge of her bed.

"Stay here," Penelope ordered, but Leonard thought that wasn't necessary because the idea of doing anything made him tired. She moved from the bed into the adjacent bathroom that he knew was far smaller than his own. In the next moment she returned with a wet cloth. "You look like a mess," she told him. Very gently, she started to wipe the blood from his chin.

He said nothing. Another hand came up to tilt his head to the side. "Did you hit them back?" Penelope wondered.

"I hit first," Leonard whispered. He couldn't even look at her when he said it.

"Who?"

Leonard pushed her hand away because when he tried to answer his lips trembled with emotion. He lifted his hand to the place between his brows, hunkering down. "Leonard," Penelope said, rubbing his back in slow circles. "It's okay. You can tell me."

"I shoved him first," Leonard admitted. "I was so angry. I didn't mean to." His whole body shook.

"I know you didn't. You're not that kind of person," Penelope told him, scooting closer so that she could grab the hand covering his face. She pulled it down, but he refused to look her way.

"Jim. I," Leonard stumbled in his words, trying to hold it together, "I hurt Jim."

"Is he okay?" Penelope questioned, not moving a centimeter.

"He's ... yeah, I didn't break anything." Her thumb came up to brush his cheek.

"Looks like he gave more than he got," she commented neutrally. Leonard shook his head, clearing his throat but not accomplishing anything at all by it. "Leonard, I want to help you, but you've got to talk to me. You and Kirk don't fight like that. What happened to make you two hit each other?" Her tone was more gentle than he had ever heard it, and it just made him feel worse.

Leonard really thought he was going to start crying when he tried to respond. "I messed up. I messed up bad." He didn't know which mistake he referred to. All of them together?

"We all mess up," Penelope said, her hand sliding down to squeeze his hand. "I mess up all the time, okay? And just because you went first doesn't mean he should have responded by breaking your nose. That wasn't a very nice thing to do to a friend, and it's not how a captain should act. You understand that he messed up, too?"

"His brother died on Deneva," Leonard whispered as an explanation because he didn't understand, and he didn't want to. Penelope waited for him to continue, so he tried. Everything he said just sort of spilled out in quick bursts. "They hadn't talked in a long time. He didn't know. He was married, too, and had a son. Jim, he just didn't know. They're all dead. It's my fault. I didn't save them."

"Leonard, I'm very sorry to hear that, but it is not your fault," Penelope assured, but Leonard shifted away from her.

"You don't understand," Leonard nearly shouted. "He was eight!"

Penelope questioned with a desperate kind of confusion, "Who was eight?", but Leonard hardly heard her.

"I knew he was going to hate me. I mean, I hate me. What was I thinking, playing God, bringing him back from the dead? I set a dangerous precedent, and I was wrong, but I don't care, Penelope," he cried. "It's so horrible, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'm pathetic."

"First, and listen to me," Penelope said, capturing his hands again and pulling them down from his eyes, "you are not pathetic. You are a very good person who does a very difficult job. Second, I think maybe you are talking about when you used Khan's blood?" Leonard nodded, his jaw clenching. "Why does that even matter right now?"

"Because Jim asked me to - to - and I couldn't because I don't have any, I don't," the doctor insisted frantically, and she tightened her hold on his hands.

"You don't," she agreed in an appeasing tone, "and that's okay."

"No it's not," Leonard choked out.

"Why is it not?" she asked gently.

"Because I'm supposed to fix things. I'm supposed to be able to fix things for Jim. That's what I do, but this ..." Penelope rested her nose against his shoulder and sighed.

"You can't fix everything," Penelope breathed out.

When he stayed quiet after that, she reached up and wiped away something wet on his cheek. Had he been crying? He let her finish cleaning the blood from his face. "Your shirt is ruined," she said softly, tugging at his bloody collar. "Maybe you should shower?" Leonard shrugged, and Penelope sighed again. She stood up and stepped in front of him. With a tug at his hand, she led him into the bathroom and started the water.

"If I leave you alone, do you promise not to drown yourself?" Leonard tried to smile, but he was pretty sure he only managed to grimace. She stretched up and pressed her lips to his cheek. "My water ration isn't unlimited, either, so don't take too long," she said as she swept from the room. On autopilot, Leonard undressed and stepped into the shower. He knew the water was hot, but he ignored it in order to scrub himself clean of any evidence of the earlier altercation.

Once the water turned off, Leonard wrapped himself in a towel Penelope had left and walked back into the room. She got up from her bed and handed him some clothes. "You left these here last week. They're clean."

"Thanks." He dressed without hurry and left the towel hanging in the bathroom when he was done. He approached her slowly and rubbed a hand across the back of his neck.

"Don't," she said before he could utter a word. "Don't apologize. It's unnecessary, and I don't want to hear it. Now come to bed before I accidentally fall asleep before you." She scooted over and lay on her side. With a low sigh, Leonard joined her. She entwined their hands in the space between their bodies. It occurred to him that this would be the first time they would sleep together without _sleeping_ together. He didn't know exactly how to feel about that because the misery of the day didn't let him.

"It's going to work out," Penelope told him quietly, quieting his thoughts. "You and Kirk are best friends, and you care about each other. One fight is not going to ruin everything."

Leonard blinked his eyes closed. "It's different this time. I don't think there's anything left to ruin."

"I disagree," Penelope replied. "He cared enough to punch you. You don't hurt someone unless they matter enough to want to."

He fell asleep considering that statement, and when he woke up early the next morning, he did his best not to wake her. Leonard lingered for a moment, a pleasant buzz rising in his chest when he noticed her stir unhappily after he had gotten out of bed. Her left arm flopped down in the middle of the space he'd been occupying. Once he had left her room, though, that feeling dissipated.

On his way back to his own quarters, Leonard passed by several crewmembers all going on their way as though the universe hadn't been tilted sideways last night. Once he managed to slip inside his rooms, the doctor let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

He had well and truly fucked up this time.

The time read 06:30, but Leonard put his uniform on anyways and got ready for the day. M'Benga had done a good enough job that even Leonard couldn't tell he'd broken his nose when he caught his reflection in the mirror. For the next hour, the doctor stared blankly at the wall, not thinking or doing much of anything. The thought of eating revolted him, so he waited nearly another half an hour before standing up and walking to Sickbay. Like a damn robot.

Most of the day passed without incident. No one came into Sickbay, which Leonard thought had only happened once or twice previously. His shift was nearly over when M'Benga approached him in the labs. Leonard allowed his gaze to flick once up to the Assistant CMO before turning back down to the computer.

"The captain has put Mr. Spock in command for the next few days," M'Benga informed him, taking a seat beside him.

Leonard couldn't help but worry. "I see."

"He was the one that punched you, wasn't he?" Sighing, Leonard gave no answer either way. M'Benga's tone lightly continued. "What happened between the two of you? Was he upset about his brother? Otherwise, I don't understand what could make the captain lay a finger on you." Leonard scoffed.

"I can give you two dozen reasons why any random crew member on the ship would want to knock me out," the doctor claimed. Leonard wasn't exactly known for his bedside manner, and the crew wasn't exactly known for staying out of Sickbay.

M'Benga frowned. "The captain is not a random crew member. He's ... well, he's the captain, and he was on duty."

Leonard glared at the other doctor. "Well, what would you like me to do about it? Report him? I started it, just in case you've got this idea in your head like I suffered some major abuse. And like you said, he's taken a few days leave. There's not much else to be done. Now, either get back to whatever you were doing, or return to your quarters. It's up to you."

"I don't know why I bother, McCoy," M'Benga muttered, moving away and leaving the lab.

Alone again.

* * *

The next day it was Spock who decided to confront him about the fight.

"Mr. Spock," Leonard greeted with a touch of surprise. The first officer, currently acting-captain, stiffly marched into his office. Spock never sought him out during Alpha shift unless he needed something. Those dark eyes roamed the now spotless office and then landed on the doctor.

"Doctor," Spock returned. "May I sit?"

Nodding, Leonard gestured to one of the seats across from him. "Are you feeling alright?" Leonard asked in a knee jerk reaction.

"Yes."

"You ate today?" Leonard hadn't seen Spock in the mess hall that morning, but that was only because he'd eaten very early to avoid the Alpha shift crowd.

He also hadn't seen Jim since their fight. Was he eating? Was he okay? What if he had hurt himself by accident and refused to come to Sickbay? What if he had hurt himself on purpose? No, no Jim didn't do that. He wouldn't. But drink himself stupid and choke to death on his own vomit? He nearly did that even when shit hadn't recently hit the fan.

Spock dipped his head. "I have." Oh, right, Spock was there.

Leonard raised one eyebrow. "Okay, so what do you need?"

"I wish to discuss a topic that has the crew most interested. It involves you and the captain." Leonard sighed and put his head down in his hands. "Dr. M'Benga has confirmed certain theories for me. Now I seek your version of events," Spock informed the doctor serenely.

"Can't you just leave well enough alone?" Leonard leaned forward, elbows resting on the desk. "Things happened between me and Jim. We threw a few punches, ain't nothing we haven't done before, you know that." He lied. It had never been like that before, not even when they'd first met and Leonard had wanted to make Jim disappear.

Spock looked thoughtful. "This situation does not coincide with Jim's normal pattern of behavior." The thoughtful expression turned piercing. "It does not match yours, either. I seek an understanding so that I may facilitate the appropriate response."

"What the hell does that mean?" Leonard sneered.

"It means that if the captain behaved inappropriately - " Spock began.

"Oh, hell, Spock," Leonard defended, throwing his hands up. "The man's just lost the only family he's got left. I think we'll be fine to cut him some slack."

Spock raised both eyebrows. "I agree that the circumstances surrounding your altercation were unusual, but even so, I would be well within my bounds to request that Mr. Giotto proceed with an internal investigation." Leonard thought that sounded like a threat, and he told Spock that, too. The man just shook his head. "As you would say, it is not a threat, but a promise."

"Fine," Leonard growled, "you want to know what happened? I told Jim his brother died. He was in shock. I provoked him, and I shoved him, so he punched me. Then he left. That's all there is to it. Now why don't you go back to the Bridge and do whatever it is you do up there and leave me the hell alone!" Spock didn't even blink. If Leonard had been looking at any other person, he might've considered the expression on Spock's face as disappointment. Well who the hell was he anyway, interfering and meddling like he was?

Finally, the first officer spoke. "If that is what you prefer, Leonard. Should you change your mind, I will be here."

The doctor didn't stop gaping until long after Spock had left.

During breakfast the next morning, Leonard rejoined the Bridge crew for the first time in days and averted his gaze down at his cereal and did not speak. Either the rest of the table didn't notice or were tactful enough not to say anything about it because the conversation remained animated and directed away from touchy subjects.

Jim's spot had been left empty.

"I heard Tolltarr is all desert," Chekov said to Sulu. Leonard's eyes were drawn up to the pair. They had just arrived in Tolltarran space for a diplomatic ceremony that the doctor knew he would hate. Politics could be so dull, and the dress uniforms were more uncomfortable than the Vulcan sun.

The helmsman scoffed. "Who'd you hear that from? Lieutenant Smith?" From the way Chekov's cheeks reddened, Leonard could only assume that Chekov had moved on once again. Who had it been last week? Kid was turning into Jim, only Jim at least had the sense not to mess with people on his own ship. Well, except Carol, and look how that had turned out? He made a mental note to make scare Chekov at his physical next week. Maybe he'd show him a picture of David or something, maybe a disturbing rash or two?

He sighed. David. David could've been Peter. Jim could've been -

Leonard needed to stop going there, now, before he drove himself up a wall. Without one word, the doctor stood and discarded his tray. On his way back to his quarters, Neil caught him by the arm and asked him a few questions about the duty roster. Before he could get away, she started in on him.

"McCoy, are you alright? I mean really alright?" Neil questioned, her usually calm demeanor giving way to concern.

"Of course I am." He shrugged out of her hold. "I'll probably see you after Tolltarr. Knowing our luck, someone's going to need their bones regenerated," Leonard said, the purposeful grumpiness he'd hoped to convey falling short. Without pausing for a response, Leonard hurried into the turbolift at the end of the hall. In his quarters, the doctor pulled out the dress uniform from his cramped closet and laid it on the bed.

He stepped back and glared at it, willing the clothes to burst into flames.

When they didn't, he resigned himself to putting on each damn piece of it. He cursed his way through the entire thing, and he didn't feel one bit better for it. In the bathroom, he looked himself in the mirror and scowled. Looked like a damn clown, walking around in this damn getup. Maybe it was time to call the whole thing off, claim he'd come down with a rare virus no one had ever heard of.

Fat chance Spock would let him skip unless he was on his deathbed.

As he entered the turbolift a few minutes later, Leonard started at the sight of Jim.

He wore his own version of the dress uniform, designed specifically for captains. Leonard hadn't thought he was coming. Wordlessly, the doctor entered and at closer inspection of the captain, he concluded that Jim hadn't slept for days. Deep dark circles had formed under his eyes, and his whole body sagged as though standing had become a strenuous activity.

He looked like someone who's brother had just died.

Jim called out for the deck where the transporters were and neither one of them tried to speak to the other. Leonard had now chosen to fix his gaze on the wall to his right, and he bet his life that Jim had done the same thing on his left. His whole being throbbed with anguish when he thought of spending the next few years like this. Avoiding each other wouldn't be possible in the long run, but Jim hating him could go on until they were both dead.

Jim should hate him. Leonard, try though he might, had failed at nearly every damn thing he had ever put his mind to.

His fault.

 _I trusted you._

The turbolift doors opened and before Leonard could even blink, Jim was already halfway to the Transporter Room. Two engineers, bored expressions on their faces, greeted the doctor once he had caught up to the captain. Spock was already waiting for both of them, his uniform matching Leonard's, but Spock could come off as dignified no matter what he wore.

"Captain, Doctor," Spock nodded.

"Let's get this over with," Jim said without emotion. The three officers went to stand on the pad. Nervous ideas started to infest Leonard's mind about particles and transporters and accidents and death and - "Energize."

When Leonard opened his eyes, he saw that they'd been sent down in the middle of a field of wildflowers, and though it had been morning on the ship, the sun slowly sank on the horizon. A group of humanoids stood at a short distance. Most were around their height, and the only distinguishing feature that separated them was the navy blue spots covering every piece of skin not obstructed from sight.

"Spock?" Jim asked, circling around.

"I apologize, Captain. I forgot to inform you that the Tolltarrans prefer outsiders remain ignorant of the layout of their cities. We will be brought to the location of this function, but we will be blinded on our way there," Spock told them as though it were a perfectly normal thing to blind people's guests. Leonard also thought it suspicious that Spock just forgot to tell Jim, as though Spock could forget anything with that damned Vulcan memory of his.

Leonard could hear Jim sigh though he definitely was not going to look his way. "Of course they do, Mr. Spock. Alright then, let's go." Spock approached their escort party, leaving Jim and Leonard somewhat alone. His mind kept flashing him images of the morgue, Jim's fist, Sam and Aurelan and Peter dead, Jim with no heartbeat in his Sickbay.

There were only a few feet between Jim and Leonard, but it may as well have been light years.

"We are ready to proceed," Spock announced.

* * *

It took about an hour to get from point A to point B, but Leonard felt the minutes pass like years. The cloth covering his eyes made him nervous, and it didn't help that their escorts purposefully weren't speaking Standard. Since he hadn't seen anything besides those wildflowers, it was impossible to tell what they were riding in, but Leonard had to assume it was a shuttle of some sort.

It was bumpy. Leonard hated it.

Whispers hit his ears from a foot away. "Next time I make you Acting-Captain, don't tell other people you aren't the actual Captain, okay? I was supposed to be off-duty until tomorrow."

"That would be dishonest," Leonard heard Spock reply somewhat petulantly.

"Lying isn't always a bad thing." Rolling his eyes was made somewhat difficult in his current position, but Leonard did it anyways. "Besides, it wouldn't have been a lie. It would've been an omission," Jim argued halfheartedly. Leonard fought the urge to scoff and join in.

"By many definitions, those are one in the same," Spock said.

"Yeah, well, I'm the captain again, Mr. Spock, so what I say goes, and I say they're different," Jim informed the first officer.

Spock replied, "Yes, Captain."

"You think I don't know what you just did?" Jim asked quietly a minute later, exasperation clear from his tone.

"To what are you referring?"

Jim snorted. "Okay. We'll play your game, but for the record, I know what I am." He paused. "And stop looking so smug," he ordered.

"You are unable to see at this moment," Spock said in confusion.

"I don't need to be able to see you to know what you look like."

"Intriguing. Might I suggest that you inform Starfleet of this new ability? It could come quite in handy for future missions."

"Shut up, Spock."

"Yes, Captain."

Leonard never felt so ... unnecessary. He knew Spock and Jim had a different kind of friendship, but dammit, he thought he mattered, too. Now, the doctor just didn't know. He didn't seem to know a whole goddamn lot these days. Stirrings of anger sprang up in his chest, and they were firmly directed towards Jim, but then he remembered the way his face had fallen when Leonard had told him _I can't_. The righteous heat in his gut was gone as quickly as it had arrived, leaving Leonard in a bad way.

When they had finally been allowed to remove the covers from their eyes, the three officers stood shadowed under an ancient tower. All around them, Tolltarrans milled together in small groups. Leonard stared out in the distance, noticing a smattering of purple mountains. He tugged at his collar once, twice. A storm was coming.

"Doctor?" Spock's voice drew his gaze back. He barely caught the sight of Jim slipping into the tower without either of them. Spock waited patiently for him to respond, so the doctor cleared his throat.

"It's going to rain," Leonard said lowly, stepping forward and motioning for Spock to lead the way.

"The Tolltarrans did not inform me of such an occurrence."

Leonard shook his head, glancing back toward the horizon. "I can feel it in my bones. Mark my words, there'll be rain."

"My mother often claimed she could predict the weather based on feeling alone," Spock admitted as they entered the building. Frowning at a tall set of spiraling stairs, Leonard resigned himself to the climb. "Of course, she was often wrong; however, whenever she was right, she used it as evidence of her ability."

Internally groaning at the fact they weren't even halfway there yet, Leonard still laughed, albeit breathlessly. "Sounds like your mama was my kind of person."

"Negative, Doctor. Even she was far more logical than you."

"I'm sure she was," Leonard half-smiled. "Though to be fair, you think everyone is."

From the corner of his eye, Leonard caught Spock's frown before it smoothed into a straight line. "Perhaps."

They reached the top of the steps and were greeted by a large, circular room. People in fancy robes mingled, and a band playing unfamiliar instruments let out a tune that struck Leonard as something more appropriate for a funeral than a party. Even if it was full of politicians.

"Where's Jim?" the doctor wondered aloud, scanning the room.

Spock nodded over to his right. "He and the First Minister are discussing changes in trade agreements between the Tolltarrans and the Thistians."

"The who?"

"Perhaps when we approach them," Spock said in a sigh as they made their way over, "you should keep your ignorance of the situation to yourself. We do not want the First Minister to get the mistaken impression that the Federation is disinterested in their affairs."

Leonard chuckled, patting Spock on the back. "Fine by me, Mr. Spock." Once Leonard had been introduced, he did as Spock said and kept his damn mouth shut. The ensuing conversation was about as boring as he'd thought it would be, so he _really_ had to fight the urge not to look at Jim. The First Minister Shar - no Shkatar - no, that was wrong too, it was definitely Shkartra offered them something to eat, and Leonard breathed a sigh of relief when Jim declined. He didn't think he'd be welcome in the captain's space even if he was treating anaphylaxis.

"Doctor, how about you?" Shkarmar asked.

"Huh?" When everyone in their ever growing circle stared at him, Leonard shook his head politely. "I'm fine, thank you."

The First Minister smiled tightly. "Are you enjoying yourself, Doctor? You've hardly said a word all evening."

"Don't worry, Minister," Jim assured, laughing easily and slapping Leonard on the shoulder a little too roughly. "Dr. McCoy here's just our resident grump. We don't let him out often, and now you see why." The Minister joined in, chuckling.

"My husband is the same way," Sharta? said, and Leonard really needed to stop trying with that name. It was never going to happen. "Getting him out of the house is like - what is the Terran saying, pulling teeth?" Jim laughed again, and with his hand still on the doctor's shoulder, he pinched his skin through the damned uniform. Leonard then joined in at the warning, but he hoped it sounded fake just to piss Jim off.

If he tried that again, they were going to have even more problems than they did already.

As though reading his thoughts, Jim dropped his hand back down to his side. "Sounds familiar. I heard from one of our escorts that you just became a grandmother. I offer my congratulations," Jim smiled, taking a sip of what Leonard had made sure was plain water. "How is this husband of yours taking that?"

"Oh, we're both overjoyed, of course," the First Minister began, and Leonard felt safe enough by the change in subject to tune them all out once more. He wished there was something more interesting to do, like watch paint dry for example. After standing so long, his knees started to ache, and he began to curse out every face that passed by. One in particular caught his eye. A Tolltarran woman, around his own age, approaching the group. There was something about her, something about the way she was reaching into her billowed sleeve, something pointed at the First Minister ...

Leonard saw the phaser at the same time Jim had. He turned his head a fraction, noticed the way Jim's muscles were tensing, saw the moment his hand stopped clutching his drink. It all happened so slowly, so quickly.

Jim shifted to stand in front of the First Minister.

Without even thinking twice, Leonard grabbed Jim's upper arm, the place he had bruised badly only days before, and pulled him in the opposite direction. Both the doctor and the captain tumbled down onto the ground from the force of it, but the sound of their crash became overshadowed by the sound of phaser fire.

The First Minister stared Leonard in the eyes when she tumbled down, too.

Scrambling away from Jim and ignoring the ensuing sounds of a fight from above him, Leonard pulled out his med kit, the only thing they'd allowed him to keep, and held a tricorder over the First Minister. It beeped a long, mournful tone. The damage from the phaser would take too long to fix and still revive her.

Fucking useless, as always.

"She's dead," Leonard announced to the crowd. He was just putting the tricorder away when an older man came bursting through the throngs of Tolltarrans and made the sound of someone who had lost something very precious to them. No one moved to stop the man from collapsing to his knees and gathering the First Minister into his hold.

His robes and hers, the intricate patterns matching, mixed together on the ground.

"Do something," he pleaded, teary eyes fixed on Leonard.

 _Bones, you can fix this._

"I'm sorry, sir," Leonard said with regret. "There's nothing I can do for her now."

 _For me, Bones, bring them back. Please._

"Please," the man cried, though Leonard wasn't sure he was still speaking to him. "Please."

 _So what is the fucking point of you?_

Someone helped Leonard up from the ground and pulled him away from the scene. It was Spock. "The captain is helping to apprehend the assassin," Spock informed him calmly once they had gotten far enough away. At Leonard's worried glare, the first officer continued. "He will be fine. He has ordered us both to wait here until he returns."

"I'm just supposed to stand around while Jim -" Leonard raged, waving his hand out.

"Yes, Doctor," Spock said, and he said it like an order, so the doctor let his arm drop. "It seems you were right."

Leonard blinked in confusion. "What?"

Spock lifted his hand to the glass covered opening in the tower's stones. His pale fingers pressed against the window, tracing the path of a raindrop.

"Precipitation."

* * *

When they finally saw Jim again, the kid was soaked to the bone, and the sleeves of his uniform were ripped to shreds. He aslo sported what Leonard judged to be a phaser burn on his left forearm. Not that he could very well get a closer look at the wound what with how damn stubborn he decided to be. "Just leave it until we get back to the ship," Jim muttered before traipsing off again. Leonard looked to Spock.

"This is your fault," Leonard claimed.

Spock raised one eyebrow. "Negative."

"No, it is. You enable him and his idiotic behavior, in fact you frequently mimic it. I suppose I should be grateful that you chose not to attempt anything life-threatening today?"

The first officer appraised him in thought. "You do not appear to exhibit signs of gratefulness. Are you attempting to be sarcastic, Doctor? I do find that particular human vice elusive to my understanding."

"You're a bad liar." Leonard scowled.

Rocking back on his heels, Spock agreed. "I would hope so. Vulcans are renowned for their honesty."

"You aren't like most Vulcans."

"From you, I believe that may be a compliment."

"Don't hold your breath," Leonard grumbled, crossing his arms.

"Why would I hold my breath?" Spock questioned.

Spock knew damn well what he meant. Leonard raised his finger and took a breath, ready to rant away, but Jim interrupted from the side. "If you gentlemen are finished, I managed to arrange us a ride back to the rendezvous coordinates. And trust me," he added, "it wasn't easy."

"May I assume that we have been cleared of suspicion?" Spock inquired as the three officers left the room and descended the spiral stairs.

Jim grunted when his arm accidentally jammed against the wall. He ignored Leonard's glare. "The woman was stopped by me, so they were more happy than suspicious at us being here. I spoke to the new First Minister, as well. He said the trade agreement still stands, and something else about increasing Federation ties. I'll show you the transcript once we're aboard the _Enterprise_ again."

"It sounds promising," Spock decided as they reached the bottom step.

"Tell that to Admiral Williams," Jim mumbled. "That man wouldn't be pleased even if I'd gotten the Tolltarrans to join the Federation and wear our flag as togas."

"Togas?" Spock wondered just as Leonard stepped out into the rain. It was the kind that immediately soaked through each and every layer of his dress uniform, just another reason to hate the damn thing.

"An old fashion choice from an ancient Earth civilization," Jim said. Leonard couldn't help but notice the way he still clutched his arm in obvious discomfort. They were met by three Tolltarrans who once again covered their eyes and directed them into an unknown vehicle. The ride was less bumpy, but Leonard still hated it. Once the group arrived back to the field, they were given back their communicators.

"Blessings to you and yours," the leader of the three Tolltarrans told them. Leonard watched as Jim reached out his good arm and waited patiently for her to take it. When their hands clasped, Jim repeated her farewell.

"Blessings to you and yours." There was something in his voice that Leonard was unable to place.

Instead of analyzing that, Leonard took the time to let his eyes roam the surroundings, but a misty fog had covered up nearly everything more than a couple yards away. He tried wiping the rainwater off his eyes and face, but it didn't help at all in the weather. In some ways, it was nice. There was solid ground under his feet, and a real atmosphere to breathe. Even the rain reminded him that this place was not a ship but a proper planet.

"Kirk to _Enterprise_. Three to beam up."

He considered whether or not to hurl after the transporter energized them on the pad. His body decided to let him off easy, but only on that count. Normally, Jim would've given him more warning than that. He'd meet his eye and give him a second or two before making the call. Once again, anger stirred up from inside Leonard as he leaned on the wall and attempted to breathe normally.

"Dr. McCoy, are you okay?" asked the now lone engineer from the transporter console. When he couldn't force himself to answer yes, the man stood up and made his way over to him. "Maybe you should sit down." Leonard nodded, taking the ensign's advice and sliding down the wall. "And maybe also put your head - yeah, like that!" With his head between his knees, Leonard fought the urge to swear.

"Fuck." Oh well. Breathe in, breathe out. Artificial, recycled air. Don't think about that, dammit. It could all stop in an instant, the life support systems. He'd suffocate, alone in space. His body would bloat ... "Fuck."

"You know," the engineer began, seated beside him, "this is the most exciting thing that's happened all week. I'd like to personally thank you for that."

"I'm glad," Leonard gasped as sarcastically as he could.

The man laughed, hitting him on the back in a way that actually helped. "Good. So now that you're glad, could you maybe mention that to Wrenchy? Tell her I heroically saved your life and all that. Embellish a bit, if you want. Anything, really, so long as she stops assigning me to the transporter room." Leonard had absolutely no clue what he was on about. "I mean, it was a joke, you know? Just a joke," he muttered.

"What?" Leonard asked, and this time it didn't sound so pathetic.

"If you don't know, then nevermind. Actually, don't ask her about it either. You do my physicals, and I'd rather keep all my body parts present and accounted for, if you know what I mean." Leonard continued to take deep, slow breaths as he lifted his head. Grinning, the ensign waved. "You still look pale, Doc, so I'm hoping you forget this entire conversation."

"Where's Jim?"

The engineer shrugged. "The captain left right after coming back, and Commander Spock followed him out. He told me to make sure you don't die. I don't really understand what he says half the time, so I'm paraphrasing for both our sakes."

"But Jim had a -" Leonard started, standing up and immediately regretting his decision.

"Easy there, sir," the engineer warned, steadying him by the shoulders. "I wasn't kidding about looking pale."

"I've got to make Jim go to Sickbay. He's got a goddamn phaser burn," the doctor explained.

With an expression of surprise, the ... ensign nodded. "Okay. How about I alert Medical, and you just focus on staying upright?" That sounded okay to Leonard, so he leaned back against the cold wall of the Transporter Room and listened as the ensign contacted Sickbay.

"George to Sickbay," the engineer said into the transporter console.

The response was almost immediate. "This is Johnson."

Smiling, the ensign dropped into his seat and kicked his boots up. "Hello, _Shirley_ ," he said in a way that made Leonard want to punch him. Apparently Johnson felt the same way.

"George, cut the shit. Do you actually need something?"

"I think my heart is breaking. I may need surgery," the engineer cried into the comm system.

"Kid, if you don't tell her about the captain _right now_ -" Leonard started from his safe corner. George had the decency to look sheepish.

"Was that Dr. McCoy?" he heard Johnson ask from the console. "George, what did you to him?" Johnson sounded scary, and Leonard was glad he wasn't the engineer right then.

"I didn't do anything," he defended quickly. "Anyways, he's mostly fine, but he wants you to know Captain Kirk has a - a - um, a phaser burn or something, and he needs someone to drag him to Sickbay. He sounded very Southern, so I would try to find the captain soon."

Leonard hadn't sounded like that at all...

"Okay. Did he say ain't, though? It isn't all that serious if he didn't say ain't."

George narrowed his eyes. "Hmmm... I don't remember." His eyes swiveled up to Leonard. "Hey, did you say ain't, Dr. McCoy?"

Leonard ignored him and called out, "Johnson, I swear to God if you don't hurry up, I'll make you look after Iyer next week!"

"Right away, sir!" And then the line went dead.

Glaring at the ensign, Leonard found his stomach had nearly stopped doing somersaults and his throat stopped trying to close in on itself. "You're an idiot."

The other officer grinned from his spot. "I get that a lot. Though my favorite is every quarter when _you_ say it in Sickbay to me. Granted, it's probably because after serving on the same ship for years, you still don't know anyone's name, but it's also just the way you say it, you know?" No one was scared of him anymore. It made Leonard wanted to bang his head against the wall in defeat.

"You talk too much," the doctor grumbled, standing up straight and slowly making his way over to the console.

"That also comes up during the physical. You once tried to prescribe me something for it," the ensign grinned like that was something to be proud of. Then, he added, "You look like you're not dying anymore."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it. Like really, don't mention any of this. Especially not to _you-know-who_ ," the ensign lowered his voice pointedly.

"Who?" Leonard asked, very confused.

"Exactly," the ensign agreed. In the next second, he stood and looked like an actual professional human being. Who'd of thought? "Well, if there's nothing else you need, sir?"

"I guess not. Thanks again ..." the doctor could not, for the life of him, remember what Johnson had called him. "Idiot."

Leonard couldn't decide whether or not to be amused or irritated when that caused a shit-eating grin to break out on the engineer's face.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm going to be moving the author's notes to down at the bottom from now on, if anyone even bothers to read them :P Also, I forgot to mention that the last chapter was based on the TOS epsiode Operation: Annihilate!, so I'm updating that chapter as well as fixing some character blocking from the last scene that was bothering me. I don't usually go back and change anything unless someone points out an inconsistency or there's something I notice that just flat out isn't right.**

 **Other than that, as always, thanks for reading, reviewing, following, etc, and I hope you have a wonderful rest/end of your day!**


	13. Chapter 13

**U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 12 - I Will Prevent Disease Whenever I Can, for Prevention is Preferable to Cure**

"I'm not avoiding you," the doctor lied.

Penelope had caught him leaving Sickbay and had followed him into the turbolift. "Then why haven't we spoken in a month?" she asked as he called out to the computer his floor level.

"Deck 9." Frowning, Leonard answered. "What do you mean? We've talked lots of times." Penelope shot him a disappointed stare.

"Ever since you came back from Tolltarr, no even before that, after Deneva, you don't want to be around me. And if what I hear is right, you don't seem to want to be around anyone. Is this still about the captain?" Penelope pushed, though her voice remained soft.

Leonard sighed gratefully when the turbolift doors opened. "Can we talk about this later? I'm tired," the doctor half-lied, speeding ahead towards his quarters, but Penelope did not seem deterred. She kept pace with him the whole way, and he could tell she wouldn't leave him alone for a while yet.

"You are always tired, or busy, or not in the mood," Penelope complained. They reached his doors. "Leonard, if I've done something wrong -"

Grabbing her hand instinctively, Leonard frowned further. "You haven't done anything."

"Then why won't you even look at me?" Penelope asked. Leonard pointedly met her eyes.

"It's just ... I don't know, okay? But it's nothing to do with you, I promise." But it clearly wasn't okay because she pulled her hand away in the next instant.

"How can you just say 'I don't know' and expect me to be fine with that?"

Everything about her screamed gentle and caution, and it suddenly made Leonard very, very furious. He entered his quarters, stomping the ground as he went, and he could hear Penelope follow him inside. "Why is everyone treating me like I'm so damn fragile?" Leonard yelled, walking further away and throwing his hands out. "You, M'Benga, everybody! I'm not helpless you know? I'm an adult, not an infant, and I'm sick and tired of everyone tip-toeing around me."

Penelope frowned, and he detected the beginnings of something dark in her expression. "I'm not trying to. I just want to help you."

"You want to help me?" Leonard said. "Then stop talking to me like I'm about to break. If you want to say something, goddammit, then just say it. Otherwise ..."

Her frown deepened into a scowl. "Otherwise what? You want me to leave?"

"I didn't say that," the doctor argued, crossing his arms.

"No, you just implied it." They were both silent. Matching his posture, Penelope nodded like she was trying to decide what she wanted to say. "You want me to speak my mind, then?"

"Made myself clear enough," Leonard grumbled in irritation.

"Fine," she nodded. "You are making me so angry I want to punch you myself." Leonard dropped his arms in surprise. "I have to listen to you complain about people treating you like your fragile? People are treating you differently because they're worried about you, because they care about you. You don't get to be surprised when M'Benga or Spock or I try to be nice. We're your friends, Leonard."

"Well if it makes you so fucking upset to be around me, then why bother coming here?" the doctor asked harshly.

Clenching hands at her sides, Penelope answered. "Stop swearing at me! And if you or Kirk would just apologize to one another, none of this would even be happening!"

"It's none of your business what I do or don't say to Jim!"

"Guess what?" Penelope began. "You made it my business when you came to me in the middle of the night, covered in blood, and then made me watch as you defended the person who hurt you. It made me think that you don't care about what happens to yourself, and that's not fair. You don't get to make me care and then act like that."

"You can't possibly understand what -" Leonard started to argue, but Penelope cut him off. She had a temper, sure, they both did, but Leonard hadn't seen her this pissed off since she'd attacked his Sickbay wall two years ago.

"No. No, you said you wanted to hear what I have to say, so now I'm telling you. You think I don't understand how serious this is for you, well, maybe I don't. I don't understand why you feel guilty or ashamed for telling him no. Maybe I won't ever." She took a deep breath, as though to steady herself, and Leonard couldn't think of one single thing to say. "I'm angry with you, but the difference between me and Kirk is that even if I maybe want to, I will never lay hands on you like that. If I ever did, I wouldn't expect you to defend me to anyone, even if you touched me first. It took me one time of hurting someone else to learn that lesson, Leonard. How many times have you seen Kirk get in a fight, or go too far when things turn physical with someone else?"

He didn't answer.

"It's not your job to clean up his messes, especially not when they involve you. So I have the right to be angry at him for hurting you, and angry at you for not caring about it, and you don't get to tell me that I'm not allowed to treat you differently afterwards. That after you get hurt, I don't get to try and make sense of it. It is just not fair." Penelope crossed her arms and stared at him. "Okay. Now I'm done."

Sighing, Leonard leaned back against the nearest wall and scratched his head. "You make me sound like an asshole."

"You're the one that asked," she defended, still keeping her distance. Leonard actually laughed a bit at that, and Penelope joined in quietly a beat later.

"I did, didn't I?" he said, and they both gradually quieted. "I'm sorry that I upset you." The words were genuine.

"I don't care that you upset me," Penelope admitted softly, "I care that you still don't accept what I'm saying." She sat down on the couch by the window and looked at him in a way that made him feel like she was really _seeing_ him. It was unnerving, but also somewhat nice. Shit, he was such an idiot.

"I understand it," Leonard offered, walking over and sitting beside her.

"That's not the same thing."

"No," he agreed kindly, "it isn't."

Penelope reached down and placed her hand over his, calmly. He flipped it around so she could get a better grip, and it made her smile. "You know you check my pulse all the time and you don't even realize it?"

"What?" Leonard asked in confusion.

"When we're together or we're kissing, your hand just kind of goes to my wrist and presses right her." She showed him on his own hand. Did he really? "I used to think it was so weird, but now I think its ... I don't know, kind of endearing? I sound like an idiot," she told him, "and it's still weird. But, you've kind of grown on me."

Leonard couldn't tell if he should be offended or not. "Good?"

"You also can't stay up later than 22:00 and not be annoying. Do you know how hard that is for me?" she pressed.

He scoffed. "Oh, right. Getting a good night's sleep is such an irritation. Wouldn't want to wake up before noon or anything."

"Anyone around you gets even the smallest scratch, and you insist they go to Sickbay." She was exaggerating.

"It's a starship. It's basically a petri dish for infection."

"And let's not forget how you act if you find out someone didn't eat breakfast."

He shrugged. "It's an important meal."

Penelope sighed and shook her head. "Don't you get it? You try and take care of everyone all the time, and so you blame yourself anytime anything goes wrong. It's frustrating for me because Kirk takes advantage of that, whether either of you realizes it or not. I'm not saying he's not your friend," she assured at seeing him start to open his mouth, "I'm only saying that he's the kind of person who can get carried away and doesn't always stop and think in the moment. Can you at least accept that?"

After a moment, Leonard nodded reluctantly. "Sure."

"So then you can accept that maybe getting in a fight with him goes both ways? That it wasn't just you who did wrong?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "I guess."

"Okay, good. Then I won't bother you about it anymore unless you bring it up first," Penelope promised.

"Thank you," Leonard said with relief, relaxing back into the sofa. She said something under her breath that he couldn't make out before shifting so the she straddled him where he sat.

"You know," she told him, after she had thoroughly kissed him, "you're a very irritating person sometimes."

He grinned against her mouth. "Speak for yourself." They stayed like that for a while longer, shedding a few layers of clothing along the way, until he suddenly pulled away. "What are we?"

Penelope made a _huh_ sound as her lips traced a line down his throat.

"I'm serious," he said, so she pulled back as well. She looked like she was doing her best to focus.

"What?"

"I just -" Leonard sighed, running a hand through his already mused hair. "What am I to you?"

She blinked. And then she blinked again. "You're ... you. I don't know. Who cares?"

"I care," he insisted nervously. "You got to sound like an idiot earlier, now its my turn. What am I to you, really? I mean, you come here and make a big long speech about how you care about me, we've been having sex for nearly half a year, but I don't even know what to call you?" Their relationship had changed him, changed her, but he didn't even know if he could _call_ it a relationship.

Penelope leaned back. "You call me Penelope."

"You know what I mean. You think I'm frustrating? Try having a conversation with yourself once in a while," Leonard huffed.

"Well I don't know how this works," she defended indignantly. "You're the one who's been married and had a kid and all. I've never been with the same person longer than a week before."

Leonard stared at her and laughed a little in surprise. "Really? A week?"

"I said I didn't do serious." Penelope leaned back further and crossed her arms.

"Yeah, but I didn't think you were as bad as ..." Leonard trailed off and ignored the concerned look Penelope shot at him. "Anyway, we could ... date?

Looking confused, Penelope stared him in the eye. "What's the difference?"

"Well, I'd be your boyfriend."

"That sounds dumb," she told him. "How's it any different from what we already do?

Leonard felt like he was talking to an alien. One from a really far away planet. "It sounds dumb that I want you to be my girlfriend?"

"Kind of?" she said like it was a question.

Unbelievable. "Well then where is this going exactly?" he questioned, shifting so that he could get up. Penelope moved off him and back to the spot she'd been occupying before. Underneath her was their two uniform shirts they'd discarded, red and blue crumpled together. "I don't like this in-between bullshit. I think _that's_ dumb, and I think I have the right to be angry that you're not taking me seriously when I mention this kind of stuff."

She stared at the ground for a little too long, and then up at him. "Is it really that important to you?" Penelope didn't say it in a sarcastic way, in fact it was anything but. Still, it put him on the defensive.

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"Okay then," she agreed without hesitation. "We are now dating. Can you come sit down again please?"

Leonard crossed his arms. "Just like that?"

"Unless there's some secret ritual I'm unaware of," Penelope joked. He didn't smile. "What? You said it is important to you, so I changed my mind. Now you're my boyfriend. Would you like me to throw a party and announce it to the ship?"

Imaging that actually did crack a smile. "Maybe."

Penelope rolled her eyes. "Did I mention you were very irritating today?"

"I think you might have. Something to jog the memory might help."

"I change my mind again," she announced as he sat back down.

"You can't." He pulled her back to how they had been before he opened his idiot mouth. "It's in the fine print."

He really thought she was doing her best to glare at him, but it just wasn't working this time. "I happen to know," she announced, interrupted by the joining of their mouths, "a very good," he really though it might be best for her to be quiet, "lawyer back on Earth." Suddenly, Penelope moved back and laughed softly.

"What?"

"You're doing it again," Penelope said. He blinked in thought and then noticed that while one of his hands was firmly planted on her hip, the other was on her wrist. That really was pretty weird.

"I guess that's in the fine print, too."

She gave him a look. "Seems there's a lot of things in the fine print."

"Damn, who'd of thought?"

* * *

The next morning, Leonard didn't want to get out of bed. It was 06:00, and he needed to go for a run and take a shower and put on his uniform, but the bed was warm and Penelope was warm. He pulled her back further into his chest and rested his head in the place where her neck and shoulder met. She smelled like engines and coffee and sleep. She shifted.

"Go 'way," she mumbled.

He grinned and kissed her skin. "You're my girlfriend." How fun it was to be able to say that.

"'M tired's what I am," she announced, reaching a hand back to try and move his head. He ignored it, preferring to see if someone who drank so much coffee actually tasted that way too. "Leonard." She said his name like a warning. "Stop slobbering on me."

"Fine print," he reminded.

"That's going to be your go to response from now on, isn't it?" she asked still in a slight slur. He pressed his lips on a spot behind her ear that made her shiver.

"Pretty much," the doctor decided. "What if I get you coffee?"

"Are you bribing me into having sex with you?" Penelope wondered, rolling around to face him.

"Will it work?" he joked, and she started to shake with laughter, burying her head into his chest. In the end, he wound up in Sickbay five minutes late, hair still wet from the shower, and substituted his normal toast for a quick cup of coffee. It tasted better today, and he wasn't really sure why. He walked into his office to put his cup down and start reviewing the reports from last night, but he stopped at the sight of M'Benga asleep on his couch. He clutched the cushion like nothing else and snored very quietly.

Which would have been fine if not for Neil basically laid out on top of him.

Leonard blinked. He was still dreaming? This was a dream. Definitely. They were almost cuddling? This was a dream. M'Benga's neck was pretty much covered in hickeys, and this had to be a dream. They were both fully clothed - though their uniforms were somewhat eschewed, thank God, but it didn't matter either way because Leonard was dreaming, and he was going to wake up. He pinched himself.

"Hey, Dr. McCoy," Androvich said, walking into the room. The doctor jumped at the sound, but neither M'Benga or Neil moved at all. Were they dead? "Are they finally getting together? Bout damn time if you ask me," Androvich said as though this kind of situation were perfectly normal and not something weird or strange or odd or out of place.

Leonard raised a finger at his Head Nurse and Assistant CMO. "What do you mean 'finally'?" he choked out.

Androvich gave him a look. "Oh, come on. Ever since shore leave on Earth, the two of them have been, like, eye-fucking each other."

"No," Leonard insisted. No. Everyone had acted perfectly normal. Granted, he'd been distracted lately, what with ... No, scrap that, he had not been distracted enough to miss _this_.

"Um, yeah," Androvich held up her hand. "Iyer and I have a bet going, and everyone's in on it here except, well, you I guess. No offense, just, you're the boss." What? "Anyways, see Iyer thinks they've been sleeping together since they got back, but I am firmly on the side of still unconsummated attraction. Though, I suppose that no longer applies, seeing as how Neil appears to have mauled our poor doctor."

This was a dream. Had to be.

"Iyer's going to be so pissed. Is there anything you want? I'm coming into a lot of credits, and I'm willing to spread the love," Androvich laughed, and that was the sound that finally woke the sleeping couple. Leonard was flashing back to Jim and Chapel, and if he lost another Head Nurse, the CMO thought he might scream. Or if he lost his Assistant CMO, the only person that could handle Spock without screaming, the doctor might have to quit.

Why had he gotten out of bed exactly?

"McCoy," M'Benga stuttered as he and Neil broke apart in a jerky, uncoordinated fashion. And another thing, what the hell had they done on his couch? He didn't want to know, but he did, but he didn't, but he did.

Dreaming.

He turned his finger to Neil. "This is your fault," Leonard accused, but Neil only shrugged. "You're supposed to be the responsible one."

"Why?" she asked in that irritatingly serene tone of hers. If this wasn't a dream, then damn them all to hell.

"Because," Leonard sputtered. "Because M'Benga's an idiot, that's why." He wasn't, none of them were except Iyer and maybe Johnson, but that was beside the point. He made a point to remember all their names, didn't he? It had been hard. He'd even gone so far as to make them all wear name tags until Jim had made him stop. Why wasn't that enough for these people?

"He is not," Neil said decidedly. Androvich walked forward and gave Neil a seemingly unexpected high-five. This was not happening.

"You just got me a lot of money," Androvich announced, and then she started to shake both of their hands profusely. "Really, just, well done both of you. Oh, crap, I'm late for breakfast," Androvich stopped suddenly, looking at a PADD. "You'll both fill me in later, right?" Androvich was already running out of the office, not waiting for a response.

Neil stood and smoothed her skirt. "My shift is also over. Goodbye," she smiled at both of them before leaving much more calmly than Androvich had.

"I guess I'll be going now as well," M'Benga muttered, but before he could leave, Leonard caught him by the back of his collar.

"That's it?" Leonard cried in frustration. "No explanation or anything?"

M'Benga turned around and broke his hold, and then he lifted up his eyebrows. "We'll make sure to send in the form to Starfleet, all you'll need to do is sign it. Don't schedule me on the same shifts with Tara anymore. Simple."

"Who's Tara?" Leonard asked in a confused tone of voice because weren't they talking about Neil?

Shaking his head, M'Benga left the office, this time without being stopped. "I don't know why I bother, McCoy!"

* * *

The following two weeks passed by in a blur. He woke up, went to Sickbay, did research, and fixed stupid things like stupid security officers and their stupid engineering friends. Leonard thought that all redshirts might as well throw themselves out of the airlock now and save them all the wasted time and effort. He accidentally said that out loud, to Penelope, and no amount of apologies got through to her for a whole three days. In Leonard's defense, it really hadn't been personal. Just an observation.

She didn't see it that way.

That was why Leonard had gone down to Engineering. He felt like a total, complete idiot, but he'd thought that Scotty might have some advice. He seemed to piss Penelope off more than anyone on the whole ship, but she still loved the Chief more than anything. Anyone with a brain could tell.

So he really, really hadn't meant to overhear what he did.

It was the sound of Penelope's voice from around the next corner that caused him to stop. "... told me ... and I first starting sleeping together that if I broke his heart, you and I ... have a talk." Pause. "You remember what I told you?"

And it was Jim's voice that made him stay. "You ... same thing back to me."

What the hell? Leonard pressed himself against a giant whatsit and resigned himself to listening.

"So, I think I've waited long enough for you to pull yourself together. Now let's _talk,_ Captain."

"No."

"That wasn't a question."

"I'm awfully sorry to disappoint, but-"

She cut him off, drowning out the rest of his words. "You're an asshole, Kirk. I always knew that. Carol made you more enjoyable to be around, granted, but she's long gone, and you are still an asshole. Do you even see what you have on this ship? Does it ever cross your mind, once, to think about how what you say and what you do has consequences?"

"You know, I think I've heard this one before. I'm an arrogant bastard whose got more than he deserves. I have a pattern of breaking the rules and not caring about what happens later. I applaud you for your efforts, Lieutenant, but you're only wasting your time."

"Nothing gets to you, huh? Not like one measly shove could cause you to lash out or anything?"

"You don't know what happened. You weren't there."

"I know enough. I know you, and _trust me_ , I know more than you realize. You think you're the first person to lose someone? I'm sorry your brother's dead, Kirk, but look around you. Everyone on this ship has a past. Normal people don't join Starfleet. We both know that."

Jim said something that Leonard couldn't quite make out. A moment later, Penelope continued.

"You're mad at Leonard, not because he refused to use some stupid magic blood on your brother, but because he used it on you."

The doctor sucked in a deep breath. That wasn't true.

"That's what you think?" Jim laughed cruelly.

The sound stopped abruptly, followed by Penelope saying, "Normal people don't join Starfleet, so what kind of people make captains?" Silence. "I didn't know you when you sacrificed yourself for this ship. I only knew you were a good Captain who always tried to keep his crew safe, and when I heard what you did, I thought it made sense. To me, it's old news ... But to Leonard? To Spock, Carol? And Scotty and Keenser? What do you think they think about it, even now?"

"I don't know."

"No," she agreed, "you don't know. I lost someone that day, too, in case you were wondering. Only there was no Khan blood to bring him back to life, so now he's dead forever. It wasn't even some big show of sacrifice or anything. A piece of the hull hit him straight on, and he just went like that." Leonard heard a snap of fingers. The doctor winced. "And you wanna know what really gets to me, Captain? It's that you don't even know his name."

There was more, telling silence.

It lasted a long while, long enough for Leonard to sink down the wall and press his head back to listen further.

"You didn't ask to be brought back to life. You didn't ask for Leonard to do what he did, but he did it anyway, and now you both are finally facing that decision instead of ignoring it. It's going to be bad for a while, and maybe you'll resent each other a little every now and then, but you know what I wouldn't give to see my friend walking around? What I wouldn't give to see him holding _his_ son? Even if he hated me for it, I would do it every time. Don't pretend you wouldn't do the same for someone you love. Don't tell me you wouldn't tear this ship apart to protect your friends because I've seen you do it."

Jim hadn't spoken for a long time.

"But we both know, also, that most of your anger is at your brother, not at Leonard."

"Bullshit," Jim replied, only his voice was shaky now.

"I had a cousin, Olivia -"

"Glad to hear your life story, Waters. Strange how much this talk about Bones seems to revolve around you." Leonard thought Jim wasn't even really trying anymore, if his lackluster tone was anything to go by.

"Don't worry, Captain, we'll get back to him in a minute." Pause. "I lived with Olivia and my aunt and uncle for a while, but I ran away when I was sixteen. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, just packed up and snuck out in the middle of the night. Olivia caught me on the way out, asked me when I was coming back."

"This has nothing to do with me or my brother or Bones."

"I think it does. Because being left behind isn't something anybody likes too much, and you've got the look of somebody who's far too familiar with it. Did he ever tell you when he was going to see you again?"

It was another long while before Leonard heard Jim's response, so long that the doctor assumed he had missed it. And then, "No."

"I didn't tell either because I didn't know. I thought, I mean I really, honestly thought I would see her again. But the longer I waited, the harder it got to face her and my family again. I told myself I'd call her next week, visit next year, see her after Starfleet training, maybe once I finished this or that mission, but it never happened, and then she died."

Penelope seemed to pause.

"I'm going to have to live the rest of my life with that regret, and it's my own fault." Penelope laughed a cold sound. "There's some days I don't think about her at all, but there's others when I can't sleep because her voice asking me when I'd be coming back just repeats in my head like it'll never stop." Penelope's voice softened. "Jim, if your brother loved you half as much as I loved my cousin, I know he must've thought about you all the time." Another pause.

"I'm guessing he loved you more."

"Then why didn't he tell me he had a son!" Jim spat, with all the heat of wet ashes. "I had a nephew, all this time, and I didn't even know. I had a sister-in-law. I'm never going to get to have that, all because Sam was too stubborn. Too stubborn, too ready to leave me on my own. Well it's not fair!" Something slammed against a metal beam.

Then, "Did you tell him about David? About Carol? Did you even bother to find out where he lived?"

His silence answered that question for her. "It's not the same," Jim finally replied.

"Being angry at him isn't going to fix anything. It will just make you bitter."

"I can be bitter if I want. Who the hell are you, anyways? You think 'cause you're fucking Bones that you can talk to me like we're friends?"

There was a crunching sound, like actual bones breaking, and it took every ounce of effort in Leonard's body to go against instinct and wait and be still.

"No, I think I can do _that_ because I'm _fucking Bones_. I said the rest because we are friends, even if I think you're an asshole." Penelope sounded very angry when she continued. "And just so you know, we're _dating_."

"So?" Jim asked in a way that told Leonard his nose was the thing that was broken and that Jim was furious as well.

"So it's different."

Leonard managed to slip back behind the bulky whatsit he couldn't name just as Penelope strode around the corner, clutching her right hand and saying something in French he didn't understand. He supposed he didn't have to, considering it sounded just like the stuff he said after arguing with Jim. Some things don't need to be translated to be understood. He didn't really feel it was a choice when he stepped out of the shadows and confronted a bleeding Jim. They stared at one another in chilly silence, Jim holding his nose together with familiarity and Leonard trying to decide what to say.

"I'm going to guess you heard the majority of that," Jim reckoned, wincing once or twice from the pain of his injury.

"Yeah, I did."

"Suppose you're mad about what I said to her?"

He had been, until she'd punched him. Now he was fucking pissed off at both of them. She had told him all that bullshit about not hurting people, and then she did that? Penelope was a hypocrite.

"I think she'll live," Leonard said, revealing nothing.

"Well, any chance you wanna fix this? I don't wanna ruin these good looks, and it's your girlfriend that'd be responsible," Jim said, and if it were any other day, any other month, it would have started a light banter. As it was, Leonard just nodded. "Can we go to my quarters?" Jim asked. "I'm not sure a Sickbay visit's going to do either of us much good."

"Okay," the doctor agreed. They avoided crowded hallways, taking a longer, but more isolated route to the captain's quarters. Once inside, Leonard took one look around and felt his heart sink.

The place was a disaster with broken communicators and glass scattering the ground, clothes thrown haphazardly around, and Jim was borderline obsessive compulsive when it came to his living space. He could give a damn about his own well-being, but the bed had to be made and the dishes cleaned and the floors swept. No exceptions. It made Leonard's heart drop further when he realized he didn't know why Jim did that, only that he had done it in all the time they had known each other.

Apparently, not anymore.

His fault?

"Excuse the mess," Jim joked, but it fell flat. "Wasn't expecting company."

"It's fine. Just sit down over there," Leonard motioned to Jim's desk chair. Almost dragging his feet, Jim did as he was told. While he rifled through the med kit he carried with him at all times, a habit he'd picked up after being friends with Jim for a week, Leonard caught sight of that star he had picked up last time they'd talked together in Jim's quarters.

With a start, Leonard finally remembered who had given it to Jim. He had, so, so long ago in that first year as roommates. They hadn't even liked each other then, but Leonard, unlike Jim, had been raised with manners. Well, some at least. He _had_ picked the cheapest thing credits could buy in a dingy store in downtown San Francisco. He hadn't even bothered to remember Jim's name yet, so he just addressed the gift to 'Kid' and tossed it on his side of the red tape line. He'd forgotten. How could he have forgotten?

And now it was broken into too many pieces to be put back together.

"Bones?" He kept saying that name differently, like it belonged to someone else.

Drawing his eyes from the sight, Leonard found he couldn't meet Jim's. "Sorry, got distracted. Tilt your head forward a bit." The doctor fixed Jim with the practice of too many years and too many broken bones to be considered healthy. Maybe Penelope was right. Normal people didn't join Starfleet.

"Thanks," Jim told him, wriggling his nose a bit. Blood still stained under his nose and down his chin. Now he knew how he must have looked. "Waters throws one hell of a right hook." Jim's bright eyes dimmed. "I guess I kind of deserved it, though."

Leonard sighed, placing his dermal regenerator away. "No, you didn't." She hurt Jim. Even Leonard wasn't allowed to do that.

"Agree to disagree?"

"Wouldn't dream of doing anything else."

They both shared a small smile despite themselves, and then Jim leaned back in his chair a little too casually to be believed. Leonard blanked on what to say, so he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"Did you really threaten her when we started seeing each other?" Leonard wondered why he felt surprised. It was such a Jim thing to do: to go behind his back in an idiotic attempt to protect Leonard that, in the end, only backfired on them all.

Jim grinned tiredly. "Hey, you're too trusting for your own good, and Waters can be downright insane sometimes. Besides, I saw you first. Finders keepers and all that shit."

With a roll of his eyes, Leonard grumbled. "I'm not a toy, Jim."

"Nah," he agreed, the grin turning into a familiar smug smile, "You're a Bones."

Leonard rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and shifted in his chair. He tried his best to ignore that stupid broken star, but the damn thing sure was getting to him. Fuck, it didn't even matter.

"So now what?" Leonard asked, unsure of where they stood with one another.

Jim shrugged. "Waters sure enjoyed putting me in my place, not sure there's much more you can do in that department."

Leonard chuckled despite himself. "Jim, everyone always wants to put you in your place, but there's only a few people brave enough to try. Carol was one. Pike another, though God only knows if he ever succeeded, even just once."

Jim glared in a way that Leonard knew was not sincere. "Trust me, he did. And the sick bastard got a real kick out of it, too. Every time ..." There was a fondness in his voice that made Jim more vulnerable than anyone would like to believe. "Spock also _definitely_ likes telling me I'm wrong."

"Ha. He likes telling everyone they're wrong."

"It's true. You're his favorite."

Leonard snorted, crossing his arms. "So now you admit it?"

"What?"

"That Spock bullies me as much as I bully him," Leonard accused. Jim laughed in earnest, and it may have been the best thing that had happened all year.

"I've always known that. Just gives me a kick to see your reaction when I imply otherwise."

"Well as long as your amusement is the first priority."

"It usually is," Jim announced. They were silent again for a minute, and then Jim spoke again. "Uhura also."

"Almost every day."

"Sulu schools me every time I try and take over the helm."

"Man doesn't like backseat drivers is all."

Jim smiled fondly. "You should've seen Chekov the other day. He flat out told me I was wrong when it came to this engineering equation." That caused them both to chuckle a bit. "Chekov. He's a baby. Do you know what it's like to have a baby tell you you're wrong?"

"Since the day we met, kid. Though I guess you're not so young anymore," Leonard joked.

"None of us are. I miss those days, sometimes. Everything was so _new_. Every nebula, every planet, every species."

Leonard frowned. "We're in uncharted space as we speak, Jim." But his friend only shook his head, smile dropping down into a straight line.

"It's not the same anymore. I feel … tired. Exploring the galaxy just doesn't hold the same appeal as it once did." Worry bubbled at Jim's words and at his tone and in the way he had hunched over slightly.

This was Jim Kirk. Space was about the only thing he knew. "Is it David?"

A corner of Jim's lips upturned into a wry expression. "I don't even know anymore. Maybe it is, maybe it's just Command. They told us in the Academy that this kind of responsibility would weigh on all of us. I didn't believe them at the time. I didn't believe in no-win scenarios back then, did I?" He laughed a quiet, ironic tune before quieting. "I was a fool." Jim's blue eyes turned up to meet his. "I still am one, Bones. I was a fool to ask of you what I did, and I was an idiot to blame us both for something no one could have prevented."

"It's fine."

"No," he exclaimed in exasperation, shooting up from his seat and starting to pace. "No, of course it isn't fine. Why do you always say that? You let me get away with far too much, and I do the same for you."

Leonard's eyes stared down at his boots. "That's ..."

"Don't say it's not true because we both know it is. You brought me back from the dead, for goodness' sake," Jim insisted, still pacing the floor. Leonard didn't know what Jim wanted him to say, so he waited. Eventually, Jim stopped pacing. "I wanted a real family all my life, Bones, but it always just seemed out of reach for me. You were the first person I ever let in." Jim's fists were clenched to the point that Leonard could make out each of his bones. "When I saw my brother dead on that slab, I wasn't seeing him."

"What?" Leonard questioned, more than confused at that point.

Jim sighed. "I saw you. I saw you where he was, and I just wanted you gone. I wanted you off the ship, and I wanted you away from here. You hate space. You always have, and the only reason you made it through the Academy is because you were too afraid to leave me on my own."

Leonard jumped up from his chair. What an arrogant prick. "That's not true."

"It is," Jim insisted. "And you're only still here because you're always going to be too afraid to leave me on my own, and I'm going to end up getting you killed one of these days, and if that happens, I swear to god if that happens I don't know who I'd become. I obsess over things, over people, and it's not good, but it's true. It makes me a good Captain, but it makes me a shit person."

Leonard spat out a response. "I'm here of my own free will. And yeah, maybe I'm here partly for you. I know you well enough to know that you're an accident waiting to happen, but _it's not always about you_. I like the people here, I like my job, and I do fucking hate space, but it's a fine line between love and hate, isn't that what people say?"

"You hyperventilate looking out any window," Jim raged, hand pointing to the nearest one in sight. "You hate away missions, and you're terrified of the transporter. You constantly freak out about the life support systems like they're going to fail at any moment and suffocate you to death! That's not a fine line, Bones, it's a goddamn titanium wall, thirteen layers thick, with security guards posted every few feet!"

"Did it ever occur to you that there's a strength in facing your fears? I live mine every day, and you've been hiding from yours the moment I told you Sam was dead. Fuck you for that, by the way."

"Yeah," Jim spat, "well fuck you, too. You think it's fun having you for a friend? You nag me like you're my father. I've got news for you. He's dead!"

"You're not a goddamn walk in the park yourself. You think I like constantly having to worry about you? You think I get some sort of enjoyment from that?" Leonard gripped the edge of the desk to the point that he could make out his own bones as well.

Jim's face twisted. "Yeah, maybe you do!" He slammed his fist down on the desk. The doctor hardly noticed. "Why did you push me away on Tolltarr?"

"Why do you push everyone away, all the time?"

Jim took a step forward, eyes crazed. Leonard was pretty sure he looked the same. "Why do you still care?"

"Why'd you smash that star!" he yelled.

It mattered, fuck it, it just did.

"Why wouldn't you let me die?" Jim screamed even louder than he had. "You bastard, why didn't you just let me die!"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND, YOU _IDIOT_!" Jim visibly flinched back at the volume of his voice. Leonard didn't care. "Your father died, Jim, well guess what? I killed mine." Leonard needed to stop talking. He didn't want to talk about this. Not now, not ever. "He begged me for death, and I was weak, so I did it. There was no cure because there was no supplies on that godforsaken colony and no way to call for help. We were stranded, all of us, and he just kept asking, and asking, and asking. Day after day, minute by minute. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't -"

Collapsing back in his seat, Leonard started to cry. He hardly noticed that either. "The next day, it came. The thing that could've cured him, if I'd just waited a few more hours. A few more hours. Just," His hands were shaking in his lap. "How fucked up is that, right? So, no. If there is ever a chance to save you, or Spock, or Penelope, or anybody anywhere, I'm going to take it every time, no questions asked. I don't care if you've got some twisted death wish."

"Bones," Jim said gently, fury draining away.

"And I don't care if my being here worries you," Leonard breathed out, "and I can live with your hatred if only because I refuse to make the same mistake twice. I won't, and I can't. And I'm sorry, I really am, if that means we can't be friends, but me and that mistake and all its consequences are a package deal."

It was quiet now that all the yelling had stopped. He had never talked about his father like that, not with anyone. Jim knew now, and even if he rejected him, Leonard wasn't sure it mattered. He felt lighter, like a long dead weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"Bones, I didn't know," Jim stuttered, sitting back down.

"I never said."

"Yeah, but," Jim sighed, running both his hands through his hair, "I made a real ass out of myself just now."

"Join the club," Leonard frowned. He picked up a solitary star fragment and examined it from the center of his palm. When Jim then claimed he could fix it, Leonard scoffed. "Kid, the man I bought it from basically paid me to take it. And anyways, there's no point in trying anyhow. It's in a million pieces."

He insisted with a confidence that was so misplaced, but just so _Jim_. "I can."

"It's impossible," Leonard sighed, glancing upwards and remaining unsurprised at the stubbornness in his gaze.

"I still don't believe in no win scenarios, you know?"

The doctor smiled a little, placing the fragment back with its brothers.

"Yeah, Jim, I know you don't."

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks so much for reading, etc! Just to let everyone who follows know, I've started writing the final chapter of the story, so the only thing left to do is that and rewrites and editing. This will end with 16 chapters, not including the prologue. I'm trying to get it all finished up before classes start and I go back to work as well. Thanks again! :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 13 - I Will Remember That I Remain a Member of Society, with Special Obligations to All Intelligent Lifeforms, those Sound of Mind and Body as well as the Infirm**

The doctor had never been so hungover.

Head pounding like a Klingon had hit it with a baseball bat, Leonard groaned and tried with all his might to lift his head. He failed. It could not be done, not even a little bit. When he attempted it for the second time, his whole body screamed at him to stop.

"Computer, dim lights," Leonard ordered, his words slurring together. Was he still drunk? Someone groaned from below him. Up until then, the doctor had kept his eyes closed shut, but at the sound, he forced himself to blink and face reality. He first realized that he was still in Jim's quarters, then that he had at some point collapsed head first into his sofa, and then that Jim was curled in a pathetic ball on the floor. Jim's head rested on a pillow of discarded yellow uniform shirts.

What the hell?

The memories came back, filtered through the haze of alcohol. After their conversation/fight/reconciliation or whatever the hell you could call that, Leonard and Jim decided to do what they always did together after a long day: drink themselves stupid. He was too damn old to keep doing that, he reminded himself as his sore muscles tensed up, and for that matter, so was Jim.

And then the nausea hit him like a shuttle crash. He hardly had time to stumble over and grab a wastebasket near Jim's desk.

Was it bad that this reminded him of the Academy? Memories of the Academy were supposed to be about learning and studying and making friends with other cadets, and all Leonard could remember was all the times either Jim or himself had ended up completely trashed somewhere stupid.

"Shuddup," Jim growled at the sound of him puking. Unfortunately, he couldn't really control that. "Bones, dija hear me? I said shuddup."

Leonard seriously considered throwing up on Jim instead. Every word that came out of his mouth only increased the steady throbbing in his skull. Once his stomach had finished purging itself of what had to be every damn thing he'd ever eaten, Leonard spit a few times for good measure.

Clutching the basket like a safety blanket, Leonard lifted his head up and glared at Jim.

"You're a sunuvabitch," the doctor moaned.

"You're the one," Jim mumbled, rolling over to put his face into the carpet, "who said 'heylessdrinkokay?'"

"I'm nah the one who thought Saurian brandy wuh be a good idea," Leonard argued. Jim had no response to that, and Leonard would've felt better about winning the argument if he didn't feel like death warmed over. "Computer," he said, making Jim hurl something at him. It was a communicator, and it flew by him and smashed into the wall. "What time s'it?"

"08:02."

"Oh shit, Jim," Leonard started, scrambling up off the floor. He stumbled into Jim's desk but caught himself before he fell over. "Shit, shit, shit. Jim, geddup, man." If anything, Jim only burrowed further into the floor. Leonard tripped his way over to the captain and nudged him with his boot. "Jim, i's Tuesday, okay? We've got seniorofficersmeetin'," Leonard insisted. "Spock's gunnbe pissy if we're late."

"Spock's always pissy," Jim countered, turning his head to look at the doctor.

Leonard sighed, bending down and pulling Jim's arm. "Comeon."

"I dun wanna."

"But you're the cap'n. Cap'n's gotta go. Tha's the rules." He succeeded in dragging Jim up onto his feet, but the kid swayed back and forth like he wasn't quite sure how to stand. "But if I'm the captain, then," Jim frowned as Leonard brought them both out into the hallway, "dun I make the rules?"

"No. I make the rules," the doctor decided. The bright lights of the ship made him cover his eyes with one hand, still pulling a stumbling Jim along in the other.

Jim squinted at him when Leonard finally succeeded in shoving him into the turbolift. "You're ugly."

"You're ugly. Deck Twelve."

"No I'm not," Jim pouted. "I'm _sexy_."

"You're disu'sting and I dunno how you managed to procrate," Leonard mumbled, his stomach churning. Maybe he needed to throw up again?

"Same to you, buddy ... Bones, I thin' Saurian brandy wasabadidea?" Smartest damn thing he'd ever said. "Nev' lemme drink it again."

"Okay," Leonard answered, though he doubted if he'd be able to ever stop Jim from doing anything. They left the turbolift the same way the had entered it, limping and covering their eyes and cursing. Some of the crew paused at the sight of them, and Leonard knew they looked _bad_. Reaching the briefing room, Leonard looked at Jim, and Jim looked at Leonard. Neither of them particularly wanted to go inside, but both of them knew that they would have to.

Then, without a moment's notice, Jim opened the doors and shoved Leonard in first. Goddamn coward.

Spock cut off mid-sentence and stared. Everyone stared.

Jim cowered behind him.

"Uhhhhhh," Leonard mumbled, eyes darting around.

"Uh, Bones? Really?" Jim whispered from his hiding spot.

"Well if you've got sumin' better to say."

"Anythin's better than uh."

"Well, escuse me fur tryin'."

"That wasn't trying. That was dumb." Jim emphasized the 'b' sound in dumb, and it made Leonard's eyes twitch.

"You're dumb."

"No, I'm dumb," Jim argued.

"Exactly."

"What?"

Spock apparently recovered from the sight of them, and now cleared his throat very pointedly. Both of the officers jumped at the sound. "Captain, Doctor," Spock greeted, hands going to clasp behind his back. "You both look ... ill."

"Tha's right, Mr. Spock," Leonard agreed quickly. "We're sick with, uh, a ba' case of, um, flu. I's prettabad, actually."

"Is that your medical opinion?" Spock inquired. The doctor caught sight of Sulu covering his mouth and trying not to laugh.

"Well," Leonard started, "soruf."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Sort of?"

Leonard thought it'd be a real nice thing if Jim joined in the conversation. Said something along the lines of 'I'm the captain, and blah blah, I order myself and Bones to Sickbay', but Jim had a knack for only being the captain when it suited him.

"Inuhway, all my opinions are medcull opinions 'cause I'm a medic?" Leonard decided, crossing his arms and trying not to throw up again.

"You are a doctor."'

He shrugged. "Same thing."

"In fact, they are not."

"In fact, they are, Spock."

"In fact, they are not."

"Spock," Leonard pointed an unsteady finger at him. "They are."

"Negative."

"Not negative. Positive." Sulu was most definitely laughing now, the damned traitor, and Chekov seemed on the verge of joining in. Uhura's expression was disturbingly pleased, and Scotty was ... what the hell, _was he recording this?_

"I believe our conversation has exhausted itself, Doctor. Perhaps you would like to escort yourself and the captain to Sickbay to heal the ... flu you both appear to be suffering from?" All the indignation left Leonard's body. Spock was the best. Spock was the greatest damn thing since sliced bread.

Spock was giving them an out?

"Tha's a gud-idea," Leonard agreed, taking Jim's arm again.

"I will, of course, expect a report about this disease later today," Spock added, because he was actually just a green-blooded bastard.

"Of course you will."

* * *

M'Benga had appeared far, far too smug when the officers staggered into Sickbay. He continued to look that way the rest of the day, of which Leonard spent the entire time holed up in his office hiding from his irritatingly amused staff. Jim had been sent on his way, cured of the effects of the Saurian brandy, but only after Leonard had assured himself that everything between them really was fine.

"We good?" he'd asked. He knew that things weren't perfect. One night of drinking wasn't going to change what had happened, but maybe that was okay. Maybe things had to be different because they were different. All Leonard needed to know, at the end of the day, was whether they were still friends. Whether he could still expect Jim to call him Bones and irritate him into an early grave.

That was all the doctor asked for.

"We're good," Jim had answered, like it had been the simplest thing in the world. And hell, maybe it was? Either way, the doctor felt better than he had since Deneva. A few days later, when he realized Joanna had sent him a written message from Earth, he even found himself excited and happy. Maybe he'd been avoiding Penelope, wary of how the confrontation about Jim might play out, but every other thing just seemed to just fall back into place.

That was until he read the damn message from his damn daughter.

 _Hi, Dad._

...

Dad? What happened to Daddy? Leonard spent a long damn time reading that sentence. He read it over and over again. Two words? Did that qualify as a sentence? Hi, Dad. Dad. What the hell?

 _Hi, Dad._

 _I miss you a lot. I hope you and Uncle Jim are okay._

 _I saw Grannie last week, and she showed me holos of you when you were my age. You looked funny, and your haircut was ugly. Mom said you still look funny, but she was joking, don't worry._

 _I made a painting in art class, and I got an award. It's stupid, and art is a stupid subject. Mom's keeping the painting, but I told her she couldn't hang it up. We argued about it, so I let her put it in the guest bathroom above the toilet so people can look at it while they pee._

 _My friend Sierra made a picture, too, but her mom didn't care what we did with it. We set it on fire behind the school -_

What in God's name? She had _what_?

 _We set it on fire behind the school, and I got detention for a week. Mom's really mad at me, and now I'm grounded for a month. Way I figure, if the principal already gave me a week's detention, then Mom shouldn't ground me at all. Maybe you could talk to her? The picture was bad, even worse than mine. And we were real careful about the fire, too. I don't really get what the problem is._

 _Okay. I guess that's all that's new._

 _You should really tell Mom to un-ground me._

 _Love,_

 _Joanna_

Burying his head in his hands, Leonard considered the logistics of lighting something on fire in a school zone. How on Earth had she managed to get her hands on something that could do that? He didn't even know what it could've been, security being as it was. And who the fuck was this Sierra person? Yeah, he was going to talk to Pam, but not for any reason Joanna was going to like.

Dad. What a disgusting word. Next week, it would be Father. Might as well just call him Dr. McCoy like Spock did and be done with it all. MD, PhD and all.

No wait: hey you, even better.

"Dr. McCoy?"

Iyer stood in the doorway. God, cause she was just who he needed to see right then. She leaned back and looked at her nails, waiting for him to say something.

"Yes?" he finally bit out when she continued to do nothing but peer down at her hands. Her gaze flicked up to him once, dismissively.

"Waters is here. She's got a burn or something -" Or something? It was kind of her job to know what the something was "- and she's arguing with M'Benga about it. Figure you'd want know." Without waiting to be dismissed, Iyer pushed up from the wall and walked away. He took a few calming breaths, willing himself to believe that Iyer didn't actively try to irritate him. With a great deal of effort, Leonard lifted himself from his desk and made his way out of his office. M'Benga had presumably given up trying to reason with a red-faced Penelope because he was currently seated in the corner of the room, facing the computer and jamming in information with a scowl. Instead of fighting with the doctor, she was currently arguing in circles with Paz.

"I don't need surgery for a burn!"

Paz looked on the verge of screaming. "Have you even looked at your hands?" Leonard glanced down at them himself, but there were turned in a way that hid any injury from view.

"They don't even hurt," Penelope argued, and if she wasn't lying, then that was _bad_.

"You might think that's a justification for not getting treatment, but it's actually the opposite," Paz's voice had quieted, but Leonard thought it must've taken her a great deal of effort.

"That doesn't even make sense."

"I told you to keep your hands up," she admonished, grabbing the engineer's forearms and lifting them for her.

"Sorry!" Penelope yelled in a way that sounded not sorry at all. In that moment, Paz finally appeared to notice Leonard's presence in the room. She gave him a look that said _this is your problem_. Following the nurse's gaze, Penelope also seemed to realize for the first time that he was there. She paled a little. "McCoy," she greeted coolly. He quickly concluded that him yelling at her for being an idiot in front of everyone just wasn't going to work out well, so he waved her over and directed her into the privacy of his office.

If he hadn't been a doctor, the sight of her cracked, angry red, raw palms would've scared him. Plasma burns, goddammit, and she chose to act like _that_?

"I'm fine, Leonard," she insisted as soon as the door had closed.

He tried to steady his voice when he answered because one look at her told him just how not fine she really was. The only reason she could possibly be up and about right then meant that someone had already pumped her full of drugs.

"Words cannot explain how pissed off I am at you right now."

Penelope's eyes widened in surprise. "Yeah, well," she started, "I'm not exactly happy with you either." Saying something stupid last week did not compare to her punching Jim or her refusing surgery when she really needed it. He was not the one in the wrong, and it made him want to kick something to think that she was putting him in that position.

Leonard rubbed his temple, trying with great difficulty not to explode. "Don't, okay? Just don't." It took him a moment to recover, so instead of focusing on her, he focused on her hands. "You know the longer you keep M'Benga from fixing that, the longer you'll be off-duty?"

"Is that some kind of a threat?" Penelope asked, and Leonard had to cross his arms and grip his shirtsleeves. Was she deliberately trying to irritate him? Recovery would happen more rapidly the sooner she went into surgery. Even she knew that.

"That's a fact."

They were both silent after that. Then, Leonard asked desperately, "Why are you being like this? Do you want another doctor to perform the surgery? McLean can do it if you're uncomfortable with M'Benga."

Penelope wouldn't meet his eyes. "I don't care who does it."

"Then what is this about?"

"I just ..." she trailed off. Her cheeks reddened, not with anger but with embarrassment. "I just don't want to be put to sleep, okay?"

Leonard blinked. That's all? She had caused all that trouble because she didn't want to be put to sleep? He tried to be understanding, really he did, but he just couldn't help but raise his voice when he responded. "Oh, for the love of all that's holy, Penelope! I'll tell them not to, but did you even ask them about it?"

"No."

"No," he repeated, clutching his head with one hand. "No? Are you fucking serious?"

Frowning, she answered. "Yes, I am. And stop swearing at me. It's rude, and I've told you before I don't like it."

"Well, I'm sorry then," Leonard spat.

"Thank you," Penelope returned in a similarly hostile tone.

"You're welcome!"

* * *

There had been a plasma fire in one of the jeffries tubes. Penelope had gone in, evacuated all the other engineers, and then she'd gone back. The report didn't say why. When she had come back the last time, her hands were burned, like she'd reached out and grabbed something on fire, but she had been fully conscious and aware. She'd been sent to Sickbay at 14:25 exactly. She'd arrived fifteen minutes later.

It didn't take fifteen minutes to get from Engineering to Sickbay.

Leonard wanted to throw the PADD at the wall because M'Benga's report from surgery said it would be a week before she could go back to work, and if she'd come to Sickbay right away, that recovery time might be cut in half. Maybe more, if she'd of just communicated with his staff instead of screaming at them.

It was so stupid how much he cared. It was so goddamn stupid how mad he was, and she was just plain goddamn stupid.

Later that night in her quarters, she continued to prove that point to him.

"I don't need you to lecture me about safety -"

"Clearly, someone has to -"

"You just enjoy telling me I'm wrong. Admit it," Penelope insisted, pacing the room when she should've been lying down, "you get a kick out of being right."

Leonard groaned from his spot on her bed. "Everyone gets a kick out of being right."

" _But you always have to be_ ," Penelope practically hissed.

Yeah, well, he'd never claimed to be perfect.

"Would you stop moving around? You'll end up tripping and hitting your hands on something," Leonard pleaded in exasperation.

Penelope stopped and nodded, but she still refused to sit down. "Right. Sorry," she muttered, for once actually sounding sincere. When they'd first gotten together, it was like she didn't even know what that word meant. "What were we talking about?"

"Why did you go back into that fire, Penelope?" Leonard asked for about the millionth time that night. Every time he brought it up, she changed the subject. It infuriated him, and that made him say something idiotic which made her angry, and they just kept going in a loop. "And don't," he added as she opened her mouth, "answer that question with a question."

Penelope sighed. "You're going to get mad."

"I think we're both already beyond just mad at this point," he reminded helpfully.

"Well, I went back because - because," she stammered, looking anywhere but his face, "Ileftmywrenchbehind."

"What?" he asked, not quite making out what she'd said.

"I left my wrench behind," she admitted in a sigh. "It's my favorite one, and it's important to me."

Leonard buried his face in his hands and groaned again. "Oh my God." A wrench. She'd gone back for a goddamn _wrench_?

"You can't tell anyone, okay?" she began quickly. "I'd be in so much trouble if Scotty found out that's why. I mean to the point that he might try and transfer me," Leonard highly doubted that, "so please, just, I know you're upset, but can you keep it to yourself?" She tried to sit down next to him, but now it was his turn to start pacing.

"You went back for a tool?" he clarified, just to make sure they were completely clear on the whole situation.

"It's not just a tool. It's," her eyes searched the ground, "it was a gift from someone a long time ago. It's gotten me out of a lot of bad times."

There was no right way to respond to what she had just told him, or maybe there was, but he was just too upset to think of it right then. So he said nothing and sat back down, crossed his arms and tried not to speak. Whatever came out of his mouth was just going to piss her off. "What are you really mad about, Leonard?" Penelope wondered with a knowing expression. "It's not just this," she said, waving her hands in a way that made him flinch, "because you've been avoiding me again, so what is it?"

He breathed through his nose. "I overheard you and Jim talking down in Engineering a couple days ago," the doctor finally admitted.

"Oh."

"And before you ask," he continued quickly, "it was an accident. I had to ask Scotty a question and ended up nearly running into the two of you."

"Oh." She repeated the sound with more emphasis, a distraught frown pulling at her lips.

Gripping his knees, Leonard turned to face her completely. "I don't need you defending my honor, or however you wanna justify what you did. It wasn't your place to do that, nor did I ask you to." She said nothing, only frowned at her wrapped hands.

"I hadn't planned on hitting him," she admitted slowly, quietly. That made him feel slightly better. It took a while for her to continue, but Leonard was willing to give her that time. It had been days since everything with Jim, and the initial fury he'd felt towards her had lessened. If she needed to take a few minutes to decide what to say, then Leonard could wait. "I took it too far," Penelope finally bit out. "I was just so ... I don't even know what. But for so long you were walking around like somebody had broken you, and I wanted to make it better. If I could do it all over, I wouldn't have touched him. You have to believe that. You have to believe I regret what I did more than you could ever know, and that it will never happen again." Her bright green eyes were so intense, baring into his, willing him to take her at her word.

He did. Goddammit, he did, and maybe he was a fool for doing so. "Okay, I believe you." He wondered if she was even aware how much relief flooded into her face. The way her gaze lit up, looking at him like his response meant a lot to her, like _he_ meant a lot to her, made the fight drain out of him. "Do I win the argument now?" Leonard asked, trying to lighten the mood.

She smiled and bumped his shoulder with her own, still being careful of her burns. "No. Uhura told me at lunch once that the girlfriend always wins the arguments. She is a very smart person, I think."

"She's basing that on Spock, and he _is_ always wrong," Leonard argued, a smile tugging at him despite himself. Penelope laughed a little before scooting up the bed and finally lying down. He joined her a moment later, and side by side they waited for the other to speak.

"You love Spock," she stated as they both stared up at the white ceiling of her quarters.

"He's the worst person I've ever met."

"That wasn't a no," Penelope commented lightly, and he could feel her eyes on his face. He wondered, just for a moment, if they were really talking about Spock.

"I guess it wasn't. Though I'll be damned if he ever finds that out," Leonard grumbled, meeting her eyes. "It'd go straight to that overgrown ego of his."

She smiled at him, and it was a new kind of smile, and he never wanted to leave that place, that moment with her. "Leonard, I hate to break this to you, but I think he already knows."

* * *

Another two weeks later, after an away mission that ended with Uhura and a broken collarbone - and an irritated Vulcan first officer at that, shore leave had never been so welcome. They had docked last night at Deep Space 2, the furthest starbase from Earth in the Federation, for routine repairs and some other engineering reasons that Penelope tried to explain. He'd understood around ten percent of what she'd told him, content to let her rant about this and that without really listening. Currently, he, Uhura, and Scotty were playing a game of high card pool while Jim and Spock competed in yet another game of chess.

Seriously, how many damn rounds would it take until Jim admitted defeat?

"What'll you bet?" Uhura asked, leaning back in her chair and clutching her cards to her chest. Leonard smirked, matching the original ante and adding in a lot more poker chips for good measure. She shook her head. "You sure are bold, McCoy."

"Gotta spend credits to make 'em," Leonard replied, eyes flicking over to Scotty, the dealer for the evening and pretty much every evening for as long as he'd known the engineer.

"I feel it's pointless to remind you all that betting aboard a starbase is illegal outside of casinos?" Jim asked absently as he moved a pawn down a level. Spock made a humming noise and immediately grabbed his knight to place another level below. Jim sighed, placing his head in his hand.

Scotty chuckled. "This isn't real credits, Jimbo, only ma old chips from when I was a wee lad." Though they had all agreed beforehand that they signified the same thing, Leonard supposed what Jim didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Hell, kid probably knew but didn't care ... And when Scotty said wee lad, Leonard began to wonder just how young they were talking?

In response, Jim kicked back in his chair and crossed his arms. Leonard rolled his eyes and addressed the Chief. "You gunna show me my winning card?" Scotty chuckled, flipping up another card from the deck. Clapping once, the doctor took his chips back twofold, revealing a jack of spades. Uhura scoffed.

"You're such a cheater," she accused, placing her own bet on the table and waiting for Scotty to finish his drink

"I'm lucky," he insisted.

"No you aren't," Jim disagreed, eyes still glued to the chess board. Leonard flicked a chip with his finger, and it hit Jim on the nose. "Ow." He rubbed the spot, and Leonard laughed.

"How's that for luck?"

Spock murmured quietly from his chair, "After factoring in the doctor's lack of sobriety and his previously established poor aim, I calculated only a six point seven eight percent chance of him succeeding, Captain. Does that qualify as luck?" Leonard thought Spock pulled those numbers straight out of his ass, but they worked out in his favor sort of, so he didn't really care.

"Yes it does, Mr. Spock," Leonard said at the same time as Jim stated, "Absolutely not." They glared at each other halfheartedly before Jim turned back to the chessboard and flipped his king down.

"I have not even called check yet," Spock commented as Jim stood from his spot.

The captain laughed a dry sound and then tipped back the remainder of his whiskey glass into his mouth. He made a visible wince as he placed it back down onto the table. "You would have in five moves. Figure I'd surrender while I still had my dignity," Jim said with a small smile that looked like it was more for Spock than himself. Together, the two officers set away the chess pieces.

"McCoy?" Uhura's voice drew his gaze back to the game.

"Huh?" he asked in kind.

She motioned toward their own table. "It's your turn." Leonard sighed tiredly.

"I think I'm done for the night," the doctor admitted, watching Jim leave Spock and Uhura's quarters in somewhat of a slump.

"We're in the middle of a game," she reminded him, but he just shook his head.

"Just split the credits - uh, I mean chips," he corrected quickly at Spock's raised eyebrow, "between yourselves."

Scotty grinned, looking far too pleased with himself. "Don't mind if we do, right Uhura?" The communications officer shrugged.

"Fine by me. I guess this is goodnight then?"

Nodding, Leonard polished off his own whiskey. "Yeah. Night all," he waved to the group as he grabbed the jacket off the back of his seat.

"Goodnight," Scotty intoned, gathering up his chips. Spock, who probably believed such a saying was sentimental and illogical, only dipped his head down an inch in farewell. "Oh and McCoy," the engineer called out as the doctor approached the door, "remind Wrenchy to meet me tomorrow morning in C Section. Something to do with the cooling system, she'll know what I'm talking about. Talorak's bringing coffee, tell her that, too. Might make her less grumpy.'"

Leonard waved his hand up to show he got the message as he left. He tugged on his jacket, meandering down the cramped hall of the starbase and trying to remember where the bar was located. When he finally spotted a map along the corridor, Leonard managed to find the place and the path down to it. The doctor arrived in the still bustling business just as the bartender handed Jim his drink. A live band played something upbeat in the upper corner of the dark room, and Leonard plopped down in the stool next to Jim without a word.

Sipping his amber colored drink, Jim didn't even look at him. Leonard spun a bit in his chair, and when the bartender came to ask what he'd have, the doctor motioned towards whatever the hell it was Jim had gotten. "Just 'cause Spock kicked your ass again in chess doesn't give you the right to be a mopey bastard," Leonard said while the bartender turned around.

He received a wary grin from the captain in response. "I've had mopey bastard rights from the day I was born."

"Don't we all?" Leonard supposed, and that got him a small chuckle.

"Hey, I'm not stopping anybody," Jim started, but then a group of women walked by, and so of course he had to turn around and grin at them. "Jim Kirk," he greeted with a stupid smirk, and Leonard rolled his eyes. His drink was placed on the counter in front of him, and Leonard said his thanks before sipping it. Tasted like something not from Earth, but it still tasted like hard liquor, so Leonard twisted his lips before putting it back down.

"Why do you still think your name is a pick up line?"

Jim spun back to face him. "Because it works," he stated before ordering another set of drinks for them both. Leonard thought Jim might be drinking a little too often these days, and a little too much every time he did. "Hmm, you've got that look on your face, Bones."

"What look?"

"The disapproving one," Jim answered. The song ended, and Leonard's ear filled instead with the sound of people talking and laughing. "Is it the women or drinking or the fact I'm obsessed with chess?"

Leonard sipped his drink again. "Two for three."

Jim sighed in defeat. "About the chess, Bones, it's just not what it looks like, okay?"

"Be serious for once," Leonard tried.

"Serious is my middle name," Jim shot back, finishing his drink and starting on the next one. "James Serious Kirk."

"Funny."

"I always like to think so," Jim said around the time the band started up again. The tune came across less cheerful and more like the sound of something slowly coming to a close. Leonard sighed and rested the glass against his fingers, letting the water droplets on the edges touch his skin. "Alright, who's being the mopey bastard now? I know when to stop myself with this," Jim gestured towards his drink, "because it's disgusting, and as for the other thing, well, it's not like Carol's waiting for me."

"Did you expect her to?" Leonard asked, only because of the bitter tone in Jim's voice at the last part.

Jim laughed a strange sound before knocking the second drink back in one go. "Not really," he admitted.

"But you wanted her to?" the doctor pushed in a knowing way.

"I want a whole bunch of things," Jim said slowly, staring at a spot on the counter, "but I'm not a fool enough to think I'll get them all." Leonard didn't know if there was any real way to refute that, so instead he just finished his own drink and waited. If Leonard waited long enough, Jim always ended up saying what he needed to. This time, though, Jim only slapped Leonard on the back. "You go on, Bones. I'm staying a while longer."

Shaking his head, Leonard tried to protest. "I can stay."

"Go to bed. You deserve a break from babysitting me every now and again," Jim laughed, but Leonard didn't feel it was real enough to ease his concern. "I'll pay for your drink, just go on."

"I don't mind -"

"Well I do," Jim announced a little too harshly. He added in a more conciliatory tone of voice, "I just need some time alone. It's not your fault, I'm sorry. Just ... I need some time."

Leonard nodded, picking himself up of the bar stool and patting Jim on the arm. "I got you. Have a nice night, Jim."

"See you later," Jim returned, tipping the third glass towards him. On the way back to his rooms aboard the starbase, Leonard nearly ran into M'Benga and Neil which turned out to be a very awkward encounter he'd sooner forget. He just had to bleach his eyeballs, that was all. Nothing too serious. When he finally arrived back, Leonard toed off his shoes and left them by the door, along with his socks and jacket. There was a blanket-covered lump in the bed, and instead of changing, he just went ahead and crawled under the covers. Penelope stirred at his presence.

"Leon'd, wa' time s'it?" she asked, blinking her eyes open. They'd decided to just share a room for the week as it would be more efficient. Penelope's wording, not his, because she'd been the one to suggest it.

The thought made him grin like kind of an idiot.

"Late," he admitted, tugging her to him.

"Oh," she said into the pillow with a little more coherence. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah. Scotty said something about C Section and tomorrow morning and coffee," Leonard relayed the condensed information to her, already feeling comfortable enough to fall asleep. "Did you have fun?" She had spent her night with people's who's names he couldn't even remember if he'd been fully awake and sober.

"I did. Are you drunk?" Penelope wondered, helping him out of his shirt and pants.

"Not really," he lied. Jim's fault.

She snorted in disbelief. "Sure. You're not already half-asleep either I guess?" He shook his head, another lie, and pulled her back to where she'd been. "Goodnight," Penelope whispered because she wasn't Spock. She wasn't, but he was pretty sure he loved her anyways. If she had said anything more to him, he didn't hear it because that thought had jarred him.

Loved her?

Oh hell. _Oh hell_.

"Penelope," he tried to shake her awake. He should just say it. Get it over with. She would hate him. Didn't matter.

"Shhh," she sounded annoyed. "Go'sleep."

"Penelope, come on," Leonard insisted, but she only shook her head and scooted away from him. He followed. "I've got to tell you something." Finally, she pulled up onto her elbows, and even in the dark, he could see the way she was glaring at him.

"What is so important that you have to tell me _now_?"

Well, at that point, it just didn't seem like the right time. Leonard didn't want to say it while she looked that pissed off at him. "Nevermind."

"No," Penelope said quickly, "not nevermind. You don't get to wake me up and say nevermind."

"Just, well," the doctor shrugged, "nevermind."

Leonard could almost hear her mentally cursing him to a horrible death. "Leonard."

"Penelope."

"I'm going back to sleep now," she told him seriously. "If you have any more of these neverminds to tell me, please save them until morning and not before I've had about four cups of coffee."

"That's not very healthy."

"Remind me never to try and talk to you while your drunk," Penelope muttered as she rolled over and stole the blankets. Letting her take them, Leonard laid out fully on his back and closed his eyes. He'd tell her tomorrow. Or maybe the day after. Or maybe after shore leave was over. Or maybe never. She'd hardly agreed to go on a date with him this week, so how in the hell was he supposed to say ' _I love you_ ' without her freaking out?

He ended up with very little sleep that night.

* * *

 **A/N: Hello! Thanks to everyone as always, and I'll be putting up this chapter and the next today (its my birthday, and I'm happy, so hopefully these will make you happy, too), so this will be the AN for them both. The last two are still a work in progress, (a very slow, painful work in progress) but they will happen. I'm very determined about the whole thing. So until then, have a nice week and a nice Labor Day weekend (if you're in the US) and eat something delicious! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 14 - If I Do Not Violate This Oath, may I Enjoy Life and Art, Respected while I Live and Remembered with Affection Thereafter**

"I'm a doctor! I think I know what I'm talking about."

Penelope shook her head in anger, twisting her hands in the sheets. "You know, I'm starting to think you actually are not, considering how often you feel the need to prove that you are." Ignoring her, Leonard continued to stumble into his uniform pants. "Please stop." There was a note in her voice that made him pause. Had she said that before?

"I've got to go to work," the doctor insisted, pulling up the trousers all the way. He blinked up at her, but everything swayed gently in his line of sight. Breathing became very difficult all of a sudden. "I've got to go to work," he repeated once he had steadied himself against the far wall. When things had settled, Leonard saw Penelope up out of the bed, still keeping a generous distance between them. Why?

He thought she might be saying something to him, but he couldn't listen because there was a woman behind her. She was pale with dark, straight hair. Her green eyes were staring straight at Penelope. They were the same height.

"Penelope, who is that?" Leonard pointed a shaky finger to the figure at her shoulder. Twisting around, Penelope looked straight at her.

"Who? There's no one here but us," Penelope insisted, facing him once more and taking a step forward. The woman moved with her.

Overwhelming panic gripped his mind, and Leonard's vision swam. "I've got to go to work," he repeated, trying to ignore the strange figure. "I'm a doctor." He stumbled across the room and into the bathroom, ignoring Penelope's protests. He locked the door behind him. She immediately started to bang on it.

"Leonard! Open this door. Leonard!" she demanded desperately, but he had to get ready for work. His arms were shaking badly, but he managed to brush his teeth, all the while Penelope continued to knock and scream. At one point, it sounded as though she were trying to override the lock from the panel. After that, Leonard went to wash his hands and face, but his knees buckled. The floor felt nice and cool on his skin. The woman had returned. She sat against the locked door, knees crisscrossed in front of her.

"I know you," Leonard whispered. She smiled at him, a nice smile that looked straight out of a holo. A small girl had appeared in her lap, a similar grin on her lips. She was considerably darker than the woman, but their eyes were the same. Happy and bright.

Penelope.

"Penelope?" he said, reaching forward, but then the door opened and Jim walked through the two figures, making them disappear. The adult Penelope lingered behind him in the doorway.

Jim knelt down, helping him into a sitting position against the shower. "Hey, buddy," Jim said at eye-level. "Waters here says you're trying to go to work?"

"I'm a doctor," Leonard told Jim in a very serious tone, blinking to keep his gaze steady.

"I know you are," Jim said calmly. "But it's three in the morning. Your shift doesn't start for another five hours." That was wrong. He needed to go to Sickbay, and that meant he needed to go to work. He needed Sickbay. He knew because he was a doctor, and he would've relayed all this information to them both if not for how hard talking right seemed to become.

"You've got pajamas on," Leonard informed his friend. Captain's weren't supposed to wear pajamas to work. Besides, they were ugly pajamas Joanna had picked out for him when she was nine. Leonard hadn't wanted to waste his credits, but she'd been so insistent and so proud, and he never could tell her no when it came right down to it. Even if he was _Dad_ now.

Jim sighed, patting him on the knee. "That's because I was sleeping just now. Like you should be."

Shaking his head fiercely gave him a headache, but he didn't care. "I can't sleep. I need to go to work. I'm a doctor." Penelope chose that moment to approach the pair of them. She knelt down the same way Jim was, and at this close, Leonard could see how her eyes were puffed up like she'd been crying.

His fault?

"Leonard, what's wrong with you? You're scaring me," Penelope pleaded, and that was wrong because Penelope wasn't scared of anything. She tried to take hold of his hands, but he pulled away.

His breath sounded short and choppy when he replied. "Work. Gotta go to work." He watched as Jim and Penelope shared a look. His vision tilted to the side, and there was the young Penelope, alone, leaning up against the door.

"You look funny," she said in Joanna's voice, and Leonard jerked sharply away from them all, banging his head against the shower door.

Jim was reaching out, and then he was pulling Leonard up to his feet. Both Penelopes followed them. "You know what, Bones? Sickbay sounds like a good idea right now. Why don't we go to work?" Leonard nodded in relief.

"Yeah," the doctor agreed, but then stopped short, looking down at his black shirt. "Jim, I've gotta grab the blue shirt. I can't go to work without my blue shirt." His voice was insistent. Jim caught his wrist before he could go and search his quarters for the uniform.

"Casual Fridays. New rule," the captain announced, his blue eyes concerned as he tugged Leonard towards the door.

"But it's not Friday," Leonard argued, pulling against his now bruising grip. Today was ... today was ...

Jim looked very sad when he answered. "But it is, Bones. Oh, look," Jim lit up, nodding over at the adult Penelope, "Waters got you a shirt. Now can we go?" She handed the material to Leonard, but he just stared at it. The little girl tugged on it, trying to rip the sleeve off.

"Why are you giving this to me?" Leonard asked in confusion. The older Penelope's face fell, and he wanted to say something to apologize even if he didn't know what was wrong. He didn't get a chance because Jim was now walking determinedly towards the door.

"Why don't you just hold onto it for now," Jim suggested when they made it out into the hallway, "and then if you don't want it later, you can just give it to one of us?"

Nodding, Leonard replied. "Okay." He looked around to see if the young Penelope was still with them, but he didn't see her anywhere he looked. "Jim, where's Penelope?"

"She's right beside you," Jim said in a helpful tone as they entered the turbolift. Leonard glanced over to the now straight-lipped engineer.

While the doors closed, Leonard shook his head and turned back to Jim.

"No, the other one."

There was no immediate answer, just a strange silence. "Well," Jim finally began, "she's busy right now, so there's just going to be one of them from now on." That made sense, so Leonard nodded in agreement, content with the situation. Then the walls of the turbolift started to close in on him, and he started to breathe in and out erratically. "Bones, what's wrong?" Jim asked, but when the doors opened, Leonard made a break for it.

All the walls of that horrible, horrible ship were closing, and Leonard just ran. Heart thumping in his chest, the doctor needed to find somewhere to hide from the walls. They were going to crush him if he stayed.

Outside.

He needed fresh air. It could cure anything, his mother always said. Leonard traced his way along the silver corridor, knowing the way to the outside. He knew because for some reason the outside had scared him, and he'd always wanted to know where _not_ to go. Not anymore. The backdoor on this deck awaited him just around the corner. Approaching it carefully, the doctor collapsed against the panel and started to punch in his access codes with a shaky hand.

Fresh air.

The initial doors opened, and Leonard stepped inside. He knew he needed to go to work, but work was inside the ship, and outside was where he wanted to be. Leonard advanced towards the final set of giant doors. He just needed to punch in more numbers, more numbers from his memory.

A hand pulled him back, halting his efforts.

"Doctor," Spock said from behind him, "you are not well."

"I'm not," Leonard agreed, twisting around to face the first officer. He was in pajamas, too, only they were far more reasonable than Jim's. Just plain black sweats and T-shirt. The kind of thing Penelope preferred. "That's why I need to go outside."

Spock shook his head. "That would not be advisable. You would most certainly die, and you have many years left to live."

"I'm going to die," Leonard agreed in a quiet voice. He was a doctor. He knew those sorts of things.

"All things must end," Spock allowed, and somehow they were already back into the hallway. "That is logical; however, your behavior is not." The walls may not have been moving inwards to crush him, but the metal coverings were melting. It distracted Leonard for a while, but when he turned back to talk to Spock, he was gone.

Alone again.

The ship's hallway stretched for miles in front of him, and in an attempt to find himself, Leonard inched towards the closest door and peered in. Georgia was inside, with all its humid heat and blue skies. Leonard took a hesitant step onto the unpaved road that led to his parent's house. Chirping insects drowned out all noise until he saw his daughter coming.

"Daddy!" Joanna yelled as she ran towards him, dust and dirt kicking up in the air with each slap of her bare feet against the ground. Instead of running into him, she swerved and headed into a field of cotton. It stretched out for miles and miles, a sea of brown and white. She was going to get lost in there, and Leonard immediately went in after her.

"Joanna!" he yelled, ignoring the way the branches of the cotton cut into his arms and face and made him bleed. He had to find her, or else he would lose her forever. "Joanna!"

He heard her call him again in the distance, only this time it sounded pained. Panting, Leonard came across a small clearing in the middle of the field. Joanna wasn't thirteen anymore. She was one and a half years old and screaming on the ground. Her forehead had split open, and blood seeped from her into the earth. Leonard remembered this. He remembered this happening once.

There had been so much blood. He hadn't been watching her properly, so tired from studying, but it was no excuse. She'd climbed up onto one of the coffee tables in the living room, and he only noticed when she'd fallen off. There had been so much blood. Thought she would die. It had been all his fault. He should've been watching her more carefully.

He should've been a better father.

At the time, he'd immediately gotten help, gone to her. But this time, every step he tried to take only pushed him farther away. She was screaming for him.

Leonard had gotten so far from where he'd been. He was back on that dirt road, only this time he saw Jim and Penelope sitting across from one another in the middle of it. They had turned an end table from Sickbay into a place to put a deck of cards, and they were both perched on stools. The whole image of them was ridiculous.

Both still wore what they went to bed in.

"Got any fours?" Jim asked, inspecting his hand.

Penelope shook her head. "Go fish."

Snorting, Jim laid his hand facedown on the table. "Bullshit, Waters. I know you have a four."

"Are you calling me a liar? I said go fish, Captain," Penelope argued firmly. With a tsking sound, Jim snatched his cards back up and very dramatically took a card from the deck.

"You can call me Jim, you know?"

It was Penelope's turn to snort. "What, and give you the satisfaction? I don't think so. Have any sevens?"

"Go fish," Jim replied smugly. "I could order you to call me Jim."

"I could order you to go to hell," Penelope answered as she took a card from the deck and slipped it into her hand.

Jim's head turned to look directly into Leonard's eyes, startling him. "My name's Jim, Bones. Jiiiiiimmmmmm. Are you stupid or something?"

"I -" Leonard began, but when he blinked, both of them were gone. "Jim?" he asked. "Penelope? Where are you?" When no response came, Leonard resigned himself to walking down the road until he could get back to the ship. It seemed like an eternity to get there, and he never did manage to find his way back.

Instead, Georgia morphed into a dry, crackling sun.

New Vulcan met his presence with an unwavering heat. The doctor tugged at his collar and approached the memorial site. He knew his way in, carefully toeing a path into the impressive structure. All around him, he reflected back at himself, and there seemed no way to escape the unrelenting fever of the place. After a while, he came upon Jim and Spock in a smaller room. Spock was tracing a name with his fingers.

James Tiberius Kirk

"I trusted you," Jim said, his eyes cold and cruel.

The first officer turned to him as well. "You are a fool, McCoy," Spock said in disgust. "And you would keep the lieutenant from a death she chose to accept because you cannot." Leonard spun around and found himself in Sickbay. Penelope was lying in a biobed, Keenser asleep at her side. He approached her slowly. She blinked once, no recognition in her gaze.

Another Penelope, this time with plasma burns on her palms, drew his attention. "I just ..." she trailed off. Her cheeks reddened, not with anger but with embarrassment. "I just don't want to be put to sleep, okay?" They both stared at the comatose Penelope, and then at each other. It was so _hot_ in Sickbay. Were the temperature controls working?

He fell.

Waves crashed on the California coast line, and Leonard wasn't dressed for the heat. The wind nipped at his cheeks, cooling him not a bit, and he spotted Jim in the distance, seated in the sand and bent over. The doctor jogged towards him, sea salt air in every breath. Choking him.

"Jim, what are you doing?" he gasped, trying not to suffocate.

The captain huddled around a smattering of glass fragments, sparkling in the sun but nearly hidden in the sand. His blue eyes looked up.

"I can fix it," Jim told him. The doctor collapsed down with his legs folded under him and tried to help, but Jim slapped his hand away. "Let me do this. I can do this."

"I don't need you to," the doctor said, swallowing up sand with every word.

Jim shook his head, picking up the pieces one by one and cutting his fingers the whole time.

"You don't have to worry. I got you, Bones, no matter what."

He stood.

"I just don't want to be put to sleep, okay?" Penelope asked again, her hair whipping around in the wind. Her green eyes were willing him to take her at her word.

Leonard nodded. "Okay. But did you even ask them?"

"No." They were in his quarters. Penelope was shifting away, moving to leave the bed. Leonard blinked in confusion, trying to place himself. "I guess I'll be heading back now ... " Penelope trailed off, a sheet pooling at her bare waist.

"What?" Leonard clarified, rubbing his head. "I mean, you don't have to. You could stay," he suggested, sitting up as well. That first night together, after that horrible away mission. He remembered. He remembered the bit of awkwardness and fumbling, but also how wonderful it had been. And then she'd gotten up to leave.

"I could," she supposed, her gaze appraising him.

"So stay," he asked, and if she didn't, well, then this was more hopeless than he'd thought. But instead, she came back.

She was supposed to say: _this doesn't mean anything, McCoy_. Instead, she whispered in his ear, "Wake up, Leonard."

"I'm already awake," he claimed.

Penelope's green eyes turned to stones, and she held his hand with both of hers. "Keep fighting. You're stronger than this, so please, just try and come back." He tried to open his mouth, to assure her that he was fine, but everything around them was shifting, changing. Even she was changing.

"Len," Pam mumbled tiredly, chin on his shoulder. "Honey, come to bed."

Leonard shook his head, staring at the pages in front of him. He had to get this right. "I will. Just give me fifteen minutes," he said, tapping the screen of the computer and flipping the page.

"You say that every night," she laughed a loving sound. "You know, when this baby comes, you might actually _want_ to sleep once in a while." His gaze flicked over to her, noticing the way her belly protruded underneath her clothing. Her gaze turned concerned. "Are you alright? You look sick."

"I'm fine," he argued. "Just tired. Maybe you're right about getting some sleep." She turned her lips up tightly.

"It was good seeing you, Leonard," Pamela remarked. He nodded at her once, and for the belly's sake, even smiled a bit. "Take care of yourself." Their homey bedroom in their first and last home melted away, shifting around into Sickbay once more. Sulu read a PADD, alone in a chair. There was something soothing about his quiet presence. The helmsman tilted his head in thought, crossed his legs, and said nothing at all. Leonard sat down on the biobed beside him. Sulu glanced up at him once.

"Say you feel sick or something," Leonard whispered.

"Why?" he asked quietly, carefully.

"Just ... " Leonard trailed off, not able to remember his reasoning. "You don't make mistakes Sulu. If you knew you were allergic to that plant -"

Sulu laughed at him. "Are you worried? About me? I'm fine, Doctor. It's you who needs to be worried. And, I'll admit, I felt a little homesick, maybe I got a little distracted. It's my daughter's birthday today, you know?"

"I didn't know that," Leonard said.

Smiling nicely, Sulu responded. "You can't fix everything."

With a sigh, Leonard buried his face in his hands. When he moved back up, Penelope was pulling him into the bathroom of an unfamiliar place. "If I leave you alone, do you promise not to drown yourself?" He tried to smile but failed. She wasn't smiling either. His gaze drifted down to a bathtub. The woman from earlier was sitting in it, covered by a pool of bloody water, the same frozen smile still in place

The old ship's counselor, name long forgotten, started to speak from a place Leonard couldn't see. "I wanted you to tell me more about your mother."

"My mother?" Another Penelope repeated.

"Yes," she said, "what was she like?"

Penelope left, but she placed a towel in the doorway to keep it from closing. One Leonard went into the shower, another followed her into her quarters.

Penelope grabbed up a bloody washcloth and sat down on her bed. Her eyes turned up to him. "Do you promise not to drown yourself?" Before he could answer, they both jumped at the sound of the bathroom door sliding shut. She shot up immediately and ran over, banging on the door. "Leonard! Open this door. Leonard!" He did nothing but watch as she started sobbing. "Open it please!" Desperation.

Eventually, she slid down the wall and faced him again. "You do not see your face," Penelope said far more calmly than he expected. "It is a frowning face."

"I have not been frowning," he protested, but she only smiled softly at him. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks.

"I miss you. It's been two weeks, and I miss you," she informed him.

Things were changing again. They were on Earth, Jim was alive even though he'd been dead, and Scotty had to be at least tipsy, if not already drunk. They stared as the android finished talking. "...you will be forcibly removed from Starfleet and placed in penal colony Frello V to serve your five year sentence of case number 10038. Thank you, citizen. Good day." The android walked in smooth motions through the four officers and down the road onto his ground-car.

Penelope stared up at him.

"I hadn't planned on hitting him," she admitted slowly, quietly, gesturing to Jim. "I took it too far. I was just so ... I don't even know what. If I could do it all over, I wouldn't have touched him. You have to believe that. You have to believe I regret what I did more than you could ever know, and that it will never happen again." Her bright green eyes were so intense, baring into his, willing him to take her at her word.

"Leonard," she repeated, "it will never happen again."

"I believe you," he told her.

"This doesn't mean anything, McCoy," Penelope reminded him.

"That's okay," he said, reaching forward and taking her hand. "It means something to me."

Jim spoke up from beside them. "I tell you what, when you get sick, you sure do it right." Leonard walked towards him, worried because Jim was frowning and that was never a good thing. "When you wake up, because it's _when_ not _if_ you stupid bastard, I'm gonna pay you back for all those Sickbay visits. I'm gonna tell M'Benga to keep you in bed for as long as he can justify it, and I'm gonna make fun of you the whole time. And you won't be able to say shit about it because you'll feel so guilty about making me worry in the first place. Because that's the kind of person you are."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Leonard questioned, shaking Jim's arms roughly.

"Wake up," Jim ordered.

"I can't, Jim. I don't have what I had three years ago!" the doctor raged.

Jim was turning mean. "Fuck you!" He punched him right in the face. Everything hurt, not just his nose, and he was so, so cold. Leonard, alone but not in the morgue, shivered and watched helplessly as Sam Kirk sat up. Jim's brother swung his legs and stood, and then he walked over to where Peter was lying.

"David," Sam said, shaking Peter awake. "That's his name, and he's healthy and fine, and Carol's fine, too. And I have a son."

Leonard covered his eyes from a bright light as Jim knelt down to face him. "Do you believe in ghosts, Bones?" Scotty held Jim's corpse before laying him down beside Leonard and walking away. "I did what I had to do. I didn't have time to think about the consequences. It was for all of you, anyways, and I'm fine now. I don't know why you're still upset over it."

"Dammit, Jim, I'm upset because you never give a thought to the future!" Leonard argued. He and Jim sat alone on the first rotting bench in the old church of his hometown. It should've been hot, the ancient building trapping in the heat of the sun, but the doctor couldn't stop shivering.

The preacher called out from the front. "And so Jesus said to them: greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

"Do you believe in ghosts, Bones?" Jim asked again, staring down at his own dead body, laid carefully under their boots.

Leonard reached down, palm gripping the still warm skin of Jim's forehead. Dead. Alive. "I don't know anymore," the doctor whispered, falling forward and curling into a fetal position on the floor.

Jenny, all blonde hair and blue eyes, laid down beside him. "I'm going to be a captain someday!"

"I don't know about that," Leonard argued, young and dumb and still optimistic about her fate. "It's dangerous up there in space."

She giggled. "I've been dying since the day I was born, Dr. McCoy. There's nothing in the stars that's not already in me. That's where we all came from, did you know? We were all stardust once, so it's really just like going home."

Joey Tormolen cried from above them, replacing the preacher. "We don't belong here. We got no business here in space! No business!"

"You're wrong," Jenny protested, eyes heating.

Randy Royce helped pull Leonard up into a standing position. He was still bleeding the way he'd been when a group of engineers had carried him into Sickbay. "Oh, that's nothing," Royce laughed to him now, hands digging into one of the stomach wounds Leonard had failed to heal. "Klingons, Doc, they think they're the best warriors in the quadrant. Tell that to two of the guys I took down with me, and I'm only an engineer!"

Lucas Smith, sitting behind the organ, tossed a baseball up into the air and caught it. He blew a bubble with his gum and popped it. "Way I see it, man, you got one of two options."

Standing beside Lucas, Theodore Quinn, as peaceful an expression on his face as when his heart stopped beating, agreed. "Either live or don't."

"That isn't a choice," Leonard argued. "It's just a fact."

Victoria Brighton, her three young children playing around her, shook her head. "It's never that simple."

Jenny tugged at the bottom of his leg. "Why are you scared?"

"I'm not scared," Leonard said, kneeling to sit beside his father. The walls of the neglected hospital were stained with the fluids of others, and there would be no help for any of them. There were other people that needed his attention, his skills, but his father was crying out for him again.

"Leonard, son, is that you?" his father asked. Leonard took his hand in a way he never would if they'd both been healthy. Showing affection was not one of his father's strong suits, and he'd never encouraged the trait in his only son.

"I'm here, Dad," the doctor assured, wishing he could do something, anything.

Dad. What a disgusting word.

"Make it stop. Please, just make it stop," his father pleaded, clutching onto his hand.

Tears in his eyes, and so very tired, Leonard finally stopped fighting. "Okay. Okay. I'm going to make the pain stop." His father began to cry, and he wasn't sure if it was from the pain or the promise of release from it. Either way, it made Leonard jump up and start running in the opposite direction. He ended up back in his quarters, where Scotty, Penelope, Keenser, and Iyer were all sat around two Sickbay end tables pushed together. Scotty dealt two cards out to each of them and then settled the deck onto the table.

"So, what'll be ladies and Keenser?" the Chief asked, glancing at his own cards.

Iyer smiled. Leonard hadn't even thought that was possible. "I'm in."

Keenser nodded his agreement. Penelope sighed. "Not me." Exhausted expression turned Leonard's way. "How was he today?"

Shrugging, Iyer answered. "Same as yesterday. You and the captain need to just let him be for a while. He's either going to get better or he's not."

"It's never that simple," Penelope echoed. Leonard staggered over to Penelope, placed a hand over where her trembling one hid under the table.

"I'm right here," he insisted. "Penelope, I'm right here." She didn't even flinch. "Can't you see me, I'm right here!"

The universe tilted and spat the doctor into the field of wildflowers on Tolltarr. Jim and Spock were both seated together under a deep red sunset, playing a game of chess. Spock's dark eyes flicked over at him dismissively.

"He will always prefer me to you."

"Spock?" Leonard said, crawling forward towards them, unable to pick himself up.

"Given the choice," Spock informed him, moving a rook and taking one of Jim's pawns. He inspected it closely. "Given the choice, Jim would choose me. It is logical, and it is true. If you could think like I do, instead of relying on emotions, you would agree. I nearly choked him to death, and he still invited me to be his first officer and confidant. You shoved him once, and he nearly ended years of friendship. My conclusion is, of course, no surprise to anyone but yourself."

Leonard tried to keep his head up, tried to keep dragging his body forward. "I would -" Leonard panted into the dirt "- never ask him to choose."

With a pitying expression, Spock tucked the pawn away into his pocket. "That is because you know what his decision would be."

It began to rain. "I was right, Spock!" Leonard called out triumphantly, flipping onto his back and letting the water hit him. "I was right, goddammit."

"Doctor ..." Spock started, but he just shook his head. "Leonard, your staff has informed me that it may be beneficial for me to speak to you. I find this a difficult proposal on two accounts. The first being that the likelihood of my voice aiding in your recovery is statistically insignificant, and the second being that - that," Spock was stuttering, and Leonard couldn't even believe his ears. "I continue to expect you to respond. Argue, even, the point I currently make. I understand that you will not, and yet I still expect it. I would find it more fascinating if it were not so unpleasant an experience."

The scenery swam in Leonard's line of sight, and then the two of them were sitting together in a hospital waiting room. His head had been dropped onto Spock's shoulder in sleep, but Leonard was wide awake now. "Spock?"

"Humans tire more easily than Vulcans," Spock defended, though Leonard hadn't made an accusation. "It was only logical to allow you to sleep."

Leonard shot the first officer an amused expression. "Is he still in surgery?" Jim. They both needed him, and if he didn't make it, then Leonard didn't know if he'd ever see Spock again. He'd become a commander that Leonard had served with once upon a time, and for some reason, that alternative just didn't appeal to him the way it had a year ago.

"Yes."

There was a moment of silence between the two men.

"Doctor, may I make a personal query?"

"'Course you can, Spock."

"Can you please wake up?"

They kept flipping the script, and Leonard couldn't help but feel confused. None of this was going the way it should.

Deep Space 2 didn't exactly scream romance, but at least it wasn't the _Enterprise_. He pulled out a chair for Penelope on their very first official date as a real couple. She rolled her eyes at him but didn't say anything. So he was being sentimental, so what? Halfway through the dinner, things changed again.

"Leonard, this isn't real," Penelope said after sipping her drink.

"It is," the doctor replied. "I remember this. This happened."

She reached forward and grabbed his hand like she had done. "This is the past. I need you with me now." He took her hand and stood. They went over to where other couples were dancing after hearing a song they both recognized from the 40's. "So you know how to dance now, too?" Penelope smiled, back to normal again.

"I'm a man of hidden talents," Leonard claimed. He got a proper laugh for that, and it made him grin like an idiot. He was doing that a lot these days.

She leaned into him. The lights were dimmed, and he thought it was strange that day after day, she just became more beautiful. He told her so, and she laughed again. "There's so much we haven't done yet. There's so much I haven't said. I was a coward, Leonard, and I'm sorry. So just wake up."

"I'm right here," he said.

"You're not," she said back, hand going to cradle his cheek. "You're in Sickbay, and you have been for close to a month. You know that. On some level, you just know that." Penelope walked away from him and approached the store window back on Earth. He followed her gaze to an older woman playing piano in the coffee shop.

"We are _not_ stopping to get more coffee. Carol and Jim were expecting us five minutes go."

She turned to him, eyes dropping. "It's not that. Thought I saw someone I used to know."

"Who?" he asked, but she never answered.

The lights were brightening, and Penelope was gone. Jim had gotten some kind of marker and was doodling on his arm. "You keep this up, asshole. You just keep sleeping," Jim sounded angry. Leonard glanced down at the big, blocked letters on his skin. BONES. "I drank all the alcohol you hide in your office, you know, the bottles you think I don't know about. They were the expensive ones, too, but that's what you get for not waking up. I made it an order for you to wake up, and it was even in writing, but you still won't. Desperate times call for desperate measures."

"You did what!" Leonard yelled, but Jim didn't react at all.

"I'm going to end up getting you killed one of these days," Jim whispered, "and if that happens, I swear to god if that happens I don't know who I'd become." He started to add a skull and crossbones to accent his name. He held it up. "Whaddya think?"

"It's ugly," the doctor scowled.

"Bones," Jim whispered in a low voice, "don't make me be the one to tell Joanna her dad's dead. Don't put me in that position. Don't you dare."

His mother blew smoke in his face. "You wanna come home in a body bag? Is that what you want? Because that's the reality of it. In fact," she continued in a cutting fashion, cigarette ash falling haphazardly on the porch, "it won't matter either way. You'll be dead to that girl. You'll turn around one day, and she'll be grown up and done with the father who never showed."

Pamela screamed at him. "I was lonely, Len! You weren't here, okay? You're so busy trying to fix everyone else's problems that you forget about me and your daughter, and I'm done! She deserves a better father, and I deserve someone who's going to come home to me and actually _see_ me when he does."

Jim sighed. "She'd probably just told you to go to hell. She'd have enough reason to. Failure of a husband. Deadbeat father."

The ghost of Norman Chandler blinked. "I've been here stranded for – well, actually, I don't quite remember. Not so bad," Norton shrugged. "Not a bad place to go, if you consider the alternatives." Leonard didn't want to die in space. He didn't want to die anywhere.

Penelope entwined their hands in the space between their bodies, and there was nothing else but the two of them. "You love me."

"You're the worst person I've ever met," Leonard said.

"That wasn't a no," Penelope commented lightly.

"I guess it wasn't. Though I'll be damned if you ever find out," Leonard grumbled.

She smiled at him, and it was a new kind of smile, and he never wanted to leave that place, that moment with her. "Leonard, I hate to break this to you, but I already know."

* * *

His throat felt dry.

He tried to move his arms, move his legs, but everything felt so stiff and out of use. When he blinked open his eyes, the Sickbay ceiling greeted him. He groaned, wondering just what sort of goddamn mess he'd gotten himself into. With his neck too sore to move, he tried moving his eyes around as far as they would go. Paz was seated at his bedside.

"Dr. McCoy," Paz greeted, "it's nice to finally see you awake."

Eyebrows furrowing downwards, Leonard tried to speak. "H'w lon?"

"How long?" the nurse clarified. Leonard nodded, and she sighed. "It's been five weeks."

Five weeks.

Five weeks?

Five weeks!

"Wha' the hell!" Leonard croaked, trying to shove the stupid goddamn blanket off his stupid goddamn body and get up out of that stupid goddamn bed. Paz immediately stood and firmly pushed him back down on the bed.

"That's not happening anytime soon, Doctor," Paz announced, meeting his eyes and the challenge in them.

He sagged back, knowing a lost cause when he saw one. "Fine," Leonard said, his voice still sounding like ... well, like he hadn't spoken for five weeks. "What happened to me?" Paz weighed the sight of him and seemed to conclude he wouldn't try to get up again. She sat back down and looked at what he bet was his medchart. If he asked, would she let him see it?

"You were infected with the Galarian-Homer virus," Paz finally informed him. The doctor blinked, wondering why in the hell he wasn't dead. That disease had about a ninety five percent mortality rate among humans, and though Leonard might wish otherwise, he really was not that lucky. "You were touch and go for a long time, but since last week, we've all mostly just been waiting for you to wake up. Do you remember any of that?"

Leonard shook his head. The last thing he remembered was waking up in the night and feeling like something was deeply wrong with him. Anything after that was just a blank. "How?" he inquired, unable to speak anything further. Paz looked at him closely, got up, and replicated something from the wall panel. It was water, thank the Lord. She helped him drink a small amount, since he found his arms as strong as spaghetti noodles from the mess hall.

"M'Benga's a miracle worker, that's how," Paz said, placing the glass down on the table. She injected him with a hypo right after. "And so am I, for that matter." She grinned at him. "You know Iyer actually came in here a few times, looked out for you. Thought you might want to know."

Leonard was taken aback. "Iyer?" The wheezing in his voice remained, and Paz started to run a few tests on her tricorder.

Letting out a quiet laugh, Paz nodded. "I know. Androvich won't stop bragging about how productive she's been. It's starting to get annoying, and you haven't been around to yell at either of them to shut up. The captain's also been here nearly every day, same with Waters. I didn't realize how much you hold the two of them in check until you stopped scowling at them. They're both so ..." Paz trailed off, shrugging. "Abrasive."

"I can imagine," the doctor agreed. They're both such idiots was what Paz wanted to say.

Then she laughed again. "You should've heard some of the stuff Captain Kirk was threatening you with. He got an idea in his head around the second week to start trying to make you so mad that you'd wake up just to argue with him. Just yesterday, he was kicking up a storm, talking about eating peanut butter and getting himself killed."

Jim was so allergic to peanuts, it wasn't even funny. "Not funny," Leonard breathed out.

"M'Benga didn't think so either, since he's been doing your job for the past month. I think he's this close," Paz said, holding up two fingers with no space in between, "to quitting and resigning his commission. He won't stop muttering about how stupid the Captain and Commander Spock are. It's pretty creepy how much he sounds like you these days."

Shaking his head, Leonard felt really sympathetic for the man. He wouldn't wish Jim or Spock and their combined martyr complexes on anyone, let alone M'Benga. "How's the crew been? No one dead?"

"Only you would ask that," Paz said fondly. "No, McCoy. No one's managed to die in your absence."

Leonard smiled in a way he rarely did in Sickbay. The muscles there were stiff. "Too bad."

At his expression, Paz started to laugh in earnest. "It's good to see you're really back. I'm going to go get M'Benga, so don't get up, okay?" Leonard tried waving his hand in agreement, but it just kind of flopped. Paz shook her head, leaving the room. About two minutes later, M'Benga stormed in dramatically.

"You have a lot to answer for," M'Benga told him, angrily taking the tricorder where Paz had left it and waving it around. Leonard was taken aback. M'Benga really was acting like him. "When you're on your feet again, I'm going to take a vacation, McCoy. A long, long vacation away from Kirk. I'm going to be gone for so long, I won't even remember that devil's name."

Nodding, Leonard knew what he had to do. He had to let M'Benga rant, and to be honest, he was going to enjoy it.

"Starfleet doesn't know how lucky they are that you haven't offed yourself yet," M'Benga growled. "Because I certainly won't be looking after that man if you do. You know he was in here every odd day, sitting at your side and snapping at anyone who came near you. But you know what he did on the even days? He was in here, again, but because he had broken, sprained, fractured, dislocated, or otherwise done something wrong to himself! And then he does that thing, I'm sure you're familiar, where you say to him, 'Oh, Captain, maybe you should try to be more careful when you spar with a Vulcan three times your strength,' and _he looks you dead in the eyes_ , nods, and says 'Oh, of course, Dr. M'Benga, I'll remember that next time.' And do you know what he actually does next time?"

"He doesn't listen," Leonard supplied. He really shouldn't be getting this happy.

M'Benga threw up his free hand. "He doesn't listen, McCoy, and he doesn't learn. And don't even get me started on Chekov, don't even get me started on him right now." Leonard knew that they definitely were getting started on him. "In some ways, he's worse than the captain, and that should be physically impossible. The thing that gets me about him is that unlike Kirk, I don't think he actively tries to do something stupid. He's just _that dumb_."

"It's kind of tragic when you think about it," Leonard allowed. M'Benga nodded, another hypo going into Leonard's neck. He couldn't even bring himself to care. He had been waiting years for something like this to happen.

"Between the two of them, I'd have my hands full, but when you add in Spock, who I already have to deal with ... " M'Benga trailed off grumpily. "Every time Spock comes in here, it's a fight about healing trances and the necessity of biobeds. When it's convenient for him to be Vulcan, then he's a Vulcan, but he'll flip his script to be human the moment it'll suit his purposes. When neither of those works, he's a mysterious hybrid that the laws of science and medicine don't apply to. They're children, all of them. And the engineers you have on your roster, my god. Gus is by far the worst, the maniac, but Scotty is a close second."

Leonard thought this might be one of the greatest moments of all time. He wondered whether five weeks of illness and however long it was going to take him to recover would be a worthy price to pay. "I always considered Scotty to be the king of stupidity in their department."

M'Benga scoffed and collapsed down into the seat Paz had previously been occupying. He looked more exhausted than Leonard felt. "I did, too, but then Gus comes in here one day last week with his leg nearly severed from his body. It took us hours to reattach it, and then he wanted to leave immediately after waking up - ruining all our hard work - to go back to his 'Pew-Pew Laser Project'. He's a weapons specialist, and a grown adult, and he was calling his own research that? What?"

While Leonard would've liked for their mostly one-sided, but very gratifying, conversation to continue, M'Benga just looked at him seriously and sighed. He seemed more like himself. "You've got a lot of time to make up for."

Sighing, the doctor agreed. "I know I do. It sounds like you did well without me." Leonard thought maybe the other doctor needed to hear that.

"Could've done better," he supposed, resting his elbow up on the table.

"I highly doubt that." Leonard let the gravity of those words sink in before he continued. "Paz said no one died. That's an accomplishment. And Iyer? Working? Maybe I should let you be CMO for the rest of the mission."

M'Benga paled. "That will never happen. CMO on any other ship, sure. But if I'm responsible for Captain Kirk's well-being for much longer, I may throw myself out of the nearest airlock and call it quits."

"If Jim makes you quit, I'll throw him out the damn airlock," Leonard reckoned.

* * *

M'Benga had left soon after, though not before making sure he went back to sleep. The doctor had been slightly worried he wouldn't wake up, but the next morning, his eyes opened to the sight of a very pissed off Captain.

"Bones," he hissed out. "I see you're awake."

Leonard still felt like shit, and his arms were weak, but he somehow managed to cross them over his chest anyway. "I see you aren't dead." M'Benga didn't know how much of a miracle that really was.

"I could say the same to you. You don't get sick since the Academy, and then you wanna catch the plague on that disgusting starbase we docked at." Jim began to pace the room. The doctor wondered whether every hello in Sickbay would start with people yelling at him. Karma? Leonard wasn't quite sure, but it certainly seemed that way. "You don't get to leave the ship ever again," Jim announced suddenly. "You get to stay in Sickbay like a good doctor, and not touch anything." Doubtful.

"I think you'll have a hard time explaining to Starfleet Command why your Chief Medical Officer can't -"

Jim interrupted him in a loud voice, and Leonard started to feel guilty for making a joke. "I don't care what Command wants to say to me. I'm the captain, and I make the rules on this ship, not them and certainly not you, Doctor." It was pretty serious if Jim was going to start calling him that.

Like with M'Benga, Leonard chose to let Jim express himself, but there wasn't really any pleasure in it.

"After all your bitching about hygiene and eating right and exercise and _'no, Jim, you can't touch that_ ', you do this? You almost died. Do you even understand that?"

"Yeah, Jim. I understand that."

"You almost made me watch you die," Jim accused. Leonard supposed there was really no point in explaining to his friend that there was no active decision on his part to get sick. Details like that weren't going to persuade Jim of anything. "All that's happened recently, and you go and do _that_? What about me? What about Joanna?"

"Don't go there," Leonard warned. He would let Jim ware himself out, but his daughter was off limits.

"I'll go wherever I want!" Jim yelled because he was Jim and pushing people's buttons was what he did for a living. "She expects something from you at least once a week, so who do you think had to pretend like everything was fine and send her shit? Tell her you were just really busy. She's thirteen, Bones, and she's smarter than both of us. How long do you think she believed that for?" Leonard didn't think Jim necessarily wanted him to answer. "And don't even get me started on Waters."

The doctor knew that they were definitely going to get started on her. Not as fun as Chekov.

"You know she's a terrifying human being, don't you? And she's a sociopath."

"Not really," Leonard defended.

"No, she is, Bones. Maybe you've got blinders on when it comes to the fact that she's actually a violent criminal, but it's the truth. And you're both so stupidly in love with each other it makes me sick, and I bet you were too chicken shit to tell her anyways. You've always been such a coward."

Leonard sighed, rolling his eyes. "Are you done yet?"

"No, I'm not done yet!When I go on away missions, half the fun is trying to get myself into something that will make you mad, but guess what? You were all comatose and boring and practically dead, so I couldn't even enjoy myself!"

"Perish the thought," the doctor scowled.

"I tried eating peanut butter to wake you up," Jim said a little pathetically, sitting down and scuffing his boot on the ground like a child.

"So I heard." God, Jim was such an idiot.

"You didn't say anything mean to me for five weeks," Jim muttered morosely.

Leonard thought Jim needed therapy if the thing he missed about the doctor was his ability to belittle him. Actually, Jim needed therapy period. "I'm fine, Jim."

"But you weren't for a long time."

"M'Benga says I'll make a full recovery," Leonard assured the captain. "I'll be able to leave Sickbay for my quarters in a few days, and I might be able to go back to work in less than two weeks." He needed to start practicing doing normal, everyday human movements like walking and eating solid foods, but the virus had cleared his system.

"You still look like shit," Jim said simply.

Leonard sighed at him. "I'll probably look like shit for a while yet."

"I don't like you being the one in the biobed."

"Well I don't particularly like being the one in it."

"So you'll never do this again." Jim was gripping his forearm tightly, and Leonard had never wanted to be the one to put that expression on his face. He would promise Jim all the worlds in the Federation if he'd just stop looking at him like that.

"Not if I can help it."

* * *

Penelope was the last one to visit him.

Leonard hadn't realized how many people would actually give a shit that he got hurt, but it seemed like damn near the entire ship had been to his Sickbay room. Even Spock had popped his head in once or twice, for purely logical reasons, Leonard was assured. The whole time, though, she'd been markedly absent. When he'd asked Scotty about it, the engineer had just shrugged.

"Who knows what goes on inside Wrenchy's head? I say give her a bit more time, laddie. She'll come around when she thinks it's best."

He didn't mean to worry, but the doctor couldn't help it. Jim had said he'd been pretty loopy before the pair of them had gotten him to Sickbay. Who knew what he might have said to her? Or if he had hurt her? Apparently, Leonard had even tried to throw himself out of the airlock for some reason. The joke to M'Benga seemed in bad taste to him now.

When the other doctor had told him that Leonard would be fine to go back to his quarters later that day, he had never felt so damn relived to leave Sickbay. The thought of spending one more night there made him shudder. He was done with biobeds and hypos and constantly being watched.

So when she slipped in, Leonard at first hadn't noticed.

"Leonard," Penelope's voice drew his gaze from a list of backlogged reports that required his signature. Neil had finally let him start doing light work, and it felt like a victory he should take advantage of before Jim found out and shut off all the tech in his quarters.

The doctor stared at her. "I haven't seen you in a while," he said neutrally.

He expected her to yell at him, as people seemed so ready to do upon seeing him these days. He anticipated a full-blown rant about how dare he do this or that and how he was an idiot for making her worry and how she couldn't stand to see him how he was.

Instead, she walked over, sat on the edge of his bed very carefully and met his eyes dead on.

"I'm in love with you, and it's all your fault."

She was silent afterwards, and she didn't try to touch him.

"Okay." Leonard was such an idiot. Okay? He had said _okay_?

"Okay," she agreed calmly. Neither of them moved a centimeter.

"I also love you, too?" Only he said it like a question, and Penelope's eyebrows raised. "Shit - I meant - oh, fuck, I didn't mean to swear, I know you hate that ... "

"Leonard?" she interrupted.

"Yeah?" Penelope leaned down and kissed him something fierce and happy and good. She moved back a few centimeters afterwards, and while Leonard was still trying to catch his breath, she smiled.

"It's okay. I already know."


	16. Chapter 16

**U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 15 – May I Always Act so as to Preserve the Finest Traditions of My Calling**

"I'm a doctor, dammit, not a whatever the hell you think I am."

Jim stared him down from across the table, and he had a look in his eyes that made Leonard want to hide. It made him want to barricade himself in somewhere with no windows and also maybe arm himself with a phaser rifle. That look said Jim had plans. Plans that involved the doctor.

"I think you're a sweet, understanding human being with a tendency to swear unnecessarily. I mean really, at some point, the words kind of lose their meaning."

Scowling, Leonard seriously considered making a break for it. He'd leave the mess hall, nearly empty at that time of the afternoon, and go somewhere even Jim wouldn't dare follow him. But where wouldn't he go without permission? Where couldn't he go, for that matter, seeing as how he was Captain? Aside from his current problem, Leonard actually figured he needed to find out the answer to that question.

Penelope's quarters? No, even if she had punched him in the face, Jim'd probably still stroll right in without a care.

His office? Leonard almost scoffed at the idea. Jim frequently overrode the locks, even though Leonard continually changed them. It had almost become a game between them. The doctor had once stumped Jim for a week (with Chekov's help of course) before he'd cracked the code, but he'd never been able to keep him out longer than that.

It had to be Spock and Uhura's quarters. Maybe Jim might ignore Spock's right to privacy, but as for Uhura? Nobody crossed her. Nobody even tried. The next question that logically followed was whether or not she'd let Jim in? Leonard made a mental note to get on the communications officer's good side.

Jim was, apparently, still talking.

"... so you see? It'll be a good thing."

"What will?" Leonard wondered, tuning back into Jim's conversation with himself.

He smiled. That, in combination with the look, made the doctor visibly shiver. "You and Spock. Away mission." Leonard breathed a sigh of relief. They did that all the time. "Without me," Jim added before taking a spoonful of applesauce.

"What?" Leonard questioned, indignation coursing through his veins. "You wanna send me and Spock together somewhere alien and potentially dangerous, and you think it's a good idea to send us alone? We'll end up killing each other!" The only other crew members in the mess hall turned to stare at the pair of them.

Jim laughed, as though it were all just a big joke. It wasn't. "Oh, come on. Spock would definitely win in a fight. And besides, a couple of security officers will be there with you."

Shooting Jim a look of his own, Leonard kicked his friend's leg under the table. "That's basically the same as being alone."

"Now that's just mean of you to say," Jim argued, holding his food up to the light and inspecting it. "Does this look strange to you?" He then shoved the spoon into his mouth and chewed.

Irritated, Leonard grabbed up the cup of applesauce and looked at it closely. "If you think it's strange, why do you keep eating it?" Jim snatched back the cup and frowned at both him and the food.

"I'm hungry. And don't change the subject," Jim said.

Leonard sputtered. "You were the one that changed the damn subject!"

His friend scratched his cheek with the end of the spoon in thought. "No I wasn't."

"Yes you were," the doctor insisted.

"If you say so," Jim shrugged, but the way he'd said it made Leonard more angry than if he'd flat out disagreed. "So ... how about that away mission, huh?"

"You're impossible," Leonard accused just as Jim's communicator dinged with an incoming transmission. The captain shushed him and opened up the communicator, so Leonard kicked him again.

"Ow! Kirk here," Jim said, kicking him back. Hissing because Jim had kicked harder than him, Leonard bent down to rub his shin.

"Captain," Uhura's voice rang out, "we've received new orders from Starfleet Command. We're to alter our course to patrol along the Neutral Zone."

"What about Gontar VII?"

"I believe the Admiral's exact words were: _Forget about that stupid rock and go make sure the Klingons aren't doing anything to start a war_ ," Uhura's voice dripped with sarcasm.

Jim rested his head in one hand and started to tap a rhythm out on his cheek, meanwhile Leonard chewed his salad and didn't care to hide the fact that he was listening in. "Alright then, Lieutenant. Tell Chekov and Sulu to turn the ship around. Kirk out." Flipping the communicator closed after Uhura had acknowledged, Jim grinned at the doctor. "Guess you won't have to go 'alone' with Spock after all, Bones. It's your lucky day."

* * *

Ever since Leonard had come back to work, he noticed that M'Benga had started to treat his office like it belonged to them both. So when the CMO entered the room that afternoon, he wasn't surprised to see the man draped over his couch as though he were Jim. M'Benga hardly gave him a passing glance, waving at him once before returning to what Leonard assumed was a report. "Didn't know you were pulling a double shift," M'Benga commented, tapping the screen of his PADD a few times. Leonard threw him a glare.

"I'm not. Left my communicator here on accident, and for God's sake, man, get your boots off my couch!" Leonard yelled, but M'Benga didn't even flinch.

"You need to stop getting caught up in the small things. This is why your blood pressure's always through the roof," the other doctor muttered as he scratched his head. For the umpteenth time, Leonard wondered why no one on that goddamn metal heap was scared of him anymore. Had he changed, or had they?

As it was, Leonard only gestured wildly with his hands. "My blood pressure is perfectly fine, thank you very much."

M'Benga finally looked at him, and it was the kind of amused look that made the CMO want to forcibly remove the man from his couch. "Sure it is. Hey, so, about that vacation I mentioned a few weeks ago ... "

Leonard scoffed. "Are you seriously going to ask me about that right now?"

"No better time than the present, I always say," M'Benga argued, sitting up into a normal position, and Leonard knew for a fact that M'Benga had never once said that before. "I was thinking, maybe you let Neil come with me, give us both some time off." With that, Leonard chuckled, going to grab up the communicator. He would never get used to that relationship, no matter if the two of them got married and spat out two and a half kids along the way. "Come on, do me a favor. I think we earned it."

Tucking the communicator into his belt, Leonard shook his head. Yeah, so they had. "I'll see what I can do, but don't get your hopes up."

M'Benga started to smile like a lovesick idiot. "Thank you, thank you! You're a wonderful man, McCoy." Leonard snorted because he most certainly was not, and his Assistant CMO took that as a sign to continue. "For someone with awfully high blood pressure." Leonard kicked the couch on his way out the door to see Penelope, making the other doctor scramble away.

He was in the kicking kind of mood.

* * *

He finally found her in Rec Room 3, the one unofficially taken over by the Engineering Department a long time ago, just as she was running around the room, chasing another redshirt. Spotting Scotty in the corner with Keenser, Leonard sidestepped a trio of engineers laying on the ground between a board game and made his way over to the Chief.

"McCoy, long time no see," Scotty greeted, a very large technical manual in his arms. Keenser slept soundly on the couch next to him, so Leonard sat on the opposite side of Scotty and pitched his arm on the back of the couch behind the engineer's head.

"Saw you this morning at breakfast," Leonard stated as he listened to Penelope shout ' _George, you rat, give it back before I end you_!'. George only started to laugh, even as Penelope tackled him to the ground.

"Oh, right." Scotty scratched his cheek with one arm before settling. He glanced up once. "Wrenchy, don't break the poor lad!" Keenser stirred slightly.

"Stay out of this Mr. Scott!" Penelope insisted, grabbing at something in George's hand. The other engineer rolled over onto his stomach, protecting whatever he had stolen. Leonard wondered what in the hell it was. George then began to sing a tune with the only words being ' _Wrenchy and her wrench, Wrenchy and her wrench_ ' over and over again. Guess that answered that.

"If you're here, and Penelope's here," Leonard wondered suddenly, "who's in Engineering?"

"Rome," Scotty yawned once, making Leonard yawn too. "Are you tired?"

Leonard raised an eyebrow at the Chief. "Are you?"

"You immature ... I'll have Yalmark throw you in the Brig!" Penelope announced, tugging George over onto his back.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Scotty answered.

"Yalmark likes me better," George argued, just as Penelope finally got back her wrench. She tucked it into her boot, and even from Leonard's distance, he could glimpse the angry glare in her eyes.

"Yalmark likes _me_ better, and I'm changing you to Gamma shifts next week. Yomai will be happy not to have to see your dumb little face in Alpha."

"He loves me! It was worth it," Leonard heard the other engineer call out as Penelope finally walked to the three officers on the couch. She said nothing as she squeezed her body between Scotty and himself, crossing her arms in stony silence even though her cheeks were still reddened from the exercise. If what's-his-face put her in a bad mood for the rest of the day, Leonard might make a point to learn his name just to yell at him.

"Is this the new one?" Penelope ignored Leonard in favor of the giant book in Scotty's hands. He tried not to take it personally.

Scotty chuckled. "Aye. Ya can have it when I'm done."

"No way, you'll keep it for months. Let me see it." Penelope poked Scotty in the arm.

"Go and hang out with him," Scotty nodded over to Leonard, and Penelope finally looked at the doctor as though she had just realized he was there. Scotty kept speaking, though in a more smug tone than before, "That's right, Wrenchy. This is what ya get for cheating on the _Enterprise_. Ya get the Book," Scotty said 'book' as though it were some sacred text, "second."

Penelope stared at Scotty menacingly. "You can't cheat on a ship!"

"That's where your wrong," Scotty decided, tugging the thing to his chest and leaning into Keenser.

"Fine," Penelope said in a heated tone, grabbing Leonard's wrist and tugging them both to their feet. Leonard stumbled a bit at the unexpected movement. "You and that stupid book have a nice time together then!"

"Maybe we will!" Scotty raised his voice. Keenser sat up, looking very unhappy. At least, Leonard thought he looked unhappy. It was kind of hard for him to tell.

"You woke up Keenser, Mr. Scott! Are you happy now?" Penelope hissed. Definitely in a bad mood.

"You're the one that woke him up," Scotty defended.

"I am not!"

"Are too!"

Penelope swung around in a huff, dragging Leonard along with her. He began to feel like a ragdoll with all the tugging and pulling and manhandling. He wasn't a toy, goddammit, though with the way Jim and her sometimes treated him, he might as well be. Once they had exited the room, Penelope dropped her hand from encircling his wrist.

"Everyone's dumb," she declared.

Grinning at the statement, the doctor agreed, "I've always thought so." Penelope frowned. He put his hands up to her face, moving her cheeks so that she smiled instead. At her glare, he chuckled and dropped his hands, and her face again turned down into a frown, though Leonard now doubted its sincerity. "Coffee?" he suggested, and Penelope looked like she was having a hard time keeping the frown.

"It's past 16:00," Penelope commented.

"Is that a problem for you?" Leonard questioned as they made their way down to the nearest mess hall. He wished they weren't on a starship because he wanted to hold her hand and be unprofessional and kiss her stupid in the middle of the hallway. Instead, they just walked close enough so that their arms brushed.

"It's a problem for you."

"Well," Leonard shrugged, "if you wanna argue about it ... "

"No," she interjected quickly. He smiled but tried to hide it. "Just, you don't have to drink any if you don't want."

"Oh, I won't," he agreed. "Some of us have learned to appreciate the absence of a caffeine addiction. Some of us have raised ourselves above such vices." Penelope shoved him with her shoulder a lot more lightly than she could have.

"Coffee isn't a vice."

"Not if you don't have it at every meal, or instead of a meal, or in between meals, or in the middle of the night," Leonard supposed. "Sometimes I think you love it more than me." Penelope had abandoned the frown, but still wasn't smiling. He thought he might get it there before the coffee, but it was going to be a close thing.

"I do."

He clutched his chest as they reached the mess hall. "I'm melting," Leonard staggered into her.

There it was, tugging at the edges of her lips. "You can't. You aren't allowed," she insisted as she bore his weight, trudging towards the replicators.

"And why not?" he asked. She started to punch in the code for a coffee and insert her meal card, but he wasn't going to give up.

"Because I'm not done with you yet," Penelope simply said, the coffee mug materializing in front of her. She picked it up.

"And when will you be? Just for future reference."

She stopped and finally smiled up at him. His heart started beating a little faster, but he blamed it on his victory, and not the way she was looking at him. "I'll let you know, McCoy." He seriously considered abandoning all his ideas about maintaining the appearance of professionalism, but then his communicator dinged. Jim. "I'll be over there," Penelope motioned in the direction of a far off table before leaving him to answer.

"McCoy," Leonard sighed.

"Bones, we found some strange energy readings inside the Neutral Zone. We think it's an M-class planet, supposed to be uninhabited, so we're going to check it out. Be on standby for an away mission," Jim ordered.

His gaze flickered over to where Penelope was seated. Waiting for him. "Yeah, yeah. My lucky day, wasn't it?" Leonard growled into the communicator. It got Jim to laugh a little.

"We both know luck was never really on your side to begin with. Kirk out," Jim said before Leonard could even begin to argue the point. With yet another sigh, Leonard closed the communicator carefully and made his way over to Penelope. Her coffee mug already appeared half-full. Half-full? Since when had he become a glass half-full kind of a person?

"I see you're going to be abandoning me?" Penelope teased lightly, staring up at him.

Leonard took a seat across from the engineer. "I probably need to head to the Bridge."

Gulping down more of her coffee, Penelope looked as though she were trying to hide a disappointed expression. "That's alright," she assured him. "I want to go check on something in D Section anyways." The way she fiddled with the handle of her cup told him D Section would probably be fine without her.

"I might have to go down with an away team," he admitted uneasily, and he didn't like doing it because Penelope got worried when it came to those damned things. She hadn't gone down anywhere since last year, save for shore leaves, and it was her opinion that no one should leave the ship ever.

That smile he'd worked so hard for started to slip. "You just got back on your feet," Penelope whispered, staring down at her coffee. "Can't someone else watch Kirk for once?" She never would have asked that even a month or two ago, and it made him feel better and worse at the same time.

He wished they were alone. "Who else could?" Leonard tried to catch her eye.

Shrugging, Penelope finished the last of the coffee. "You're right. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty," Penelope finally met his gaze. "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine," he started, but she shook her head.

"No it isn't. You go on, I'm actually kind of hungry."

There were other people around, and neither of them felt comfortable enough to flaunt their relationship out in public. It wasn't a secret by any means, but neither officer was a lovesick ensign by a long shot. He still reached out and covered her hand with his. "I'll be as safe as I can." Not ' _I'll come back_ '. Not ' _nothing's going to happen_ '. Not ' _I'll see you tonight_ '. Not ' _I love you_ '. No, not that. He would tell her that when he did come back. Saying it now would only make her roll her eyes.

A small smile returned. "I know you will."

With that, Leonard moved away from the table and started to walk out of the mess hall. Just before he left, he turned his eyes to Penelope and watched for a moment as she continued to fiddle with her now empty mug, expression unfocused. He doubted whether she would get something to eat or go to D Section. Just when everything seemed to settle down, new problems cropped up. Leonard considered the way Spock and Uhura had navigated a romantic relationship all these years while serving on board the same ship. Every once in a while, their private lives spilled over into their professional ones, but mostly they managed it all without even looking like they tried.

He envied them both their control.

Once Leonard reached the bustling Bridge, he was greeted by the captain. "Bones," Jim nodded, turning in his chair.

"What's this about an M-class planet?" Leonard said as he walked forward, dodging a few officers scurrying around the place. He nearly tripped into Jim, but he steadied himself on the railing nearby.

"There are life signs on a planet's not supposed to have them."

"And you can't just leave well enough alone?" the doctor muttered to the captain.

Spock interrupted from his station. "Is there something unclear about our mission statement, Doctor? We are charged with the task of -"

"New life, discovering whatsits and the rest," Leonard finished gruffly, shooting the first officer a glare. Jim looked on the verge of revealing a grin, and Spock made to move his hands behind his back.

"Eloquent, as always," Spock said.

"And you say you don't understand sarcasm," Leonard shot back.

"I do not know what you mean to imply -"

"Know exactly what I mean to imply, you little -"

"I've missed this, Bones -"

"I can't find my sock, Hikaru!"

"Why on Earth would you be missing your sock -"

"Captain, no one has responded to our hails -"

"I found it! It was in my pocket!"

"What was it doing in your -"

"Doctor, perhaps you misheard me -"

"Oh, why, because I'm a human with inferior hearing -"

"Negative. Because you often show signs of only hearing what you wish to hear, and not what was actually -"

Jim cleared his throat very loudly and spoke up above all their voices. "Sorry, Uhura, what was that you said?" Everyone quieted down at the pointed warning, even if Leonard still wanted to insist to Spock that he had been sarcastic and that he was nearly all of the time.

"No one on the planet has responded to our hails. Frankly, I don't know if there is anything to hail," Uhura informed them.

"Lieutenant?" Jim asked.

"I'm not reading any device that could receive our attempts at communication."

"Not advanced enough technology?"

"Possibly," Uhura allowed.

Jim turned to Spock. "Are we close enough yet to get more accurate sensor readings? How many lifesigns on the planet's surface?" The first officer looked down at a few screens, tapping away, and Leonard leaned back, a little bored and wishing he could go back to the mess hall.

"Approximately one thousand life signs registering," Spock responded. Leonard wondered when Jim had finally convinced Spock to stop being so precise.

"We'll be arriving in less than three minutes, Captain," Sulu called out, spinning to face the rest of the Bridge. Chekov copied him.

"Captain?" Chekov asked, almost bouncing in his seat. "If we beam down, may I go?"

If Leonard were Jim, he'd tell the kid no because Chekov managed to wind up in Sickbay after every damn away mission. Every one, without fail. Even Jim sometimes managed them fine, but Chekov just couldn't. But because Jim was Jim, Leonard could only watch as the captain lost the will to decline. "Why not?" The bouncing got worse. "And put your sock on, Mr. Chekov."

"Yes, Captain!"

Jim had a soft spot for that kid about a mile wide, and Leonard just shook his head at the whole thing.

While Chekov started to pull of his boot and put on said sock, Jim hopped up from his seat and slapped Leonard on the chest. "Time to go, Bones." Leonard rolled his eyes, but followed Jim into the turbolift all the same. "Uhura, you too. Chekov, hurry up, and no, Spock, you're staying." Uhura quickly got up out of her seat and sidestepped Jim to stand beside the doctor. She nodded at him.

"Captain," Spock began, but Jim shook his head.

"You have the conn, Mr. Spock. Chekov, dammit, I said hurry up," Jim called out, one foot holding the turbolift doors open.

"Sorry, sir!" Chekov beamed, stumbling into the turbolift with his boot half-on. "Hello, Doctor," the navigator greeted as he unceremoniously sat down on the floor and started to tug on his boot properly.

"Chekov, I'd ask about the sock, but somehow, I figure no one wants to hear the answer," Leonard mumbled, looking down at the navigator. The turbolift doors closed, and Jim called out for Deck Four.

"It is only because - well," Chekov paused with a very serious expression. "Actually, yes. You do not want to know the answer." Finished with his task, Chekov stumbled back to his feet with Uhura's help right as the turbolift doors once again opened. Jim and Chekov left first, side by side like clones, and Leonard let Uhura walk out in front of him before catching up to her.

"How do you stand spending so much time with them?" Leonard joked.

She yawned, shrugging. "I pretend to like them." Uhura caught his eye with a small grin. "Same as I do with you, McCoy."

"Sulu's fine though," the doctor supposed, ignoring the comment.

"Most of the time," the communications officer agreed.

"But that First Officer's just the worst." He thought it might make Uhura smile, but instead she couldn't seem to help but frown a little. In the next instant, her face pulled back into a calm, seemingly carefree expression. Oh, what the hell had Spock done now?

"Funny," she punched his arm 'playfully', and it hurt like hell. He rubbed it with a sad expression turned her way. "He says the same thing about you, in so many words."

"Oh I know he does," Leonard muttered as they reached the Transporter Room. An engineer was talking to Jim, meanwhile Chekov handed both Leonard and Uhura phasers and tricorders. Communicator already on him, the doctor resigned himself, yet again, to the damned Transporter of Doom. Stupid away missions. Stupid M-class planets and their stupid lifesigns.

Jim met them on the pad. "We've got two security coming to meet us." After about two minutes of waiting, all six officers stood around and waited to be sent down. "Energize," the captain finally called out, and then they were on the surface of a very green, very humid planet. Leonard swatted a leafy plant away from his arm and sighed very loudly to get Jim's attention. It didn't work.

"Alright, everybody. Partner up, and don't wander too far. If you see something, say something, and don't approach anyone without orders," Jim announced. Turning on his heel with a tricorder pulled out, Jim set off in a seemingly random direction with a determined look in his eyes. It was almost worse than the plans look, and it made Leonard want to beam immediately back to the ship. And then Chekov ran over to Jim, tripping once along the way, and Leonard could feel in his gut that the situation would end in disaster.

Uhura pulled at his sleeve. "Come on. Worrying about him won't get him into any less trouble."

"But Chekov's with him. He'll rub his stupid onto Jim," Leonard argued halfheartedly, pulling out his own tricorder.

"Unlikely," Uhura disagreed, following suit as they trekked off in an eastern direction. The jungle like vegetation, all tall topped trees and muddy ground, did not sit right with the doctor. Sun filtered down through the leaves and hit the ground in patches of light. "Jim's the one that will get them into trouble."

"Five credits says your wrong, and it's Chekov that does them both in this time." Uhura stuck out her free hand, and they shook on it.

"Deal. You sure do like to lose money, don't you?"

Leonard scoffed as he pulled back a branch for them to both keep walking through. They stepped through a shallow puddle. "I wouldn't count on it. Are you getting the same readings I am?"

"People ahead, just over the hill?"

"Yeah. You wanna call it in?"

"Sure," Uhura said before replacing her tricorder with a communicator. "Uhura to Kirk."

Jim's voice crackled through. "Ouch! Shit, man, watch where you're going. Sorry, Uhura, Kirk here."

"We've got life signs. I'm sending you and Kita the coordinates."

"Good work. We're on our - again, really? We're on our way," Jim bit out before ending the transmission. Leonard shot her a triumphant look, to which she only rolled her eyes.

"It confirms nothing." Uhura shot him a very Spock-like look of condescension. He chuckled and leaned up against one of the wide-trunked trees, crossing his arms and waiting for the others to arrive. Kira? and the other redshirt showed up first, greeting the two other officers with a wave and hello. Leonard scanned them both with his eyes, looking for anything wrong but thankfully finding nothing. When Jim and Chekov jogged up, however, they both sported very muddied pants. Chekov had a sizeable and still bleeding cut on his face.

Leonard healed it with a pointed glare at them both which was, as usual, ignored.

"Captain," Kara (Leonard was now designating her Redshirt 1 for his own convenience) piped up, "your sleeve."

Jim looked at his torn shirt and sighed once. "How in the hell?" Redshirt 1 and 2 coughed and turned away, respectively, but still failed to hide their amusement. Leonard let Chekov's face with an irritated grunt of a sound, but the navigator didn't seem at all perturbed.

"Thank you!"

"If you wanna thank me," Leonard growled, "don't let it happen again."

"Yes, sir," Chekov mock-saluted him. "Captain, are we going to say hello to the life signs?"

Jim considered the question before turning to the two security officers. "Kita, Thomas, you both scout ahead. Don't be seen, and don't say anything to anyone. Get back here in ten minutes with a report." Two _Aye, Captain_ 's later, and then it was just the four of them. Jim started to argue with Uhura about nothing in particular, no surprise there, and Leonard had to stop Chekov from investigating a giant butterfly the size of his hand. The navigator frowned.

"But it is so fascinating."

"Just fascinating enough to kill you. It could be poisonous." And wouldn't that just be so typical of Chekov to find a poisonous butterfly?

"I will collect samples of plants for Sulu and Mr. Spock then," Chekov decided. Leonard followed him all the while, until Jim called out that the doctor was being a mother-hen and needed to let Chekov do his job. So then it was Leonard and Jim's turn to argue, giving the navigator the opportunity to trip on a gnarled root and twist his ankle. Leonard was in the middle of fixing that, grumbling the whole while, when the redshirts came back panting.

After catching her breath, Redshirt 1 said, "It's Klingons, sir. A whole three hundred of them."

"Klingons?" Jim sounded as surprised as Leonard felt.

"Sir," Redshirt 2 interrupted, "They're just - well, they don't look like much of a threat. It's mostly children and the elderly. We spotted only a handful of healthy adults." To that, Jim tilted his head down to the ground in thought.

A quiet minute later, Jim looked back up. "Well, then. Why don't we go say hello?"

* * *

Jim was an idiot, Leonard decided once and for all.

Jim Kirk was just the stupidest captain in existence ever.

Leonard didn't particularly like being threatened with multiple giant boomerang-looking metal weapons by very large, very intimidating Klingons. Their hair and beards might be gray, but these guys were still most definitely warriors. Did Leonard mention that their phasers and communicators had stopped working? That part was probably important, but the doctor was too busy about to die to think through things properly. "Uhura, tell them we're not trying to hurt anybody!" Jim barked out, even as Uhura was trying to communicate with them. The six officers had formed a ring amongst themselves, and the Klingons had encircled them. Leonard caught sight of a small child peeking her head out from under one of the men's legs.

She saw him staring and promptly stuck her tongue out at him before darting away.

Uhura continued to yell in an unfamiliar language, and Leonard was glad Jim had decided to bring her along. Otherwise, the doctor supposed they'd all already be dead. The communications officer was gesturing to them wildly, and then out to the hill they'd climbed up and over. One of the older men came forward and finally answered her. He looked slightly more capable than his friends.

And then both Uhura and the Klingon started to stare directly at Leonard.

"What?" He raised his hands up, backing away a little bit into Jim.

"Uhura, what's he saying?" Jim hissed out in a frustrated tone. Ignoring both questions, she instead stepping over to Leonard and patted his chest roughly. The man followed her. Leonard had never been more viscerally aware of his own height than when the Klingon towered over him.

"McCoy," she said.

"McCoy," the Klingon repeated, staring into his eyes. Leonard figured if he was about to die, he might as well look his killer straight on. His dark irises were so intense, like they might be staring into his soul. Instead of slicing him in two with his curved weapon thing, the man thumped a hand to his own chest.

"Ah'kar."

Casting Uhura a sidelong glance, Leonard saw as she nodded encouragingly at him. "Ah'kar," Leonard greeted. He'd remember that name. Ah'kar. Ah'kar. He could do it. His life most likely depended on it.

"Bat'leth," Ah'kar gestured toward his weapon, and then in a too quick movement, held the weapon so that one of its sharp points touched his throat. His heartbeat quickened to an unbearable rhythm, and he forgot how to breathe. "Kill McCoy if McCoy acts with no honor. Understand?" Ah'kar asked in disjointed Standard. Leonard nodded before he could even think. The weapon dropped back down.

"They need a doctor," Uhura finally explained.

"No kidding."

After Uhura settled a few more details with the Klingon man, one of which Leonard hoped was their ultimate survival and return to the _Enterprise_ , the six officers were herded around the makeshift village. Houses, if you could call them that, had been put together in a hasty, uncoordinated fashion, with branches and leaves sticking out at all ends. There seemed to be little technology from recent centuries, but Leonard spotted a makeshift water system piping out from a nearby river. All in all, the whole place screamed of desperation, and when they were lead into the shelter full of the dying, Leonard could only feel pity for these people.

While he knelt down to the first person in sight, an older woman who couldn't keep her eyes open, Jim and Uhura started to talk in hushed voices. "What are they doing here?" Jim asked, joining Leonard to sit on his haunches beside the small cot.

"They claim to be exiles," Uhura explained quietly. "There's other villages around. They've all formed factions based on old blood feuds or house loyalties, but everyone here has been banished or is on the run for some reason. Most of them simply because someone in their family committed some form of dishonor. Klingons tend to punish a criminal's family for multiple generations."

"Does anyone know they're here?" Jim wondered, and when Leonard wandered over to the next cot, neither officer moved to follow. He kept an ear open while he pulled out his medical tricorder.

"They say no," Uhura stated, "but I find it pretty hard to believe."

The doctor began to go from person to person, taking readings and sighing all the while because whatever kind of disruptor field they had kept messing up the damn device. Every once in a while, Leonard would catch wind of a pained moan or another whispered part of conversation between the landing party, but other than that, he tried to stay focused. There were a lot of children in the room, and it was hard not to see Joanna in every one of them. When Jim asked for a report, Ah'kar at his side and Uhura following, Leonard just shook his head. "Malnutrition is pretty much universal here, and a few infections I can treat if I'm allowed to go back to the ship for medicine. Other than that, these people just need food and water and rest."

The basics. Good God, this place was just terrible and sad.

Uhura started to translate, and Ah'kar sounded angry when he responded, though Leonard couldn't make out a word of it. "He asks why we can't beam down the medicine from the ship," she supplied after a little bit of what Leonard judged to be a rant.

"Tell him," Jim interrupted, staring the Klingon man in the face when he did it, "that we will go back to our ship now. We will bring more supplies and medics, they have my word on that, but that there's no reason to keep us here."

"Captain," Uhura started to argue, but Jim shot her a serious look, so she started to speak once again to Ah'kar. Expecting another furious sounding rant, Leonard felt honest surprise when Ah'kar stayed silent. And then there was icy terror as he grabbed Leonard on the shoulder and pulled him roughly away from Jim and Uhura. The doctor stumbled and almost tripped, but Ah'kar kept his grip firm.

"McCoy stays," Ah'kar announced, and Leonard watched as Jim's expression turned from firmness to fury and back again.

Jim stared very coldly at Ah'kar, and then the captain turned his gaze to Leonard. Whatever he saw in the doctor's expression made Jim nod once in agreement. "Tell Ah'kar one of our security is staying as well, and we'll be back for them both, and that," Jim practically spat the last part, "if anyone tries to harm either of them, they will all regret it. They have my word on that, too." Uhura repeats the message in Klingon, but Ah'kar only laughed loudly as an answer, the vibrations of it hitting Leonard in an uncomfortable sensation.

Chekov, Uhura, Jim, and Redshirt 2 all make their way to leave, but on the way out, Jim spoke to both Leonard and Redshirt 1. "Don't do anything stupid."

Redshirt 1 smiled a nice big grin. "Aye, Captain."

"Bones? Nothing stupid?" Jim looked like he was trying to assure himself of something.

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I'm not you, Jim."

The captain smiled, same as Redshirt 1.

"No, I guess you aren't."

* * *

The doctor couldn't tell exactly how much time had passed, but when the sunlight that flitted in through the cracks in the weaved walls of his makeshift clinic were replaced with at least one moon's light, Leonard started to worry. Kita, finally got around to remembering that name, acted as a makeshift nurse even if she wasn't very good at it. She was, however, pretty good company, as far as idiotic security redshirts went.

When he told her that, she just laughed.

"You aren't so bad yourself, Doctor," Kita grinned. "For all you like to complain."

Helping one of the older patients back to their bed, Leonard disagreed. "I don't."

"Like to argue a lot, too, don't ya?"

"No."

"You're doing it right now," she laughed as they settled the Klingon down. There wasn't much Leonard could do for these people until Jim returned with those supplies, but the two officers just tried to get as much clean water as they could get their hands on to pass around. They moved on so that Leonard could start to clean a shallow cut that looked recent on the girl who had stuck her tongue out at him earlier.

When he approached her, she flinched away and backed into Ah'kar, who had been lingering to watch them.

"Daughter's daughter," he explained to Leonard, pushing the girl forward a little more gently than the doctor had thought him possible. Ah'kar's eyes even softened a little when he looked down at her. She couldn't have been more than six or seven. After a bit more prodding, she finally decided to sit down on the dirt floor as roughly as possible and thumped her little fist to her chest, same as Ah'kar had done earlier.

"Rorska." Then she pointed to Leonard. "McCoy." He nodded in agreement, and then Kita greeted the girl in a similar way, only she tried to add in a hand shake. Rorska looked at the outstretched hand in confusion, so Kita grabbed up the arm that wasn't injured and brought their hands together. The security officer pumped her arm three times.

"Hello, Rorska. I'm Hitomi," Kita smiled. Leonard made sure the cut was clean before sealing it in with a dermal regenerator. Rorska watched him curiously the whole while, and she seemed surprised when the cut healed so quickly. As soon as the doctor let go, she jumped up and ran over to Ah'kar, showing him her healed shoulder.

Leonard suddenly missed Joanna very much. Missed when she was small like that. Never should have let Pam take her.

The way Ah'kar looked down at her with faintly veiled affection made Leonard imagine a day when Joanna might have kids of her own. A very long (very, very, very long, close to never) time from that day, of course, but Leonard realized he might not mind a grandchild or two.

Dear Lord, he was losing his damn mind on this planet.

Kita clapped him on the back. "You okay, Doc?"

Squaring his shoulders and facing the security officer, Leonard responded in a gruff voice, "'Course I am."

Ah'kar remained waiting by the door nearly the rest of the time, leaving every now and then for short bursts. Despite the late hour, neither Leonard nor Kita felt comfortable enough to sleep. They worked and talked until the moonlight faded into a pale morning, and then Kita finally asked the doctor in a low voice. "Do you think they left us here?" It was a possibility, but not one that Leonard wanted to believe. At the least, Jim should've had someone beam down medical and food supplies.

But none had come yet.

"Of course they didn't," the doctor answered, but there was no surety in his voice when he did.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, so the last chapter should be up sometime in the next few days, possibly even by tomorrow evening. Thanks to everyone for reviews, and favorites, follows, or just putting your eyes on a screen and reading this. I want to repeat that I double posted two chapters on my last update, just in case people who don't follow this story but read it anyway just clicked the arrow for the latest chapter. It occurred to me that might confuse people? I don't know, just putting it out there in case it did.**

 **That aside, have a wonderful day/night wherever and whenever you are when you are reading :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**U.S.S. Enterprise: A Doctor's Call**

 **Chapter 16 – And May I Long Experience the Joy of Healing Those Who Seek My Help**

"Dr. McCoy?"

Kita's voice drew Leonard's eyes from one of the sick children to the entrance of the 'clinic'. Ah'kar had left a short time ago, and had brought with him two familiar faces. It was Spock. Uhura stood beside him, looking for all the world like someone who needed to take a nap for the next three days. "'Bout damn time," the doctor mumbled, and he hoped to God that Spock had heard him.

The days on this planet were significantly shorter than Earth ones, but still, Leonard estimated he and Kita had been left for at least twenty four hours ship time. Possibly longer. Neither had eaten or slept since arriving, and to say both of their nerves were beyond frayed would be an accurate assessment. Their Klingon watchdog had started getting impatient, but his friends more so, and the doctor and the security officer had to rely on Ah'kar to make sure no one bothered them. Or killed them.

Spock appraised them both for a moment before turning to Ah'kar, currently brandishing his curved weapon in an obvious threat. "I see Dr. McCoy and Lieutenant Kita are unharmed," the first officer said calmly. Uhura translated, and then Ah'kar answered harshly.

"He says when he gives his word he keeps it," the communications officer relayed, and then added, "unlike our Captain."

Spock stiffened. "There have been complications. Please inform Mr. Ah'kar of our orders from Starfleet Command." While Uhura did that (and Leonard pondered just what the hell kind of orders they had been), she also took out a universal translator from her belt, the only device on either Spock or herself, and offered it to the Klingon man. He eyed it suspiciously before allowing her to attach the device to the front of his badly worn shirt. It sagged a bit on the cloth.

"We'll be able to understand each other now," Uhura informed Ah'kar in Standard.

"Humans understand little," Ah'kar announced. "Why did you promise supplies and give nothing? You follow a man with no honor." His eyes cut to Spock, and Leonard was glad he wasn't on the receiving end of that stare.

Without even showing a reaction, Spock answered, "The captain will send down more crew from our Medical Department and a food replicator."

"But Uhura said your orders ..." Ah'kar trailed off in a confused tone of voice, gesturing to the communications officer.

Spock sounded irritated when he spoke again. "Captain Kirk is not known for following orders from anyone, or," the first officer continued in what Leonard would describe as the closest Spock could come to angry, "for considering the merits of logic or higher reasoning." The doctor, when he got back to that damned ship of theirs, was definitely going to tell Jim about this. It was too perfect: Spock, visibly annoyed and complaining about their Captain to _a Klingon_.

"Will he tell other Klingon ships about us?"

"No, he will not." Spock nearly sighed.

Ah'kar laughed a booming sound that hurt Leonard's eardrums. "And what will your Starfleet Command have to say about Kirk's actions here?"

"That," Spock moved his hands to clasp behind his back, "is not your concern. May I take this as an indication of your approval? I will only need to communicate to our ship, but you will need to drop your disrupter device in order for me to do so." They had quickly found that no phasers or communicators worked from within the disrupter field, nor could the ship beam them up.

Typical away mission bullshit.

"You may contact your ship and beam your people and supplies outside of the camp. Our forcefield drops for no one," Ah'kar declared in at a booming decibel that invited no arguments.

The first officer only blinked. "As you wish." He then gestured for Leonard and Kita to follow as all four officers left the building with Ah'kar. Leonard got up and remained silent until they were nearly out of the rather small village and clear from the judging, harsh eyes of its people.

"Uhura, Spock, what in God's name took so long?" the doctor asked. Ah'kar, finally able to understand the Leonard fully, started to chuckle. A Klingon was laughing at him. What an away mission.

"The captain had to consult Starfleet Command before taking action; however, once he received their response, he did not like it. So, he contacted them again, and they in turn issued new orders, which the captain still did not like, and these actions repeated many times. It did not help matters that our subspace communications took a considerable amount of time to reach the nearest Starbase."

"So what were these orders exactly?" And why the hell was Jim so damn determined not to follow them, Leonard wondered.

From a step in front of them both, Uhura joined in, turning her head back slightly. "Starfleet considers a Klingon colony on this planet a violation of our treaty with the Empire. They want the captain to find the nearest Klingon ship and inform them of these people's presence here."

"But I thought you said they got banished or something?" Kita muttered quietly, like she hadn't actually meant to say anything aloud.

"Indeed, Lieutenant," Spock agreed, his eyes trained on Ah'kar. "We theorize that the Klingon Empire has tacitly allowed for its disgraced citizens to reside here, but if the captain were to confront -" Nothing more was said as Ah'kar announced they had reached the outer limits of the forcefield. Shoving a presumably confiscated communicator at Spock, Ah'kar looked almost nervous as the first officer flipped it open. "Spock to _Enterprise_."

A silent moment passed, and then Jim's voice answered. "Kirk here."

"Captain, we have received permission to beam down more people and supplies. Mr. Ah'kar prefers our previous site of transport to dropping his forcefield."

"Well, you can tell him -" Leonard couldn't make out the rest of Jim's sentence because Ah'kar forcibly grabbed the communicator from Spock's hand and held it up to his face.

"I drop this forcefield for no one, Klingon or Human."

"Do you want our help or not?"

Ah'kar looked directly at Spock while he answered Jim. "Do you want me to kill your crew while you sit up there in your shiny ship and do nothing?"

"I have enough power on this 'shiny ship' to blow that entire planet to pieces," Jim returned.

Ah'kar chuckled. "You Federation types are too soft and weak to do such a thing. You make threats you have no intention of executing."

"I guess that's a risk you'll just have to take."

Jim was goading a Klingon. _A Klingon_. Eyeing Ah'kar's whatcha ma-call it weapon with fear, Leonard decided that if he got out of this whole business intact, he was going to smack Jim upside the head for being such a goddamn maniac. Goading a Klingon. Asking for trouble, that's what that was.

"I will not drop the forcefield," Ah'kar insisted into the communicator. "We have enemies even on this planet. You offer aid, yet you would endanger us all in delivering it?" Silence.

At last, Leonard could hear the resignation in Jim's voice when he said, "Fine. We'll beam down outside of the forcefield." When Leonard saw M'Benga materalize, he felt relieved. When he spotted Iyer with him, he cursed. And apparently, that's all Jim could spare? Leonard was definitely going to be having words with the captain. Many words, few of them nice. None, in fact, would be nice at all.

"McCoy," M'Benga greeted with a friendly smile. Iyer stared at Leonard for about a second in typical Iyer-fashion before busying herself with the supplies they had just dropped off on the ground. "You look like hell."

"Thanks."

"Place seems a little bleak?" M'Benga half-whispered as they both walked over to Iyer and the medical supplies, and Leonard snorted in response. That was something of an understatement. While they set about carrying it all back into the village, Leonard could see Spock, Kita, and Uhura attempting to help Ah'kar with the food replicator. Ah'kar sounded like he was cursing them all to hell, and the replicator as well, but the universal translator kept having trouble with it, so instead he just kept saying Klingon overlaid by the word ' _Unknown_ '.

The doctor couldn't decide whether to be amused or terrified. Maybe he was somewhere in between.

They arrived back to the makeshift clinic to the sound of pained moans and the smell of sick, starving people.

Right about the time when Leonard started to explain which patients needed what, a group of five Klingons, three women and two men, stormed into the clinic. They walked with purpose, and there was a righteous anger in their eyes as one of the women stepped forward and started yelling at Ah'kar. She gestured to all the Starfleet officers, and as Leonard turned his eyes to Uhura, he saw the communications officer starting to show signs of fear.

Whatever that Klingon was saying, it didn't bode well for them. "We need to leave," Uhura announced to the rest of them, and Leonard hopped up from his spot kneeling in the dirt.

"Now hold on a minute, we still need to -"

"McCoy," Uhura warned, a shaky tremor starting to interrupt into her normally careful speech, "it's time to go. Leave the supplies here, and let's go." Reluctantly, Leonard joined the other five officers edging closer to the only entrance of the building. The six Klingons stood in their way, and while Leonard only caught half of the conversation, he could see why Uhura wanted to go.

Ah'kar stepped between the officers and the furious Klingons. "They have done nothing." The woman choked up a mean sound and answered in Klingon. One of her friends, a man slightly shorter than Ah'kar but no less imposing, chimed in. "The captain said he would not," Ah'kar once again spoke up. Uhura chose that moment to join in the Klingon's conversation. Leonard wished he knew what the hell they were all saying.

And then the Klingon woman took a step in Uhura's direction, weapon brandished, and all hell broke loose.

In a series of events the doctor found hard to follow, the best version he could recollect went something like this: Ah'kar pushed the woman back forcefully in response, then the man who had spoken before broke Ah'kar's arm in his hand with a resounding crack, leading to a full on fight among the Klingons themselves that allowed for the officers to slip out of the door. They were then greeted by a village full of people who did not like them one bit, at which point Spock ordered them all to basically run for their lives towards their previous rendezvous coordinates.

Somewhere along the way, Kita died.

A gray object whizzed by the doctor's face. Leonard watched from in front of him as the security officer stumbled in her stride. At first, he thought she had tripped, but then he noticed something metal sticking out of her back. He pumped his legs faster to catch her before she fell, and when Spock noticed as well, he aided the doctor in dragging her along with them. The metal had lodged all the way through her body to stick out from her chest. He remembered trying to talk to her, his voice breathless, but she hadn't responded. Dead weight.

They carried her anyways. It was illogical, but Spock didn't say a word.

The Klingons kept throwing things at them, metal weapons sticking into trees and dirt but meant for flesh, and when Leonard twisted his head to look backwards, he saw the other man from the group who had entered the clinic slowly gaining on them. He had that sword thing, all curved body and pointed tips. Spock announced that they were clear of the forcefield right as the man caught up to them. While the first officer flipped open his communicator with a free hand, the Klingon jumped forward and made a grab for the officer closest to him.

M'Benga was caught by the back of the neck and pulled roughly towards the Klingon's chest.

Iyer started to walk towards them, Leonard was almost sure, and she made a sound that he couldn't accurately describe.

Spock called in a definitely frantic tone of voice, "Energize," but M'Benga's throat had already been split open in a deep, deep cut from one end to the other.

Blood poured out almost instantly, covering his skin and uniform and travelling downwards.

In the blink of an eye, all of them were back on board the _Enterprise_ , and for once in his life, Leonard wasn't thinking about transporter accidents or particles disintegrating into nothingness. He was thinking that he needed to keep M'Benga alive. Iyer had grabbed him before he could collapse and lowered him onto the floor of the ship. The other doctor's eyes kept blinking open and shut, and they weren't able to focus on Leonard even when he asked them to. His head looked halfway torn from his body.

It was horrifying.

"M'Benga, man, don't fall asleep, okay?" Leonard rushed, dropping Kita's corpse into Spock and trying to stop the blood flow from the other doctor's neck.

There was so much blood. He needed to close the wound, but there was dirt and grime all over the man, and Leonard didn't want to seal that in. He realized he'd have to because there wasn't time to use a sanitizer on him, and an infected M'Benga was better than a dead one, and the dermal regenerator would clear most of it anyways. Hands slippery with blood, Leonard grabbed the device and started to close the wound. Iyer didn't even have to be told anything, already holding up a medical tricorder for them both to observe the Assistant CMO's vitals and steadily talking to M'Benga the whole time through.

His heart wasn't getting any stronger, and his eyes had stopped trying to open.

"Dammit," Leonard muttered, and again, before he could even ask, Iyer had handed him a hypo of cordrazine. Immediately, it went into M'Benga's neck with a hiss. His heartbeat jumped up for a moment but settled back to next to nothing in the next second. They needed to get to Sickbay before the other doctor died. With the help of the rest of the away team, save for the dead Kita still on the transporter pad, Leonard managed to get M'Benga into a biobed, but his heartbeat was gone, and brain activity quickly followed. "Goddammit."

There was only one thing left to try, but the chances of it working were slim to none. There was a part of him that just sort of knew it would end up failing. Then Leonard caught sight of Neil beside him, appearing out of nowhere at all, looking at M'Benga without really seeing him, and he knew that if it were him, he'd want someone to try. "Get the cortical stimulator," Leonard said to Paz, and if she had any opinions on his choice, she didn't share them. While she did that, Leonard kept shooting M'Benga with more and more cordrazine, trying to give them all more time.

Paz handed him the bulky instrument, and Leonard attached it to M'Benga's forehead. This had to work. It had to.

"Ready?" Leonard said, and Paz nodded. "Go."

M'Benga's neural synapses hopped with activity.

Then they faded.

"Again."

Smaller reaction that time.

"Again."

Next to nothing. Neil started to cry. Leonard had never seen her anything but calm and cool and collected, except for when she had looked so pleased being with ...

"Again."

No reaction.

"Again."

Absolutely nothing at all. Never should've gone to that planet. Never should've let this happen. Leonard wanted to call out the time of death, but he had to search his brain hard for M'Benga's first name, and that was wrong. He had known this man for years. Talked for years. They were friends, colleagues. It should've been second nature. For God's sake, he saw the name every time he reviewed his reports!

Leonard had failed in so many ways.

"Geoffrey M'Benga," he whispered out, bloody and tired and confused and not ready to believe his own words, "Time of death," he checked the ship's chronometer, "17:47, Stardate 2262.327." Neil left the room in a hurry, and not a one of them tried to stop her. Paz sat down in a chair. Iyer put her hand on the back of Leonard's shoulder, blood seeping onto his shirt, and just left it there without saying anything. This was never supposed to happen. It should've been Leonard. He knew it should have been him, and it wasn't fair.

He kicked one of the wheeled tables close by that held the stupid machine that couldn't save M'Benga's life. It spooked Iyer, causing her to back away from him. He kicked it again, and it knocked over onto the ground with a loud clanging sound that echoed into the silence of Sickbay. He kicked it one last time for good measure.

And then he added Geoffrey to his damned List. When had it gotten so long?

Jenny. Lucas. Theodore. Victoria. Randy. Joseph. Geoffrey.

His responsibility. His mistake. His call.

* * *

"Bones."

Everyone else had long since left, but Leonard continued to stand and stare at M'Benga's body. Even though his legs ached and the dead doctor's blood had dried all over him, he wouldn't leave him. He wouldn't. He couldn't.

"Bones," Jim repeated, because of course Jim would come down to Sickbay and fucking bother him when he was _busy_.

"My name," Leonard hissed out, the first thing he had said in hours, "is Leonard McCoy, you got that?" He refused to look Jim in the eye when he said it because Leonard was busy making sure M'Benga was okay. That he was safe now.

He could hear Jim sigh wistfully from behind him. "I know it is, Bones."

Because he didn't know how to respond to what Jim had just told him, Leonard whispered, "M'Benga's dead", as though that weren't the most obvious thing in the universe. He wanted Jim to be furious at him for not being able to save the other doctor's life. He wanted Neil to come back in and curse Leonard to a horrible, pointless death. He wanted for everyone to acknowledge the fact that Leonard McCoy was just a complete waste of oxygen and space.

Instead, Jim approached him with steady footsteps and pulled Leonard into a hug, politely ignoring the blood. Not very hygienic.

What a stupid thing to think.

"I know, buddy. You hang in there, okay?" Jim assured, patting his back. Leonard kept his arms at his sides but didn't push his friend away, so Jim just kept talking. "It's all going to be okay. No matter what." Eventually Jim pulled back. "We're leaving the Neutral Zone."

"What about the Klingons?" Leonard asked in a hushed tone.

Jim's expression was unreadable. "They're fate's in their own hands. I won't tell any Klingon ships that they're there. I can't."

"What about Starfleet?"

"What they don't know won't hurt them," was all Jim said about that. If Leonard asked further, he bet anything that Jim wouldn't say another word on the subject.

"What about M'Benga and Kita?" Leonard's voice cracked on M'Benga's name. What about justice? What about their families? What about honor and respect and decency? What about that M'Benga was a person, and Leonard wanted him back, he wanted him back alive and not dead and why couldn't Spock have beamed them up sooner and why had this happened and where had Leonard gone wrong and -

"I'm sorry. Believe me, I am, but I won't punish a planet full of people for one man's mistake."

"So he just gets to walk free?"

That wasn't right. How could Jim allow that to happen? All they had tried to do was help those people, and they had killed two of their own. And for what?

 _For fucking what?_

Leonard hated them. He hated them all. They deserved _nothing_.

And then the doctor thought of Ah'kar and Rorska, and he knew it just wasn't true.

"If his people choose to do something about him, then that's their right, but we can't stay here any longer. I won't ask them for him because I already know what the answer will be. We just don't have the time, Bones." They weighed each other in a wary silence before Jim spoke up once more. "You're relieved of duty until tomorrow. I've told Sanchez to come in," Jim said, patting him on the shoulder as he started to walk back out of Sickbay. "Go clean yourself up and try and sleep. It's going to be a long week." Then Jim was gone, and Leonard and Geoffrey M'Benga were alone again.

"I'm sorry," Leonard promised to the body.

He left Sickbay for his quarters as ordered a short minute afterwards.

Everything looked different, like nothing fit quite right: the walls, the floor, the way his bed sat in the corner of the room, the view from the window. For the first time since getting on board the ship, Leonard approached the glass slowly and placed a blood soaked hand up onto it and really, properly _looked_. There was never any change: morning, noon, and night. Blackness and stars, always. A planet every now and again, or maybe an asteroid. No sunrises or sunsets. Nothing to hold onto because as soon as they got comfortable somewhere, they left.

Terrifying. It was just terrifying how empty and sad it was, and sometime soon, they'd shoot two bodies that used to be people out into it.

Allowing his hand to slip away, Leonard went into his bathroom, stepped into the shower, and let Geoffrey M'Benga slide off him and down into the drain. His blood was a watery red. After he'd properly washed off the remnants of the day and the dead doctor along with it, Leonard went through the rest of the motions as though set on autopilot. Nothing else for it but to pick up and move on. Hadn't he trained for this?

It still felt wrong.

Dressed and ready to sleep, Leonard found that he couldn't. He laid on top of the covers, staring up at the ceiling of his quarters. He considered going back to Sickbay, orders be damned, _Jim be damned_ , but then someone started to buzz at his door. With nothing else to do, the doctor sat up and padded over to unlock it manually.

Penelope stood, still in her uniform despite the late hour. She searched his face for a moment before jumping forward and enveloping him in her arms. He had to hold her up a bit, and he backed them both into the room so that the doors would close. "I am so sorry," she whispered in his ear, to which he could only bury his head in her shoulder. He had never wanted this kind of life. He hadn't asked for it, hadn't sought it out. He was supposed to be a surgeon on Earth, dealing with questions that had easy answers and problems that had tangible solutions. He was supposed to be settled down with Pam and Joanna. He was supposed to be a good son who watched out for his mother and didn't kill his father. He was supposed to be a great lot of things he just wasn't.

A whole string of choices and people and events had plopped him right there, in that moment, and Leonard needed to stop pretending like he'd rather be anywhere else.

Penelope embraced him like she was trying to hold him together on love and strength alone, and he appreciated it more than he could ever convey. He liked that when she said she was sorry, she sounded like she meant it. He loved that she cared about the same people he did. He loved her.

Had it really been only yesterday since he had seen her? It felt like so much longer than that.

"I'm okay," Leonard assured her, his voice muffled against her red shirt.

"It's okay not to be."

He smiled a little. "I know," he breathed out. Penelope moved to look at him, and her eyes were darting around his face, seeking out the truth. "I'm fine. We're all going to be fine." Her hand moved forward, brushing some of his hair off his forehead.

"You're a bad liar," Penelope told him gently. When she burst into tears all of a sudden, Leonard could only helplessly allow her to nearly suffocate him as she started holding onto him once more. "I'm sad because it was him, but it could've been you, Leonard. _It could've been you_ ," she kept saying over and over, hardly intelligible at times. Guilty because he'd wished for it to be earlier, the doctor did his best to comfort them both without saying a word. Finally, Penelope said something different, "You can't die yet."

Leonard tried to laugh, but it came out as something lonely instead. "Between you and Jim, I don't think I'll be allowed."

"You aren't," Penelope barked out, trying to sound tough but the crying sort of negated it in Leonard's view. His voice was more serious when he answered the next time.

"It doesn't work like that."

Reaching forward, the engineer put both hands on either side of his face so lightly he could hardly feel them. "I know. But let's just pretend it does for a little while, okay?"

* * *

Alone but not in the shuttle bay, Leonard sat on a metal crate and watched over two people-sized coffins. Dr. Geoffrey M'Benga and Lieutenant Hitomi Kita. Names. Faces. Memories. People.

Dead.

There would be a service in the morning, he knew, but he didn't want to leave them on their own. It was too lonely, too heartbreaking. He couldn't do it, so instead he would sit and watch and no one could convince him to do otherwise. The cold of the shuttle bay made Leonard shiver. Good. He wanted to feel something. He wanted to remind himself that he was alive.

He didn't expect Jim to show up. He should have because of course Jim would.

He really didn't expect Spock to be with him, but then, Leonard would always have a blind spot where Spock was concerned.

Jim brought a tall, rounded bottle of vodka, and Spock brought some kind of incense. Jim took a spot beside Leonard, and Spock sat on the other side of their Captain. No one said anything while Jim poured two shots of the alcohol and set them down, one between Spock and Jim and the other between Jim and Leonard. Spock didn't even say it was illogical to offer up drinks to the dead, instead choosing to light his incense, making a sweet smell rise up around them all.

"M'Benga liked this stuff," Leonard finally muttered, gesturing to the vodka. His voice seemed to ring out, though he'd nearly whispered.

Jim nodded. "Hmm, yeah. Can't say the man had good taste." The clear liquid swooshed around the bottle as Jim turned it in his hand, inspecting the label. "This stuff's cheap anyways. Both deserve better quality, but this is the best I could scrounge up at a moment's notice." Moment's notice because no one ever knew when it was their time. Not when it happened the way it did.

His fault?

Leonard needed to stop asking himself that idiotic question. It did nothing for anyone.

"I found Dr. M'Benga far more reasonable in his consumption of alcohol than Dr. McCoy," Spock chimed in.

"Doesn't change the vodka into beer," Jim said playfully.

"Indeed."

They started to talk about M'Benga. About the month Leonard had been sick, and Jim had tried his very best to rile the man into a heart attack. About how Spock would never find as logical a human doctor, even if he lived his full two centuries. About how Leonard wanted so badly to give M'Benga that vacation he'd asked for, and let Neil go along, too. About how he'd never have as good an Assistant CMO, never have as good a person to serve alongside him. Jim started going on about Kita. About how much he'd liked her. About how he'd assigned her to that mission because she was one of the best security officers on the ship. About how her mother, an Admiral stationed on Starbase 12, had met with him before they'd left for the five year mission because she'd been nervous for her only daughter.

About how Jim had to tell that Admiral her only daughter was dead because he tried to do right by their enemy.

They talked about Joanna and David. Old memories and new. Spock made a joke accidentally. And then he made another one on purpose, no matter that he insisted otherwise, and Leonard and Jim were laughing harder than they'd ever done before. Spock almost seemed pleased, though he'd never show it properly. Leonard didn't really care about that the way he used to.

They talked until morning, and just before they went their separate ways, to shower and put on dress uniforms and steel themselves for the rest of the day, Jim handed one of the shot glasses to Leonard and took the other for himself. The incense had long burnt itself out, and while Spock cleared it away, Jim and Leonard clinked glasses. "Here's to the _Enterprise_ , and all who have served, and will ever serve, on board her," Jim stated grandly. Spock came to stand beside them both, silent and unwavering, but somehow Leonard could tell that the first officer cared very much for this time together. Maybe he'd never say it, and maybe Leonard would never acknowledge it, but the sentiment was there nonetheless.

One corner of Leonard's lips raised. Hell, this ship and its people sure had gotten to him, hadn't they?

"To the _Enterprise_."

* * *

It was late, far past 22:00, and Leonard couldn't bring himself to care.

A week after the funeral service and the ship had settled back into its old routine. Jim had given a very nice speech, polished and cool and important and respectful, and Leonard realized how horrible it was that Jim had actually started to get good at giving those things. McLean had taken M'Benga's place as the Assistant CMO, and she was doing a fine job of it, too, and a new fourth doctor was scheduled to meet them in a month's time at the next starbase they docked at. York ... something or another. Leonard couldn't be expected to know those sorts of things. He was, after all, just a doctor.

It still seemed strange that when Leonard went into Sickbay, there was no M'Benga in sight.

Tara Neil was staying, and Leonard could admit to being vaguely surprised. He had decided that from that moment on he would know exactly who he served with in Sickbay, and he didn't care that it might hurt him somewhere down the line. Learning someone's name meant you got to keep a part of them with you, and Leonard was through with trying to keep himself above the fray. Geoffrey M'Benga deserved better, and it might be too late for him, but Leonard could do right by his memory.

And so the universe continued without M'Benga or Kita, and the ship continued flying through the blackness of space.

Penelope sat up against the headboard, fiddling with a data PADD and making a frustrated noise every once in a while. Laying on his side and mentally memorizing Vulcan physiology, the doctor let his gaze linger on her before moving to stare out the window. His heart immediately seized with fear, but in time, it settled into a comfortable familiarity. The _Enterprise_ might be held together by a few metal hull pieces and a lot of luck, but it was safe and it was home in a way he hadn't ever expected it could be.

He glanced back up at Penelope.

"What're you working on?" Leonard asked, his palm going forward to rest on her hip after she let out after another irritated huff.

She looked down at him in surprise. "Scotty's list. He's been sending me these things for months, and they show up at all times of the day and night with instructions that don't make any sense. Like this one," Penelope handed him the PADD. Leonard's eyes scanned the section she pointed to. _Injector coils 1.4 Rome C: Replace yesterday._

"Don't look at me. You're the engineer," Leonard defended, giving her back the PADD. Instead of going back to work, Penelope threw the thing gently down on the floor of his quarters. "Poor Scotty. Now his injector coils won't be replaced yesterday." She shot him a glare that had no heat and then flicked his forehead. "Ow."

"I didn't think you were still awake," she said, the hand that had just flicked him moving to run through his hair. He shifted towards her slightly and wondered at how far they'd traveled together. Not just through the stars but with each other. How silly he'd been to ever be nervous. How strange it seemed to him now. All that lost time.

"Couldn't sleep," he admitted.

"What were you thinking about?"

Leonard took a while to answer. He'd been trying to find the right way to approach her on this. "We're halfway through the mission," he said carefully, hand returning to its place on her hip. She made a sound of agreement. "I was thinking, when all's said and done, if you wanna find a place together. You and me."

Penelope's hand stopped. "On Earth?" Careful and quiet, her voice revealed her shock.

He shifted up to sit beside her. "Yeah. I know its still a long way off, but real estate's expensive there, and if we're going to do it, we should start saving now." It was an excuse, and it was true, but it was an excuse all the same. He continued. "Whenever I'm planet side, I stay with my mother, and you sleep in a storage compartment. Neither of those places appeals to me long term."

"Long term?" Penelope repeated in a hollow tone.

"Well I got plans, you know? I'm not gonna go gray on this tin can, no matter how much Jim might want me to," Leonard huffed. "I know you gotta stay with Starfleet a little while longer, but there's loads of assignments to take on planet."

Blinking a few times, Penelope stated nervously. "That is true."

"Listen," Leonard said, taking her hand, "I'm not asking you to give up anything for me. You can choose where we go, if you've got a preference. And if you still wanna run around on starships, though God only knows why you would, then that's fine, too. What I'm asking is to help me make somewhere to come back to. I wanna make a home with you, Penelope, and I want you to want that too."

He could see what and where they might be two and a half years down the line. Done with space, at least in his case, in a house together somewhere. There would be a room for Joanna for whenever Pam would let her stay, and a room for Jim because otherwise he'd have to sleep on the couch whenever he got into trouble, and a room for Leonard and Penelope. He'd work at a hospital nearby, or maybe start a private practice, and she'd be whatever the hell she wanted. There'd be a garage, of course, and a kitchen and so many other things that he couldn't even think up right then.

There'd be love there. Steadiness. Certainty. A ground beneath his feet.

Maybe someday in that imaginary house he'd ask her to marry him. If it became a reality, _when_ it became a reality, then Leonard promised himself he would. Maybe he had one failed marriage under his belt, but he'd learned from his mistakes. He could do better. Someday, he would do better.

He wanted that future so badly, and he knew if she just said yes now, then it could happen later. Two and a half years might be a long time to spend in space, and it would be dangerous, but if she'd just say yes, then nothing could happen to either of them along the way. It was a stupid idea, and not at all true, but Leonard was in love and anything seemed possible.

Penelope stared down at their joined hands, and then back up at him. Her eyes were saying something he couldn't understand. Voice chalked full of emotion, she tried to argue with a small shake of her head, "I'll ruin it."

He laughed a short sound. "You won't."

She looked like she might be trying to blink away tears now. Her words shook. "You don't know that. You wouldn't ask me this if you did."

"I would, and I am. Penelope, darlin'," Leonard pleaded, hand going to her cheek, "just tell me you don't want this, and I'll drop it. Just say the word." It wasn't that simple, but he had to say it anyway. He had to let her know she could say no, but that he wanted her to say yes. She didn't make a sound.

And then Penelope Waters nodded, meeting his eyes.

"Don't say," she laughed between kisses, "that I didn't warn you." Leonard thought it odd how she still seemed on the verge of crying.

"I love you," he whispered on the edge of her lips, and when she repeated the words back to him, the doctor decided that, for all its faults, space didn't necessarily have to be such a bad place after all.

* * *

 **A/N: The End! ... for now :P** **I hope very much that you enjoyed reading this, or parts of it at the least. It is meant for fun even if the subject matter gets a little depressing, so I hope I managed to amuse (and not upset) you at some point.**

 **I am in the process of writing the third part to this series (I plan on writing five parts in total), and it will be called _U.S.S. Enterprise: A Linguist's Proposal_. Due to the nature of the story and the way in which I want to tell it, I will likely need to write it in its entirety before I post the first chapter, so don't think I abandoned this project just because I don't post much in the coming months. I will still be checking the site regularly, and if you have a question or a suggestion or anything at all to say, please feel free to PM me. I am notoriously bad at communication (i.e. I am very lazy), but if you send me something _I will read it_ , and I will give it serious thought. Don't think I'm ignoring anything because I don't respond immediately.**

 **Because there will probably be a considerable amount of time between these two stories, I have considered putting up a one-shot or two in this universe. If you have any preferences as to what that might be about - as I told one reviewer I've got some plans but am open to suggestions, shoot it down in the review or message me directly, whichever you prefer.**

 **This got long. I apologize. As always, I want to thank everybody for their support, whether you just read this story, or you went the extra step and reviewed, followed, favorited, PM'd me and the like. It is very much appreciated, and I applaud everyone who puts up with me and my weird update schedule and my weird writing. I am a mess and deserve not a bit of it.**

 **Mm, okay. I'm done for sure now. See you later!**


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